Results tagged ‘ GMs ’

They Can’t All Be Davey Johnson

davey johnson.jpgOne Sandy Alderson down for the Mets.

One media-savvy New York minute prepped skipper to go.

And as long as Davey Johnson refuses to come out of retirement and lead the Mets back to respectability, it looks like new GM Alderson and company are gonna have a pretty big decision to make in the very near future.  But like always, RSBS is here to help!  In fact, we would like to see Mets fans smile every now and then, so we got the interns busy and boy did they come up with some mighty smart suggestions!

Rudy Giuliani
He’s a New Yorker.  He’s got a lisp (which indicates ability to persevere… and succeed?).  He hates smut and could really clean up the place (talkin’ about you, Ollie Perez, you waste of oxygen).

Then again, Rudy is a Yankees fan.  So he’s probably a real a$$h0le.

Haile Gebrselassie
Why not?  The world’s greatest all-time distance runner just retired… while in New York!  If anyone can endure such pain, such suffering, such mental anguish… oh, wait, he didn’t finish the New York Marathon?  See!  That’s why he’s perfect!  He’ll fit right in with the Metropolitans and their penchant for pre-finish line collapses!

Christine O’Donnell
Remember that black cat that ran across the field during the opening night at Citi Field?  Uh…. yeah.  That was no accident, folks.  That was the work of a witch.  A non-masturbating, adamant teabagging, scary spell spewing witch.  Holla!!!

Conan O’Brien
Dude!  Conan RULED New York back in the day… remember?  Then he got the big show, moved to L.A. and got canned a few months in.  Sounds a lot like Darryl Strawberry, doesn’t it?  Yep.  The connections are too great to ignore.  So don’t.

And finally…

Clint Hurdle.jpgClint Hurdle
I know he’s being interviewed for the job… and I know he’s sort of a lame duck skipper… but the man is ORANGE!!! Move over, Mr. Met, Clint and his biohazzard-proof skin are ’bout to back that a$s up right into yo clubhouse!

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Tuesday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 12: Lifestyles of the Rich and Heinous… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 11.jpg


Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff, Allen and Johanna vehemently compare and critique Croc-based lifestyles, which (surprisingly) include but are not limited to the many labels of Josh Hamilton (including those who are scantily clad), Derek Jeter’s inner Pete Rose, Jeff’s go-to-Gehrig impression, Ozzie Guillen’s mess-mouth and much, much more… all so you can at least laugh while you waste some valuable time!!! Go ahead, laugh it up, fuzzball!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is involved in some impressive projects himself.  Check out his work at  Undercard Films.  Seriously.  Do it.  Or I’ll have Prince Fielder sit on your face.

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Recorded Saturday, October 30, 2010

Um… Okay, So Did You Want a Cookie?

tony larussa with pets.jpg

Tony LaRussa will be back at the Cardinals’ helm in 2011.

Great.

Seriously.

No, really.

I’m happy about that.  I’m just as happy about that as I am happy that I still have all my teeth.  And believe me, I like having all my teeth.

But I think I’m in the majority of Cardinals fans who really is over the glamour (if you can call it that) associated with Tony LaRussa.  Is he a fantastic manager?  Indeed.  Is he one of the best ever in the history of the game?  You bet.  But… Mr. LaRussa, what on earth have you done for me lately?

Not that much.  Unless, of course, you consider alienating our number one prospect doing something productive.

Look, y’all, it is not my intent to get all privileged and Yankeefied here, to whine about continued success and be an annoying voice of nag; because I know what it feels like to lose.  I’m not seeing this for something it’s not.  But let’s face it: a team that features both Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday in the lineup and Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright in the starting rotation, must be in the playoffs.

Must.

MUST.

2011 is an all-in year for the Cards.  They better throw every dollar, every asset, every rosin bag in to winning the whole damn thing.

Anything less will be a complete failure — and probably the last of TLR’s tenure with St. Louis.

Believe that.

Go ahead.  Hate me.  I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 8: Jason Heyward’s Bust… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 8.jpg
Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Allen: “If somebody’s willing to pay you the money, then that’s what you’re worth.”

Jeff: “I make magic happen…”

Johanna: “Chapped sack.”

Of course, that’s just the beginning… there’s also punching Mrs. Johanna’s dad and spending a night in jail, Judge Judy putting Yankees to shame, Oh-No-Farnsworth, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more… bringin’ great big laughs to those bellies yo!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  If you like baseball, wanna learn about the Negro Leagues and would like to know more about stuff that is awesome, check out his Undercast podcast.  He’s an MMA fighter too. So listen or he’ll beat you up.  Visit Undercard Films!

