Results tagged ‘ Heidi Derosa ’

Even More Freakazoids & Oddities: The Always Venerable, Mostly Searchable RSBS

freakazoid.jpgMr. Krause and I have a pretty high reputation to maintain.  Often times we are called upon to give the people what they want, when they want it, at the level at which they want it.  Whether that means providing hot pics of Erin Andrews, hot pics of Heidi DeRosa (yes, Mark DeRosa’s wife) or hot pics of Albert Puj– I mean, hot pics of Jenna Fischer, we do what we gotta do.

But we don’t beat our wives.

Because we don’t have wives.

But if we did have wives, we would not beat them.

I mean, if I did have a wife, I would not beat her.

Unfortunately, I cannot speak on behalf of my colleague, the nefarious and oft-jaded Mr. Krause.  But until he speaks out for himself, we at RSBS (the interns included) will certainly continue on the path towards the truth… so when you search for something, we can provide the answer… sorta.

Recent RSBS Keyword Search Analysis (click to enlarge):

rsbs keyword search screenshot wife beating.JPG

Hate us ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate us ‘cuz we’re right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Guys, the season is starting in a few days and I still haven’t seen an
honest to god prediction out of you yet.  What do you think?  Is there
anyone who can keep the Yankees from repeating?

-Lee
Sandusky, OH
____________________________________

We haven’t made any predictions yet?  Oh yeah, I guess predicting that the Detroit Tigers will suck this year isn’t really a prediction, it’s just a known fact.  Considering that it is that time of year when everyone is making some sort of bold statement as to who is gonna win and who isn’t, I think you’re right, Lee.  It is time for RSBS to jump into the prognostication pool (that sounds like something one would find in Vegas) and so we do as only we at RSBS (I, Jeff, not Al ‘cuz he’s a slacker) know how.

Shall we?
(subliminal messages start now)

kourtney kardashian bikini.jpgNL East
Compared to its AL counterpart, this division isn’t quite the sexy beast it used to be.  The team to beat is the Phillies; and while the Mets look to give a better effort than last year if healthy while the Braves and Marlins lurk behind with plenty of potential, I still don’t see how the Phillies can lose this division.  Oh wait.  Yes I can; his name is Brad Lidge.

Yet I think the Phils still win it.  Ya can’t get much worse than Lidge was last year and they still won the league.

Phillies.  Probably.


jenna fischer 2.jpgNL Central
Come now, is there really any competition here?  Yeah, sure the Brewers can bop with the best of them but have you seen their pitching staff?  Exactly.  The sCrUBS?  Er…. no.  The Astros?  Stop playin’.  The Pirates?  The Pirates!?!?  Ha!  The only team in this division who might give the Cardinals a run is the Cincinnati Reds, and for that to happen Aroldis Chapman and Johnny Cueto have to both deliver the goods like seasoned professionals (they’re not) and Aaron Harang would have to keep his ERA under 10 (he won’t)… not to mention the fact that Dusty Baker would have to not destroy someone’s arm (he will).

Cardinals.  No question.

heidi derosa.jpgNL West
Hmm.  This is an interesting division.  My heart says San Fransisco but my heart also says I should be able to drink a fifth of scotch and still be able to dance the merengue with some amount of poise.  In other words, my heart is a goddamn liar.  There are too many question marks in the Dodgers young pitching staff that I can’t put my money on them.  So I turn towards the Rockies — a team with balance, a team with Tulo, a team with purple pinstripes.

Rockies.

San Francisco joins as the Wild Card.

erin.andrews.jpgAL East
Yankees, Red Sox, Yankees, Red Sox… bla bla bla.  Not this year, folks.  Yankees, Rays, Yankees, Rays… and Brian Matusz.  The Yankees are the best in baseball.  Hard to argue against that.  The 2010 Red Sox are not the Red Sox we’re used to seeing.  They made a major mistake by not bringing back Jason Bay and they’re gonna suffer for it.  The Rays… this is the year for them.  It’s now or never.  And just for fun, let it be known that Brian Matusz of the Baltimore Orioles is one hell of a pitching phenom and a reason to tune into their games every once in a while.

Yankees win without even trying.

Rays take the Wild Card.

lucy liu.jpgAL Central
With so much money going towards roster scrubs and the recently anointed singles-machine, Magglio Ordonez, the Tigers of 2010 will look more like the Tigers of 2003.  Okay, maybe not that bad, but still, they ain’t goin’ anywhere.  The Twins will be in the race, but I suspect they will be playing a lot of doubleheaders this year due to that new open air stadium; and their team is still built for turf.  I don’t see them catching the White Sox, who in my opinion have the best starting five of any other team in the Majors.  If Peavy stays healthy and Floyd and Danks kick it up a notch, I don’t see how they could be beat.  Keep your eye on Gordon Beckham too.  He’s gonna be a superstar.

White Sox.

Allison.Stokke.jpgAL West
Like its National League version, this division causes me fits.  The Rangers are right on the cusp of doing something great; but then I look at their pitching staff and see a bunch of crooked numbers on the board against them.  The A’s?  Uh… no offense, but if you rely on Kurt Suzuki to produce all your offense, I cannot take you seriously.  The Mariners look like they should be much improved; but I’m not drinking that kool-aid yet ‘cuz as of now, they haven’t done jack.  And how can I possibly bet against a proven winner, a team that gets it done year after year after year? 

