Results tagged ‘ Commissioner ’

An Unseasonably Warm Lament

gravestone.jpgIt’s 55 degrees in Chicago today and my entire Bridgeport neighborhood is wet with the sound of Irish keening.

We should all be outside, throwing the ball around with the neighborhood kids, hitting grounders with the fungo bat and telling little Jimmy to keep his eye on the ball, to level his swing.

Instead, we find ourselves trapped inside our apartments — breaking things — deeply saddened by today’s news and seriously questioning our loyalty to a game that continues to let us — an entire nation — down.

This, my friends, will be the legacy of Bud Selig.

Screw revenue sharing.  Forget the WBC.  Eat it on interleague play.

Bud Selig is the sole reason why we the fans — the rock-solid foundation of Major League Baseball — find ourselves in the midst of yet another seriously debilitating depression.

Go ahead, Bud.  Pretend like you didn’t know anything.  Entertain your highfalutin, self-righteous, narcissistic thoughts as being the trailblazing ambassador of the game.

We know. 

Yes.  We all know.

The Truth is: YOU dropped the ball.

And you will forever be remembered for that.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

This Should Be A Joke But It Is Not

bud.selig.jpg
Major League Baseball Commissioner and de facto Dear Leader Bud Selig makes $18.35 million a year.

Yes, I said, Bud Selig makes $18.35 million a year!

Pick your jaw up off the floor and wipe it clean with that $12 MLB hoodie you got on sale at Target — the kind King Bud would never wear because a) he’s still not cool and b) a $12 anything is certainly well below him.

Everybody still with me?  Great.  Now, realize that Bud Selig makes more money a year than Albert Pujols ($13.87 million), Ryan Howard ($10 million) and Magglio Ordonez ($15.77 million) not to mention a slew of other superstars who have had way more to do with the current success of the commercialized game than Selig could ever dream of having.

If anything, Bud Selig is the supreme benefactor of being in the right place at the right time.

Because really, what has Selig done during his tenure to make baseball as popular as it is today?  Well, let’s see…

He oversaw the devastating strike of 1994.

He realigned everything, making sure to put six teams in the NL Central (the largest division in baseball while the AL West has just four teams), which causes the Cubs and Cardinals to only play each other twelve times a year as opposed to twenty, further decimating and devaluing one of the best rivalries in the game.

He gave us the inexcusable, outlandishly silly “this time it counts” scenario of the All-Star Game winner having home field advantage during the World Series.

He ignored the blatant, in-your-face warnings that a large faction of players were doping it up, thus hitting balls out of the park at a fervent pace.  This, of course, peaked the interest of all because who doesn’t love a homerun or seventy?  Suddenly, more people start to show up at the park, putting more money in his pocket… so, really, can anyone really chide Selig for his unethical behavior?

Yes, we can.

But what is done is done.  We cannot undo anything.  What we can do is scream, yell, break things and blog about it (Selig, you owe me a new computer screen).   

If Bud Selig makes $18 million a year, then by my calculations, which are based on his overall worth to the game of baseball (and you Sabermetric guys can jump in here if I am off), Manny Ramirez should be making $75 million a year; A-Rod, (making note of his abysmal playoff khalil greene.jpgperformances) should be paid $55 million a year and Khalil Greene, after cashing in on an incentive-based package requiring him to record at least one base hit in each month of the season (so, let’s say at least six), ought to be bringing in a cool $29 million a year.

Looks like the fantasy baseball season never ends if your name is King Bud Selig.  I just hope he remembers to pay his taxes.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Commish

bush_little league.jpgAn interesting discussion arose yesterday based on Jeff’s post about Bud Selig’s “coolness.” Basically, the question of who Selig’s successor will be introduced itself into the commentary and made for some light jabs at the soon to be ex-president. However, the more I think about it, the more I think that the best possible person for the job would be my old friend, George W. Bush. Think about it.

There’s no possible way that GWB could run the league more ineptly than
has Selig. Now, I know his record of fiscal spending has not been what
one might call conservative but Bush’s handling of the Rangers as a
managing partner showed the first flash of business acumen that had
made his father and grandfather rich men. And who knows, maybe that
compassionate conservativism would make him want to help lower ticket
prices. I can dream, right?

Additionally, the man knows and loves baseball. You get that from watching him and from listening to him talk about the game. The Rangers definitely became a better team under him than they have been in the past several seasons and his actions made construction of a new ballpark possible. In addition, his dad even played baseball while attending Yale.

All of these things make him the anti-Selig. When I see Bud walking around, I get the feeling that he’s never even worn a baseball glove. He’s the guy who’s mom pinned a note to his shirt to get him out of gym class in middle school. It would be a nice change to have someone who actually cares about the game shepherding the league.

As if these weren’t reasons enough, I’ll leave it to the man himself to give the best reason of all. In the words of our 43rd president, “I never dreamed about being President, I wanted to be Willie Mays.”

So, it may still be a few years away but I would like to officially nominate George Walker Bush to be the next commissioner of Major League Baseball. And George, if you need it, I’m sure my friend, Mr. Lung, would be more than happy to be your chief-of-staff.

-A

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