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MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, August 14, 2010

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 3: The Stat Zombie’s Death… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a paragon of baseball intelligentsia, Mr. Paul Lebowitz — the one and only Prince of New York!  If you aren’t already reading the Prince’s daily column *here* or *here* then you probably should get on that.  Like, right away.  Or else.  And if that ain’t enough, you can certainly follow him on Twitter too.  To be honest, the man is too ruthless and too unfettered for you to not be paying attention to him… so the RSBS crew made sure to get him at his best.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Jason Bay’s UZR, men left on base (LOB), Keith Hernandez’s hunches, BRAINS!!!!… the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more!

Holla!

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Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.

**Image by Annette T.  (Thanks, Annette!)  Check out her sweet@ss blog!

Recorded Saturday , June 12, 2010

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 2: Albert’s Anti-Slump… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and his sCrUBS fan nemesis pal, Johanna Mahmud, get back in the studio and throw down on the art of being right!  Among the titillating topics of discussion: mispronouncing dominance [Doc Halladay] and futility [John Grabow], Brandon Phillips’ wings, a wild war of words over Albert Pujols, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more.

Holla!

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Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe
via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special
thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  He always knows when the Hawks are (or aren’t) gonna get donged.

Recorded Monday, May 31, Memorial Day 2010

“But I Don’t Wanna Be a LOLstro… Waa Waa Waa”

roy oswalt houston.jpgYeah, Roy, I don’t blame ya.  You get no run support.  Your team owner has laughable baseball sense.  Ed Wade is but a slave to the errant desires of said laughable baseball sense.  Yeah.  I wouldn’t wanna be a LOLstro either.  But if I were in your position, you sure wouldn’t hear me cryin’ about it.

Believe that.

Unlike Roy Halladay’s situation of a year ago, when he quietly went to his GM requesting a trade — a request that the Blue Jays inherently blew out of proportion and blabbed to the media thus causing a tailspin of rumors that hurt everyone involved — Roy Oswalt’s recent proclamation via his agent to the press is more than just a bit off-putting.

Look, I know I have the reputation of bein’ old school.  I don’t like interleague.  I don’t like the DH.  I don’t like players wearing the long pants.  And in this case, I don’t like prima donna pitchers placing themselves above all others (even if performance warrants some discretionary leeway).

On the sandlots of Quincy, IL, if you took your ball and went home, we didn’t give a sh!t.  We just got a new ball.  We didn’t have time for whining, complaining, crying.  And if you tried to come back and cause problems, you might go home with a few less teeth… and no ball.

Do you think Bob Gibson would ever cry to the media about being on a losing team?  Koufax?  Seaver?  Hell, even recent phenoms like Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Pedro Martinez.  Those men were men.  Okay.  Your team isn’t playing well.  It happens.  Deal with it.  You’re making millions of dollars playing the greatest game in the land, you’re the envy of every 30-something sitting behind a desk (me), and all you want to do is complain about it?

I understand that it sucks playing for a losing team… that being in an organization as backwards as the Astros have been the last few years must take a damaging toll on one’s psyche… but to b^tch and complain about it to the press rather than take it behind closed doors like a respectable ballplayer… that just rubs me the wrong way…. it even causes me to be lazy and use tired cliches (see this run-on sentence).

Take your ball and go home, Roy. 

Unless you want to sign with the Cardinals, then, by all means, come on over, grab a jersey and let’s go.  I’ll even give ya a hug!

Hate me ‘cuz I’m old-school, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

P.S. Rumor has it the Cubs have an eye on Oswalt… to bring him in and make him a set-up man.

Being Stuck in a Philadelphia

philly statue.jpgThe symbols of relevance, the things that transform a simple it into that proverbial “it” are generally born all in the timing, and since the Birds on the Bat are stuck in a Philadelphia this week, so too am I.

And I don’t like it.

No, this has nothing to do with Philadelphia being a backwards place (it is).  It doesn’t have anything to do with the type of fans who cheer when the other teams’ star gets hurt (they do).  And of course, this does not have anything to do with that ^sswipe Jim Bunning (he really is an ^sswipe, folks).

Indeed, my suddenly emphatic aggravation with Philadelphia is rooted in one fella and one fella only.  His name is Ruben.  Ruben Effing Amaro (that middle name is still surreptitiously unofficial).