The Angels win the West.  Why?  ‘Cuz they do everything right.

And they have a rally monkey.

Playoffs
Now when you put all these pretty teams together, choosing one over the other is no easy task.  They’re all yummy winners.  They’re all well-proportioned hot.  They’re all doable talented.

So what is one to do?

Personally, I like to fantasize about a world where they’re all in the same room, having fun and going at it with uncompromising competitive bite.  But understanding how unrealistic that is, I guess I have no choice but to choose one. 

Or two.

These two:

jenna fischer 2.jpgAnd again, my lying, cheating, pipe-dreaming heart tells me that the Cardinals are better than the Yankees.  Yet, I’m smart enough to know that saying as much is not only unrealistic, it’s just plain fantasy.

Still, one can dream, right?

Hate me ‘cuz I get ya all flustered, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not
together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster
question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at
kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Unwanted Victoria Secret catalogues and bootleg copies of Predators also welcome.

(all images scraped from the interwebs)


Go See Him While You Can, People

albert pujols red.jpg

Albert Pujols has played just nine Major League seasons and in each and every one of them he’s hit over 30 homeruns, collected more than 100 RBI and batted over .300.  Those aren’t just good numbers, folks.  Those are astronomical numbers.

And this is his best year yet.

I think it’s time we stop referring to Albert Pujols as the future Hall of Famer that he is — because let’s face it, if the man’s career ends today he’ll be a first ballot lock* — and start acknowledging that he is indeed one of the greatest players to ever play the game, all-time, in the history of the game.

mlb.com.screengrab.jpgCan we just stop and think about that for a minute?

In our present game, today, right this second, we are witnessing a rare and genuine paragon of baseball supremacy.

Stop — and — think — about — that.

My Dad saw Gibson. 

My Grandpa saw Musial.

And Albert will trump them both.

By a long shot.

I know it’s hard to understand while it’s happening.  I realize that, in most cases, we do not realize what great feats we are witnessing firsthand until it’s too late, until our heroes are lifted in the 7th for defensive replacements, until they’re embarking on sappy, over-produced farewell tours.

But right now we all have the opportunity to savor the greatness, to take it all in, to let it move us.

There are many beautiful women: Erin Andrews, Heidi Derosa, Allison Stokke… but none of them are Marilyn Monroe.

Great presidents abound in Franklin D. Roosevelt and George Washington; but there is only one Abraham Lincoln. 

Sure, Metallica is great and all but there’s only one Pink Floyd.

And yes.  There is only one Albert Pujols.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*As one reader pointed out, a player needs 10 years in the Majors before being eligible; consider my phrase a simple bout of hyperbole

Wooing the Wacky

bill clinton kim jong il.jpgIn baseball, the very best players fail seven times out of ten.  With defeat as the understood underwriter of the game, we as fans tend to not flip every time a batter makes himself an out.  Instead, we get over it, move on, and wait for the next opportunity.

The tentacled world of international diplomacy, however, does not feature such a luxurious background.  So when it was announced that former president Bill Clinton was to head the rescue mission of two American journalists imprisoned in the mysteriously wacky, pro-proletariat North Korea, I breathed an ecstatic sigh of relief.

Because if anyone can woo the pants off a frail, old, tyrant dictator who fancies Don King hair and Elvis sunglasses, Bill Clinton certainly can.

And like Albert Pujols at the dish with 2 outs, bases loaded and the entire game, season, legacy on the line, Slick Willy delivered.

BAM!

Of course, while he was there, he did do Al and I a favor by getting Kim’s personal thoughts on Red State Blue State, which Kim supposedly reveres despite his having to ban it in North Korea due to its “flamboyant content” and “excessive skin service“:

kim jong il.jpgHard to hate a guy who knows what the hell he’s talkin’ about when it comes to baseball.  Am I right?

Yep.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.  That’s all I ask.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Images courtesy of the Associated Press)

Everybody Breathe; Gaze at the Hottness

diana roberts.jpgWhat did I do yesterday?

Well, let’s see, I did Testosterone Propionate, Methyltestosterone, Clomid, Laurabolin, Nolvadex, HGH, Masteril, Agoviron, Ambosex, Chorvlon, L-Thyroxine, Clomid, Euthyrox, Neo-Hombreol, Maxiolin Elixier and a little bit of Testo-Enant and then I watched David Ortiz go yard against the Oakland Athletics.

Athletics?  Please.  If it ain’t full of Riboxifen it ain’t no athlete.

But who cares anyway?  I’m sick of talking about this and I imagine dear readers are too so let’s talk about something a bit more titillating, shall we?

It is no secret that the merits of baseball relevant beauties have long been a popular subject at RSBS.  From Erin Andrews to Gong Li (somehow related, trust us) to Kendra Andrews, we and our loyal interns always go for broke.  That is why we are happy to announce that the crew at Fantasy Baseball Dugout has launched its 2009 edition of the Hottest Baseball Wives contest.

heidi derosa.jpgAre you salivating yet?

If not, you will be (depending on your preference) and you can watch the video *here* and vote for the hottest baseball wife *here*.  (Ladies, you can participate too; it’s cool.  I promise.)

My vote? 

Heidi DeRosa. 

Hands down. 

Happy Friday!

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Images courtesy of Fantasy Baseball Dugout)

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