Results tagged ‘ Cheap Shots ’

The MLB Network’s “Baseball IQ”: A Swing and a Miss

To say I have resentments over Major League Baseball’s long-standing tradition of being completely out of touch with its fans is like saying I’m not worried about the future of the Republican party: IT’S EXTREMELY UNDERSTATED!!!

After all, we the FANS are what make professional baseball work.  WE are the ones who pay $30 for a nosebleed, who dish out $8.50 for a crappy beer.  WE are the ones who have to see therapists when our favorite superstars go wherever the money takes them and WE are the ones who, despite what happens in the offseason, can’t wait to get back to the ballpark and throw our hard earned money around.  So when we get dissed by the governing hands of the sport we love so much, IT HURTS.

The NBA set up its own network in 1999.  The NFL perfected the craft in 2003.  And the NHL (yes, that’s the one where they play hockey) started its own network in 2007.

It wasn’t until 2009 — a good TEN YEARS after the NBA set the precedent — that MLB finally gave the fans the opportunity to experience baseballgasms 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  I can hardly remember life before MLBN, and I don’t want to.

But there has been something missing in its programming.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the lineup of shows they’ve been rolling out.  Brian Kenny’s new Clubhouse Confidential is fantastic.  Prime 9 is a classic.  And nothing beats MLB Tonight.  Yet the very nature of baseball fandom — getting lost in the numbers playground and tooling around for hours — seems to open itself up to a… TRIVIA SHOW!

Enter Matt Vasgersian and Baseball IQ, which premiered on the Network last night.  Vasgersian’s cool.  Baseball trivia is cool.  How can this possibly not be a kick @$$ show?

Quite easily actually.  Rather than having real fans as contestants — y’know, the type of Joe Plumber uberdork (me?) who will argue and bet stats in a bar ’til the beast looks beautiful — they instead use MLB employees:

“It will be a 32-person bracket with one participant representing MLB.com, each of the 30 clubs and the National Baseball Hall of Fame — featuring everyone from front-office personnel to equipment managers to scoreboard operators and museum curators.”

Um… (channel Eddie Murphy Delirious voice) dat’s not iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

MLB employees?!?!?!?  Would you watch Jeopardy if the contestants were limited to the authors of the Encyclopedia Britannica?!?!?!

Okay, so the “prize” money is donated to charity.  Whoop-dee-doo.  If I wanted to watch a charity event I’d go to a golf course.  Or a walk-a-thon.

The MLB Network had a great opportunity to connect with its fans — the very people who keep the Network going — by allowing everyday folks who live/eat/breathe baseball but don’t get paid for it to shine.

Instead, they produced the equivalent of an Alfonso Soriano swing at a ball in the dirt, low and away.

WHIFF.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz you know I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Three Up, Three Down

Just like the Cubs’ shot at the 2012 World Series crown, this is going to be fleeting, groan-inducing and will probably offend a great number of people.

The Popey Pope

That guy in the pointy hat made another statement on gay marriage recently, saying it is “one of the most serious threats to the traditional family unit” and that it undermines “the very future of humanity.”

Hmm.  I can think of a bazillion things that are a far greater danger to the very future of humanity, like, protecting monsters who rape children, making it illegal for someone to marry whom he/she loves, and not challenging a discourse that is solely based on bronze age delusions “encouraged” by an invisible sky daddy.

Two More Years of Bud Selig

Ugh.  Really?  If only MTV could rock the MLB owners’ vote.  No more King Bud!  Things have gotten better recently, yes, but there are at least three egregious errors committed during his reign that demand a new king: 1) Not addressing the PED issue until it was too late 2) the ongoing All-Star Game yields World Series home field advantage fiasco and 3) being the last of the big four to launch its own network (seriously, it’s sad when the NHL beats you, at anything).

Also, I can think of at least three perfect candidates for the commissioner’s job: Joe Torre, Bob Costas and ME!!!

The GOP

Between Mitt, Santorum and a bevy of derailed crazy trains, I can only shake my head as I watch the Republican party fall deeper and deeper into delirium.  If only our political leaders would take a page out of Aussie PM Bob Hawke’s book:

Now THAT, my friends, is a dear leader.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The Messy Fun of Democracy

I’m a big believer in the adage that you don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  But after prevailing in Iowa and cleaning up in New Hampshire, Mitt Romney sure is starting to look like a full on chicken.  This could mean either that a certain influential (and voting) subset of Republicans is making its voice heard.  Or, it could just mean that New Hampshire is made up of relatively normal people and once South Carolina gets its say, Romney will again have to face his Santorum problem.

The process kind of reminds me of the recently completed Hall of Fame vote.  There are the clear winners, like Barry Larkin and Mitt Romney.  But it’s a lot harder to make any sort of conclusion about the other guys, the Ron Pauls and Jack Morris of the world.  Did they come close?  Sure.  Will it be enough to get them over the hump at some point?  Your guess is as good as mine.  But are they going to keep on going?  You betcha’.

McGwire, Paul, Santorum.  It’s all part of the messy fun that makes up democracy.

-A

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and bonafide LOLstro lover, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

“Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.”

There are three things I can never remember: the first is people’s names. The second is… is…

Anyway, I know I love me some hot stove! I’m making my yearly pantsless expedition to the wonderful world of MLB offseason rumors and conjecture! I’m even careening into mailboxes on my bike because of the madness!! I have puppies and chimps in my kitchen and we put on plays about how free agent negotiations “go down”. It’s like a Japanese game show. You never know who’s going to get eaten!

I put my head in the oven to inspire me during the season until hot stove time.. I NEED PLAYER MOVEMENT! Hot stove… FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!

So far Miami is the big mover/shaker, but who will be next?

For years they’ve employed unreal drafting strategies, worked on the cheap, biding their time while the super powers outspend each other. But now… THE SUM OF ALL FEARS.

Russia, China and America (Yankees, Red Sox, Cubs) have initiated the snap count for a Red Alert nuclear attack but ended up killing themselves fighting each other whilst brilliant strategery is quietly coming together in south Florida.  They have a new stadium, new digs, new manager, new closer and now Jojo Reyes. Will Reyes and Pujols share casserole recipes? REMEMBER: don’t share with Hanley! He’s already good on the whole putting on muscle mass thing.

But as much as the Marlins (and possibly the Cubs?) are pushing for Albert, I think he’s staying home in the Lou. By the way, I’d rather go toe to toe with a mountain lion mother protecting her cubs then go through another Aldopho Soriano situation if the Cubs sign Pujols for nine years and he looks like he’s 48 after just two of them. And brother Jeffy will be singing this for days when that happens…

If my beloved Cubs can swing a reasonable deal for Prince Fielder though, I’m beyond down. I’ll do anything — shine shoes, wait tables, blow… glass.

But in the case that neither Senor Jeffy or I  get our wishes, you will probably read someday of an infamous double Groundhog Day beheading.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

I See What You Did There, White Sox Fan Girl

The Twittersphere is an oddly fantastic place.  It’s a lot like American Gladiators, you either get it or you’re like “Dude, wtf is this insanity?”

So whenever someone comes along and does something different, I have to give credit.

We have a new follower whose handle is @White_Sox_Fans

Of course, I assumed it’d be one of those generic, autoposting, borderline-spamming accounts that just pumped link after link of White Sox affiliated stuff.  But then I saw the profile picture!

That certainly doesn’t look like the stylized “SOX” or the ho-hum cursive “CHICAGO” script one would usually see associated with a White Sox themed Twitter feed.  I’m in!

And I also thought, Tigers fans could take the above hint and put sexy back into the grandest game on earth.  What do ya think?

Hate me ‘cuz it’s allowed, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The GIF That Keeps On Giving

There are three computers in my house.  When idle, I like to keep the above GIF running on all three of them, so when I pass by I can get off on Greinke’s angry bounce.

