Results tagged ‘ Carlos Beltran ’

On the Right Side of Beltran

You know what was going through my mind yesterday?  How terrifyingly awesome it must be to plummet towards earth at the speed of sound.  You know what else was going through my mind?  How glad I am that we have Carlos Beltran.

And I’m not just talking about a mild-mannered ball-bashing Carlos Beltran either.  No, I’m talking about a mild-mannered ball-bashing and JADED Beltran.  Despite what little Beltran has made of it to the press, I would guess there’s a certain undefinable stick-it-to-em-ness in Carlos’ bat this National League Championship Series, and whatever angst it might have been made of certainly stuck it to ‘em last night.

I mean, I saw it too, how the Giants turned their noses up towards the possibility of keeping Beltran through free agency last winter.  In fact, they didn’t even make dude an offer, opting to bank on the offense of Melky Cabrera instead of having the solid (and, I should add: CLEAN) Mr. Beltran anchoring the middle of their lineup.

Well, we all know how well that turned out, don’t we?  Meanwhile, all Beltran did was play 151 games with 26 doubles, 32 homers and 97 RBI.

Still, here we are: Cardinals and Giants, NLCS, and only three wins away from defending our World Series crown.

Boy am I glad Beltran is on our team.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right (and biased).

Peace,

Jeff

A 47 Percent Rant

My dubious and oft out of touch with the public colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, shocked the baseball-politico world on Monday when he compared his beloved Detroit Tigers to the stiff stylings of Mitt Romney.  Now, lining one’s self up with the far right fed Tea Party and Christian Coalition is one thing, but talking out of one’s posterior in a public forum is another.

Mr. Krause said:

The Cardinals are playing with a ragtag team and no longer have master strategist La Russa at the reigns.

Um… what?

Ragtag?  RAG?  TAG?

What’s so ragtag about being World Champions?  What’s ragtag about Holliday?  Freese?  Molina?

RAGTAG?!?!

WTF?

Carlos Beltran?  Allen Craig?  Chris Carpenter?

WHAT IS THIS RAGTAG YOU SPEAK OF, MR. KRAUSE?!?

The only thing “ragtag” about your REIGNING… WORLD… CHAMPIONS… is that they might play this before each game:

Oh, wait.  That’s ragTIME.

Like it’s time to grab a rag and wipe up the locquacious mess left by my colleague.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Anaheim Albert ang I Are Juss Having Fung, Mang

The Twittersphere is a strange place.  It can be as welcoming as it is alienating, as terrifying as it is hilarious.  But just like anything else on the interwebs, it is what you make of it.

Over the years, I have fawned over several accounts in order to make SUPER-HAPPY-FUN TIME.  Coco Crisp’s was golden.  Barry Zito’s was embarrassing (before he blocked me from talking to him).  And I’ve probably cried more laughing at the hilarity of Fake Ned Yost than I have all the times I’ve watched Braveheart combined (stop judging me).

But these days there’s a new mang in town (somewhere along I-5 between Los Anaheim and Orange Angeles County).

BEHOLD: ANAHEIM ALBERT!

He waxes on performance:

Compares himself to others:

And provides sultry details to his odd albeit professional relationship with his agent Dan Lozano:

Extra mad points for that Scott Spiezio reference.  He’s another man whose heroics are shared by both Halos fans and Redbird Nation.

Speaking of Spiezio, where’s my scotch… and the strippers???  ALBERT!!!!

Hate me ‘cuz I made you L-O-L, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Starting Out On Top

We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!  Did ya miss us?  Of course you did!!!

It’s all good, dear readers, because it’s a NEW year with NEW goals and NEW impossibilities just WAITING to be made possible.  So shake off that nasty hangover, nevermind that public health clinic visit you’re gonna have to make after who you took home last night and rejoice from atop the world!

Of course, if you’re a Cardinals fan like me, you can also rejoice from the top of the baseball world (that’s the only one that matters by the way) knowing that you can walk around with your chest sticking out for at least another 10 months or so.  During our short break, I realized that finding a quick rebound lover would help me forget the unequivocal pain brought on by the loss of one Albert Pujols.  Enter: CARLOS BELTRAN.

From Cardinal killer to Met scapegoat to hot stove spice, Mr. Beltran slips inside an already potent lineup for the repeat hunting 2012 squad.  In fact, by getting Waino back and projecting a one through five order of Furcal, Beltran, Berkman, Holliday and Freese, I can’t help but git jiggy with the disco lights pulsating in my bathroom (don’t ask).

Albert who?

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement to start the new year, how about the fact that my fellow US Americans in Iowa seem to be ready for real change to our corporate-petting-taxpayer-blood-sucking government!?!?  FINALLY, Dr. Paul is getting some love from voters, which has forced the left-leaning media to start several Bachmann-esque smear campaigns.  This is what happens when the financially elite (who run the political machine) get worried about seeing their empire crumble.

