Results tagged ‘ Blogging ’

Mr. Lung’s Invisible Hurdles

My friend Mr. Lung, while an excellent writer and a true baseball devotee, has the misfortune of often face-planting when his thoughts turn towards the political arena.  Here’s an accurate representation of Jeff’s political discourse:

I say this because although Mr. Lung may have made one or two valid points in his original “coming-out as a Libertarian” post, his argument this past Friday mainly left me feeling embarrassed for him.  I don’t have time to go back and correct all of his logical and factual fallacies one by one but there is one point that bears discussion.

Let’s take these two statements:

Tell that to the folks paying $4.25 for a gallon of gas, the people who can barely afford groceries, who are meanwhile raped for 20% of their income in taxes to fund programs they’ll never benefit from.

and:

They hate us because of our longstanding foreign policy which is to invade, overthrow and then set up puppet governments and act as dictators to protect our interests in oil.

You don’t get it both ways, my friend.  Despite what your new friends on the fringe of either party may tell you, avoiding foreign entanglements by drilling at home or investing in alternative fuels is not going to change the price you pay at the pump.  Sure, over the course of a generation or two you can make those changes but in the short to medium term, your choice comes down to either securing fuel supplies in whatever clusterf**k part of the world they happen to come from or paying $6-8 a gallon like our friends in Europe.

I’m going to simplify all of this for you.  Government is a social contract in which the governed (including you and I) agree to give up a portion of their individual sovereignty for the good of the whole.  There are different levels to which this premise can be taken from the socialism of the Nordic states to the relative autonomy of the European Union.  Both extremes have their problems and both have their benefits.

In the US, we have eschewed the extremes and held to a longstanding tradition of slowly moving from one side of the equation to the other as necessary but never moving too far from the center.  From FDR’s New Deal to Reagan’s supply-side economics, programs come and go as they are needed.  It’s often painful, it’s occasionally embarrassing and it doesn’t always work.  But you know what?  If you don’t like it you can go out and vote for someone who promises change or even run for office yourself.

Many Americans prefer to lament the “broken” system, though, and sign up for whatever -ism fits their current worldview.  It’s simple, it’s available and it allows them to refrain from accepting any personal responsibility.  So tell me, my friend, how are you any different?

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 26: Willow, R2D2 and Other Famous Midgets

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

“KEITH, GET A BUCKET!”

After Jeff and Allen dragged Johanna’s almost lifeless body out of the Lollapalooza bullpen, the RSBS crew sat down to smack down on all-things baseball.  Joined midway by special guest, Tim Baffoe of The Heckler and AM 670 The Score, everybody gets in on the roller coaster that is Chicago baseball, Tony LaRussa versus the World, Derek Jeter’s legacy and a hypothetical question involving the conflicting theologies of Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton.

This is some shizz ya ain’t gonna wanna miss!

And make sure to follow Tim Baffoe (aka the Ten Foot Midget) on Twitter.  Dude’s got a lock on sports satire!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his sweet Undercast.  And, also, if you haven’t already, check out the teaser to his film-in-progress and don’t be afraid to help a brotha out!

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Recorded Saturday, August 6, 2011

I See Your True Colors

Being the iconic bastion of worldly intelligentsia that I am, humbly speaking, it is no wonder that my peers see my representation of Cardinals Nation and project it on the populous as a whole.

I like to think that my fan image boosting is just me doing my civic duty; for anyone who truly knows the depth of the average St. Louis Cardinal fan’s psyche, reality may be a cumbersome sidekick.

Sure, we may be one of the smartest baseball-minded fanbases in the Major Leagues, but, to the unknowing, casual bystander, that intelligence can still leave a lot to be desired.

Like… a lot.

Unfortunately, the below reality outweighs my grassroots, ad hoc movement:

We Are Cardinal Nation from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

Hate me ‘cuz I don’t hide the truth, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Special thanks to the blokes at Joe Sports Fan for the vid tip.

