Results tagged ‘ Front Office ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Christopher Walken Enthusiast, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

I Got My Knives Sharp

The most interesting man in the world…  Is it Starlin Castro?  Or Bobby Valentine, ranter of rants?

On Sunday night, Bobby V was my hero. He was attacking a sad, sad organization from the rear. From what the Cubs should be doing, to calling out everybody — president-owner-manager-scouting — it was FANTASTIC TELEVISION. He was flat out givin’ em the bizzness down there.

Valentine is probably fishing for a managerial gig, but he couldn’t be more right in his breakdown of Starlin Castro’s lack of awareness at shortstop. Valentine saw this in one inning and I haven’t heard anything like it all damn year. You can check out the video *here*.

Somebody is not teaching him right. Is anyone teaching anything? In the postgame interview Mike Quade said he would call Valentine. For wha??? Earlier in the season he said he had to call his “pitching people”. Sunday he said now he has to call his “infield people”???

Mike? Hello? Call your “I’m getting a new address people”.

Now all eyes on are on Castro. He’s the youngest player to reach 300 hits in 70 years for the Cubs.  But he also has the most errors in the National League, most of them careless errors.

So when does he get turned around? Please don’t let him become Hanley Ramirez… fat and lazy. Quade was supposed to be THE guy who could develop the most important piece of this franchise. You cannot blame Castro for any of this madness.

As a Cubs fan, I believe in nothing the organization is doing. It’s bad. It’s a joke. A travesty. Tom Ricketts still doesn’t have a list of possible GMs. He actually said this?!?!?

Look, Tom, keep it in your head, fine. But at least say you have a plan! You gotta give Cubs fans some hope. Act like you have an effing clue, billionaire fan boy, because you can’t ask Daddy for da monnnneyyyyy to bail your @$$ out. He said no, no, no.

Flat out, the development has been pathetic. I’ve been gargling with bleach to get the taste of Hendry out of my system, waiting for the next GM, the next manager.  Friedman? Valentine?  LaRussa?

Meanwhile, Quade benched Castro Monday but said the kid doesn’t have A.D.D. What a relief!

Ricketts, get a real list of who is gonna turn this thing around. Oh, and by the way, the Cubs left 15 men on base Monday night after Starlin’s benching. Without him, well, welcome to the village of SUCK.

Cheers?

–Johanna Mahmud

Follow Johanna on Twitter!

*If I’m not tweeting it’s because I’m sexting and showing off Favre style!

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Outcast, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

“My band of soaks. My den of dissolutes. They don’t hear the little ones crying!”

This is my Cubs musical set to the music of Les Miserables!

Tom Ricketts:
“Have you seen how the foreman is fuming today? With his terrible breath and his wandering hands.”

Ricketts said everything’s fine and we have Reed Johnson so we’re good.

“Why won’t daddy give me more money to waste on this crap?!” At the beginning of this, Daddy Ricketts said Tom’s allowance was sealed and he wanted no part of this purchase so “you’re on your own kid.”

Jim Hendry:
“Sitting flat on your butt doesn’t buy any bread. The rain can’t hurt me now. This rain will wash away what’s passed. This is my last chance!”

He can’t get a vote of confidence from Ricketts and he shouldn’t get one. He hasn’t won anything as the general manager. He has spent a ton of unnecessary money that the Cubs don’t even have. Yet somehow, everyone who meets the guy loves him. But this time, it’s over. OVER.

Mike Quade:
“How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again?”

Oh Mike… I believed in you, I really did. You waited your whole life for this. But my lord did you just make a fool of yourself over and over again. Your press conferences were the stuff of legend in folly for anyone covering the team. Your best “locker room” guys even called you out. But I wish you well. Bon voyage on your next gig as the lovable yet moronic bench coach who always begs the question “whaaaaa happpenedddd?”

Wrigley Field:
“Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men? It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!”

I’m Wrigley and I’ve had enough. Put me to sleep and move this sorry @$$ team to the suburbs and let me go gracefully into the good night as a music venue and historical landmark for a team that did nothing but make people cry over the last 100 years.

Alfonso Soriano:
“Master of the house, doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm!”

Yea. Kinda. The master does dole out the charm and his open palm is FULL OF MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

Why should we hate him? It’s not his fault Jim Hendry is DENSE BEYOND HUMAN RECOGNITION. He gets blamed for far too much. He got old. Ok? If he was scouted better by the Cubs they would have seen he couldn’t be a 30/30 guy anymore.

And alas, our old friend…

Carlos Zambrano:
“Crying at all is not allowed. Not in my castle on a cloud.”

You’re right, Z. Crying is not allowed. Stop being a horrible jackass who apologizes two days late. Embrace the fact that you are a gigantic male member and own it.

