Results tagged ‘ Bud Selig ’

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 4: Finally, Allen’s Krause… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 5.jpg
Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Dear readers galore FINALLY get to meet THE one, the ONLY, Mr. Allen Krause as he joins Jeff and Johanna to discuss all things urgent, all things necessary.  And it’s all made possible by science.  And hard work.  And Skype.  Judge for yourself.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Strasburg as Jesus, the difference between anathema and an enema (it’s important), starting a Pete Rose for US WBC Team Player/Manager petition on Facebook, Gallaraga’s thingy, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more!

Holla!

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*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard
Films
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Recorded Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Bud Selig, Fashion Cop

bud selig picking nose.jpgIt’s good to see Bud Selig worrying about the important things in the game of baseball.  Fix the All-Star Game?  Nah.  Rehabilitate Pete Rose?  Nope.  Police managerial fashion?  Oh yes.

Now, maybe Selig has a reason for this.  Perhaps it’s his version of the “broken windows” policy made famous by Giuliani in NYC.  The idea is that if you crack down on the small crimes, the big crimes are less likely happen.  But I’m really not sure how telling Joe Maddon that he can’t wear an MLB-branded hoodie would have stopped Mark McGwire from juicing.

It might be something else, something a little more personal.  I think it comes down to the age old battle between the cool kids and the nerds.  Selig may be rich but you don’t have to look at the two guys for long to figure out who has done better with the ladies.  Selig could pass for a Dali painting of Bill Gates.  SI’s Peter King apparently favorably compared Maddon to Spencer Tracy.  Yeah, those are whole different universes on the looks scale.

So, what do the nerds do when they finally get power?  They make the cool kids pay for all their previous infractions.  Here’s the train of logic and I think you can agree it makes sense: Selig gets beat up in high school because his face is already getting droopy.  50 years later he sees Joe Maddon, equates him with the kids who beat him up and decides he’s going to finally get his revenge.  Selig 1 – Baseball 0

I understand that baseball has to have rules surrounding dress.  There needs to be some, uh, uniformity (if you’ll pardon the pun).  But if instead of focusing on the much more real issues facing baseball this is where you’re going to fight your battles, you’ve just proven once again how unfit you are for the job Mr. Selig.

-A

The Filibuster

You guys make a lot of Bud Selig’s poor management of MLB.  If you could
take his place for one day and make one change, what would you change
and how do you think it would alter the game?

Harrison
Pontiac,
MI
____________________________________

bud selig picking nose.jpgAww, gee, Harrison (insert overwhelming use of sarcasm), thanks a lot.  I only get one day and one change?  What’s the point?  You know this: It’s gonna take a lot more than just one day and one change to correct the myriad wrongs laid down by King Bud over the past 18 years.

Is it realistic to ban the Cardinals from losing 20 inning games?  No?  How about simply getting rid of the Royals franchise?  No?  Okay.  What about forcing opposing pitchers to only offer breaking balls in the dirt to Alfonso Soriano?  Fine.

Then I guess I would have to consider one of the obvious:

  • stop making it (the All-Star Game) “count” for anything other than a celebration of the best in the game
  • shorten spring training
  • eliminate the plethora of off-days during the playoffs
  • change the schedule back to 154 games
  • sew Barry Bonds’ mouth shut forever and ever, amen

But to be honest, none of the above would be worthy of my one day and my one change.  No.  If I only get one then I’m gonna focus on what’s really wrong with the game and fix that as soon as possible.  What would I do?

Allow MLB ballparks to serve beer after the 7th inning.

Imagine being at that 20 inning game on Saturday, soberly watching in extras, thirsty, parched, dried up… brat in hand but no suds to wash it down.  That, dear readers, is simply unacceptable.

Tragic. 

beer.JPGAnd it goes well beyond the frustration of watching a game go past nine innings without the comforts of a cold, frosty one.  Think about it: if you are really so blasted from drinking beer during the game, is that one and a half to two innings of sobriety really going to make it okay for you to operate a vehicle? 

No. 

If you are really that wasted from drinking beer during the game should you be driving home anyway?

Hell no.

Here’s what we do: tell everyone to drink responsibly.  People are or aren’t going to do that anyway, whether you serve beer after the 7th inning or not.

So please stop punishing me after the 7th inning.  Often times those last couple innings are the ones where I need the numbing powers of alcohol the most!  

Move over, Bud.  Let me make this change. 

Otherwise I’ll be forced to continue double-fisting when they holler out “last call”.

