Results tagged ‘ Eddie Izzard ’

The ’07 Rockies: Magical Secret Revealed!

holliday.home.jpgEver wonder how the 2007 Colorado Rockies were able to overcome the odds and go on that tyrannical run last September?

Ever wonder how everyone on the planet — except the umpire —  managed to see that Matt Holliday totally missed the plate on that thrilling tie-breaking play at home against the Padres?

Ever wonder how they went on to sweep the Phillies and the Diamondbacks in the NLDS and NLCS respectively?

Well, now we know.  We all know.  The secret is out.  His name is Jesus and he will now take your prayers.

Unfortunately, this information has been revealed nearly a year too late; but it has come just in time to stop the group responsible from doing it yet again.

Because if Focus On the Family Digital Media Director Stuart Shepard had it his way, the entire Democratic Convention would be under a sea of god-like proportions.  For those of you non-Christians out there, that’s fancy talk for a whole lot of friggin’ water.

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Luckily, someone over there realized that asking its followers to pray in unison for an awful thing to happen to the opposition may not be the best way to go about it — perhaps because it goes against the very fundamentals they are supposed to be preaching.  I don’t know.  I’m certainly no expert.

But I know that though the conspiracy prayer in Denver may have worked against the Padres, Phillies and Diamondbacks, there may still be a logical reason for it: God was desperate for some playoff excitement.  And He needed to erase the psychological damage those awful MLB Dane Cook television spots that were thrown in our faces ad nausem did. 

Because it’s true.  God hates Dane Cook.  God hates Brian Giles.  And God would definitely hate to send down another flood.

I’m pretty sure He hates me too, but not because I’m right… even He knows better than that.

Peace,

Jeffy

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