Results tagged ‘ Brett Myers ’

Even More Freakazoids & Oddities: The Always Venerable, Mostly Searchable RSBS

freakazoid.jpgMr. Krause and I have a pretty high reputation to maintain.  Often times we are called upon to give the people what they want, when they want it, at the level at which they want it.  Whether that means providing hot pics of Erin Andrews, hot pics of Heidi DeRosa (yes, Mark DeRosa’s wife) or hot pics of Albert Puj– I mean, hot pics of Jenna Fischer, we do what we gotta do.

But we don’t beat our wives.

Because we don’t have wives.

But if we did have wives, we would not beat them.

I mean, if I did have a wife, I would not beat her.

Unfortunately, I cannot speak on behalf of my colleague, the nefarious and oft-jaded Mr. Krause.  But until he speaks out for himself, we at RSBS (the interns included) will certainly continue on the path towards the truth… so when you search for something, we can provide the answer… sorta.

Recent RSBS Keyword Search Analysis (click to enlarge):

rsbs keyword search screenshot wife beating.JPG

Hate us ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate us ‘cuz we’re right.

Peace,

Jeff

When Is It Okay to Beat Your Wife?

wife beater.jpgNever.

Right?

Well…

Personally, I gotta be an advocate against domestic abuse of all kinds.  Wife.  Girlfriend.  Kids.  Whatevs… don’t be beatin’ people, dear readers!  That’s my advice.

Of course, that’s not how it works everywhere.  Take the Middle East, for example.  Now I am no expert on Islam, but I have seen Law & Order and I know that in some Islamic communities, it’s pretty common practice for a man to beat his wife… to forbid she leave the house… to cover her entire body if she does.

In the west, I know that if you beat your wife and your name is Brett Myers you get to enjoy success as a Major League Baseball player and make at least $5 million a year.

I know that if you beat your wife and you play football, you might be Jim Brown and everyone will still say you were one of the greatest athletes to ever live.

scott lee cohen.jpgBut I also know that if you beat your wife and try to run for Lieutenant Governor in the state of Illinois, you BETTER THINK TWICE BUDDY!

And so it is that Scott Lee Cohen (D-Chicago) was recently forced to withdrawal from the Lt. Governor general election he earned a right to be in…  because he allegedly beat an ex-girlfriend.  And he probably beat his wife… though we can’t say for sure. 

We can say for sure (probably) that, if nothing else, Cohen is a creep.  I have no problems jumping on that bruited bandwagon, folks.  But here is my question: Isn’t Brett Myers a creep?  Isn’t Jim Brown a creep?  Sugar Ray Leonard?  Dr. Dre?  Chris Brown?  Darryl Strawberry?  Moses Malone?  Dwight Gooden?!?!?!?!

Don’t you see what I’m saying? 

Why is it okay to beat your wife and be a famous athlete or entertainer but it is definitely NOT okay to beat your wife and run for public office?

Believe me, no one knows nor cares (especially kids) who the Lt. Governor is.  Of any state.  No one cares.  Less than 20% of the population even voted in this election… so I assure you, no one cares.

But lots of people (again, especially kids) care about who is pitching for the Astros… or who the Sporting News considers to be the greatest professional football player of all time… or who made Eminem famous.

Like it or not, those are the people who influence your kids.  Those are the ones they look up to.  Those are the ones they emulate.

So good luck trying to explain to your kid why Cohen is an @s$ but Jim Brown is a god. 

This is why I don’t have kids.

Well, that and I fail in making women happy long-term (short-term, no problem).

Don’t hate me, ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

RSBS Investigates: Brett Myers

Dear readers, I present to you photographic evidence that new Houston Astros pitcher, Brett Myers (right), does take the occasional break from beating his wife, Kim (left).  The happy couple is seen here, in the Astros’ clubhouse, during the press conference which welcomed the domestic abuser to the team earlier this month.

brett myers and kim myers astros.jpgThere are no obvious or visible lacerations on Kim’s face, so we are fairly certain that the transition from Philadelphia to Houston was a smooth one for the Myers family.

Though a closer look at this picture does cause alarm for the fairer Myers.  For she somehow allowed her husband to wear a black suit with brown shoes, which if discovered by the loud-mouthed hurler, may spell Kim’s certain extinction.

Hopefully, Brett’s inner idiocy will save us all from such a devastating circumstance.

Hate me ‘cuz I color coordinate, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Astros’ writer Alyson Footer’s Twitter Page; you can read her blog *here*)

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