Results tagged ‘ Carlos Zambrano ’

A Modern Day Bro-blem

jeter_rodriguez_bro.jpgA friend once claimed me as his “heterosexual life mate.”  What does that mean?  Well, in today’s lingo he’d probably just refer to me as his “bro.”  It’s a way for guys to have the kind of friendships that women have.  Although, a fine line exists.  Once you start talking about women and your problems with them, are you still in bro territory?

Perhaps it’s easier to look at this another way.  A-Rod and Jeter?  Bros.  Clemens and Pettitte?  Bros.  Carlos Zambrano and anyone?  Probably not so much.

You get the idea.  A bro is a guy who’s there for you, who has your back and who you can just kind of hang out with and be yourself.

But what happens when bro-ness becomes more complicated?  What do you do when you’re a free agent and every season find yourself in a new city surrounded by new faces?  Unfortunately, it’s at this point that the darker side of bro-hood sometimes rears its ugly head:

http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

This doesn’t have to happen.  You have options.  Skype and air travel make long distance bro-lationships much more doable than in the past.  But before you can make it there, you have to make it past the ugly specter of bro-stitution.  If you ever need help, we’re just a comment away.

-A

Everyone Was Kung-Fu Fighting!

lego kung fu.JPGTired of the Barbara Boxer v. Carly Fiorina bad-hair-day feud?  Are you sick of the back-and-forth budget battle between Senate democrats and republicans?  Has your patience been tested with Joe Lieberman’s unending political bed-swapping?

I have a solution.

And I learned it from the Taiwanese.

It’s called… fist fighting; and though we at RSBS would never condone violence as a foolproof solution to conflict, we do admit that a quick, controlled and monitored brawl will go a long way in fixing an otherwise needless argument.  Why do you think my nefarious and oft-rattled colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, has been so passive in his literary retorts lately?  Uh… yeah.  ‘Cuz he knows not to mess with these guns.

It worked for Nolan Ryan (not so much for Robin Ventura).  It worked for Pedro Martinez (again, not so much for Don Zimmer).  It worked for Carlos Zambr — wait, okay, maybe it doesn’t always work.

But, as was the case in Taiwan’s parliament session yesterday, it did provide plenty of laughs (not to mention plot lines for future Michael Bay films):

Still not convinced?

Imagine Saxby Chambliss dueling to the death with Kristen Gillibrand!

No?  Okay, imagine Saxby Chambliss dueling to the death with Kristen Gillibrand… in jello!  Think of what wonders that could do for our country!  People might actually vote!

So yeah, go ahead and hate me, folks… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 5: Bonilla’s Bonus Button… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff, Al & that rock-n-rollin-Cub-lovin’ sage Johanna Mahmud take on all things ‘Merica, including (but not limited to) Rinku and Dinesh, Carlos Zambrano, The Hills (seriously? that happened?), the All-Star Game, the Lou
Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more… all to make you laughy-laughy!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is a must-listen (listen to it!).  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard

Films.

Recorded Monday, July 5, 2010

The Filibuster

The sCrUBS are now 3 and 9 against the
Pirates. 
I am just wondering how much more the Pirates have to do before we can
replace
them with the sCrUBS as the doormat in the National League.

Great Blog Guys,
Mike
Chicago, IL

____________________________________

pirates fan.jpgMike,

I like the question but I’m going to have to remand you to basic math.  Yes, the Cubs are terrible and they seem to reserve their worst for the Pirates.  As a Tigers fan, I’m all too well-acquainted with this phenomenon which I like to call Royal-itis.  Sweep the season series from the Yankees?  Sure, why not.  Beat the two decade doormats of the AL Central more than once per season?  Nah, not really feeling that.

But, the fact of the matter is that the only number that really counts is the overall win-loss figure.  And when you look at those numbers, for both this year and for the recent past, you can see that there’s no real comparison between the Buccos and the Cubs.  Despite all their hyjinks and Zambrano’s incredible implosion, the Cubs are still 6 games ahead of the Pirates and barring Lebron James’ conversion to baseball and subsequent saving of the Pirates, they appear well on their way to another impressive losing season.  The Cubs will finish where they always do, just a little ways south of their expectations.

Really, the best that we can hope for out of either of these teams is a little entertainment.  God knows that Cub fans don’t really go to the ballpark to watch the game.  They go to be seen and to drink themselves stupid.  Pirates fans?  Honestly, I have no idea why they go.  Pittsburgh must be an incredibly boring town if that’s the best thing you can come up with.

Here’s my final take on things, Mike.  The Cubs may be the personal doormats of the Pirates but with the twenty year record the Pirates are sporting, they’ll be holding on to that overall doormat title for a while yet.  Here’s an analogy that might help you understand the situation.  The Cubs are like a West Virginia coal miner’s doormat.  It’s dirty but you expect it.  The Pirates are more like the doormat you’d find in front of a frat house at the end of second semester, right after they’ve thrown the biggest kegger in school history while it was raining.  Yeah, sometimes you might as well just throw the thing out and start over.  Hope that helps.

-A

The Graphic Truth: $91.5 Million Jerkwad

carlos zambrano venn diagram.jpg

You can hate me all ya want; but on this one, you can’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 3: The Stat Zombie’s Death… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a paragon of baseball intelligentsia, Mr. Paul Lebowitz — the one and only Prince of New York!  If you aren’t already reading the Prince’s daily column *here* or *here* then you probably should get on that.  Like, right away.  Or else.  And if that ain’t enough, you can certainly follow him on Twitter too.  To be honest, the man is too ruthless and too unfettered for you to not be paying attention to him… so the RSBS crew made sure to get him at his best.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Jason Bay’s UZR, men left on base (LOB), Keith Hernandez’s hunches, BRAINS!!!!… the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.

**Image by Annette T.  (Thanks, Annette!)  Check out her sweet@ss blog!

Recorded Saturday , June 12, 2010

Buster Olney? More Like Busted Phony

fire buster olney.jpgBelieve me, dear readers, I didn’t want go here today… I didn’t want to appear like I was lending credence to another crackpot theory by actually addressing said crackpot theory.  But the internets are a buzzin’ and the pressure from RSBS fans to address the situation is too great. 

So, consider this sharp tongue released…

Yesterday, I first learned of ESPN shoe-licking savant Buster Olney’s egregious aspiration to be donned the worldwide leader of make-believe (specifically, a fantasyland where the Cardinals and Phillies swap Albert Pujols for Ryan Howard) by reading the Prince of New York’s take.

He speaks for me.

And he is right.

Why does Buster Olney have a job?

Seriously, this is no joking matter — especially considering the faux affection thrown Olney’s way every time he enters a baseball conversation, whether on t.v., radio or print.

Indeed, Olney’s actions are akin to me walking into an evangelical church yelling “the rapture’s coming, the rapture’s coming, the rapture’s coming!” just because I think it’d be funny to see how people react.  (PS, the rapture is not coming… because it’s ludicrous.)

It is akin to a doctor telling a perfectly healthy pregnant woman that her baby is dead — even though it isn’t — just to get an interesting conversation going… y’know, a good old conversation about what it’d be like if her baby were dead.

It’s blasphemy.  It’s conjecture.  It’s unfounded (even though he says it isn’t).

Not even Carlos Zambrano would say something that stupid. (*I reserve the right to change my mind about this one*)

For me, the desire to continue down this ranting road is strong… but I leave it to my man-crush, Albert the Machine himself, to quash this unfettered anger by saying:

“There’s people, stupid, that like to write something when it’s not the
truth, and that’s all I have to say about that.”

Dagnabbin’ right, A.P.

Buster?  Eat a big Phillie phat one.

And don’t hate me… ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Link to article with Albert’s quote*)

The Filibuster

What’d you guys think of your boy Zito drilling Prince Fielder for his
earthquake celebration? It’s only spring training and we’re already
seeing fireworks?!? What’s your take?

Sam
Carbondale, IL

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Fielder_HBP.jpgFlush from yet another amazing Super Bowl game, the NFL recently took out its manhood, held it in both hands while staring proudly and then swiftly and viciously emasculated itself, leaving nothing but a bloody stump.  You like touchdown celebrations?  Well, let’s see how much you like them when it means giving the other team 15 yards on the kickoff.

Ostensibly, the owners made this decision to protect the game.  After all, football is a team sport that involves no individual glory and this is why players are all paid the exact same amount.  Oh, they aren’t?  Uh, nevermind then.

My point is, the NFL could take a lesson from MLB and how it deals with this sort of issue.  Guys like Prince Fielder are free to celebrate their heroics however they want.  If that means running around the bases quickly with their head down, that’s fine.  And if it means setting up a choreographed event at home plate with your teammates, that’s fine, too.  But you’re going to have to face the consequences.

The consequences for Prince’s actions were a plunk in the back.  Prince has adequate padding so I’m sure there will not be any long lasting effects.  But it did let the Brewers know their actions hadn’t gone unnoticed.  Sure, it’s sad that it had to come from close personal friend of RSBS, Barry Zito, but them’s the breaks.

