Results tagged ‘ Beer ’
In my house, the MLB All-Star Game is almost Christmas. It’s a time for being with friends and family, for stuffing your face with unhealthy food and coming up with a believable excuse for missing work in the morning while you nurse that helluh-bad hangover.
But to do it, ya gotta do it right. So here is a list of things the RSBS interns and I deem necessary for an enjoyable ASG experience:
Or wine, or gin, or vodka, or peach Faygo (if you’re Mr. Krause)… or whatever it is you shove down your gullet to help you forget Joe Buck is annoying, go for it.
Like I said, Joe Buck — the king of pretension — will have your ears bleeding by the 7th inning stretch if you don’t have a quick finger on the proper controls.
Until the World Series rolls around, the All-Star Game seems to be the one game the rest of the world actually pays some attention to (I know this ‘cuz my mom always texts me during the ASG, commenting on things happening during the game, as if I’ll be impressed). The problem is, the folks at FOX cater to that crowd and seem to feature a ton of feel-good filler before and during the game. Look, that’s cool and all, but I only care about the game, not about hometown heroes or how so-and-so grew up poor and blind and is now an All-Star who can see… sorry. I know that makes me sound like an a-hole, but the truth is: fluff has a time and a place, neither of which are during a game that supposedly COUNTS, which brings me to the next must-have…
A Sense of Humor
Now it counts! This time it counts! The All-Star Game counts! Yeah, okay, whatevs.
A Keen, Observing Eye
This part is tough, especially after about 10 peach Faygos… but the MLB All-Star Game is the one All-Star Game that is played true. It’s not a show of offense. Guys don’t ease up or fall back. They play just like they usually play: hard and to win. When I attended the 2009 ASG in St. Louis, I marveled at each player’s individual effort. Seeing a star-studded field of players who were obviously giving their best to win was a real treat and it’s something that only happens once a year, so PAY ATTENTION DAMMIT!
And, of course, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
It’s the Fourth of July (properly pronounced JOO-ly, like Grandma used to say) and that means you should be out enjoying the day off, not hovered around your keyboard looking for awesome random stuff on the interwebs. However, if you are hovering around your keyboard looking for awesome random stuff on the interwebs, this is your lucky day ‘cuz the RSBS interns have pulled together a short pictorial collage that amply represents all that is good on this historic day.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right, yo!
The Cubs announced the first Wrigleyville Block Party will be held Friday to Sunday on the west side of the ballpark during the Yankees series. The event is free and features bands, food and drink booths and “interactive” entertainment for families.
Folks, let me be blunt. Unless clogged streets of drunken youths and bands of impatient motorists with horn-happy hands represent the ideal, outside of hosting an actual baseball game, there is very little family-friendly about Wrigleyville. Remember, this the same Wrigleyville where I was assaulted by a blabbering drunk because I was… *gasp*… wearing a pink shirt.
So, curious as to what sort of block party events the Cubs front office planned for the neighborhood, the RSBS interns were sent out on an important reconnaissance mission, and this is what they found:
Pin the Tail on Rats Big as Pigs
In this fun event, lucky participants are encouraged to hunt down Wrigley rats. What they catch, they can keep. Extra points are rewarded for doing it while talking in an exaggerated Ozzie Guillen accent (“rats as beeeg as peeegs”).
The Racist Frozen T-Shirt Game
Pay $10 and you can compete against your peers to see who can put the frozen “Horry Kow” t-shirt the fastest. If anti-Asian ain’t your style, try the “Pujols Mows My Lawn” tee! Fun for the whole family!
Annoying Fan Photo Op
Fork over $25 and you can choose to have your picture taken with world famous Cubs fans Rod Blagojevich, Denise Richards or… Ronnie Woo Woo! Then again, you can also take that $25 and burn it; it’s essentially the same thing.
The Drink Overpriced Horse P!ss Booth
At this funfest, you can drink $7 Old Styles until you a) get sick b) go broke or c) start rooting for the Cardinals!
And finally… the most exciting event of them all…
The Write a Bad Contract Raffle
Participants empty their bank accounts and hand everything over to Jim Hendry, who will then do what he does best: waste money on bad baseball players.
It’s a good thing the Yankees are in town, otherwise Wrigleyville would be a complete mess.
Hate me ‘cuz I kick ‘em when they’re down, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
“You don’t boo your own team. I don’t care who
you are or what you say or just because you spent your money to
come here to watch us play that somebody happens to make one bad
pitch and give up a homer and you are going to start booing?”
–Ryan Franklin, April 20, 2011
Um… okay. My patience is… er… nah, forget it. I don’t have any patience anymore!!!
We’re NOT TALKING about JUST ONE PITCH, Mr. Franklin. We’re NOT TALKING about JUST ONE YACKED performance. We’re TALKING about the difference of 4 or 5 games in the WIN column.
And it’s only April!!!
So yeah. Do your job. Get guys out.
THEN we’ll stop booing.
Keep this in mind, sir: YOU make millions of dollars whether you f*** up or not.
WE, the FANS, we are the ONES who KEEP YOU EMPLOYED by dishing out $45 (or more) per game, per SEAT… the ones getting raped by beer vendors selling $8 bottles of crap (Bud Light)… the ones who have to put up with your whiny whimpers to the reporters in the press.
We have every damn right to boo your @$$.
You don’t like it?
STOP LOSING GAMES ALL BY YOURSELF.
And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Every time I turn on the TV or check the news, all I hear is budget this
and spending that. And it seems like there’s a race to see who can
slash the most and do it quickly. If MLB took the same approach, what
could be cut and what should be cut?
Oh, dude… Ramon… spending cuts in baseball?!? Well, it’s your lucky friggin’ day, my friend, ‘cuz I’ve just been waiting — WANTING — to slash the baseball budget for eons — to shred it back to its more recognizable roots.
Here’s but a shortlist of what could and SHOULD be cut from baseball, all together:Uniform Spending
You get one home uni and one road uni. One. Each. You rip it or get it dirty or stained, you deal with it, just like in little league. I don’t care if ya gotta run a shoestring through your pants to keep ‘em up, you do it. And none of this alternate jersey crap. White. Gray. That’s it. Also, we’re making them out of wool.
It’s bad enough I gotta pay $44 friggin’ bucks to be assualted by the plebeian tongues of Chicago sCrUBS fan bleacher bums at Wrigley, but to pay $7.25 for a 16 oz can-o-crap (Bud Light)… someone oughta be caned for that sort of crime.
“God Bless America”
Um… if we HAVE to sing this during the seventh inning, then we HAVE to sing “Here Comes Santa Claus” too, ‘cuz Santa Claus is MY favorite mythical creature, m’kay? Whether you believe in god or not, this song has no place in our grand game. To make me stand up to prove I’m a patriot is even more asinine. I love my country because my country says I don’t have to conform to some crazy ideas thought up by a crackpot who has his own best interests in mind. Also, by mandating this song be sung, we are excluding our friendly neighbors to the north, who’ve never been the same since losing the Expos. Frankly, I’ve never been the same since losing the Expos… so let’s find a non-religious song that exemplifies NORTH America’s awesomeness… like, how about something by Rush?
Get that done, Ramon, and we get our game back.
I mean, seriously… have you seen Rush play live?
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
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RSBS loves beer. In fact, although Jeff may dispute me on this one, there’s nothing wrong with going to a baseball game just for the beer. Sure, it’s more expensive, and yeah, it’s watered down. But sitting at the ballpark in the middle of July with a beer in your hand beats just about any other feeling. Since I also tend to be a bit of a snob, finding ballparks like AT&T Park in San Francisco, which serves Anchor Steam, only adds to the allure. Baseball and decent beer? Yes and yes.
