Results tagged ‘ Bill DeWitt ’

Waiting for the Machine

waitingforguffman.jpgGodot and Guffman got nothin’ on the MACHINE.

Nothin’.  Nada.  ZE-RO.

Which is why waiting is so hard.  Sure, we all knew the day would come when Albert Pujols would reach free agency and have the opportunity to test the free agent market — a market that would surely reward him with a plus $30 million a year contract.  But we’ve also known that his underlying, true desire is to remain a Redbird.  For life.  To work it out.

We think.

AGGGGHHHH!!!

I can’t take it, dear readers!  It’s too disturbing an unknown to just let it be and hope for the best, especially now that a timely gauntlet the size of Barry Bonds’ forehead has been thrown down.  To be honest, until a deal has been struck and Albert’s mug is securely tied to the birds on the bat forever and ever, I probably won’t get much non-beer-aided sleep.

My feelings that Bill DeWitt and John Mozeliak would not have offered Matt Holliday the sort of contract he received unless they had a plan for re-signing Pujols longterm remain intact.  No front office would be so stupid as to waste Albert’s money on a guy who dropped the 2009 NLDS ball.  I think.

I hope.

I WANT.

I’ll KILL!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me.  Sorry.  Won’t happen again (today).

Of course, I’m no dummy.  And I do realize that signing Albert to the kind of multi-year contract his ability commands would probably bankrupt the team’s flexibility to build a solid supporting cast around him in the future… but I, like many naive Cardinal maniacs out there, still cling to the idea that Albert would be hip to such a situation and be an active part in deferring funds so that a full team could be assembled, to win.

‘Cuz after all, that’s what Albert really wants.

He wants to win.

And so do I.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to concentrate on that desire until this contract situation is over.

You have 27 days, boys.  27 days.

Get ‘er done.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

If I’m the Boss I’m Calling a Serious Sit-Down with the St. Louis Family

Sobriety Check Point Ahead.JPGThis has absolutely nothing to do with hot stoves, free agents or ticket sales. 

None of that is important.

Because when you drive drunk and end up killing yourself or somebody else or soembodies else, then how important can baseball really be?

Highly touted Cardinal prospect third baseman, David Freese, was arrested on DWI charges in St. Louis Saturday, adding his name to the growing list of Redbirds who can’t figure out how to call a goddamn cab when having had a few too many.

Tony LaRussa.  Josh Hancock (he died by the way because he was driving drunk).  Scott Spiezio.

And those are just the ones who’ve been caught.

I haven’t seen anything in print, but I have friends in the St. Louis service industry who assure me many a Cardinal has been seen getting into the driver’s seat of a car while drunk.  Some of those guys aren’t with the team anymore, some of them are. 

Bill DeWitt, are you listening?

This is not me getting on a high horse.  I have made mistakes.  I have made a lot of mistakes.  My mistakes have hurt people.  I make it a point not to make such mistakes anymore and I make it a point not to hurt other people anymore too.  This is called learning.  This is called life.

And no matter how you argue, there is absolutely no excuse for driving drunk.  Believe me: I’m definitely a man who enjoys his drink — even known to get completely schnockered from time to time — but ya ain’t gonna ever see me getting in a car, driving down the freeway, putting my life and the lives of others at risk.  Why?

Because I have common sense.

And if someone in the Cardinals organization had any common sense there would be a mandatory tutorial for all team personnel on the dangers (who in the world is so dumb they don’t know about these dangers already???) of drinking and driving.

I have long heard stories from Baltimore about instilling in its Oriole family the notion of the “Oriole Way”; and while it may have begun as Paul Richards’ acute focus on instructing and establishing the fundamentals of on-the-field play, it eventually became a code of conduct — a creed which all members understand, that it goes for life off-the-field too.  Nothing supersedes the Oriole Way.

How many Baltimore Orioles are driving drunk these days?

Exactly.

Wake up, St. Cardinals.  Partying your @$$ off is perfectly okay with me, as long as you do it responsibly.  But if you guys want to keep making me and the rest of your millions of fans worry about whether or not you will even be alive tomorrow, well, let me tell ya, I’d rather be a Cubs fan than deal with that kind of stress. 

Y’all oughtta be ashamed of yourselves.

Go ahead. Hate me. I could care less. ‘Cuz I know I’m right.  And you’re pi$$ing me off.

Peace,

Jeff

Another Guide for Passing the Time

In his last post, my oft misguided and ever self-loathing colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, offered up some morbid thoughts on how to pass the next several weeks while we wait to thaw out and spring into some serious baseball action.  Poignantly defeatist in nature, Mr. Krause squashed our spirits more than he uplifted them, as more lamenting on the sad state of Detroit sports franchises and focusing on the natural discourse between Iran and the rest of the world leaves little else than a tinge of bitterness.

Dear readers, there are many more things you can do with your time.  For instance…

steelers superbowl champs.JPG

Postulate How Many More Superbowls the Steelers Will Win Before the Pirates Get Back to the Post-Season (If They Ever Do)

Already the winningest franchise in NFL history, the Pittsburgh Steelers have long drowned out the cheers (if any) from the Pirates faithful.  But don’t worry, ‘Burgh, the 2009 Pirates boast a lineup that features the likes of Jose Tabata, Brian Bixler and Nyjer Morgan!  Whoo-wee!  Get out the ticker-tape, ya’ll!  I’m feeling a bit like 1991!

Count the Reasons Why Ann Coulter Has No Soul

Verily, this woman is as crazy as A-Rod is attention hungry.  In her most recent blog post (dated 1/28/2009), she had this brilliant quip to share:

“The only reason McCarthy was elected to Congress in the first place is
that her husband and son were shot by a crazed gunman on the Long
Island Rail Road in 1993. Colin Ferguson’s shooting spree wasn’t
stopped sooner because none of the passengers had guns. As has been
demonstrated beyond dispute at this point, armed citizens save lives.”

There is no way these words came from a live human being complete with a heartbeat and the ability to actually feel.  No way.

Waste Your Life Away by Playing the Harold Reynolds Drinking Game
(I don’t personally recommend this, but if you’re looking for a quick, painless way to hibernate until Opening Day, click **here** for details. And when I say “painless” I’m lying.)

Try To Nail Down How Many Games the Cardinals Will Finish Behind the Cubs in 2009
Let’s see, there’s Adam Kennedy, Trever Miller, a busted up bullpen virtually unchanged from last season, question marks at third base, second base, starting rotation, no one to protect Albert Pujols, the reality that LaRussa and Duncan will most likely be gone next year, and we still have Bill Dewitt and John Mozeliak at the helm!  Folks, that’s just the beginning… I won’t go in to how good the Cubs look, how fresh and exciting the Reds look, how explosive the Brewers look, how nagging the Astros look.  Ooh boy, can’t wait to battle Tabata, Bixler and Morgan in the ‘Burgh for the NL Central Toilet Bowl!

Whew.

Okay, so I admit, my suggestions are just as morbid and defeatist as Allen’s… but if there is one thing we can all agree on, it is that a laugh — a good, hearty, gut-cleansing laugh —  can last us a while… or in this case, a long, long while:

Now that is what I call comedy!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace

Jeffy

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