Oh how sweet it is, oh how sweet it is.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Ya Can’t Fix Stupid

As the enemy begins yet another chapter in its century-long battle against awful, I can’t help but reflect on the one-and-done tenure of Mr. Mike Quade.  I will not question the hearty baseball acumen of the man; he’s been around this long, so he must know something.  But a leader of men he is not.

For me, his ascendancy of idiocy became relevant when his unruly, wild and uncontainable club donned t-shirts at Wrigley during batting practice that said “F**k the Goat” in big red letters across the back.  When later asked about the “goat”, Quade said he had never even heard of the curse of the billy goat, that to him, it was just a restaurant.

I was never able to determine whether his supreme stupidity was a) that he really hadn’t heard of it or b) that he had, and he was just stupid enough to think we would actually believe him.

Either way, STUPID.

I’m not saying leaders of men need to know everything there is to know about anything and everything, but they certainly do need to surround themselves with people who are informed on myriad subjects, and they must also have enough tact to know when they’re stepping into a great big pile of nast.

So if the sexual harassment charges against Herman Cain and his playfully flippant response to them haven’t deterred you from considering him as a presidential candidate, hopefully this video will:


This cannot happen, people.  This man cannot be seriously considered for the presidency.  The Republicans are in deep shizz.  And they know it.  It’s just too bad that the answer to their problems is right there, continuously ignored, continuously shut out.

It makes me very, very sad.

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 29: Remembering Ugueth’s Urbina and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff tries his darnedest to be as polite as possible during his unfettered gloating of World Championship status (Go Cards!) while Second City’s Mark Piebenga adds some level-headed awesomeness to Johanna’s outlandishness and Allen’s seasoned straight man routine.  Among the topics of discussion are “the greatest game ever”, the woes of rebranding an already twice championed franchise (talkin’ to you, Marlins), Theo Fever in the Chi, b!tch t!ts and much, much more!

Now grab some Crown Royal and enjoy yo’ self!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter and make sure to check out his crew and their gut busting Undercast! podcast.

- – -

Recorded Saturday, November 12, 2011

The RSBS Yearbook: 1997

I was going to write something clever about the Army/Rutgers football game that took place at Yankee Stadium yesterday before I realized: no one cares about Army or Rutgers football and unless the Yankees are playing, no one cares about Yankee Stadium stadium either.  So instead, I would like to turn back the clock and shed some light on my lugubrious and oft mysterious colleague, Mr. Allen Krause.

As has been mentioned before, Mr. Krause and I met as freshmen in college — a time when long standing family values give way to good old fashioned drunken curiosity and late night emergency room visits take the place of family game night.  Lucky for you, the RSBS interns were able to scrounge up some old footage of us playing dizzy bat.  Clearly, I am the one spinning and Mr. Krause, well, he’s the one who saves his beer, despite some painful circumstances.


It may be 14 years later, but his priorities haven’t changed; and that is something that deserves applause.  Good job, Mr. Krause!

Hate me ‘cuz I drudge up the past, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Three Up, Three Down: 11.11.11 Edition

Just like the unfounded superstitions of the delusional masses, this is gonna be LOUD, in your face and probably a bit offensive:

Wilson Ramos Kidnapped

I know Venezuela has a vast array of domestic problems, but why kidnap Wilson Ramos?!?!  While he may some day become a catching superstar for the Nationals, he only made the league minimum in his 2011 rookie season, and I can think of 18 million reasons why Carlos Zambrano would have made a better target.

Rick Perry Is a Moron

In case the whole let’s waste taxpayer money and time by devoting an entire day to praying that “God” will fix our country’s financial woes rather than taking any responsibility or doing any actual work to make things better strategy didn’t prove that presidential hopeful Rick Perry is a mindless delusionoid, then perhaps this republican debate gaffe will make it clear:


MLB & Taiwan All-Stars

Hooray!  There was baseball in November… even if no one outside of Taipei paid any attention to it.  I heard there were some exciting moments, but none could be considered as entertaining as my favorite Chinese baseball experience:

Happy Friday!

Jeff

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