It would be awesome if someone would bring me home from this wretched excuse of a team with REAL FANS WHO DIE TO BELIEVE EVERY EFFING YEAR

–Johanna Mahmud

Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 26: Willow, R2D2 and Other Famous Midgets

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

“KEITH, GET A BUCKET!”

After Jeff and Allen dragged Johanna’s almost lifeless body out of the Lollapalooza bullpen, the RSBS crew sat down to smack down on all-things baseball.  Joined midway by special guest, Tim Baffoe of The Heckler and AM 670 The Score, everybody gets in on the roller coaster that is Chicago baseball, Tony LaRussa versus the World, Derek Jeter’s legacy and a hypothetical question involving the conflicting theologies of Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton.

This is some shizz ya ain’t gonna wanna miss!

And make sure to follow Tim Baffoe (aka the Ten Foot Midget) on Twitter.  Dude’s got a lock on sports satire!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his sweet Undercast.  And, also, if you haven’t already, check out the teaser to his film-in-progress and don’t be afraid to help a brotha out!

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Recorded Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Filibuster

Stephen Strasburg is pitching again!  He might even be back in the Majors by the end of the season!  How excited are you for Stras-mas part 2?

Jeremy
Burr Oak, MI
___________________________________

Just see those fastballs zipping,
slide-step sinking too…
Come on, it’s lovely weather
for a Stras-mas endeavor with you!

Admittedly, there’s nothing quite like the joys of Stras-mas.  Last year, his comeuppance was the stuff of dreams, turning an otherwise midseason blah-blah Pirates v. Nationals contest into one of the greatest games I’ve ever seen.  In the Year of the Pitcher he became — after just one game — the Pitcher of the Year (in my book at least).

Stras-mas is special.  Stras-mas is magical.  Stras-mas is everything a baseball nerd like me dreams of.

Which is why it would be a SHAME and a TRAVESTY if the Nationals bring him back to pitch this season.

DON’T DO IT, RIZZO!  DON’T DO IT OR I’LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH.

A bit harsh?  Yes.  I admit.  But remember, this kid is the future of a bruised and battered franchise.  And selling a few more tickets at the end of a going-nowhere season just to make a quick buck is not worth throwing away the future, throwing away Stras-mas.  Possibly forever.

Let the dude rehab, but don’t put him in any game action.  I know 11 months is the typical timeframe in which getting back to facing Big League hitters is deemed acceptable for those who’ve had the Tommy John surgery.  But this isn’t a typical situation.  This is Jesus with a 37 on his back.

Please, I implore the Washington Nationals front office: WAKE UP and STOP BEING STUPID.  You have a goldmine for YEARS in that newly improved Strasburgian right elbow.  He threw 96 mph from the slide step before, he may throw 101 underhanded now.

Do the right thing.  Make 2012 the Year of the Neverending Stras-mas.

Hate me.  I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Git ‘Er Done

Back in April, if you would have told me that our Democratic president would support a federal resolution that would forgo taxing the über rich while opening the door to make major cuts to programs like Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, I would’ve thought that I’d perhaps gotten a bit too tipsy during happy hour.

But I’m as sober as a Mennonite on Christmas.

And the above just happened.

Might not be too bad of a deal though really.  I mean, back in April, reflecting on the season ending injury to Adam Wainwright, I also thought the Cardinals didn’t have much of a chance to get anywhere in the 2011 postseason — that they might not even get there at all.  Add Pujols’ early struggles and several untimely injuries to Holliday, Skip, Punto and Berkman and I thought we really were just on borrowed time.

But John Mozeliak went out and made things happen this past week.  He sent Colby (and his dad) packing to bring us Edwin Jackson, Scrabble, Octavio Dotel and Corey Patterson, plugging up some bullpen holes while bringing in a surging starter and a journeymen utility man, TLR’s favorite type of player.  Then Mo went out and made shortstop better by bringing in a healthy Rafael Furcal.

The Cardinals went out and took care of business.

Now I know my malleable and oft gloomy colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, would like to think, as he put it, that the Cardinals had a “lack of trade deadline imagination”, but let me assure you: he is blind.

And when it comes to imagination, his beloved Tigers are full of it if they think a 3-12 Doug Fister is something to get excited about.

Hate me.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Graphic Truth: Reasons Why Kenny Williams Still Has a Job


I live just a few blocks from Sox Park.  There was a time where I wanted to spend all of my free time there.

But that stopped around May.

They are just an infuriating lot to watch play baseball.

“All in” my @$$.

Happy Saturday!