Hate me ‘cuz I finally bring logic to the discussion, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not
together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster
question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at
kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Images of King Bud in a dress also welcome. They exist. Trust us.

The Hand Skills Game

selig_umps_allstar.jpgFor a blog that purports to cover baseball and politics, we have been sadly remiss in following up on the great health care debate.  Sure, we paid attention as the package finally came to a vote and at least mentioned the outcome.  But what do we really think?

Well, these things take time to ponder.  And considering that this debate has been going on since at least WWII, the couple weeks we took to think it through isn’t so bad.  It’s an interesting bill especially because no one is really happy.  It’s the Congressional equivalent of the 2002 All-Star Game.  There were triumphant moments, there were awful moments and, in the end, everyone left just kind of feeling a little empty.  The left thinks it didn’t go far enough and the right thinks it’s Armageddon.  So what’s the truth?

I could try and explain the positives and negatives of the bill in my own words but Frank Rich already nailed the essence of what I could say in a column from a few weeks ago.  And since there’s not a whole lot I can add to that, let me just say this.  Whether you like the bill or not, this is a huge victory for Obama.  The Republicans can stake the 2010 midterms on their opposition to the bill and their intentions to repeal it but how are you going to explain that you want to reinstate language for pre-existing conditions into health coverage?  Because, let’s be honest, that’s what the debate is going to boil down to. 

Perhaps it would be easier if I could represent Obama’s victory to you in a more visual manner.  So, maybe this will help.  Pretend that the guy making the video is President Obama and Enton Gill is the Congressional Republicans.  Watch the video and you’ll see what I mean:

I imagine the Republicans will have a similar reaction when they finally open their eyes.

-A

The Filibuster

The distance between the plate and the mound, like the distance between
home and first is….Perfect.  Can you tell me what else is perfect
about this game?  And Bud Selig aside, can you tell me what you think is
imperfect about our grand game?

Mike
BrooklynTrolleyBlogger
Brooklyn,
NY

____________________________________

bud selig close up.jpgGood to hear from you, Mike.  And great question.  You pretty much nailed it with your opening statement since so much is perfect about the game of baseball.  We complain about Bud Selig and you can bet that won’t end anytime soon but then we marvel at how the game still overcomes his idiotic decisions. 

Baseball is a system of artistic arithmetic.  The diamond is a perfect square meaning you always know how far you have to go to advance.  A pop up traces a parabola off the bat and it peaks halfway between home plate and its landing pad.  Hold the seams one way while pitching and the ball curves, change the angle a little and it drops like a rock.

But artistry relies on intangibles.  Yes, the ball follows a parabolic curve but you have to hit it first to make that knowledge worthwhile.  How do you as a manager decide when the curve ball isn’t curving enough or the sinker isn’t sinking enough and it’s time to pass the ball to a reliever?  Stealing on a slow curve makes that 90 feet much more manageable than trying to grab an extra base on a 97mph fastball.

Intangibles make mutation a necessity and mutation leads to evolution.  Hitters get stronger but pitchers find a ch!nk in the armor.  Small market teams can’t compete for big stars so they introduce new metrics that allow them to define a player’s “true” worth.  A fickle audience demands more offense so one league introduces the DH.  These are all elements that show a sports based sense of natural selection.

Like any system or organism, though, there are diseases and imperfections.  Strikes sour our outlook on the sport and scandals test our immunity.  It’s hard being a fan of a team that just isn’t competitive and shows no hope of turning that around.  Yet somehow we make do and despite these imperfections, or maybe because of them, we love the game even more.  The
perfection comes from a system that continually reinvents itself.  Kind of like snuggies and walkable sleeping bags.

-A

sleeping_bag.jpg

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not
together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster
question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at
kraulung@gmail.com. 

***A full translation of the above Japanese brochure also welcome though please know there is no prize… only kudos.

My Lord, Will Someone Please Get Me a Goddamn Salad!?!

Note to King Bud Selig: If you wanna sell your product to a bunch of guys, hire Kim Kardashian for your spots… not Dane Cook.  Not Bon Jovi.

Chicks, Bud.  Hot chicks.

Maybe I’d settle for Reggie Bush.  Maybe.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Obligatory McGwire Mention… and Some Other Crap

mark mcgwire steroids.jpgMark McGwire Quotes (that I made up):

“I didn’t want to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno.  I wanted to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno COMBINED!  ON ‘ROIDS!  ARRRRRGH!”

My talent comes from the ‘man upstairs’ and lemme tell ya, the ‘man upstairs’ is F***ING JUICED!  ARRRRRGH!

