Results tagged ‘ Alex Rodriguez ’

Dominance Defined

There’s a difference between dominating and being dominant.  Anyone can dominate for a moment but being dominant is something else all together.  Jeremy Lin dominated for a few games.  Michael Jordan was dominant.  The other night Felix Hernandez proved that he’s not only capable of dominating but that he is dominant.  Other players have made that jump as well but as much as it has to do with skill, it also has a lot to do with attitude.

Let’s try to break it down a little.

This is dominant:

This is not:

Dominant:

Not so dominant:

And just in case it still isn’t quite clear, here’s one more example.

New-school dominance:

Old-school dominance:

I think that about sums it up.

-A

The Filibuster

Usain Bolt is looking to try out with a British soccer team. What athlete that you’ve seen in the Olympics would you most like to see trying out for an American baseball team?

Ethan
Santa Clara, CA
_________________________

Olympians turned baseballers?  I like the way you think, Ethan.  And I welcome the possibilities!

I can’t help but think Michael Phelps would look good in Yankee pinstripes.  The man has 20 Olympic medals — hardware that would surely look good next to 27 World Series trophies.  And let’s face it, the dude has earned the right to be as cocky and off-putting as he is.  He might not have Derek Jeter’s golden little black book yet, but some time around the Captain and soon he too could be kissing mirrors of himself.

When it comes to actual physical strength though I might suggest Holley Mangold take up a spot in the American League as a DH.  She wouldn’t have to actually do much running or having anyrefined skills other than swinging for the fences; and accounting for her already buoyant build, I don’t think we would have to worry about any Giambian steroid scandals.

Of course, no baseball league is complete without its lovable losers.  And considering how much crying Jordyn Wieber did in the 30th Olympiad, I think she’d be a perfect fit for the Chicago Cubs.

But let’s not forget, when it comes to an Olympian I want on my baseball team, there is no one other than THE Usain Bolt.

Holy jerk chicken, that guy is a bonafide SUPERSTAR!!!

Have you EVER seen anything more exciting the last 4 years than watching that man run!?!?!  Unbelievable!  I’d want him in center field, catching everything in between the foul poles.  At the plate, I’d have him try to walk as much as possible, just to mess with the opposing pitchers’ mind before taking off to fly around the bases.  And look out if he actually hits a ball out of the infield, ‘cuz dude is gonna turn singles into doubles and doubles into inside-the-parkers!

Not only that, but Bolt is also insanely entertaining in the most endearing of ways — a happy-go-lucky clowner who can back it up with performance as opposed to the psychotic shenanigans of a WAY less talented Tony Plush.

Forget soccer, Mr. Bolt, please come wear the birds on the bat.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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Ba$eball $tar$

Sports Illustrated‘s annual Fortune 50 list of the 50 highest-earning American athletes list is out and Major League Baseball is heavily represented.  In fact, 36% of the athletes are baseballers — some better than others (looking at you, Barry Zito).  And while I’m sad to see an star like Floyd Mayweather, Jr at the top, one who eschews real glory at the highest level for a comfortable place atop boxing mediocrity, I am glad that baseball players are makin’ that pay-puh.  It makes me feel less suicidal when I pay $8 for a 16 oz beer.

Here’s a quick rundown of the highest paid American baseball players and their overall ranking among American athletes in parenthesis.

1.  Alex Rodriguez (6)
Too bad for the Yankees A-Rod can’t be young and steroided like the good old days.  His health is just going downhill from here.

2.  Derek Jeter (9)
He can do no wrong.  I would pay this man a bazillion dollars a year if I could.  And since Albert left me, I have no problems admitting my 17-year Jeet man-crush.

3.  Joe Mauer (12)
Really?  12th highest paid American athlete overall and third highest Major Leaguer?  I would feel better about this if he could hit it over the Target Field fence once in a while.

4.  Vernon Wells (17)
PSSSHH!!!!  I just ruined my keyboard with a mouthful of coffee.

5.  C.C. Sabathia (20)
Mo’ money, mo’ foooooooooooooooooood!

6.  Mark Teixeira (21)
Nothing says $23 million a year like a YEEE-HAW JAW!

7.  Prince Fielder (22)
I have a feeling if I make one more Prince Fielder fat joke then I’m going to be… eaten…

8.  Adrian Gonzalez (25)
He may have lost his power stroke, but with $21 million a year I’m sure he’s strokin’ plenty of power.

