Results tagged ‘ GW Bush ’

Why Must the Cardinals Make My Life Miserable?

I can’t eat.

I can’t sleep.

I can’t find a date.

Thank you, St. Louis Cardinals.

kyle_lohse.jpgI went to bed last night thinking: So we blew it.  So what.  Tomorrow will be fine.  Lohse is on the mound.  We’ll be fine.  Really.  It’s all good.  The man is Lazarus.

And he was — just fine, raised from the dead and all — until he was left in a little too long and he started to show weakness: a crumbling arm.  And Tony, with little else to fall back on, because Mozeliak won’t make a deal for some relief, left him in.

And all hell broke loose.

I, as a St. Louis Cardinal fan and devoted US American, refuse to accept this surface steaming idealogical concept that we can survive on our own, without making a deal.  We’re up against the free-spending Cubs and Brewers!  Get your act together, Mr. Mozeliak!  You’re looking a lot like sit-on-my-^ss-while-I-read-a-story-book-GW Bush during the greatest tragedy of our time!

a-rod smirk.jpgI wrote an editorial on my dissatisfaction with the Cardinals’ front office and submitted it to the New York Times; however, they rejected it on the basis that it wasn’t controversial enough — not enough T&A — and it had nothing to do with the Yankees, the Mets, A-Rod nor Madonna.

So much for being the world leader in print news, New York Times.  For that I offer you a great big RSBS “EAT IT!”

And no, you may not hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Pipedreams

Ah, yes, we humans can be quite the dreamers sometimes.  I know I can.  I won’t tell you about my most recent dream (believe me, you’d thank me if you could) but I would like to take the time to call out others on their misconstrued fantasies regarding the happenings in the world.  On this day in particular — as is usually the case — there is no shortage of ridiculous thoughts, imaginations and pipedreams circulating the baseball-politico world.

Thankfully, these make-believe ideas have not breached the walls of my psyche.  It hasn’t been easy staving off the onslaught of fans seeking a glimpse of glory, but I’m proud to say that, for this night, I’ve evaded the paparazzi, locked the doors and shut all the windows.  I am safe.  And as a stand-up man who speaks for intelligent US Americans around the globe, let me begin by saying that it is a complete pipedream that…

The MLB All-Star Game Is Anything But a Popularity Contest
I know, I know… same story, different year.  Seriously though?  If “this time it counts” continues to be the theme, the goal, the prize, then why leave it up to a bunch of numbnuts (the American Public — yeah, I said it; they voted for Dubya twice) to decide who should start this pivotal game?  How do we do it?  Here’s how: don’t let Yankees and Red Sox fans vote.  And Florida — the entire state of Florida should not be able to vote… just for fun and because they kind of deserve that punishment.  If I’m Terry Francona, and I have even a remote chance of managing in the World Series, I want Jermaine Dye on my team.

It is also an absolute pipedream that…

John McCain Could Balance the Budget By the End of His First Term
This is actually two pipedreams: 1) that he could indeed balance the budget and 2) that he would ever have a first term.  Here’s the thing, how are we US Americans supposed to believe we could balance the budget by pouring more money, more resources, more troops into Iraq for another 100 years?  We’ve already spent over 500 billion dollars in Iraq since 2002 and lost over 4,000 service men and women.  How high will that number go over the next 100 years?  And how would we do it when Maliki & Co. want us OUT!?!

Speaking of lunacy, it is also a complete pipedream that…

Rich Harden Will Bring the Cubs a World Series Championship
I know you guys want to believe it.  I know you do.  You won’t shut up about it.  You pretend that the Cardinals aren’t right on your tails.  You pretend the Southsiders don’t exist.  You actually believe that “this is your year”.  Well, it ain’t.  And this so-called blockbluster trade proves it.  Let me tell ya something: Billy Beane doesn’t trade away a guy unless there’s something wrong with him (see Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Barry Zito).  There’s something wrong with Harden.  I don’t know what it is yet; but I will.  I hear that there is a very strong possibility that it involves a goat.

So yeah… it is also an absolute pipedream that…

Obamacons Actually Exist

Like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and a sober Amy Winehouse, these dreamed-up conservative supporters of Barack Obama aren’t realHallmark is busy making up a holiday for them to star in. 

Yes.  It’s true.  And it is also a complete pipedream that…

Alex Rodriquez Will Ever Stay Out of the Tabloids
He’s the best there is at what he does.  He’s good looking.  He’s into Kabbalah.  That’s really all I have to say about that.  This is just an excuse to post his picture.  I don’t know if you, dear reader, are aware, but RSBS has quite a diverse following: whites, blacks, men, women, Chinese, Japanese and yes, even gays.  In fact, I have been pestered by the homosexual community to post more pictures of A-Rod and other cute guys.  So here you go, fellas:

Arod_headshot.jpgjohn_garland.jpgAnkiel_headshot.jpgEllsbury_headshot.jpgDye_headshot.jpgAnd so it goes that it is also an absolute pipedream that…

Barack Obama Is a Flip-Flopper
Just not true.  I know, I know… the Republicans have used this strategy before with much success (see John Kerry, Al Gore) so it makes perfect sense why they would pull it out again; however, this is Barack Obama we’re talking about here.  It has been his position since the beginning of the campaign to begin a controlled withdrawal of combat brigades in Iraq.  To all you flip-flop-mongering hope-squashing old-hat-wearing Republicans, here’s a great big RSBS EAT IT!

While you’re eating it, please know that it is also an absolute pipedream that…

Kosuke Fukodome Should Be a Starter In the All-Star Game
Soto?  Yes.  Soriano?  Yeah, sure.  Fine.  Fukudome?  No.  And here’s why: his line isn’t nearly as good as those who got snubbed completely.  Compare his line against those of Corey Hart, Rick Ankiel, Aaron Rowand.  I find it very ironic that a fan base that used racial slurs and stereotypes to “welcome” their foreign star stumped the voting booths to make him a starter.  So is the way of the Cub fan…

And let me tell ya, it is
also a complete pipedream that…

Anyone Will Care About What John McCain Has to Say at the Republican Convention When the ‘Skins Battle the Giants in an Exciting NFL Opening Night Showdown!
Are you ready for some football?!?

And if that doesn’t get you excited, let me inform you that it’s also a complete pipedream that…

This Randy Johnson Destroying a Bird with a Baseball Video Will Ever Get Old

And really folks, I know it’s an absolute pipedream that…

jeff lung 4th of july 1.jpgI’m Anywhere Close to Being Angelic
However, pictures don’t lie and this random shot taken of me in the wee hours of the July 4th morning clearly shows illuminated wings protruding from my back.  Say what you will about it, but I’m pretty convinced that I have the whole Michael Landon Highway To Heaven thing goin’ on here.

By the way, the tough guy in the lower left is my Turkish bodyguard Omar; so don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right or I’ll tell him where you live.

Peace,

Jeffy

Ironically Chipper

Irony is one of life’s little gems.  Intelligently designed to point out the absurd fecundities of human thought, these cute little poking japes never fail to make me stop and think for a moment — sometimes longer than a moment. 

rusty_kuntz.jpgMilton Bradley has a very hard time playing with others.  George W. Bush lost the popular vote but won the presidency.  Rusty Kuntz showed no signs of rust nor female genitalia.  Oedipus Rex vowed to destroy the man responsible for bringing plague and doom to the city of Thebes (while all along he was the real culprit – wink, wink).  Gaylord Perry wasn’t gay, nor was he a lord — of any kind.

Isn’t it ironic?

(And no, I am not quoting her)

So imagine how surprised I was today when I decided to check out Chipper Jones’ stat sheet, to follow his progression towards hitting above .400 on the season.  Imagine the shock! the awe! the confusion! when I saw his press photo staring back at me like I was the witness to a drunken vehicular homicide in some Podunk Georgian backwoods village, sifting through a lineup. 

Thumbnail image for chipper_jones.jpgWhat on earth is wrong with Chipper in this picture!?!

Is this the photograph the Braves blast on the jumbo-tron at Turner Field when he comes to the plate?  Is this the photograph that is published in the game-day press kit?  Is this the photograph that little kids offer up to Number 10 to have autographed?

He looks like he just rolled out of his hotel after an all-night bender of booze, barfights and benzodiazepines that he topped off by wrapping his lips around a rusty tailpipe.

In other words, he doesn’t look so ‘chipper‘.

Ah, the irony…

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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Is that a Bus on top of me?

After a long week of working for the man, trying to keep democracy safe and available to billions of people around the world, I hoped to come back to my safe place, my happy place. That would be the warm cocoon of Tigers baseball and the blog I maintain with my good friend, Mr. Jeffrey Lung. But, you can imagine my horror when instead I found that my “good friend” had thrown me under the bus while the Tigers managed to open the season getting swept at the hands of the mighty Kansas City Royals. I mean, c’mon, really? Is this what’s waiting for me?

But, it’s all good because Dontrelle Willis, after his godawful spring training, is throwing a no-no through five……..and now the bullpen has given it away. There’s only one answer. God hates me.

However, apparently not as much as Nat’s fans hate GW Bush. I mean, that’s gotta hurt. Perhaps not as much as your friend saying:

“Allen has enough time to watch American Idol but he can’t write a post and respond to the fact that he’s not a real Tigers fan or that his MLB/NFL manager/coach comparison was blasphemous or that he’s just simply retarded?”

But, it’s still gotta hurt.

detroit_tigers_logo.jpgAnyway, despite the apparent loss of love, I’d like to point out for the record that I am still here and when I’m not advancing US foreign policy (as opposed to shilling for the Chinese), I will be advancing Red State Blue State baseball policy. The revolution is coming and it will be wearing the old English “D”.

A

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