Results tagged ‘ Allen ’

The Filibuster

Mother’s Day is this weekend. Do your moms support your baseball nerdiness?

Sharron
O’Fallon, MO

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Pink_bats First, I think we need to walk this question back a bit.  How about we just ask, “Do your moms support baseball?”  To that, I would say, “I’m pretty sure my mom knows that baseball is a sport and if that constitutes support (the recognition of it’s existence and it’s right to exist), then yes, my mom supports baseball.” 

Not to get too mushy here, but my mom’s support of baseball never really had much to do with anything related to the game itself.  My mom always supported me and that was what mattered.  She may not understand the finer points of the game, like innings and stuff like that, but she was always in the stands when I was playing little league and she yelled everytime I made contact while at the plate.  Just for the record, that worked out to about five yells per season.  I was a really awful hitter.

The other part of your question presupposes that both of us are in fact baseball nerds.  Unfortunately, this just plainly and simply isn’t true.  I am a baseball fan.  I can speak intelligently about baseball but when it gets into the weeds, I’ll be hitting the internets for the answer nine times out of ten.  I’m what people like to call a dilettante.  I have lots of interests, baseball being one of them, and I can talk about it, even with fans, up to a certain point.

Once the event horizon between baseball fandom and baseball nerdiness gets breached, though, well, you’ll only find one out of the two of us still trucking along.  Jeff can quote you stats on Ozzie Smith’s lifetime on-base percentage and not feel weird using the term “OBP” in a sentence.  I can tell you that Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker were a great double-play combination and then quickly steer the conversation towards less technical subjects, like why Chet Lemon is a great name for a baseball player.

I think I can speak for Jeff here, though, when I say that what matters is that, nerd or not, our moms have always supported us and always will.  Sure, Jeff’s mom may struggle accepting his man-crush on Albert Pujols and my mom may not understand why baseball players circle the bases counter-clockwise instead of clockwise but they’re still two of the best moms in the world.  Although my mom is obviously the best.

Happy Mother’s Day!

-A

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  How ’bout a stunning glimpse into Jeff’s world as he performs “Man in the Mirror” wearing a halter top and hot pants?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

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Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

- – -

Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Filibuster

If you could spend the day with any non-Cardinal baseball player
currently playing in the majors, who would it be and what would you do?

Melissa
Sandusky, OH
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writing_letter.jpg
Is it just me or am I constantly being set up by my friends and dear readers to expound on my favorite baseballers in a way that encourages embracing a certain, subtly disclosed homoerotic undertone?

Or, maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

I dunno.

Okay, Melissa, so you take away my number one and two options by canceling out the Cards; but let me assure you, the number three spot is also a no-brainer.  For me, anyway.  Of course, you may be shocked to hear it but for this hypothetical man-crush date (is it a man-crush date or did I make that part up too?) I’m going with the one, the only:

Stephen James Strasburg.

stephen strasburg fastball grip.jpg
WHAT!?!?

Exactly.

Here’s how our date day will go…

9 a.m. Workout
I pick Stephen up and we head to the Nats’ training facility.  I am Stephen’s shadow.  I do very little talking and a whole lot of observing.  I don’t wanna make this strange for the 22 year old phenom, so I just go with the flow.  I know Stephen is out for the season, recovering from Tommy John surgery, but a man’s still gotta stay in shape and I wanna know how he does it. (Also, when no one is looking, I coat Nyjer Morgan’s supportive equipment with government grade Tiger Balm.)

12 p.m. Lunch

We eat a healthy, protein-packed lunch that will fire our fast twitch muscle fibers so we recover faster, to become stronger.  I now start asking questions, overly aware of how annoying I can be when given free reign to discuss all-things baseball.  Eventually, these questions lead to hitter preparation science, so off we go to…

2 p.m. Video Room
I want to get inside the head of Stephen Strasburg.  So I present to him a reel of the Major League’s best hitters: Albert Pujols, Adrian Gonzalez, Joey Votto.  I want to know how he is going to approach them.  I want to see him point out their holes.  Stephen, of course, is as calculated as he is modest, and he ain’t givin’ up too many secrets.

