Results tagged ‘ Conspiracy ’

Giving Glenn a Hand

Glenn Beck crying.jpgMy heart is filled with sorrow knowing that Glenn Beck, the insane political entertainment leech that he is, will no longer be employed by the fear-mongering moguls at Fox News.  That’s right, dear readers.  I, and a collective US America, am in mourning.  Please, let us grieve.

Unfortunately, this mutual divorce means no more frog murdering on live television.  It means no more psychotic temper tantrums directed towards reason.  And yes, sadly, my friends, It means no more *oligarhy*.

But never fear!  Glenn Beck is the Washington Nationals of politics!  He may be an embarrassment to the establishment, but damn does he make things interesting every once in a while!

In fact, rumor has it, he might even start his own television network

And just in case he might need some help, the RSBS interns and I got right to work on finding the most appropriate network name.  Here’s a short list of what we came up with:

FoSN – The Full of S*** Network

NOGWN - The No One’s Gonna Watch Network

FBC – The Fail Broadcasting Corporation


Can’t wait to see what Mr. Beck finds the most appropriate… though early signs point to NOGWN, mostly ‘cuz I like how it sounds when you try to say it: “Nahg-wahn”.

Hate me.  I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Mr. Magoo in Blue

ump_with_glasses.jpgWhat would a postseason be without umpiring controversies? Lucky for us, we don’t have to worry about it since the Yankees-Angels series has been a string of blown calls. I admit it, I do wear glasses. I have four eyes. I could probably use a stronger prescription. But even I could see that when Mike Napoli tagged Posada and Cano at third, neither one was touching the bag and time had not been called. I guess one of the perks of having the highest payroll in baseball is the umps knowing who pays their salary and calling the game according to that.

Now, to be fair, the Angels got straight up beat. Saying their thrashing was due to bad calls is like saying the Cubs missed the World Series because of Bartman. It just ain’t true. But, umpiring antics like these don’t make people feel any better about the Evil Empire’s stranglehold on baseball.

The thing of it is, the Yankees don’t really need
these blown calls to win at this point. It’s like a third world dictator who gets 99% of the vote
despite the fact that he’d win anyway because people are afraid to vote
against him. It’s not so much unfair as it is tragic.

When it comes down to it, we chalk it up to destiny when our teams win because of bad calls and blame conspiracy when the teams we don’t like use those same bad calls to succeed. It’s human nature, I guess. We ascribe patterns to things we don’t understand because that’s how our brains work. And since my brain doesn’t understand why the Yankees get to spend nearly twice as much as the closest team following them salarywise, I see conspiracy.

However, if the Tigers manage to make it this far next season with their proportionately overinflated payroll, you probably won’t hear me complaining if a couple bad calls go their way. I mean, it would be their destiny.

-A

Photo by Getty Images

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers