Results tagged ‘ Brad Lidge ’

Why Brad, Why Now?

farnsworth cries.jpgWhen did Brad Lidge become such an object of disdain for this blog? I mean, Kyle Farnsworth I can understand because, well, because he’s Kyle Farnsworth. But Lidge? Yeah, maybe he’s not having a stellar season but after what he did last year, the guy deserves a little bit of a break.

Now, maybe this is easier for me to say because, as a Tigers’ fan, I routinely have to deal with the endless frustration that is Brandon Lyon and Fernando Rodney. I thought that Todd Jones’ retirement meant I wouldn’t have to sit on the edge of my seat anymore when we had a one-run lead in the ninth inning.

But Brad Lidge? He’s not even a Cub! I get the hatred and disgust for Milton Bradley. I approve of and advocate more of the same for Farnsworth. But Lidge? Nah. He’s no Mitch Williams. He’s not really any sort of appropriate object for scorn.

So, Mr. Lung, what gives? Why don’t you tell us what’s really going on? Did Brad Lidge not sign your baseball card? Did you write him a fan letter and he didn’t respond? Or maybe a love letter and he blew you off? Inquiring minds want to know.

-A

If Brad Lidge Were an Air Conditioner…

…he would look a lot like this:

busted air conditioner.jpgAnd his control knob would be something like this:

air conditioner control knob.jpgI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Lidge has lost his, er… charm.

Phillies fans the world over are begging for a Gray Davis like recall.

Might the Governator have a hard slider?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Images courtesy of “F”yeahairconditioners.tumblr.com — MLBlogs will not allow me to link to it due to adult language in the site’s URL. You’ll have to use logic to find the site yourself or check the link on our other page.)

Brad Lidge’s Honorary Cardinal Card Officially Revoked

pujolsandlidge.jpgJust as the homerun he gave up to Albert Pujols during the 2005 NLCS finally falls back to earth, so too does Brad Lidge’s status as an elite Major League closer.  Having notched his seventh blown save of the season (by giving up a game-tying single to bonafide bust Milton Bradley no less), Lidge forces us to ask the serious question:

Who in the world is going to be fooled by that low and away slider when you throw it on the first pitch? 

And then, I gotta follow up by asking:

Who in the world is going to be fooled by that right-down-central fastball you are forced to throw after they don’t swing at the low and away slider early in the count?

There was a time (it was just last year actually) when Brad Lidge was one of the most feared pitchers in the league.  Nowadays he’s looking more and more like Mitch Williams circa 1997 (or Kevin Gregg today — in both cases, it ain’t good).

Lidge lucked out in that his team won it in extras but that doesn’t change the fact that he gave Cardinal fans the type of heart attack once only attributable to prospective hunting trips led by Dick Cheney (no, that will never get old).  The Phillies, this year, have proven over and over again that there ain’t no such thing as a sure thing and Lidge’s once-devastating slider is definitely not a sure thing.

You want a sure thing? 

Bet on an MMA fight looking at least kinda gay.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Alternatives to Armageddon

texas fireball in sky.jpgYes, folks, the sky is falling.

Texans have long brought the drama.  Whether we are talking about Nolan Ryan throwing seven career no-hitters, Ross Perot anteing up his own funds to eradicate the national debt or Roger Clemens going out with a bang, the good people of Texas are rarely light on theatrics. 

With this in mind, it should be no surprise that Texans are looking to the skies and hypothesizing that what they see may very well be the beginning of the end of life as we know it.  Humans are hardly rational beings, and as the world economy plummets, the earth itself rots and our heroes fall, it is no wonder why people actually believe UFOs are coming to invade us, kill us and eat our brains.

Alas, dear readers!  While the recent UFO/meteor sightings in Texas appear to be mysteriously detrimental to our society, I have done ample research and settled on the following alternative explanations for this fierce phenomenon:

  • That’s no UFO; it’s the ball Albert Pujols hit off Brad Lidge in the 2005 NLCS finally falling back to Earth
  • That’s no UFO; it’s the wrath of God shooting down the twisted ideology of the devil herself
  • That’s no UFO; it’s the collective failures of one Kyle Farnsworth crashing and burning (was supposed to land in Kansas City but due to a sincere lack of notoriety, Kansas City’s exact location could not be determined)
  • That’s no UFO; it’s Roland Burris doing his best Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial impression to make us forget that his story doesn’t quite add up
  • That’s no UFO; it’s Manny being Manny exercising his final, most breathtaking stunt to get a multi-year deal making A-Rod money (sans the special sauce one can only hope)

manny being manny.jpgDon’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Coming Clean

lidge_celebrate.jpgLast night, as Philly fans celebrated like Sarah Palin look-alikes, I settled back in my easy chair and fervently prayed that I had not just used up all my prediction mojo. See, back when this thing started I picked the Phillies to win the Series, comparing them to a certain junior senator from Illinois. And several weeks later, here we are. The Phillies dominated the Rays in just about every category, much like Obama has been doing to John McCain. But, I think it’s safe to say that no Philadelphia fan felt safe until after the ump called strike three on Eric Hinske last night.

Obama fans should feel the same way. Andrew Sullivan posted this the other day and it pretty much sums up the way things stand right now:

But despite all the concerns, I’m going to go ahead and say it. Obama is the new Brad Lidge and he’s going to close this thing down.

Now, I’d like to take the high road and leave things where they are but I can’t help but gloat a little bit in realizing that I’ve gotten the last word on my good friend, Mr. Lung. See, he doubted my pick from the beginning and even picked the Rays last week while extolling the virtues of his new man-crush. But, the Phillies came through which doesn’t mean much since I am now zero dollars richer as a result.

To be honest, this victory feels a little empty. It’s not that I have anything against the Phillies or regret their win. But, after the money the Tigers spent in the offseason, I was ready to see my team holding up their trophy while Justin Verlander carried off his first World Series MVP Award. It all looked so good in my mind.

I guess that in the end the only option I have is to borrow a refrain heard most often coming from Cubs fans. Next year is our year! Man, I can’t believe I just compared myself to a Cubs fan. Time to go take a shower and wash off the filfth.

-A

Slaying Allen’s Specters

Doggie guru Cesar Millan has taught me many a valuable life lesson.  The first — and most important — is that I am the pack leader.  In order to maintain pack leader status, I must emit a calm yet dominant energy.  A brief scan of recent RSBS posts would be more than enough to convince every living being of my fulfillment of this necessary role.  Second: happiness comes from excercise, discipline, then affection, in that order and in that order only.  Food is optional.  Just ask the Olsen twins.  They seem to be doing fine.  But sometimes, dear readers, these are not enough.  Fear is an untouchable giant among short people and fear can cause myriad setbacks to one’s personal success, satisfaction, serenity.
 
For this reason, I have decided not to argue with Mr. Krause on his most recent ramblings regarding MLB playoff restructuring.  Despite his fixation on how greedy and seedy MLB front offices tend to be and besides his disconnect with the purism-is-passion campaign I so wholeheartedly support, he does make a few good points.  In short, nothing is going to change right now, so I might as well get used to it and hope for the best.

Just for today, I’m content with that.

Fear, which has long been an issue my Tiger-lovin’ friend has struggled with, must be addressed.  If I were to walk away without confronting his deepest, underlying and now-in-the-open anxieties, I would be a poor voice for US Americans.  In his last post, he let it be known that:

“…a specter came back to haunt me today…”

That specter’s name is Jeff Samardzija — Notre Dame superstar and latest edition to the Chicago Cubs pitching staff.  Admittedly, I share no love for the man just as I share no love for Notre Dame nor the Cubs; however, to me, he is a man.  Unfortunately for Mr. Krause, Samardzija has taken on an entirely phantasmal nature capable of penetrating and destroying his entire being.

And Samardzija is not the only one…

Dear readers, this must stop.  It must stop today.  And as Cesar has so rightfully taught us, it will stop by confronting, defeating and slaying.  Attention all specters inhabiting Allen Krause’s mind: Be Gone!

regis.philbin.jpgRegis Philbin, Be Gone!
Famed Notre Dame alumnus known for entertaining housewives for over two decades now, this specter haunted Allen by asking “Who wants to be a millionaire?” to which Allen responded, “Who wants my foot in his ^ss?”

lidge_clemens.jpgThe Combination of Brad Lidge and Roger Clemens, Be Gone!
Lidge went to Notre Dame and became a fire-balling closer infamous for losing his mind under pressure.  Clemens wore a Notre Dame jersey for a publicity stunt and pressured his body by juicing it until he lost his mind.

Hannah-Storm.jpgHannah Storm, Be Gone!
This Notre Dame graduate (are you seeing a pattern develop?) became a female sports broadcasting star with NBC — the ultimate purveyor of all-things Fighting Irish.  In specter form, she subliminally caused Allen’s abhorrent distaste for white women.

phil.donahue.jpgPhil Donahue, Be Gone!
He’s loud.  He’s obnoxious.  He’s much older than Allen yet has more hair.  He supports Ralph Nader.  And oh yeah, he went to Notre Dame.

Carl.yastrzemski.jpgCarl Yastrzemski, Be Gone!
With that name, it’s hard to believe he went to Notre Dame but it’s true.  He did.  And his nickname was “Yaz”, which spelled backwards is “Zay”, like the language spoken in Ethiopia.  And you know what you can find in Ethiopia?  Missionaries.  Catholic missionaries.  Catholic missionaries who have ties to Notre Dame.  Yeah, Yaz’s specter is one that runs circles around Mr. Krause’s mind.

antonin.scalia.jpgAntonin Scalia, Be Gone!
Not a Notre Dame grad, but he might as well be.  A highly conservative supreme court justice who just happens to be Catholic (not a bad thing in my book — the Catholic part), Allen saw him wearing blue and gold once and jumped to conclusions… Scalia’s been fear-mongering ever since.

aaron.heilman.jpgAaron Heilman, Be Gone!
You guessed it.  A Notre Damer.  Also pitches in New York, for the Mets.  Famous for giving up the 9th inning dinger to Yadier Molina that put the Cardinals in the 2006 World Series against the Tigers (whom they eventually destroyed), Allen still holds a grudge against this specter.  Also interesting is the fact that Heilman sounds a lot like Heisman, which is a prestigious college football award bestowed upon Tim Brown — also from Notre Dame — in 1987, which is a year that the Cardinals went to the World Series and the Tigers did not (though they were close).

thomas.jpgClaren
ce Thomas
, Be Gone!
(see Antonin Scalia)

craig.counsell.jpgCraig Counsell, Be Gone!
Notre Dame grad.  Weird batting stance.  Doesn’t wear batting gloves.  ‘Nuff said.

…and finally, the biggest, most bothersome, most destructive specter of them all:

jeff lung with dog.jpgMe.
Nope.  No affiliation with the Fighting Irish.  But I do adore my beagle, come out of arguments on the right side and haunt Allen Krause to the utmost degree…

And I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Al, so you just better get used to it. 

I know it’s tough, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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