3 p.m.  Practice Field [For this part, let us forget that Stephen can't pitch right now, shall we?]
Luckily, I brought along my catcher’s equipment from high school (it all still fits!), including my over sized mitt.  I take my place behind the plate and ask Stephen to go easy on me.  In high school I think the fastest fastball I ever caught was in the 70 mph range.  After three Strasburg change-ups, I lose all feeling in my catching hand.  But this is Stephen Friggin’ Strasburg, so I man up, take the pain and ask for more.  Watching his yacker yack and his fastball bite, wow… just, wow.

5 p.m. My Crib
All my best friends (Mr. Krause, Johanna Mahmud, Yadier Molina) come over to my place.  We got beer.  We got wings.  We got pizza.  We also got a big screen HD TV showing the very first Strasmas ever: June 8, 2010 — the greatest single regular season game that didn’t mean anything, ever played, in the history of my universe.  Ever.  We watch in amazement as Stephen talks us through each at-bat, each pitch, each hair raising moment. 

After three plus hours of pizza, wings, beer and Strasmas in my very own living room, I am finally able to sit back on my couch, relax, and wait to die.

It’s been a splendid day.

Life is good.

Don’t hate me.

‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a
free pimp for your blog?  How ’bout just making Mr. Krause look as silly as Mario Lopez hosting a television show (trust us, it ain’t hard)?  Send us your Filibuster questions
by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

Double Talkin’ Double Dream Hands

Jeff & Allen 2.2009 010.jpg“It would be nice if my coauthor had similar intestinal fortitude when considering baseball orthodoxy.”
Mr. Allen Krause, March 9, 2011

In the above quote my gruff and oft extraneous colleague, Mr. Krause (also pictured above), says a bunch of stuff without really saying a bunch of stuff.  Like a politician jockeying for the attention of the masses, he assumes that by stuffing some multisyllabic extra-credit words in your face, that you will just trust he knows what he’s talking about, that you will quietly nod and accept his worldview even though it has no basis in reality (ironically, this is exactly what evangelicals are famous for, the very people Mr. Krause was thwarting all along).

POPPYCOCK!

For ye are the dear readers of RSBS – a vast realm of learned baseball folks who can’t be hoodwinked by a mere impostor of authority!  We demand truth!  We demand beauty!  We demand beer!

In fact, you know what Mr. Krause does when he’s not writing about baseball, solving the world’s socio-political problems or pipedreaming about a World Series trophy among the rubble also known as the Motor City?

He’s busy bein’ a YouTube sensation, that’s what.  Maybe you’ve seen this special performance of his…

Take it away, Al!

Yeah, it would be nice if my coauthor had the intestinal fortitude to eschew cliche bubble-gum lyrics and an equally horrifying jazz-hand infested dance routine, but hey, I’m not the boss of him.

So hate me.  It’s cool.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Detroit Tigers Spring Training Watch*
Miguel Cabrera has been in camp almost a week now without slurring his words or asking anyone “Do you know who I am!?!?!?!”  Hot dog!!!

Y’Can’t Crush Dis

jeff and allen crush.jpgTwo years ago, in order to quell our insatiable desire for all-things baseball prior to Opening Day, my woebegone and oft curt colleague (Mr. Allen Krause) and I decided to get our baseball fill through glorious song.  Said gloriousness was achieved by lip-syncing “Crush” by David Archuleta. 

It was da bomb.

And it played a major role in making RSBS a household MLBlog name.

Everything was perfect…

UNTIL…

Sony had the video blocked.  About a year ago.  They claimed we shouldn’t be able to post the material because it was not our music.  We acknowledged that — DUH — but retorted that ours fell under parody law, that we made no claim that it was our song.  We gave credit where it was due and only asked that our interpretation of Archuleta’s hit be given a chance to thrive, because other baseball beserkers would find it consoling during the antsy prelude to the long season.

Somehow, the baseball gods were appeased.  And “Crush” is back online.*

For all of our dear readers — new, old, barely breathing — please, enjoy the show!

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

**Apparently, some folks outside the US may still have it blocked. So, uh… guess you better move to ‘Merica so you can see it.

Three Up, Three Down

allen loves joe mauer.jpg
Just like Mr. Krause on a first date, this is gonna be quick, probably painful and
will most likely include more than one embarrassing revelation:

vote smart.jpgCHI-CITY POLITICKIN!

Today is election day here in the Chi.  Rahm.  Carol.  Chico.  Some other guy.  Those are your choices for mayor.  Oh… I mean, those are your Democratic party choices.  In this town, Republicans just hang out at the local deep dish joint and get fat, occasionally showing up to an event to slam a Democrat or two.  Such slams are rarely heard.  Like they say, if a tree falls…

And don’t worry.  When I showed up to vote this morning I didn’t let that pesky ghost of Ron Santo standing outside the polling center sway me.  And judging by the turnout (or lack thereof), I don’t think anyone else is voting him in either.

Some things never change… like…

MR. KRAUSE’S WAR!

So, will you or won’t you, dear readers?  Will you follow my jaded and oft lugubrious colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, to the trenches of a baseball-less existence… all to stick it to a guy (assuming Bud Selig does have proper male anatomy) who doesn’t care, who isn’t listening, who won’t get it anyway?  Are you really ready to stay home and watch Maury all day instead of batting practice?  Are you prepared to sulk in the reality that is a soulless sports sanctuary that includes *cough* the NBA and NHL?  You do know that this has nothing to do with forcing change (why bring it up just now after all these years?) and everything to do with misery loves company, right?

It’s true dear readers… and it’s all the fault of…

allen loves the tigers.jpgDRINKY MIGGY!

Who else is to blame for Mr. Krause’s sudden bout of revolutionary activism?  Why it can only be his beloved man-crush Miguel Cabrera, of course!  With Miggy’s er… uh… “issues” causing alarm throughout the Tigers organization, Mr. Krause knows that his team’s season could be well over before it even starts.  And that is why he is rushing to react, to draw in troops, to overthrow the baseball world so we all lose sight of Detroit slipping below Kansas City in the win column.

Believe it.  Or don’t.  Just don’t say you weren’t warned by someone in the know.

And… don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 18: Major League Fleshlights… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 12.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff, Allen, Johanna and Second City’s Mark Piebenga knock off the winter rust and gear up for what looks like a fantastically competitive 2011 season.  Besides being racy, risque and borderline offensive (or, just plain offensive), the topics of discussion include but are not limited to the best orange juice of all time, Michael Young’s precarious situation, Major League collisions and much, much more… all to make you happy face!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  Keith is a hot topic right now!  Not only is he filming that cool baseball doc, but now he’s got some commercial gigs from the Undercast, AND he’s investing in fleshlights!  Pay him a visit!

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Recorded Saturday, January 29, 2011

Gratuitous Good Wishes!

little allen.jpgGrab a beer, put on a funny hat and get out the birfday cake, y’all, ‘cuz today is Mr. Krause’s 3rd annual 29th birthday!

That’s right… 29 years and 1095 days ago, my crotchety and oft curt colleague, Mr. Krause, came into the world wielding a Chet Lemon inscribed Louisville Slugger and a Kirk Gibson mustache (at least, that’s how the story goes).

And since Mr. Krause is always giving me a hard time for posting gratuitous pics of scantily clad beauties on a baseball-politico blog, I thought I would take some time to post gratuitous pictures that he would like:

galaraga imperfect game.jpg
magnumpi.jpgYep.  Looks about right to me.

And let us not forget… if it has reason behind it, it ain’t that gratuitous, which should give me a free pass to post pictures of hot chicks here for as long as I deem necessary. 

I think.

Anyway, holla at Al.  Tell him you love him (if you love him, that is).  And make sure you dig on that gnarly photograph I recently snagged from his folks’ place.

Hate me.  Don’t hate Al.  Not today anyway.

Peace,

Jeff

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