That’s the thing.  Baseball has rules against retaliation but unless it’s so blatant as to be unignorable, most umps are going to turn the other way.  It’s part of the game and has been for a long time.  In fact, this is probably one of those few areas where orthodox fans like Mr. Lung and reformed fans like myself can find grounds for agreement.  Baseball is a game where things get settled on the field (unless you’re Michael Barrett and Carlos Zambrano) and the NFL could take a lesson.

Let a guy like TO or Ochocinco do a little dance and get down after making a spectacular catch.  And then let them put 2 and 2 together when they get their teeth knocked out the next time they catch a ball.  It won’t take long before the celebrations get tempered of their own accord.

That things like these go without saying is part of what makes baseball a great game.  It’s not just about individual valor and team glory.  It’s also the tradition and the melodrama.  You think the Brewers will have forgotten that “pitch that got away” the next time they’re playing the Giants?  And do you think the Giants will go easy on Fielder the next time he’s up to bat?  No way, man.  And that’s just one more reason to be watching those games.

-A

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Information about the lovechild of Amelia Earhart and Charles Lindbergh also welcome.

That’s What “Z” Said!

michael scott.jpgSpring training is underway, folks, and that means it’s time for a Chicago Cub to say something outlandishly stupid!

In 2007, Carlos Zambrano predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2008, Ryan Dempster predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2009, Milton Bradley predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

So who will it be this year?  Will it be cockfighter extraordinaire Aramis Ramirez?  How about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Soto?  What about newcomer Marlon “Gee, I Hope the Bleacher Bums Don’t Give Me the” Byrd?  And what if everyone keeps their mouths shut?!?

Worry not, dear readers, for staff “ace” (I guess being fat, lazy and hot-headed constitutes as being an “ace” even if you only win nine games) Carlos Zambrano got a head start on the stupid train last September when he vowed he would retire after 2010 if he had yet another poor season.

Uh… yeah.  Okay.  And Alfonso Soriano can hit a breaking ball low and away. 

Something tells me that even if “Z” does have another poor season (and I sincerely hope he does), he still isn’t that stupid to leave a guaranteed $55 million on the table, to walk away from the game.
 
carlos zambrano crazy.jpgThen again, this is Carlos Zambrano we’re talking about. 

So hate me haters ‘cuz ya love to hate, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

RSBS Postseason Awards Show: Part II

With Major League Baseball and various publications handing out their end of the season awards, RSBS has
decided to follow suit. Sure, our prizes may not come with any
financial reward and they may not trigger any clauses in the affected
players’ contracts. But, it is our civic duty. So, without further ado,
we present Part II of our two part Postseason Awards Show. Jeff, take it away.

__________________________________

adam wainwright.jpgMost Prolific Snub:
Adam Wainwright
Come now.  No Cy Young Award for the anchoring, go-getting horse of the Cardinals pitching staff?  Oh.  Okay.  Look, I get it.  Lincecum is good.  He’s really good.  But in 2009, Wainwright was better.  If you don’t agree with me, well, go get high, eat some Doritos and listen to Beck.


Most Alarming Faux Accusation:

That I had anything to do with the Erin Andrews peep-show tape
Ha ha ha, y’all.  Very funny.  As soon as news broke that some dude took nudey video of Ms. Andrews while she undressed in front of her hotel boudoir, my phone blew up with texts, tweets, calls and restraining orders.  It wasn’t me.  I swear.  I wish it was… sorta.


Allen Krause.jpgMost Consistent Whiner:
Allen Krause
Oh, waa-waa-waa, the Tigers blew the season; waa-waa-waa the Lions are awful; waa-waa-waa I don’t like hockey and Bill Laimbeer slept with my girlfriend.  Whatever, dude.  Be like those who used to live in Detroit and just leave it… and its sports teams.  And know that you’ll never live up to Bill Laimbeer.  Don’t you remember that gimp mask?

Most Laughable Pre-Season Prediction:
That the Cubs would win the World Series
Up until early August of this year, I was still hearing the precocious murmurings of this being the year for the Cubs.  Those individuals would say something in defense now but they can’t because their heads are stuck deep in the sand.  Milton Bradley.  Carlos Zambrano.  Alfonso Soriano.  One has the mentality of a child.  One saves his best game for the Gatorade cooler.  One can’t lay off sliders in the dirt.  Get over it.

And finally…

chip caray fisted.jpgMost Disgusting Broadcast Catch Phrase:
Chip Caray

“FISTED!!!”

We at RSBS are at least grateful that we don’t have to deal directly with Chip Caray and his fisting fetish.  Well, let me say that I am grateful.  I cannot speak for Al on this subject.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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