Results tagged ‘ Florida ’

Texts from Mitt

It’s official.  The Battle Royale known as the 2012 US Presidential Election will pit the titleholder, Barack Obama, against the challenger, Mitt Romney.  But that presents a problem for Mitt.  He won the primary by being the least bad choice and through blatant pandering to the base.  That probably won’t work for the general.  The fact of the matter is, Mitt is looking for ideas and he’s looking for them anywhere.  So, why not turn to Obama’s last real challenger:

image via textsfromhillaryclinton.tumblr.com

That’s not a terrible idea.  Kind of unfortunate for a Mormon, though.  Hold on a second.  I know!  Maybe man’s best friend can help out:

image via textfromdog.tumblr.com

Uh, nope, not so much.

Wait a minute.  I’ve got it!  Since Florida is important and the Republicans aren’t doing so hot with the Latino vote, why not kill two birds with one stone.  I’m sure Ozzie Guillen would be willing to help out:

"I love Fidel Castro!"

Oh boy.  That’s gonna hurt.  Ozzie just turned himself into Florida kryptonite.

Actually, you know what, maybe Hillary wasn’t such a bad idea after all.  Couldn’t hurt to try again, right?

textsfromhillaryclinton.tumblr.com

There’s always drinking…

-A

The Political Super Bowl Commercial You Didn’t See

There’s all kinds of odd in Florida.  Thanks, Mark Oxner, for taking it to an entirely new level.

I CAN HAZ SPRING TRAINING YETZ?!?!?!

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast paragon, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

The Battle of Juan Pierre and How the Marlins Won the War

It’s obvious what has to happen, but too many heads, egos, and wangs are involved.

Everyone has a soft spot for J.P. , but the rift between Ozzie Guillen and Kenny Williams has us watching a veteran limp to the end of his career like Ol Yeller. You have a GM and manager pillow fighting when they could be on the same page about the players they have.

Our memories of Juan Pierre are warm and fuzzy, but, statistically speaking in weighted OBP and WAR, he’s the third worst player in baseball (after Chone Figgins and Raul Ibanez) and should be cut. He makes outs, gets picked off, drops fly balls, kills his team every day, but he’s a sweetheart and everyone loves Juan.

I feel sorry for Dayan.

I’m starting the Dayan Viciedo camp right now. We’ll have stables, a petting zoo and a FUN MIRROR.

Kenny is insisting that Ozzie isn’t ready to bring up Viciedo because he can’t handle the rookie. Huh? How much worse can he be than Juan Pierre? The issue is what do you do with the finality of the career of Pierre? Guillen’s loyalty to J.P. is getting out of hand. (This happens every season with Williams and Guillen.)

Viciedo is killing it in the minors and the blizzard of Oz and Kenny are screwing the Sox out of being better because of a sophomoric squabble that seems to have no end.

The locker room is getting torn apart because you have two players that should be benched, but only one of them can be cut because of the contract situation. If Adam Dunn was hitting, the Pierre issue would be muted.

This mess won’t be settled until the Oz man is managing the Marlins next year.

–Johanna Mahmud

Young Guns, Tampa Style

hot_chick_ak.jpgOn a team full of young guns, sometimes you wonder which one packs the most punch.  David Price can mow ‘em down and the rest of the Rays have been deadly efficient while playing in the toughest division in baseball.  But if you have to pick one guy who completely embodies the firepower the Rays have shown, you’d have to go with Evan Longoria…..and his AK-47.

Ok, it’s actually no longer “his” AK-47 after its recent theft but still, there’s no denying that Longoria is packing.  And lest the conspiracy theorists start ascribing nefarious meanings in hushed whispers, Longoria legally owned the weapon by all accounts.  I guess the bigger question here is, why do Longoria and other sports stars feel the need to own weapons like this?

I get owning a hunting rifle.  I own a hunting rifle.  Growing up in Michigan, there’s a good reason for gun ownership, especially with the deer overpopulation problem.  There’s a big difference, though, between owning a hunting rifle and purchasing a deer permit in Michigan than owning (and carrying) a handgun in New York or DC or keeping an assault rifle in your spring training house in Florida.  I’m guessing it wasn’t there because he was planning on single-handedly eliminating the Florida python problem.

I’m not judging Longoria here.  It’s quite possible he has a legitimate reason for owning an AK-47.  I’m sure that the stress of playing up to a multi-million dollar contract wears on you and sometimes you just got to get your gun on to release a little bit of that tension.  However, I am questioning his judgement.  You’re in Florida.  I’m sure there are half a dozen places within a short drive where you could go rent a gun, purchase some rounds and fire to your heart’s content.  For instance, this place also offers air conditioning, a big plus in the Florida humidity, and I found it on the first page of my Google search.

Mr. Longoria, you’re a great baseball player with a wonderful future ahead of you.  It would be nice to talk about that future instead of the theft of your assault rifle.  So maybe let’s focus a little more on gunning down base runners than mowing down, uh, whatever it is you plan on mowing down with an AK-47.  Ok?

-A

No More Drama

no_drama.jpg

With the exception of the Rays and Rangers, the division series didn’t exactly pack in a whole lot of excitement.  Sure, there were great individual moments and Halladay’s no-no immediately went down in baseball history as a post-season moment you’ll tell your kids about one day.  But even with one series going the distance, none of the matchups inspired much drama. 

There is hope as we move on.  The Yankees and Phillies look practically unstoppable but sometimes drama comes from unlikely places.  It’s like how things in politics can go from being a sure thing to suddenly tightening or how a baseball game can go from brutal clash to blowout with a single error.  Often it’s the simplest little things on which events turn.  Swiftboating, an errant throw from a pitcher.  You just never know.

However, if you’re Charlie Crist, you just have to hope that all the drama of the Florida Senate election doesn’t end up hinging on this:

C’mon Charlie.  Farnsworth is already out of the playoffs.  No need to pay homage.

-A

Existentialism Revisited

Dancing_Erin.jpgRSBS has devoted many pages to an ongoing debate between the great minds that form the RSBS duoverse.  No, I’m not referring to our liberal vs. conservative clash over the way the game of baseball is played.  And I’m not talking about the unending fount of sophistry springing from my colleague regarding the eternal question, which team is better, the Tigers or the Cardinals.

No, our fundamental debate is much more existential and with its subject back in the news, now seems the right time to revisit the topic.

Erin Andrews.

That she is an attractive woman is not open debate because that goes without saying.  But my co-blogger’s unhealthy obsession with Ms. Andrews sometimes makes me wonder what goes on inside his head.  She’s cute but she’s not that cute.  And she’s a Florida Gator which automatically deducts a point from the ten point beauty rating scale we all know so well (a much less harsh deduction than the 2.5 point penalty meted out to any graduate of the University of Notre Dame, a university who’s men’s basketball team recently went down in delightfully ignominious defeat during the first round of the NCAA tournament I might add).

However, even I have to admit that she’s looking very nice on Dancing With the Stars.  And that’s saying something when you’re up against Nicole Scherzinger and a very svelte looking Pam Anderson. 

I’m not saying that Jeff has won this debate, not by any stretch.  But, since I can admit when another person has a legitimate point, I’m admitting that in this instance Ms. Andrews is looking good.  That being said, she’s still no Allison Stokke.

-A

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