Archive for the ‘ Uncategorized ’ Category

Do Your ‘Merican Duty!

It’s Election Day, so you should vote.

No excuses.

People DIED for your right to go to the polls, regardless of your opinions.  Don’t let those deaths be for nothing.  Do your ‘Merican duty and like, the Iraq, and such as….

Happy Election Day!

Jeff

Situation Normal?

Last year the Pirates tried to put an end to my relentless attack of literary low blows.  Shortly after the All-Star break they were atop the NL Central and my head was appropriately buried in the sand (not kidding; by the way, it sucks.)

But then came Jerry Meals’ blown call and down, down, DOWN came the Pirates, settling into yet another comfortably uncomfortable 90 loss season.

Look, I’ve been burned before too, so I sorta feel for Pittsburgh.  At the same time, insanity is still doing the same things over and over again expecting different results, right?  So why should anyone in Pirate land be surprised?

THE FRONT OFFICE AIN’T DOIN’ IT RIGHT.

With the exception of Andrew McCutchen in 2005, the last 20 first round draft picks taken by Pittsburgh is a who’s who list of overblown talent busts.  Among the KINGS OF NOBODYLAND are the likes of Bobby Bradley (1999), John VanBenschoten (2001) and Bryan Bullington (2002) — great sounding names, but swings and misses nonetheless.

Neal Huntington and the rest of the front office can say they’re doing things differently, but as long as they keep hoping Pedro Alvarez spends as much time perfecting his baseball tools as he does looking at the ground feeling sorry for himself, I’m afraid they have a long way to go.

Isn’t it about time they bring up those two Indian dudes?

Hate me.  It’s all good.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Candidates Say the Darndest Things

One of the best parts of election years is watching the candidates say things that you know are going to come back and bit them in the ass.  The classic example is George Bush Sr’s famous “Read my lips: No new taxes” quote.  It’s kind of like guaranteeing a victory in the NFL playoffs or calling your shot in baseball.  If you make good on it, you look like a genius.  And if you don’t, well, you just look like an ass.

The thing about GB Sr., though, is that his promise was rather benign.  No new taxes.  Sure, that sounds good even if it isn’t really all that realistic.  And compared to what the candidates are saying this time around, well, it also sounds rather sane.

Consider Newt Gingrich’s recent promise to colonize the moon by 2020.  Now aside from the fact that there is really no good reason to establish a permanent base on the moon nor any feasible way of doing so, it also seems like maybe we should focus the immense resources needed for such a mission on infrastructure projects or the like, things with tangible benefits that can not only be shared by all citizens but also put the those same citizens to work.  Call me crazy but that’s just how I look at things.

When it comes to crazy, though, the moon base is only one of Gingrich’s many issues.  In fact, the more you look at what the guy says and does, the more you realize that he probably is legitimately mentally ill.  Megalomania, irrationality, wild mood swings.  It’s all there on the public record and in the numerous articles written about the former Speaker.

I don’t know, though.  Even though it’s terrible for the country and would turn the general election into a joke, there’s a part of me that wouldn’t mind seeing Newt get the nomination.  Who knows what other gems might be uncovered as he reaches for the highest office in the land?  More than that, at least his crazy is kind of fun.  It’s much better than the kind of crazy that says rape victims should “Make the best out of a bad situation.”  That, my friends, is truly insane.

-A

Mr. Lung, Superstar

I’m a day early but these things are rarely exact.  No one really knows for sure if Jesus was born 2,012 years ago, for instance.  But I can tell you for sure that Jeff was born 33 years ago as of tomorrow.  I just hope that Jeff doesn’t decide to follow in Jesus’ footsteps.  See, after disappearing for 30 years between his birth and the start of his ministry, Jesus managed to piss off the entire Roman Empire and the Jewish elite in three short years and get himself killed.

I don’t want to say the allusion is exact but for the past three years Jeff has been pissing off the MLB empire and the baseball elite (including getting kicked off Barry Zito’s Twitter feed).  So far there have been no threats against Jeff’s life but MLB is sneaky like that.

It’s a day early but happy birthday Mr. Lung.  And please, beware of crowds bearing palm fronds.  You know what happens a week later.

-A

Use, Not Abuse

It’s pretty clear that the 30-year War on Drugs waged by the United States has been spectacularly unsuccessful at best and criminally wasteful at worst.  Within our borders, jails have become overcrowded with small-time offenders while the rate of new usage continues to increase.  Outside of these same borders, a new generation of druglords continue to show the world that Pablo Escobar was an amateur.

I guess the thing I’ve never understood is, why are drugs so bad?  Yes, I understand why abusing drugs is bad in the same way that I understand why abusing people or anything is bad.  But there’s a big difference between using and abusing.  I use alcohol in that I have a beer with dinner.  I don’t abuse it, though, because I know what the effects would be.  Plenty of people use marijuana in the same way and quite honestly, I trust them a lot more than I trust my alcoholic friends.

So why do we continue to demonize drug use even as we profit from it?  It’s the same thing with drug use in sports.  I don’t want to see guys abusing the stuff but if a small dose of some sort of PED from time to time can keep a guy healthy, why not?  We already know what kind of a toll the rigors of professional sports take on the human body.  And yes, the athletes know what sort of risks they face.  But why wouldn’t we do all that we can to ensure their health and safety?

Honestly, I’m tired of reading about A-Rod or Manny or Ryan Braun.  McGwire, Sosa and Bonds?  That’s something else.  That’s abuse.  But those other guys?  I really couldn’t care less.  If regulated use of PEDs could help players stay healthy, play until they’re 40 and enjoy life post-baseball, that just makes sense.  But, so does de-criminalizing marijuana and collecting taxes off of its sale.  I don’t expect to see either one anytime soon.

-A

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