But don’t worry.  Dr. Paul will bring them down.  Enough with the wars.   Enough with corporate greed.  Enough with buying things we can’t afford and wasting BILLIONS on pointless endeavors like the war on drugs.  It’s time to start over and that means no more empty Obama promises from the left and no more delusion-pandering from the right.

Ahh yes.  Pondering such possibilities make me feel just like I did watching D. Freese gork one over Nellie Cruz’s head.

GO CRAZY, FOLKS!  GO CRAZY!

This is gonna be one helluva year.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s the thing to do, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 25: Audible Pantslessness… and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

After a rough night of Pirate inspired debauchery, Jeff and Johanna clear the cobwebs (and police reports) to make room for special guest, Paul Lebowitz.  It doesn’t take long for them to get riled up as they touch on the evil FOX chimera Joe McCarver, Clint Hurdle’s Pirates, the White Sox’s diamond impotence and much, much more!

Check out Paul’s baseball blog, The Prince of New York, and also consider checking out his books, like the 2011 Baseball Guide (I’m using it to destroy my fantasy baseball foes right now).

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter!  And if you’re into raunchy stunts and Hooter chicks, make sure to check out Keith’s Undercast at Undercard Films!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Unforgotten

rod_blagjojevich.jpgWhen Chicagoans have lost interest in a political scandal, then it’s safe to say, so has the rest of the country.

Anything wrong with that?  Not in my opinion.  In a world full of greed, hate, debauchery and Cubs baseball, I find solace knowing that even the tireless spin-doctoring and smoke-screening of Rod Blagojevich eventually falls on the deaf ears of a nation distracted with the task of rebuilding itself.

Blago’s days as governor are as numbered as Joe Morgan is annoying; and soon, he will just be another political coelacanth — a footnote in the oppression and wasted tax-dollars of a people.

Good riddance.

In my fervent bidding adieu, I refuse to let Blago’s self-indulgent, gloomy demise get me down.  The older I get, the more I realize how little my brain can actually remember if not trained otherwise; thus, I find it best to replace negativity with post-partisan positivity.  So it is, on this four degree Sunday afternoon, with a broken heart and three cups of coffee too many, that I find grace in the baseball-politico memories dearest to me.

Of course, there are always the Joe Carters, the Kirk Gibsons, the Ozzie Smithsthe inauguration of a new hope for my country… those are all givens.  Today I focus on the obscure, the seemingly minute, the more poignant personal moments that help me to forget about what an awful place this earth can be sometimes.  And so I begin…

Ozzie Guillen Goes to Bobby Jenks
A move he’s made several times, but never as interesting as it was during the 2005 post-season when Ozzie motioned for Jenks by extending his arms out sideways as if to say: “Bring in the fat fella.”

Talking to Carlos Lee Outside Wrigley Field
Having gone hitless against Ted Lilly that night, I was stunned to see a smiling Carlos Lee on the corner of Sheffield and Addison waiting to get on the Astros player’s bus.  I approached him — all gargantuan 230 plus pounds of him — and flippantly asked: “Caballo, what happened?”

“Ball move too much, man.”

I’m still laughing at that one.

“Yes We Can” Viral Video

Sure, I admit I’m a sucker for inspirational acts of creativity… this one still gets me.

Brian Anderson’s Catch
Picture it, October 1, 2008… a one game playoff between the White Sox and Twins to crown the AL Central winner, and a Jim Thome homerun is all that separates the two when we reach the top of the ninth and two outs.  A sharp flare streamlines to right center field, in comes Brian Anderson… instant party on the Southside.

Bill Clinton on Carroll Quigley, DNC 1992

As a young, impressionable, questioning 12 year-old, this quote pushed me in to politics… to stay.

Adam Wainwright’s Curveball
Whether it was striking out Carlos Beltran looking or Brandon Inge swinging, I’ve never seen a more devastating hook — ever.

Barack Obama’s 2004 DNC Keynote Address
I thought a change was a comin’… didn’t know it was going to take so long, but it got me revved up nonetheless.

Yadier Molina Hitting .304 in 2008
After the rocket homerun he hit off Aaron Heilman to beat the Mets in the 2006 NLCS, Molina became my indisputable hero.  To see him blossom into a true hitter in conjunction with his unrivaled defensive skills just makes me want to hug the guy any chance I get.  Yadi, you out there, pal?  Let’s hook that up.

Grandma Lois Talking Baseball
May she rest in peace, my beloved grandmother was talking Cardinals baseball like no other 84 year-old I knew.  Before the 2004 season, she told me: “It’d be nice to see Edmonds and Rolen have really good years.”  She died on April 20, 2004; Jimmy and Scott both put up career numbers and vied for the MVP.  I know she’s still smiling about that one.

Post 9/11 Baseball in New York

I’d be hard pressed to find a more inspiring, more electric, more communal surge of patriotic energy and overall bipartisan goodwill towards all through the greatest game on earth than what took place in New York City that fall. 

I still get goosebumps just thinking of it.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers