Results tagged ‘ Hillary Clinton ’

Cards Must Embrace Occam’s Razor

To be whole, you must be broken.

When the British imprisoned Gandhi, did he give up his string of peaceful protests?  When Judas ratted out Jesus, did J.C. stop spreading the gospel?  When Hillary blasted Obama for being associated with a hifalutin crazy-talkin’ preacher, did he cede the race, kill the birth of hope politics or spit on the dreams of US Americans to see real change

No.  They didn’t.

Now, as the St. Louis Cardinals find themselves in a similar predicament, the task is at hand: persevere, stay the course, rise from the dead if need be, but most importantly: keep on doing what you’ve been doing.  Keep winning.  

Without question, Albert Pujols’ injury is a devastating blow to a team who has already overcome an onslaught of adversity.  Losing three seasoned veterans to other clubs, losing an ace starter, losing a key utility man to the evils of addiction, these are just a few of the obstacles they’ve been forced to overcome — not to mention the fact that no one — NO ONE — even gave them a fighting chance before the season started. 

Yet despite all of the above, the Cards sit just 2 1/2 games behind the Cubs (as I write this), and they’ve gotten there with hard work, solid pitching, timely hitting and gutsy performances.  Pujols is and always will be the catalyst, but they wouldn’t be competing in the NL Central if it weren’t for the blue collar efforts of a mostly unheard of supporting cast.

Ludwick, Ankiel, Schumaker, Molina, Miles, Franklin and Lohse = Guts, guts, guts, guts, guts, guts and guts.


So why change anything now?  Put Duncan at first base, adjust the batting order, put on that jockstrap and let’s grow a pair!  Don’t lose a step!  Do NOT panic!  Do not get crazy, give up hope, make a stupid move or cede the race!

In other words, keep the same, simple attitude and forget about the baseball pundits that are now saying the Cards haven’t a chance in the world.  According to them, we never did (see 2008 current standings, 2006 final standings for evidence of how this has been overcome before).

It’s only June.  It’s far from over.  And I’m right.  Don’t hate me for it.




Truth to Power

Well, Mr. Lung. It appears that we have yet one more arena in which we agree. The Clinton campaign is really nothing more than a travesty at this point and does nothing except harm the still presumptive nominee. In a year where Democrats should be stronger than ever, they still search for a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. It’s almost like watching the 2008 Detroit Tigers. The only difference being that the Tigers don’t technically need an act of god to turn things around at this point.

However, despite this point of agreement, there is another area in which I have to strongly disagree with you. And in doing this I know I am setting myself up for lots of hate mail but it’s something that has been bugging for a long time. So, instead of beating around the bush, I’m just going to come right out and say it. Erin Andrews is not that hot. In fact, she’s not really all that attractive at all.

erin.andrews.jpgNow, I know that this statement is considered blasphemous in the male sporting universe since every guy I know who follows sports seems to think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. But, aside from a nice rack and an unfailing wardrobe department, there just isn’t that much going on there. Even in heels she has a flat rear end and that face is painted on. Wow. I really said it. That felt good.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I know of someone better who should take her place. I’m just saying that when it comes right down to it, she’s like a hot short-order cook. Yeah, she might be hot when you consider the profession but the competition is pretty thin to begin with.


West Virginia Speaks, No One Cares

West Virginians had their say Tuesday
evening and it’s no surprise that they chose the pushover wife of a dressed-up manwhore
But unless you’re a West Virginian named Booker T. Washington or Jerry West you
don’t have much of an audience.  So in the end, this sad state of affairs
is just that: a sad state of affairs.  Whether it be between brothers and
sisters, cousins and cousins or fathers and daughters, it’s just sad. 

What’s even more sad is that the entire spectacle of the West
Virginia primary (though theoretically proper and just in promoting
democracy) was really just a waste of time.  Nothing will change by way of
the presumptive nominee except that he will be labeled as
“presumptive” for yet another stretch of precious time.  Kudos
to the Clinton campaign for being
steadfast in its savagery.

But we’re US Americans
and every state’s vote should count — unless, of course, you’re a
Republican, in which case your decision was made for you by the 20+ states that
voted before it was your turn.  Is there really any question why West
Virginian officials stage their primary as late as they do?  Perhaps they know
what we’re all thinking and are doing us a favor by voting so late,
when no one cares.

Except that this year, the media (and the GOP) would like us to think that
people should care because the race is so close.  Well, it’s not
that close.  She can’t win.  This is just another angle she is using
to squeeze her way onto the ticket somehow, some way, any way.

And we’re made to suffer through it.  Like Kansas City Royals fans who
hopelessly invest their emotions in a team that is determined to lose, Clinton
supporters know they haven’t a chance in the free world; but glimmers of
sunshine (Brian Bannister’s first three starts) and glimpses of brilliance (Zach
Greinke’s ERA
) always seem to block out the fact that they’re always
playing against a much tougher opponent.  Without money and sound
management, there is just no friggin’ way the tumultuous season will ever end
in Ultimate Victory — ever.

If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask these upstanding West
what they think?


Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



Zito Happens, The Evolution of Hillary, Cards  Roll

Zito Happens

zito.jpgI sure hope that Hilary Duff hookup back in February 2007 was worth it for Barry Zito because he hasn’t been the same pitcher since.  While most people would like to point out his faulty mechanics and the pressure to perform after landing a fat paycheck as the reasons for his meltdown, I know better.  It’s the ladies.  They can be nagging after all, and if you have to go home to someone who is way more successful than you are — a hottie who played a girl named McGuire (wink, wink at the Bay love connection) — it’s easy to see how difficult it could be to throw strikes. 

In the second inning of today’s loss against the Diamondbacks, Zito couldn’t find the strikezone with a Sherman tank full of maps.  He walked the bases loaded and on a 2-0 count to the until-then hitless pitcher, Brandon Webb, he threw a fastball and gave up a two run single.

As a friend (a Giants fan no less) recently told me: “Zito Happens.”

The Evolution of Hillary

As much as Obama tries to make this about the issues, Hillary just can’t let go of the “same old politics” and she is embarrassing me as member of the Democratic Party.  In tonight’s debate, she said:

“I may be a lot of things, but I’m not dumb.”

Well I’m not dumb either, Hillary, and I think it’s pretty clear what path we U.S. Americans would be taking if you become our Democratic nominee:

Cards Roll

Again, no one is talking about the Cardinals.  Tied with the Dbacks for the best record in baseball at 11-4, the Redbirds are winning and they’re doing it with pitching and clutch hitting.  I understand that the media feels that, on paper, the Cardinals shouldn’t be in the mix come September.  All I ask is, why not?  The game is played on the field and the St. Louis pitching staff has been giving everyone fits this season.  They’re making quality starts, getting strong relief from the talented bullpen and they’re confident.  At the plate, guys are working deep into counts with patience; they’re spoiling pitches.  New fixtures like Schumaker, Duncan, and Ankiel are getting key hits, especially with two outs.  The silent treatment from the media is nothing new, but it never gets easier to accept.  If they were the New York Cardinals or the L.A. Redbirds of Orange County I’m sure we would be sick of them by now — as I am already with the Yankees/Red Sox series. 

Like some old guy at the bus stop tells himself out loud every morning (as if I’m not standing next to him), “Actions speak louder than words.”  I think he thinks he made that up.  In any case, he’s right…

…and so am I, so don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right. 



P.S.  Where the hell is Allen?  The Hockeytown Tigers have won three in a row and he’s still hiding in shame for not supporting Jack Morris’ HOF bid.  What a loser.

The High Price of Fame

So Alex Rodriguez makes more money than the entire Florida
Marlins team
.  Must be pretty hard to
live up to such high expectations – especially in a bullying market like New York.  Until recently, I couldn’t even begin to
fathom what that kind of pressure is like.

…and then I (we, Allen Krause and I) became famous.

Sure, it all started out quietly, you know, like that hushing
wind that breezes across the plains accompanied by purple skies right before
the big storm.  So the Detroit Tigers/Hillary Clinton comparison I made was masterfully quoted on the homepage – big deal.  Just doing my bloggin’ thang… fillin’ the role
I was meant to fill because all my sliders hung and I couldn’t get around on a
65 mph fastball.  Some are born to play
ball, some are born to rant on ball. 

And then it happened. 
At 5 a.m. this morning I got the call:

PHONE CALLER GUY: Hey, is this Jeff Lung?

ME: Yes.

PHONE CALLER GUY: Whoa, it’s really you?

ME:  Yes, it’s
me.  What do you want?  It’s 5 in the morning.

Wow, I can’t believe it’s really you.

ME:  Who are you and
what do you want!?!

PHONE CALLER GUY:  Your picture is on MLBlog’s homepage and I just wanted to pick your brain about what it’s like to be on the internet underneath Jose Reyes?

