Results tagged ‘ Dallas Braden ’

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 13: Nolan Ryan’s Taintedness… and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a very special guest, Second City funny man Mark “Pie” Piebenga, to the Logan Square Studio for an RSBS Podcast pow-wow of epic proportions (we would like to thank Miller Lite for making it, as the kids say, ‘epic’)!  From Jim Joyce’s ‘stache to Nolan Ryan’s pomposity to Nyjer Morgan’s right hook to Bobby Scales’… existence?… all the gloves come off as the fellas look back at the 2010 season and gear up for the winter with plenty of chuckles and plenty of beer.  All to make you laughy laugh!

Holla!

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For more on Mark’s work on RSBSNinemen’s Morris series, check out this story then click on the Ninemen’s Morris tag at the bottom for more early 20th century hilarity!

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*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is involved in some impressive projects himself.  Check out his work at  Undercard Films.  Seriously.  You should do it.  If you don’t, you might find out about his MMA skills first hand.  Holla!!!

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Recorded Wednesday, November 10, 2010

 

Captain Morgan Calls for Captainism!

Just how Captain Morgan is able to be in both my liquor cabinet and the Oakland Coliseum at the same time is beyond me.  But he is.  Or… was.  In fact, last week he was seen comparing hooks with Mr. Perfect himself, Dallas Braden, while bringing the party with him in the way of one blonde, one redhead and one enviable, swashbuckling goatee.

Dallas Braden Compares Hooks with CM.JPG

That’s right.  Just when you thought captainism in US America was dead, here comes Captain Morgan throwing out the first pitch at a ballpark near you.  While captains may run rampant in the NHL, the NFL and MLS, Major League Baseball suffers from a supreme shortage.

Derek Jeter.  Jason Varitek.  Paul Konerko.

Those are your only true, official captains.

Jeter?  Understood. 

Varitek?  That’s a joke, right?

Paulie?  Deserved, but under appreciated and way under publicized.  In fact, I didn’t even know he was the Sox captain until yesterday… and I live next to the ball park!

CM Throws First Pitch in As Cap.JPG

Look, I’m a purist.  You know this.  Axe the replay, axe the jumbotron, axe the synthetic unis… I’m cool with all of that.  But in lieu of the Nyjer Morgans and Milton Bradleys of the world, I think MLB would do a lot of good to inject more leadership into its ranks, spice it up with a “C” patch, subject the younger players to some authority. 

Evan Longoria, Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer… they already look and act like captains.  Can’t we just make it official?

Either that, or at least make it mandatory for that blonde and that redhead to make an appearance every ballpark in the league. (No need for the goatee. I have one of those already.)

Oh… and I’ll be waiting at Sox Park.

So go ahead and hate me… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Images via Getty Images)

RSBS Presents: A Baseball Fan’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

zombie_bat.jpgToo often we ignore tough questions and refuse to speculate on the “what ifs” we confront as a baseball loving community.  You could make a strong case that this happened with the steroid scandal and it is inevitable that baseball will face other equally difficult problems in the future.  Luckily, RSBS refuses to sit back and rest on our laurels.  We will continue to push for consideration of all the too real issues facing the baseball community.

For instance, isn’t it time that we think about what would happen to baseball if the zombie apocalypse broke out?  On a geo-political level, Daniel Drezner already addressed the topic and presented several different paradigms.  Today, RSBS takes a look at possible MLB specific scenarios.

The Danny Boyle
As players continue to experiment with various PED’s and try to avoid detection by using previously unknown substances, we face a very real possibility of infection à la 28 Days Later.  It doesn’t help our chances that baseball players are already genetic freaks with practically superhuman strength, speed and dexterity.  In this scenario we have two avenues of salvation.  First, we can hope that security reacts quickly and shuts down the stadium so the zombie baseball players don’t escape.  Yes, this probably means several thousand dead fans before the problem can be, uh, eradicated but it’s a small price to pay to avoid the annihilation of all mankind.  The second possibility is that zombification will affect the players’ brains to the point that they can be taken down easily with available weaponry like bats, t-shirt cannons and plastic knives.

The George Romero
The second scenario is a more classic zombie approach.  If an infected fan were to enter the ballpark, the tight spaces, confined exits and various nooks and crannies present a zombie wonderland.  Or house of horrors depending on whether you’re playing for the undead or Team Humanity.  In this we’re once again lucky to have access to a veritable arsenal of zombie killing treasures and, as long as they remain uninfected, the services of trained head smashing machines like Jose Offerman.  Let’s just hope it doesn’t start at Citizen’s Bank Park because Chase Utley’s batting average suggests he’ll be hitting more air than zombie heads.

The Eisenberg-Pegg
Our final scenario draws on contemporary inspiration like Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead.  Zombies are generally seen as terror-inducing eaters of brains.  But recent popular culture reinterpretations have shown us that it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way.  For instance, what if a zombie A-Rod stumbled across the mound while Dallas Braden was pitching?  Or what if Manny Ramirez became a reanimated corpse?  It might even lead to the new catchphrase, “That’s just Manny being a zombie.”  Which would be funny because it was true.  Sure, we’d have to keep an eye on the epidemic and make sure it didn’t spread.  This might even lead to protests against the segregation of zombie baseball players in separate dressing rooms.  But I think we can all agree that the comedic potential is definitely there.

Over here at RSBS we’re still hoping that the zombie apocalypse stays firmly rooted in the world of film and fiction.  In our opinion, Woody Harrelson and Mr. Darcy are much more suited to zombie fighting than we are.  But if the day of reckoning does come, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you were prepared.  No, don’t thank us.  It’s our job.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 2: Albert’s Anti-Slump… and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and his sCrUBS fan nemesis pal, Johanna Mahmud, get back in the studio and throw down on the art of being right!  Among the titillating topics of discussion: mispronouncing dominance [Doc Halladay] and futility [John Grabow], Brandon Phillips’ wings, a wild war of words over Albert Pujols, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more.

Holla!

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Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

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via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special
thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  He always knows when the Hawks are (or aren’t) gonna get donged.

Recorded Monday, May 31, Memorial Day 2010

A Pitcher is Worth a Thousand Words

dallas_braden.jpgIn the past few days two pitchers with the same kind of heart but very different skill levels achieved notoriety from very different results.  Since we here at RSBS try not to judge, we won’t say that one did better than the other.  But we will say that both brought a smile to our faces.

Dallas Braden was the main story, of course, with his nine innings of perfection.  He’s no David Wells and that’s probably a good thing.  And he’s still known as the guy who told off A-Rod.  But he’s also the guy who no-hit the hottest team in baseball.

Meanwhile, in another ball park not so far away, minor leaguer Rojo Johnson attempted to come back after a rough life that saw him spend some time in the cooler.  The results, although not unexpected, probably weren’t all that he had hoped for……or maybe they were.  We’ll let you be the judge:

Looks like he might have been channeling Nolan Ryan there for a second.  I think we can all get behind that.

Happy Tuesday!

-A

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