Results tagged ‘ Dominican Republic ’

Island Dreams

pirate_camp_dr.jpgWhen people mention the Pittsburgh Pirates, you assume that nothing good can follow.  But there are exceptions to that rule, at least if you believe Time magazine.  Two weeks ago Time not only said the Pirates are doing something right, they also said the organization is an example to be followed

It’s no secret that MLB spends a lot of money looking for fresh talent overseas.  Many of the greatest players in the game today and in the past are products of that search.  MLB has harvested the fertile fields of the Dominican Republic, Venezuela and Curacao (just to name a few) to give us players like Big Papi, Johan Santana and Andruw Jones.  That is not going to stop.

But Time raises the alarmist cry, decrying the conditions in the DR and castigating teams for not providing the same level of living standards the writer claims exist for young players in the US.  At the same time, the article gets a little schizophrenic, insinuating that the DR will go the way of PR if baseball decides to treat them the same way it now deals with the territory.  The article claims, “After the U.S. commonwealth became subject to the draft in the (sic) 1989, the
number of Puerto Rican signees remained flat, while those in the D.R.
skyrocketed.” 

What I read in that, though, is that despite Puerto Rican players now going through the draft, the number entering MLB each year stayed constant.  If anything, that seems to imply that the system worked.  Puerto Ricans still made it to the majors, they just followed a route that ensured they got their fair share.  And if you can play, you’re going to get paid. 

dr_baseball_camp.jpgLook, it’s no secret that many kids see sports as a way out of a bad situation.  That’s just as true in the US as it is in the DR.  But do we crucify Nike for running basketball tournaments in the inner city where they can then get their hooks into promising young talent?  Do you think Coach K runs a basketball camp each year out of the kindness of his heart?  Both Nike and Krzyzewski realize that most of those kids are never going to make it, even at the collegiate level.  And it’s not like they’re taking care of them when the inevitable happens and the dream of an NBA career shatters.

This is how sports operate.  They offer the hope of a better future but that future is only available to a very select group.  What happens in the DR is sad and most of these kids will never end up making it.  But it’s even more sad that the government of the DR can’t provide basic services to its citizens and MLB is supposed to step in and fill the gap.  At least baseball offers them a dream.  That’s a lot more than the Pirates offer their fans.

-A

Special thanks to L for the article

Jose Offerman: Still a Creep Who Will Murder You in Your Sleep

jose offerman.jpgSometimes it’s nice to go through life knowing certain constants remain… constant.  You know, like the sun will always rise in the east; Republicans and Democrats will always hate each other; Jose Offerman, as a player, coach, manager, whatever, will do everything possible so that he can continue to assault people on the baseball diamond. 

Oh sure, this time the weapon has changed — preferring a clenched fist over a maple bat.  And the victim is one of the men in blue instead of the opposing pitcher.  But the one reassuring constant in this matter is that no one in professional baseball seems to care that Jose Offerman is a complete psychopath.

hannibal lecter.jpgIf I were running a team in the Dominican Republic or the Independent Leagues or even the Majors, and Jose Offerman was involved with my club somehow, I would make sure that he always remained secure in one of those Hannibal Lecter type restraining device get ups.

I would let him take his swings or go out to the mound to talk to his pitcher or argue with an umpire if a play called for it; but I would definitely make sure the creep was strapped down to a board so tight that his every word would just barely squeak out.

Pedophiles are strongly advised to stay away from playgrounds.

Washed up, asinine, troglodyte excuses for baseball players who can’t resist attempted murder during a game should be kept just as far away.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz you know I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

White Like Me

sammy sosa is white.jpgYep.  This is pretty weird.  And I bet you are wondering what exactly is going on. 

So are we.

That’s why, once again, we pitted our trusty RSBS interns to the task of discovering why Sammy Sosa is turning white.  After toiling for about twenty minutes, here is the shortlist of what they found:

  • Ran out of shower gel, bleach does a good job, life is rough in the D.R.
  • Wants to be remembered as a member of the White Sox; this is a good way to make that happen
  • Saw the ghost of Sammy past (circa 1989)
  • Planning a trip to the Northside of Chicago and doesn’t want to be recognized. Why? Urine Trough Diving. That’s why.
  • Combine Oxandrolone with Dignotamoxi add a little Methyltestosterone and BAM! You’re WHITE!
  • Sun bathing below the equator has a reverse tan affect, much like eating after midnight turns you into a Gremlin
  • The white skin came free with the Humphrey Bogart toupee package
  • Tired of living in the shadow of Mark McGwire, hopes being brighter will help him stand out while still stuck in the shadow of Mark McGwire
  • Took a look at the man in the mirror and decided to make that change
  • Sick of seeing Karl Rove have all the fun

Skin rejuvenation?  More like how could you make your image more of an abomination!

