Results tagged ‘ GOP ’

Going Rogue? Or Going Crazy…

sarah palin going rogue.jpgThis Going Rogue business is mostly all about making money… right?

If that’s the case, then great; I applaud thee, Sarah Palin.  Sell your book!  Make money!  It’s the US American way!

Unfortunately, reason tells me that ex-Governor Palin has a hard time separating fantasy from reality — that she is absolutely serious when she says she wants to play a major role in American politics — that she isn’t going away anytime soon.

While she remains silent on any possible presidential plans, one must assume that is the ultimate goal. 

And that is insane.

So too is her sheepish quip that she will run only “if people will have me.”

Hmm.  Perhaps Madame Palin should start by asking the people of Alaska if they will have her after she abandoned them and her gubernatorial post midterm.  Or perhaps she should ask the people of Russia if they don’t mind her looking at them from her living room.  Or perhaps she should just take the money this book and subsequent tour will generate and run, run, run… back into relative obscurity — where she belongs.

We see this sort of thing in baseball all the time.  Players come from out of nowhere.  They shine.  They burn out.  They go away.  Some quicker than others. 

Mark Fidrych.  Pete Incaviglia.  Eric Gagne.

Eric Gagne.jpgRemember, Sarah, remember.  Remember Eric Gagne  — a man who spent last season with the Quebec Capitales of the independent Canadian-American League.  (Yeah, I’ve never heard of it either)  Here’s a man who, at one time, was more than just unhittable.  He was mad, maniacal, morbid in his destruction of opposing hitters.  He recorded 84 consecutive saves for Christ’s sake!  He was lights out!  He was the master of the universe!

Now, the Brewers don’t even want him.

And that is sad.

Go away now, while you can, Mrs. Palin… go back to the wilderness while you still have some inkling of pride.  I will support you in that endeavor.

YOU BETCHA!

Hate me ‘cuz I won’t buy this book, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Literalism Always Trumps Idealism

jeff_allen_nats_pose.JPGIndeed, it is no secret that whilst in our bogarting college days, I brought my dubious and oft erratic colleague, Mr. Krause, up on a live stage in front of hundreds of people with the promise of providing wholesome entertainment only to publicly embarrass him by tying him down and shaving his overgrown forest of an otherwise pasty white chest.

Something tells me he hasn’t gotten over the humiliation.

Which explains his hurtful yet accurate tirade ridiculing the Julio Lugo/Chris Duncan exchange from earlier this week. 

But let me step away from the GOP-like mudslinging smackdowns and ask this simple question: Can we not just call this trade what it is?  Literally? 

It’s crap for crap.

And no, I ain’t happy about it.

But I have found that in the darkest of hours, the most tumultuous of times, the most republican of regimes, that sniffing through all the sugar-coating just to figure out what is really going on often brings out the heartiest of laughs. 

Don’t believe me?

Watch this:

Now if that doesn’t make you want to relive 1983 — and laugh all the way — then I don’t know what will.

I do know that giving up a top prospect (Brett Wallace) and some minor leaguers for the player formerly known as Matt Holliday (now just a shell of his former slugging self) is something that will keep the smiles off my face and torment my sleep patterns.  Until I see some serious power surge protection for Albert Pujols from our new unsignable Scott Boras client, I am not going to budge from my disgusted stance.  Ah, the pain… I cannot help but remember that Dan Haren and Kiko Calero trade for Mark Mulder a few years back.  But hey, if this motivates Tony LaRussa to stay on with the Cardinals, then I suppose it is more than worth it… that and as long as Jesus continues to hate the Cubs.

Happy Friday!  And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*And a special RSBS cap tip to St. Louis boy, Mark Buehrle, for not only achieving perfection, but for providing me with uber-stimulation while I should have been working.

The Filibuster

During the past week we watched the opening of two new multi-million
dollar stadiums in New York City and during this time MLB and the major
sports channels more or less ignored everything else going on around
the league. Was the opening of the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field
really such important news or was Heath Bell accurate in saying that
ESPN and other providers are completely focused on a few teams to the
detriment of the rest of the league?