But here’s a secret. Get the small. The tall cup might look bigger and you’re sure going to pay more but volume and surface area have only a tenuous relationship at best. Go ahead, see for yourself:
Oh yeah, that’s right. 16 ounces is 16 ounces no matter which way you stack it. But $1.25 extra? That’s straight up thievery. Of course, it is Washington where Microsoft is based and if anybody knows thievery, it’s those guys…….Uh, hey, wait. Why is Explorer crashing? I’m just kidding guys. I love Microsoft. And I’ll gladly pay an extra $1.25 for your “large” beer. Please?
And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles…
Jeff and Johanna break out the hot stove holiday eggnog (topped off with a couple gallons of that special Kentucky blend, of course) and discuss all things important to the baseball-politico world, including but not limited to: adult circumcision, the 1960 World Series, the Phillies’ impending rape of the National League, peeing on your hands a la Moises Alou to get a better grip and much, much more… all to make you forget with a smile the horrors of your latest office party!
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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*
Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*
*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at Undercard Films. The man is talented, people. You don’t want to miss out, so go check it!
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Recorded Saturday, December 18, 2010
Whether it’s the crappiness of Old Style at a Cubs game or the deliciousness of Anchor Steam while watching the Giants, beer plays almost as integral a role in baseball as do the bat and ball. In fact, based on some of my experiences, maybe even a more integral role. It’s a lot easier to sit through an hour long rain delay when you have a 16 oz. beer in the cupholder in front of you.
Over here at RSBS, we believe in the power of beer. Sometimes it’s a Miller Lite while watching college football, sometimes it’s the more refined tastes that come out of Michigan’s own Bell’s Brewery. In honor of all the goodness that beer has brought to our lives, we present our own great moments in beer.
June 4, 1974
Of course any list that celebrates the great moments in beer on a baseball blog has to include Cleveland’s infamous 10 cent beer night. The plan was brilliant and the seats filled up. It’s just that you can afford to drink a lot of beer when it’s only 10 cents a cup. And when you’re a baseball fan, your team stinks and you’ve had a lot of beer, well, things can get a little out of hand. It may not exactly be a positive moment in the history of beer but it definitely counts as a great moment.
In the middle of the first Bush presidency, America needed a pick-me-up. Luckily, beer was there to provide the bootstraps and the pull. In case you don’t remember quite as vividly as my then 12-year old mind can still recall, 1991 was the year that Old Milwaukee introduced us to the Swedish Bikini Team. Ok, so they may not have actually been Swedish. And they may not have been an actual team. But that doesn’t make the moment any less memorable. Relive it again.
August 12, 2009
Sometimes when your team stinks and they’re getting pummeled once again, you feel the need to take things into your own hands. And who’s there when you’re looking for a sidekick? Why, it’s our old buddy beer. Sure, Cubs fans aren’t exactly known for being classy and this guy looks like a grade-A DB but it got the job done. I’m not condoning the act and I hope that karma took care of things but, I also bet Victorino thought twice the next time he went back for a fly ball in the Wrigley outfield.
September 15, 2010
However, one of the greatest moments in the history of beer took place only recently and it didn’t happen on a baseball diamond. Just this month man took another step in the evolutionary process when he finally learned how to deep fry beer. Oh yes, you heard me right. A Texas chef finally perfected the process for deep frying beer and the results will be introduced sometime this month. I think we can all agree that having a beer to wash down a deep fried beer might just be the moment of perfection that causes the universe to fold up on itself. I’m willing to give it a try, though.
Welcome to October!
And so in this Podcast…
It’s our monumental TENTH EPISODE, y’all! Party is the name of the game as Jeff, Allen and Johanna dive into an exciting playoff tempered show including three hallowed memories, two Morgans (Nyjer and the Captain) and one inception… not to mention a whole lot of confusion over a $500 pair of speedos with Albert Pujols’ face on it. Plus much more, including the Lou Piniella mailbag! All to make you laughy-time!
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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*
Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*
thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru. Check out
his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you don’t want him to kick your bum. Did I mention he is an MMA fighter? It’s true. How else do you think Johanna’s face got so disfigured?!? Lookout!
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Recorded Saturday, September 11, 2010