Hm.  Sounds better when I read that last sentence out loud.

Nevermind.

Just don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Getty Images)

Golden Nugs for Silver Screens

Hillary_Clinton_2008.JPGFeisty factions of conservative right wing constituents are finally going to get what they have always wanted.  Indeed, after a series of anti-republican films exploiting the low-blow antics of unsavory characters such as Richard Nixon and George W. Bush reached wide audiences in 2008, the GOP is all smiles knowing the biggest, baddest politico docudrama to ever hit the big screen is well on its way!

Special Relationship, the upcoming film starring Julianne Moore as democratic juggernaut Hillary Clinton and Dennis Quaid as the always promiscuous Bill Clinton, will explore the finer points of Slick Willy’s extramarital affair with Monica Lewinsky and his wife’s subsequent decision to stick by his side (so she could run for the New York senate, and eventually the presidency). 

Moore is a decent actress.  I see her pulling off this role of a lifetime no problem.  Quaid as Clinton?  What a wonderful opportunity to repeat his 1987 world-class performance from Inner Space!  I can hardly wait, folks!

And the Hollywood hoopla doesn’t just end there, dear readers.  I am super excited about some other upcoming films that are in the early stages of development:

The Little MVP Who Could: The Dustin Pedroia Story
Starring Macaulay Culkin as Pedroia, this film aims to highlight the undying will of small stature phenoms on baseball diamonds all across the galaxy.  Also features Manny Ramirez as the evil space alien predator intent on disrupting all things Red Sox until the bitter intergalactic end.

Jacked! The Alex Rodriguez Story
Pre-production on this film has been stalled until Alex can get his entire story straight.  While the writers continue to amend the script as best they can, more problems seem eminent as Vin Diesel, originally slated to star as A-Rod, pulled out of the project noting that not even he would subject himself to performance enhancing drugs, whether his trusted cousin bought them in the D.R. or not.

Yeah, I Hit .213 Last Year, What’s It to Ya, Buddy? The Khalil Greene Story
Sean Penn stars in this not-so-action-packed drama about how decent defense often allows a poor offensive performer to wallow in the ongoing apathy that is the San Diego Padres (and later, St. Louis Cardinals).

sean penn fast times.jpg
khalil greene fast times.jpgWhere Have I Gone? The Rafael Palmeiro Story
In perhaps the most poignantly cast role of the century, Tony Danza portrays PED-raging anti-hero Rafael Palmeiro not because he looks like him (he doesn’t) but because his career is as equally irrelevant.

And finally, what promises to be a most entertaining entanglement of hopes, dreams, egos and narcissism:

nathan lane.jpgMe, Me, Me! The Curt Schilling Story
Posthumously directed by Stanley Kubrick, this tale of unfettered vainglory explores the tired, whiny affectations of one number 38 through standard Kubrick mind-busts like a minimalistic score and plenty of drawn-out steady-cam shots.  Accurately portraying the role of Schilling will be the outspoken and very homosexual Nathan Lane.  Who else to better force Curt into yet another self-consuming fit of rage than a flamboyantly gay ultra-liberal left wing Broadway icon with plenty of career left in him?

Yes, my friends, going to the movies has never seemed so good.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Vexing Developments Explode Inside Cramped Locker-room Havens: Jeff’s Spin

world baseball classic logo.jpg


V
enezuelans

emit

x-rated

intellect.

Not

good.

 

Dominicans

err.

Verily,

even

losing

offers

players

more

escape.

Netherlands

xanax.JPG

Time,

stat!

 

Eventually

Xanax-induced

Panama

lures

own

defeat.

Evacuate.

 

Indeed,

never

said

I‘d

defend

everyone.

 

mark derosa.jpg

Cuz

rightfully

America

must

prevail.

Enter

DeRosa.

 

Little.

Often

criticized.

Known

everywhere.

Recognize!

 

Rollins?

Oh-yeah!

Ostentatious

mamboing!

 

Has

America

vexed

everyone?

Nuff

said.

 

Don’t hate
me ‘cuz I’m right.

 

Peace,

 

Jeffy

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