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 25: Audible Pantslessness… and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

After a rough night of Pirate inspired debauchery, Jeff and Johanna clear the cobwebs (and police reports) to make room for special guest, Paul Lebowitz.  It doesn’t take long for them to get riled up as they touch on the evil FOX chimera Joe McCarver, Clint Hurdle’s Pirates, the White Sox’s diamond impotence and much, much more!

Check out Paul’s baseball blog, The Prince of New York, and also consider checking out his books, like the 2011 Baseball Guide (I’m using it to destroy my fantasy baseball foes right now).

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter!  And if you’re into raunchy stunts and Hooter chicks, make sure to check out Keith’s Undercast at Undercard Films!

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Recorded Saturday, July 16, 2011

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast paragon, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

The Battle of Juan Pierre and How the Marlins Won the War

It’s obvious what has to happen, but too many heads, egos, and wangs are involved.

Everyone has a soft spot for J.P. , but the rift between Ozzie Guillen and Kenny Williams has us watching a veteran limp to the end of his career like Ol Yeller. You have a GM and manager pillow fighting when they could be on the same page about the players they have.

Our memories of Juan Pierre are warm and fuzzy, but, statistically speaking in weighted OBP and WAR, he’s the third worst player in baseball (after Chone Figgins and Raul Ibanez) and should be cut. He makes outs, gets picked off, drops fly balls, kills his team every day, but he’s a sweetheart and everyone loves Juan.

I feel sorry for Dayan.

I’m starting the Dayan Viciedo camp right now. We’ll have stables, a petting zoo and a FUN MIRROR.

Kenny is insisting that Ozzie isn’t ready to bring up Viciedo because he can’t handle the rookie. Huh? How much worse can he be than Juan Pierre? The issue is what do you do with the finality of the career of Pierre? Guillen’s loyalty to J.P. is getting out of hand. (This happens every season with Williams and Guillen.)

Viciedo is killing it in the minors and the blizzard of Oz and Kenny are screwing the Sox out of being better because of a sophomoric squabble that seems to have no end.

The locker room is getting torn apart because you have two players that should be benched, but only one of them can be cut because of the contract situation. If Adam Dunn was hitting, the Pierre issue would be muted.

This mess won’t be settled until the Oz man is managing the Marlins next year.

–Johanna Mahmud

The Filibuster

If you had to choose any manager in MLB today who might follow Jim Riggleman’s example and tell his GM to shove it, who would it be and how do you think they’d do it?

Seth
Hagerstown, MD
___________________________________

Honestly, Seth, I still can’t believe Riggleman had the gall to tell Rizzo to shove it!  I mean, I knew Jim walked and talked like a boss… but I didn’t know he had Mt. Everest sized cojones! Somebody get that man a beer!  And a whisky chaser!

Though what Riggleman did, as we probably all know by now, doesn’t really do him much good if he plans to continue managing in professional baseball.  There aren’t too many baseball folks who can shake the acidic label of being a quitter (see Hanley Ramirez) and a 58 year old yes-man certainly isn’t one of them.  Then again, dude knew he wasn’t the man in D.C., so I can’t blame him for not wanting to be Ken Macha a lame duck; if it were me though, I woulda kept my mouth shut, got my paycheck, then requested a bunch of exotic (and expensive) fare for my clubhouse spread.

And because this Riggleman show has been so bizarre, I really cannot see it happening again anytime soon.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are bad GMs and porous front offices, but I don’t think any of them would cause a manager to commit career suicide.

Of course, that could all change if someone would just give poor Wally Backman another chance.

Alcohol abuse, short temper, bankruptcy, tax evasion…  These are all things that come to mind when Backman’s name is brought up, not to mention the fact that the dude is good friends with Lenny Dykstra — not quite a paragon of amicability.  I could imagine a half soused Wally Backman stumbling into GM XYZ’s office, shirt half untucked, bbq sauce stains above the letters, hat scrunched up in one hand, Keystone Light in the other, mumbling: “Pick up my option, dammit. Or I quit.”

GM XYZ sits back in his chair, loosens his tie and exhales as he examines the sad, disheveled remains of a World Series champion and says: “You’re fired.”

Why didn’t Rizzo just fire Riggleman again?

Hate me ‘cuz I refuse to resign, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Are you just curious to see the images Mr. Krause texted his girlfriend last night?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 24: A Fanboy’s Merkin… and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna dig into the bowels of the current Major League season and compare sizes opinions on myriad topics, including but not limited to what makes an ideal fanboy merkin,  the Cubbies‘ goat fiasco, Pat Burrell’s unfortunate meeting with a wall and much, much more! … all to make you laughy-hurty-face!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Wanna stalk Keith’s every move? Follow him on Twitter!  Wanna enjoy even more podcast hilarity?  Check out the Undercast at Undercard Films!

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Recorded Saturday, June 18, 2011

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