Yeah, I take Viagra, but just to stay healthy. It doesn’t help me bang hot chicks for hours and hours and hours at a time!  ARRRRRGH!”

Other Crap:

My duplicitous and oft abrasive colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, has been busy conjuring up all sorts of facetious baseball scenarios, one of which embraces the Selig-spawned, Selig-spun “world” World Series, proposing to pit the Major League Baseball champion against the… the… Japanese baseball… league champion?  What?

bud selig close up.jpgUh, excuse me, Mr. Krause, but… uh… insanity called, they want their madness back.

First of all, this is a Bud Selig ploy – a major league trick to make you think he’s actually working towards the betterment of the game.  Preposterous!  The World Series is called the friggin’ World Series because it boasts the two best baseball teams in the WORLD.  No Japanese champion can hang with the MLB champion.  If they could, then all those Japanese players would already be playing in the MAJOR LEAGUES! 

Ah, such treachery.  It saddens me to see Mr. Krause, someone so smart and so spry, take such a gigantic dip into the crazy-pool.  But wait.  Yes… it gets worse…

Some More Crap:

…Because somehow Mr. Krause got it in his head that once Albert Pujols’ contract is up with the Cardinals in 2011, that the perennial MVP candidate will be out to find a new, more financially sexy organization to call his home.  Mr. Krause even mentioned the possibility of seeing A.P. wearing an old English “D” across his chest!!!

Total f***ing horse****.

Sorry.  Had to go there.  Ahem…

Like the Tigers always have Ty Cobb, so too will the Cardinals always have Albert Pujols.

Don’t worry, Al… at least you will always have the image of Alan Trammell in a Tigers uni, forever.

Oh, wait.

alan trammell cubs.jpgHate me ‘cuz I pull back the curtain, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(McGwire image courtesy of Coffee with Adam)

Towards a Truly World Series

NHL_ALL_STARS.jpgWhen the NHL switched it’s All-Star game format in the late 90′s from the typical conference vs. conference match-up to a North America vs. The World battle royale, it seemed to herald the dawn of a new, global style of sport. Of course there are the Olympics and the World Cup but if sports like hockey were going to take on an internationalist bent, it was only a matter of time before the whole world came on-board.

Five years later the game reverted back to it’s traditional format and globalism had lost a bit of its luster but the overall move towards a more universal sporting life continued to pick up steam.

Just take a look around the major American sports. The NBA is still dominated by Americans but Europeans, South Americans and even the Chinese have become stars in their own right. The NFL is probably the only league that can still claim to be nearly 100% American but that probably owes much to the fact that the rest of the world is more than happy with their own version of football.

Even the most traditionally American of sports has taken on a greater international context in the past decade with the creation of the World Baseball Classic. And MLB has no plans to stop there. Just this past week it was reported that Bud Selig has been in discussions with his Japanese counterpart for a match-up between the two countries’ respective champions. Maybe it’s only two countries at this point but there’s no doubt that baseball will follow soccer’s lead and institutes some sort of World Club Championships pitting the best club teams from around the world against each other.

It makes sense. There seems to be no end to what consumers are willing to suck up and with all the money to be made from the merchandising, not to mention the actual playing of these games, the different national leagues would be foolish not to join in. Bud Selig will do anything at this point to have his legacy be something other than the steroid era and this would definitely be one way to do that.

Lost in all this is the fact that despite its near collapse a few seasons ago, the NHL may have had it right after all. You can fight globalization and maybe you’ll win some battles. But the war has already been won and it’s here to stay. Baseball appears ready to embrace that.

-A

2009: A Year in Review (Pt II)

Thumbnail image for RSBS_Mlb.made.LOGO.jpgEverybody knows that baseball is a team sport — a team
sport where success hinges on the individual’s performance.  If you
don’t believe me, just ask Walter Johnson… or Ernie Banks… or
Willie Mays Hayes.

Likewise, RSBS wouldn’t be RSBS without the BS
*ahem* — as in “Blue State”, represented in high definition by our
very own misanthropic Tiger fan, Mr. Allen Krause.  Yesterday, Mr.
Krause (who also happens to be one of my best friends in all the world)
adequately summed up 2009 as only RSBS can; and while he was at it, he kindly featured some of my better pieces from the year.

Well, dear readers, what fun is life without reciprocation?

There’s
no better way to wrap up the decade than to highlight my friend’s best
work… so let us take a gander at some real Krausian masterpieces!

2nd Honorable Mention:
Being There (Part 1Part 2)
Historic, epic, monumental… I like to believe that most people were
able to set their political affiliations aside while our nation’s grip
on racism slipped.  There will only be one first non-white
presidential inauguration and Allen Krause was there.  He lent us his
senses.  He gave us some play-by-play.  Then he rejoiced that the
“unwashed hordes” were finally leaving his city.  Bravo!

Honorable Mention:

Nietzsche Was Right
Pessimistic as he may be, Mr. Krause still knows how to hit a homerun. 
This has never been more evident than in his simple line:
“you should all know that god is dead and the devil has won.” 
Referencing the Ghostbusters alongside Colbert and Nietzsche
was just icing on the existentialist cake.

2nd Runner Up:
A-Rod at the Plate
If you ever feel like pissing Allen off, mention any one of these
things with high praise: Notre Dame, Glenn Beck, the Yankees, Bud
Selig… but if you really want to get him in a tizz, you should talk
up Alex Rodriguez.  Still, unlike most folks, Al has a savvy way of
chiding fallen poster-boys.  This parody of Casey at the Bat is, in a
word, brilliant.

1st Runner Up:

RSBS Presents: Your Health
Hi-effing-larious.  Dude.  Seriously.

And the number one Allen Krause penned piece of the year is…

A Magical Mystery Tour (Part 1 & Part 2)


This sultry trip through PED-opolis, Politicotopia and Pujols-ville may
have been a sneaky way of insulting my obsessions and undermining my
sexual orientation (Jesus Christ, I’m not GAY! I like chicks! YOU
UNDERSTAND?!?!)… but the idea of there even being a
Pujols-ville where Albert hangs out in a kiddie pool full of tapioca is
oddly titillating enough to make this my favorite (albeit two-parted)
post of the year.  I hope that doesn’t make me a sicko.

And with that, my good pal Al and I would like to thank you, dear
readers, for making 2009 a fantastic experience.  This community is all
about like-minded baseball lovers; and it wouldn’t be any fun with out
the tethered creativity of Princes, She-Fans, Ranters, Deconstructors,
Phanatics, Renegades and everyone else in between.

Much success to all of us in 2010!

Now, go get drunk!

Peace,

Jeff

**Please drink responsibly… y’know… don’t drive drunk… or kill anyone… or I’ll kick your ^ss**

A Triumvirate of Candidates to Succeed King Bud

lenin mickey mouse jesus.jpgBy now everyone knows that the Office of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball will get a fresh face in 2012 (conveniently, that is the year we’re all gonna die anyway).  But just in case those thousand year old destruction theories are not accurate, let us start to think about who might be able to save baseball from another passive, tyrannical reign after King Bud Selig has gone fishing.  Because as my oft cantankerous colleague, Mr. Krause, points out, King Bud dropped the ball.

To me, there are only three viable candidates.  They are presented here (above right).  In bronze.  I think.

Two of them are dead and one of them is forever young (albeit in 2-D).

Verily, they would all be adequate replacements at the top of the grandest game on earth.

- – -

Candidate #1:
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
Bolshevik Leader, Marxist, Revolutionary, Head of State

What’s wrong, Matt Holliday?  Five years guaranteed at $16 million ain’t enough?  Fine then.  Mr. Holliday, you’ll be making the same salary as Wilson Betemit… if Wilson even has a job.  Luxury tax?  There ain’t no luxury tax.  Proposed salary cap?  Yeah, propose this: everybody makes the same amount of money.  No matter what.  You don’t like it?  Then die.  Die.  Just die!

- – -

Candidate #2:
Mickey Mouse
Talking Rodent, Steamboat Captain, World Icon, Clubhouse Leader

Woo-hoo!  Baseball!  Woo-hoo!  Baseball!  Woo-hoo!  Pine tar!

- – -

Candidate #3:
thumbs up jesus.jpgJesus of Nazareth
Son of “God”, Hipster, Smooth-Talker, a.k.a. The Christ

What shall it profit a man if he gains the homerun record but loses his soul to ‘roids?  For everyone who refrains from untucking his shirt after winning a game (talkin’ to you, Brewers) himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.  I say, I’ve fed his sheep. Now I’ll tend to them, … tend to my sheep.

- – -

Tend… these… sheep.  Somebody.  King Bud didn’t do a great job at tending his sheep.  Somebody.  Somebody just tend these goddamn sheep!

Please.

And while you’re at it, don’t hate me.

‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Top image courtesy of Transgressor)

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