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Woebegone, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Your Weakness Is Strong

The Pirates never stop being pathetic. After eighteen years of suckitude, it’d be refreshing for the fans if their ownership had some sort of a sense of humor about this sailing sloop of crap.

DAAAARRRRR!!!

If I were a fan, I’d be the first to stick my peg leg in their rumholes. Incest sounds more fun than Pirate baseball, church a more rewarding experience for me.

A bar in north Pittsburgh, in a bit of high comedy, has offered a special on pitchers of beer. For every Bucs loss, the bar will take a nickel off the pitcher price.

Pirates brass has asked that fans boycott this bar. The executives should be ashamed of themselves. It’s already been documented that the team has been ripping off fans for years, but now this? The private yachtsmen who own this team are a joke and should shut the eff up if a bar of REAL fans is having a little bit of fun dwelling in misery with a bucket of cheap@$$ beer, otherwise the most fun Pirate fans have to look forward to is the Rapture!!!

Come on! Don’t do Michael Keaton like that! The man’s only worked like twice in the last ten years.

–Johanna Mahmud

Getting Off the Milton-go-Round

do not enter.jpgI’m a stubborn person.  When I get an idea in my head, I latch on and I won’t let it go until I know for sure that it isn’t going to work.  This has led to occasional successes in my life but has also ended in disaster.  A two and a half year relationship that should have ended at six months is a prime example.

For all my mistakes, at least I can say that I’m not as bad as MLB and their unwillingness to give up on Milton Bradley.  There’s no denying that he’s a talented athlete and could have been something special.  Just like any awful relationship, though, managers focused on the flickers of brilliance and ignored all the warning signs. 

Maybe that has finally come to a close.  When the Mariners ended their MB experiment and designated him for assignment, we may have witnessed the end of an era.  At the same time, I’m sure most baseball fans experienced the subconscious reaction, “God, I hope my team doesn’t decide to be the next to take a ride on the Milton-go-round.”  After enough failed attempts trying to help Bradley get his head right, common sense says there aren’t going to be any other takers.

But you never know.  Kyle Farnsworth has a career and continues to achieve new milestones in mediocrity every year.  For instance, just the other day Prince Sobs-a-lot issued the first walk-off walk of his storied career.  I know, right?  I’m as surprised as you are.

Most of Farnsworth’s damage comes from his ability to put runners in scoring position (and then push them across) and the danger that his press-conference tears will leave water-marked tables.  Bradley, meanwhile, has proven himself to be nothing less than a clubhouse cancer.  Let’s hope he stays in remission.

-A

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RSBS will be taking a break for the next few days as one of the sites where we post gets some upgrades.  In the meantime, enjoy this video celebrating the brilliance of Will Ferrell:

http://i.cdn.turner.com/tegwebapps/tbs/tbs-www/cvp/teamcoco_dynamic_embed.swf?context=teamcoco_embed_offsite&videoId=250226

-Jeff and Allen

Setting the Mahmud

death-at-a-funeral-3.jpg

My Happy Little Baseball World

jeff lung at nationals park 2009.jpg
The last thing I want to do on this fine Saturday afternoon is give any more attention to bumspazz homophobe trainwreck Roger McDowell, but I am having problems dealing with the hate-induced rant that caused him to scream: “kids don’t belong in the (bleeping) ballpark!”

Sorry, McDowell.  You are a bonafide jerkwad.

And a waste of our national pastime’s space.

Dude, kids ARE the ballpark.

And for me, thinking back to my childhood days… about the wonders of green astroturf lighting up my eyes on a breezy summer day, sharing a bag of roasted peanuts with my old man, reciting player tidbits I memorized from the backs of baseball cards… I smile now, just as big and just as bright as I did then.

Because life at home wasn’t always great. 

My mom and dad didn’t love each other anymore.  My sister and I were separated by 120 miles.  And I had a penchant for being passive-aggressive… all quiet and bottled up until BOOM — someone got hurt.

At the ballpark — a magical otherworld where all of life’s problems were strictly prohibited — I could just be me.

I could just be a kid.

I could just be…

Happy.

Hate me ‘cuz I make up words (sometimes), just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Mission Accomplished!

Phillies fan osama bin laden dead
Yes, dear readers!  Now the shortlist of unchecked tasks to bring peace and universal happiness to the entire world is down to just three:

1.  Reinstate the All-Star Game as an exhibition game with no World Series home field implications

2.  Get Charlie Sheen to go away

And…

3.  Figure out what the hell Brian Wilson’s beard is actually made of.

If we can do all of the above, then I would really be impressed.

And the world will thank us.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

johanna mahmud.jpgRSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Slavedriver, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

He Plays with a Load in His Hands

The NFL draft is Thursday and that means we evaluate everything about everyone’s everything.  From their toe sizes to wingspans to ability to play with others to punctuality to how long they can sit through the last season of Oprah to the limitations of their menstrual cycles to how many yards they can throw a Mexican snapping turtle to how they would handle Kanye taking their MVP trophies away and giving them to Beyonce.

It’s a lot to sift through.

AND FUN!!!

Which reminded me of what’s going on with MLB closers now. Closers seem to be chosen for teams primarily by stuff and grit but also based on looks and intangibles. So….. I’ve listed some of what I look for in potential closers for when I’m king of the Cubs and I take over as Czar of the DAMNED……

hamish.jpg
The following quotes describe facial expressions, which are the best way to determine who’s got the right stuff to end games for me:

“I’m so damn mad I’d punch a baby!”
TRANSLATION: I did odd things to Barbie dolls when my sister wasn’t looking.

“I’m gonna come over to your house tonight, wear your sister’s makeup and then beat her to death.”
TRANSLATION: I’m confused about where slavery begins and my basement’s interior design ends….

“I’m good at rallying a team from behind!”
TRANSLATION: What I really need is a bearded man with a vintage cardigan who will tell me “he has to see about a girl and its not your fault, Brian Daisy Fuentes.”

mr_weber_carving_ham.jpg“I’ve wet myself many times in public, but I DON’T CARE…”
TRANSLATION: I’ve wet myself many times in public, but I DON’T CARE.

“The best thing about me other than my heater is that I should have played the lead in Our Town. I’m egotistical, fiery aggressive and I have great athletic skillz.”
TRANSLATION: My name is Jeffery Lung and I will pretend to be your closer for a third of an inning. CHEERS!!!

“I understand angles and I’m grindy, gritty and tuffffff!”
TRANSLATION: I’M DEFINITELY WHITE AND I’M  PROBABLY AN INDIANA PACER.

One last thing about closers, because if you’re like most teams, you’ll have to find a new one soon (like by Saturday)… Russian women are like closers: when they goes, they goes fast………

–Johanna Mahmud

Flying Car.jpg

BTW… if Lovie Smith could pick a closer he would be from Abilene Christian.

Shut Up and Pitch

train wreck.jpg“You don’t boo your own team. I don’t care who
you are or what you say or just because you spent your money to
come here to watch us play that somebody happens to make one bad
pitch and give up a homer and you are going to start booing?”

–Ryan Franklin, April 20, 2011

Um… okay.  My patience is… er… nah, forget it.  I don’t have any patience anymore!!!

We’re NOT TALKING about JUST ONE PITCH, Mr. Franklin.  We’re NOT TALKING about JUST ONE YACKED performance.  We’re TALKING about the difference of 4 or 5 games in the WIN column.

And it’s only April!!!

So yeah.  Do your job.  Get guys out. 

THEN we’ll stop booing.

Keep this in mind, sir: YOU make millions of dollars whether you f*** up or not. 

WE, the FANS, we are the ONES who KEEP YOU EMPLOYED by dishing out $45 (or more) per game, per SEAT… the ones getting raped by beer vendors selling $8 bottles of crap (Bud Light)… the ones who have to put up with your whiny whimpers to the reporters in the press.

We have every damn right to boo your @$$.

You don’t like it?

STOP LOSING GAMES ALL BY YOURSELF.

Man up.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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