– Allen
__________________________________________

Heath Bell.jpgPardon me for being a-holishly frank, dear readers, but I think it is pretty damn sad that it took Heath Bell (of all reinvented people) to bring the media’s obvious love affair with New York and Boston into the public domain.  Nothing against, Heath, who has now become my own personal savior for his ESPN remarks, but we here at RSBS as well as myriad Joe Six-Packs in sports bars galore all across Anytowns, US America, have been harping on this oh-so-blatant injustice for years now. 

Years.

Heath Bell said:

“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and
Yankees and Mets – and nobody else.  That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m
really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’  When Jake Peavy threw
8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third inning
and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”

True story, Heath.  True story.

Just for the record, regarding the two new ballparks in New York (one of which cost $1.5 billion) let me just say that I don’t remember there being such a fuss over the new Busch Stadium or PNC Park or even Nationals Park for that matter.

Yet all week long I have been bombarded with information I could care less about:

  • The first homerun in new Yankee Stadium.

  • The first multi-RBI game at CITI Field.

  • The first blab-hole jerkazoid kicked out of new Yankee Stadium for using foul language and fists to explain his innermost self-loathing while watching the Indians score 14 runs in one inning.

I don’t care. 

And I ain’t alone.

The good news is, Heath Bell’s voice was heard and ESPN reacted quickly by having him on Baseball Tonight.  Shortly after that, the once monopolizing baseball program introduced it’s 30 Team Ticker, which offers tidbits of information on all 30 teams at the bottom of the screen while the analysts blab on about how much they love the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.

But just like the leaderless GOP of 2008 desperately trying to reinvent its image after devastating the public by dropping the ball in New Orleans and Iraq while allowing the economy to collapse over and over again… it was just too little, too late.

Folks, we have a choice.  Join Al and I; heed Heath Bell’s call.

Switch to the MLB Network.  Enjoy equal coverage.  Play the RSBS Harold Reynolds drinking game.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Golden Nugs for Silver Screens

Hillary_Clinton_2008.JPGFeisty factions of conservative right wing constituents are finally going to get what they have always wanted.  Indeed, after a series of anti-republican films exploiting the low-blow antics of unsavory characters such as Richard Nixon and George W. Bush reached wide audiences in 2008, the GOP is all smiles knowing the biggest, baddest politico docudrama to ever hit the big screen is well on its way!

Special Relationship, the upcoming film starring Julianne Moore as democratic juggernaut Hillary Clinton and Dennis Quaid as the always promiscuous Bill Clinton, will explore the finer points of Slick Willy’s extramarital affair with Monica Lewinsky and his wife’s subsequent decision to stick by his side (so she could run for the New York senate, and eventually the presidency). 

Moore is a decent actress.  I see her pulling off this role of a lifetime no problem.  Quaid as Clinton?  What a wonderful opportunity to repeat his 1987 world-class performance from Inner Space!  I can hardly wait, folks!

And the Hollywood hoopla doesn’t just end there, dear readers.  I am super excited about some other upcoming films that are in the early stages of development:

The Little MVP Who Could: The Dustin Pedroia Story
Starring Macaulay Culkin as Pedroia, this film aims to highlight the undying will of small stature phenoms on baseball diamonds all across the galaxy.  Also features Manny Ramirez as the evil space alien predator intent on disrupting all things Red Sox until the bitter intergalactic end.

Jacked! The Alex Rodriguez Story
Pre-production on this film has been stalled until Alex can get his entire story straight.  While the writers continue to amend the script as best they can, more problems seem eminent as Vin Diesel, originally slated to star as A-Rod, pulled out of the project noting that not even he would subject himself to performance enhancing drugs, whether his trusted cousin bought them in the D.R. or not.

Yeah, I Hit .213 Last Year, What’s It to Ya, Buddy? The Khalil Greene Story
Sean Penn stars in this not-so-action-packed drama about how decent defense often allows a poor offensive performer to wallow in the ongoing apathy that is the San Diego Padres (and later, St. Louis Cardinals).

sean penn fast times.jpg
khalil greene fast times.jpgWhere Have I Gone? The Rafael Palmeiro Story
In perhaps the most poignantly cast role of the century, Tony Danza portrays PED-raging anti-hero Rafael Palmeiro not because he looks like him (he doesn’t) but because his career is as equally irrelevant.

And finally, what promises to be a most entertaining entanglement of hopes, dreams, egos and narcissism:

nathan lane.jpgMe, Me, Me! The Curt Schilling Story
Posthumously directed by Stanley Kubrick, this tale of unfettered vainglory explores the tired, whiny affectations of one number 38 through standard Kubrick mind-busts like a minimalistic score and plenty of drawn-out steady-cam shots.  Accurately portraying the role of Schilling will be the outspoken and very homosexual Nathan Lane.  Who else to better force Curt into yet another self-consuming fit of rage than a flamboyantly gay ultra-liberal left wing Broadway icon with plenty of career left in him?

Yes, my friends, going to the movies has never seemed so good.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Obama Falls to GOP Pressure, Poses As Tusken Raider; Oh, Yeah, and US America Wins!

ann coulter rush limbaugh bobby jindal.jpgThough I cannot necessarily prove this theory in conventional form, as an honest human being with an affinity for disclosure, I assure you that I have good reason to believe both Republican juggernauts Ann “She-Devil” Coulter and Rush “Just Call Me Jabba” Limbaugh were hunched over their television sets last night vehemently rooting against Team USA, praying to their hypocritical conservative god that Team Puerto Rico would find a way to quell the dreams and aspirations of US Americans worldwide.

It didn’t work.

Jimmy Rollins and David Wright became the baseball versions of Barack Obama and Joe Biden — once bitter rivals who put aside their differences, bridged the gap and brought home a win when it mattered the most.

Get over it.

That goes for my colleague, Mr. Allen Krause as well.  Because we all know that Mr. Krause would rather see Rollins and Wright duke out that “choke-fest” moniker on the field — the last man standing to be crowned the argument’s winner; but if we US Americans are really about anything, we are about coming together in times of need, when it matters most.

Unless you are a Republican, of course.

And though Obama has done a fine job of staying the course early on in his presidency, it appears he finally gave in and enlightened the snickering skeptics and delinquent ditto-heads by unintentionally posing as a Tusken Raider for the cameras:

obama tusken raider.jpgTusken Raider.jpg
This unfortunate photographic gaffe comes on the heels of an equally embarrassing egregious error regarding the double-talk surrounding those suspiciously infuriating AIG bonuses paid out to the very individuals responsible for schmucking the company’s total worth in the first place.

Are the Dems backpedaling on their original outcries?

Probably.

Does this reflect poorly on the majority administration?

More harm than good, I would say.

Should we blindly follow the GOP sideshow leaders and trust that malcontent dissension is the social bonding agent of the future?

Hell no.

Rollins and Wright.  Braun and Lilly.  Jeter and Youk.

There is a time and place to battle it out, folks.  But when enemy minds come through together in the clutchThat, my friends, is what makes the United States of America the greatest country on earth.

Ah… If only politics would mirror baseball.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Belle of the Ball

I think I’ve been going about this all wrong. Perhaps experience really isn’t all that important. Look at the Rays, for instance. They go 0-7 at Fenway for the first part of the season and then pull out two impressive wins on the road against the Red Sox when it means the most. It’s like the ’06 Tigers against the Yankees. Or the ’07 Rockies against the entire National League.

However, that brings us to the real issue. Although the Rockies and Tigers put together great seasons and impressive runs, they both failed when it really mattered. And if there is a god, perhaps she’ll look down and have pity on us Americans. Maybe she’ll decide this is the year where experience no longer counts and the Rays will thunder through the playoffs but then spurn the misguided prayers of the GOP faithful.

The American public has already decided that experience doesn’t matter with their full fledged embrace of Sarah Palin. Yes, I know she was a mayor. And I know she is governor. But that kind of experience is akin to me saying that I can run Amnesty International because I once headed up a small nonprofit organization. Sorry folks. I’m not qualified and neither is she.

But if the Rays can do it, maybe she can, too. In fact, there’s already a precedent since the Republican Party seem to be borrowing tactics from MLB. Baseball has decided to focus on personalities, as my friend, Mr. Lung, so eloquently pointed out a few weeks ago. And the Republicans have also decided to avoid talking about the real story and try to make this election a popularity contest.

MissWasilla1984.jpg

 

 

“Look everyone! She’s a pretty girl! And everyone votes for the homecoming queen, right?”

 

 

 

So, maybe I’m still a little bitter about that 2006 World Series. And maybe I’d prefer a VP who understands that just believing something doesn’t necessarily make it true. What can I say? I’m tough to please and I make no apologies for that.

-A

 

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