9.  Justin Verlander (28)
A man’s man, I would prefer to see Verlander at the very top of this list, or at the very least, have the opportunity to rifle a fastball at Mayweather’s head.

10.  Cliff Lee (29)
Way to go, Phillies.  You’re making Clifton Phifer look bad.

11.  Ryan Howard (32)
While many of my Cardinal fan brethren choose to hate on Albert, I prefer to hate on Howard, the man who made signing Albert impossible.

12.  Roy Halladay (35)
Way to go, Phillies.  You bring in the best pitcher in baseball to get you over the hump then s*** the bed three years in a row.

13, 14, 15.  Barry Zito, Carl Crawford, Albert Pujols (Tied for 36 overall)
One of these things is not like the other…

16.  Josh Beckett (44)
Is it me or has he gained like 40 pounds since he was traded to the Red Sox?

17.  Jake Peavy (45)
Up until this year, I thought dude was done.  Yes, the crow I’ve been eating tastes bad.

18.  A.J. Burnett (49)
Huh?  How did A.J. get on this list?  I’d like to know the same.  He should’ve signed two contracts, one for each of his personalities.  At least he’s been living up to it ever since his worst day ever.

Hate me ‘cuz I didn’t make the list, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

Speculators, Mount Up!

Every once in a while my friend Jeffery comes up with an idea that surprises me in its intelligence.  Granted, his “I’m voting for Ron Paul because the gold standard is shiny!” moments tend to overshadow his more lucid thoughts but I’m the type of guy who gives credit where credit is due.  So, when Jeff advocates for the one-year contract, I have to applaud his chutzpah.  Sure, it will never happen for a legion of reasons but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea.  Unlike this:

Just because something is a good idea doesn’t mean it’s right, though.  For instance, paying less money for gas seems like a good idea to most of us.  And oil speculation seems like a bad idea.  But if you take a look at this and this, you might just start to realize that cheap gas doesn’t make so much sense and oil speculation might not be so bad.

Just like traders buying “future” barrels of oil, baseball players’ salaries are simple speculation.  You pay A-Rod a quarter billion dollars because you think he’s going to be able to continue putting up the same numbers for 10 years.  Same goes for Pujols and all these other guys with monster salaries.  You hope that by giving an extended contract, you’re actually avoiding paying less than what the market will say that player is worth and you’ll wind up with a profit.  That’s pretty much “speculation” in its most basic form.  And just like buying future oil, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

For the rest of us, the options are a little more limited.  I don’t have major league skills.  I’m never going to make a million dollars because of my ability to hit a ball or throw a ball or pretty much do anything with a ball.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to speculate.  I’ve even got my eyes on a pretty spectacular opportunity.  Anyone want to throw in on an asteroid with me?

-A

“In the Line of Fire” Takes on a Whole New Meaning

It used to be that when I heard “Secret Service,” I pictured Clint Eastwood running alongside a limo in “In the Line of Fire.”

Now, I picture this:

Or, even worse, this:

Come on, guys.  We expect this from A-Rod but not from you.

-A

The Tricks They Play!

What does a World Champion do to his World Champion pal on April Fool’s Day?

Berkman plays truck prank on Wainwright

By Jenifer Langosch / MLB.com

JUPITER, Fla. — Lance Berkman and several Cardinals teammates helped pull off a terrific April Fools’ joke on Adam Wainwright during Sunday’s game.

The pranksters had the public address announcer give away a car to a fan, who, playing along with the gag, ran onto the field to collect his gift. Berkman drove the vehicle — Wainwright’s white Chevy Silverado — onto the field and past an unsuspecting Wainwright, who did a double-take at the license plate while sitting in the dugout.

The winning fan, who was David Freese’s cousin, jumped into the back of the truck and Berkman drove out of the stadium.

FANTASTIC!

I love being witness to the shenanigans baseballers indulge in.  And I ain’t talkin’ about chicken, beer and video game shenanigans.

I’m talkin’ about bubble gum caps, the infamous “hot foot”, and my personal favorite, the post home run silent treatment.  In my opinion, Alex Rodriguez is the best at dishing this one out to unsuspecting rookies.  Every time I see it happen I literally L-O-L.