Why?  Why such distaste for one man?

ruben amaro.jpgBecause he gave a mighty slugger who is notoriously awful against left-handed pitching the contract extension of all contract extensions — a mesmerizing $25 million a year… for 2012 to 2016 — causing massive migraine headaches for we Cardinals fans already obsessively worrying about Albert Pujols’ future with the team.

Yeah.  Ryan Howard is good.  But $25 million a year?  He ain’t that good.

And anyone who has ever seen the game of baseball can tell you that Albert Pujols is LIGHT YEARS better than Ryan Howard, in all aspects of the game.  All… of… them.

ALL!!!

So if Howard is worth $25 million a year, then Albert is worth $30-$32 million a year, which means that if I want A.P. to remain a Cardinal for life, I and the rest of Cardinals Nation better be ready to pay $100 for a bleacher ticket, or imagine a world where Albert isn’t our savior.

(That would kill me by the way)

So thanks a lot, Ruben.  Just a week ago, deep down inside, I would have admitted to having a strange yet pleasurable affinity for the Phillies.  Dick Allen.  Mike Schmidt.  Steve Carlton.  Pete Rose.  Lenny Dykstra.  Darren Daulton.  Just the thought of those guys grindin’ it out with the “P” on their caps kinda got me excited… and I have no idea why.

But now?

They’re dead to me.

And so are you.*

Hate me ‘cuz I give it to ya straight, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*You’re not really dead. This is what fancy writers like Al and I call “figure of speech”. It can be AWEsome. Like it is here.

RSBS Presents: Black Holes

black-hole-galaxy.jpgOne of the most peculiar realms of science is understanding what exactly goes on inside of a black hole (and no, folks, we ain’t talkin’ about the vile emitting from Milton Bradley’s mouth).  Widely understood as a “deformation of spacetime caused by a very compact mass” — an area from which nothing can escape the immense gravitational pull of its centerblack holes are like the underground club scene of the cosmos: all kinds of weird s*** can happen… and does!

To me, the most interesting aspect of a black hole lies at its very center, past the event horizon, down the rabbit hole, settling on an infinitesimal point known as the singularity.  If you were unfortunate enough to be sucked into a black hole and lucky enough to survive the trip down its core, by the time you reached the singularity you would surely be a shredded mess, the result of being filleted by the strongest forces theorized by the human mind.

But boy would it be an exciting death!

The oddest thing about the singularity is that once we start working in and around that point, we realize that the laws of physics become completely erroneous and unnecessary.  That’s right, dear readers, when you get to the singularity, Einstein’s theory of general relativity makes no sense at all.

And while black holes and their singularities may be intangible to us from our terrestrial vantage point, if you look around you today you will see all sorts of things that could cause one to think we may be close to such a singularity — a place where what we see is so shocking, so odd, so perplexing that it just doesn’t make sense…

The Good Guys Win: Joe Mauer
Twins fans were so afraid they would lose their hometown hero to the evil chops of the Yankees and the Yankees 2.0 that doomsday scenarios and flat-out decrees of apostasy had already been accepted as fact.  But in the end, the Twins had to sign Joe — for the sake of their new stadium and for the sake of their fans.  And they did, for a very reasonable price.  Oh, and by the way, the Twins are not a small-market team, so this situation is getting even more black-holish by the minute!

nancy.pelosi.jpgLiberal US Americans Actually Accomplish Something
After eight long years of maddening sound bytes, phantom wars against phantom enemies for phantom purposes and an all-out assault on reason, the liberal majority in the House got together and passed a health care bill that might actually work.  Oh yeah, sure, not everyone is happy about it and the most concerning aspect is how we’re going to pay for it; but, in my opinion, the sheer fact that you won’t be financially punished for being sick anymore indicates a huge step forward.  And besides, since when do US Americans care about national debt?  Here, in the great state of Illinois, for as long as I can remember, the political machine has been borrowing money from the FUTURE to pay for current projects.  I hear that Illinois is rich in the future, so I’m gonna see if I can get in on that too.  I need a Lamborghini.

Exciting News Out of Cincinnati Reds Camp
You have to go back quite a few years to find anything worth anticipating from the Reds in March, but this year is different.  Under the wise hand of former Cardinal front office legend Walt Jocketty, Cincinnati signed Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman during the offseason, hoping he would live up to his international hype.  And boy does he!  Thought by many to be an ace-caliber pitcher going into this season, Reds fans have a whole lot to be excited about for a change… of course, that is… until Dusty Baker blows out his arm and ruins his career.

Forever.

Hate me ‘cuz I test the limits of physics, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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