Another hilarious prank that takes place almost every single day of the season is what happens (or doesn’t happen) at Wrigley Field from April to September, though that’s another post for another day.

Hate me.  It’s all good.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Both the Phillies and the Yankees went down in the first round.  If you had to blame it on one player from each team and then have those two fight it out in the Thunderdome, which two men enter and which one leaves?

Devin
St. Ignace, MI
___________________________________

Ah-ha!  I see what you did there, Devin.  Now do I really look like someone who would throw a guy under the bus and blame him for his entire team’s defeat?

Don’t answer that.

Yes, the Yanks and Phils missed the LCS boats this year.  And yes, they each featured some disappointing performances; but in both cases, the epic failage cannot be pinned to just one guy.  The Yankees went in with questionable starting pitching and the Phillies entered as the feast or famine team, the results of which were both early exits.  To pin the burden of failure on just one person isn’t fair and it isn’t right.

But Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Howard do make beautiful scapegoats.

Meanwhile, you want me to throw these two guys into a Thunderdome and see who comes out alive.  HA!  Can you imagine the inherent lameocity of a fight between a pinstriped cover-mag diva and a silent slugger who tore his Achilles on his way to being the final out of the NLDS?  Puhhhhhhh-lease.

Baseball hasn’t been able to produce a good basebrawl since 1993’s Ventura v. Ryan main event and even THAT was a lopsided affair.  Yes, we have been teased over the years.  Morgan v. Volstad had potential.  So did Lee v. Young.  And even more recently, Gregg v. Ortiz.

But the one thing those latter three matchups all have in common is that, ultimately, THEY WERE LAME.  And when it’s been nothing but Lame City in reality, it’s really hard for me to imagine an A-Rod v. Ryan scenario that would not be equally as lame.

Enter YouTube.

And make sure you stick around to the end to see Mickey Hatcher walk off the field with a bloodied face.  Now THAT’S some Thunderdome s**t.


Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Hide n’ Go Seek Yankee-Style

Throughout the New York-Detroit ALDS, both Yankees and Tigers fans had to be wondering, “Where is A-Rod?”  I know that up until his final strikeout, I was sure he’d show up at some point.  But he never did.  Luckily, no missing persons report had to be filed because a photographer in Miami finally found him:

Do you think he lives at that parking meter or is he just hiding out?

-A

RSBS Digest: Real Men

As a result of some recent trends in male hygiene including facials, manicures and waxing and due to the ability of some well-known male artists like Justin Bieber to call the entire idea of masculinity into question, many pundits of different creeds, colors and class have tried to reclaim the idea of manhood.  This reclamation seems to center on the Paleo movement, wilderness retreats and a new found appreciation for beards.  However, I question the basic premise.

Yes, there are disturbing trends.  For instance, Mark Sanchez:

But is that really any different than this?

Well, as a matter of fact, yes.  It doesn’t matter what Sean Connery is wearing.  Even if he was getting a cucumber facial while a small Vietnamese woman applied wax to his nether regions, Sean Connery is still James Bond.  And he’s a man who may get photographed wearing a wedding dress but could also make this little number his b**ch:

The problem is not so much a lack of manhood.  It’s just that for every Daniel Craig, we have two or three Ashton Kutchers.  That’s not a good ratio.

There’s probably not a whole lot we can do, though.  The death knell sounded the day we went from this:

to this:

It always comes back to A-Rod.

-A

Vladimir Putin Makes More Than You

A recent study illustrated what you already knew:  Nice guys really do finish last.  But this should come as no surprise to anyone.  People don’t usually gush about how nice Carlos Slim is or wax eloquent on Warren Buffet’s warm hugs.  This also explains a bit about baseball.

The highest paid baseball player is Alex Rodriguez.  It also just so happens that A-Rod is recognized as a world-class dick.  Coincidence?  Probably not.  Same goes for Michael Jordan and the trash-talking skills that he brought along with his ridiculous game:

However, if there’s one guy who truly embodies this principle, it’s Vladimir Putin.  If there’s a meaner, cockier person out there, I dare you to prove it.  He gets the girlHe gets the treasure.  He gets whatever he wants.  Why?  Because he’s Vladimir F***ing Putin, that’s why.

If you have any other questions, perhaps you’d prefer to take them up directly with Mr. Putin.

-A

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