Life hasn’t been the same since.

I walked out of my Southside apartment this morning to a deluge of paparazzi.  I smiled and nodded, answered some
questions from my fans but I must be honest: it was tiresome, and I still have a day job, so I had to punch (WHAM!) one of them (one of the paparazzi, not one of my fans) to get away.  


On the 29/State bus it was the same: mobs of people begging
for my autograph, picture, a Jason Grilli ERA Watch report.  I obliged but I gotta admit, it was tiresome, overwhelming
and downright stressful.

It couldn’t have come at a worse time.  Tomorrow I am going to my first game of the year: White Sox
v. Tigers at the Joan.  Fearing more of the same mob
mentality from those who come within ten feet of my aura, I will do my best to ‘fit in’ tomorrow by wearing a disguise and I will certainly
not make any public statements.   I’m sorry, but even a guy like me needs a break once in a while. 

In fact, afterwards, I’ll probably have to go to Evanston — to take a breather and get away from it all.

So, while I’m relaxing, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m beautiful…or because I’m right.  Please?  Okay, pretty please?





Mathematically Challenged

tigers oh and seven.jpgIf I were a Tiger fan (ahem, Allen Krause) I would go the airport, buy a ticket to the most remote war-torn nation, find a spot of uninhabited land, dig a hole, get in it, and light myself on fire.  Okay, maybe I wouldn’t take the time to dig a hole, but I would certainly light myself on fire.  At the very least I would kick down Dave Dombrowski’s door and demand he give me a refund for my hard-earned money, hopes, dreams.  Because as much as the Tigers stole the headlines away from the evils of New York, Boston and L.A. during this past offseason, they sure are reneging on every dime invested.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  There are still 155 games remaining in the season but their lackluster performance and the sheer absence of urgency in their play proves to me that their season is pretty much in the can.  I suppose they’ll get hot at some point and make a little noise but by then it will be too little too late.  In essence, the 2008 Tigers are the baseball equivalent of the Clinton campaign — great resume, great talent, would probably do a decent job, but so far behind there is no possible way they can win it all.  So do us all a favor and get out of the race so we can concentrate on the important stuff, like the teams that are winning.

jim leyland monkey.jpgWhat surprises me is Leyland doesn’t seem to be too upset.  Where’s the screaming and yelling?  Where’s the blow-up at the press conference?  Where are the cigarette burns on Jason Grilli’s rubber arm?

Bench Magglio.  Sit Cabrera.  Weld Granderson’s hand back together.  I know it’s not the popular thing to do.  I know you didn’t spend 140 million dollars to sit your franchise players — but you sure didn’t spend 140 million to be the only team in the Majors without a win thus far.   Tick people off.  Light some fires under some tooshies.  Get ’em motivated for crying out loud. 

The Royals are motivated.  They beat the Evil Empire today to go to 5-2 on the young season, even with the White Sox, who (ahem), destroyed the Tigers on national television Sunday night.  Heck, even Baltimore’s fired up.  At 6-1 they probably feel like they’re cheating their fans by actually being worth the price of admission.  Allen could’ve been one of those fans, but he said he would eschew the whole Oriole scene because they were “terrible”

cabrera ordonez.jpgTerrible is what the Tigers will be thought of when this season is over.  After Boston they have to come to the Southside.  Then they face the Twins, Indians and Blue Jays next week before they get somewhat of a breather with the Rangers (though I’m pretty sure they’ll find a way to lose that series too).  But then it’s on to play the Angels and Yankees and by the beginning of May they could possibly be worse than the 1988 Baltimore Orioles who forever live in infamy for losing their first 21 games of the season.  Don’t feel bad, at least you and all your Hockeytown brethren have four months of NHL playoffs to look forward to, eh?

STL.jpgBut who really cares about the Tigers anyway?  Why am I spending so much time talking about these overpaid losers?  How ’bout a proven winner, how ’bout those Cardinals!  The old adage you’re only as good as your pitching still rings true (just ask the Yankees) and the Cards have been getting brilliant outing after brilliant outing to start the year.  With Carp and Mulder on the DL and Matt Clement still rehabbing, it has been a pleasant surprise to see Kyle Lohse (who didn’t even have a job in the Big Leagues at the beginning of March) come through and pitch the hell out of the number two spot.  Wainwright has been stellar.  Wellemeyer, Thompson and Looper have all added to that super-impressive team ERA.  In their win tonight, Anthony Reyes (a bonafide Tiger killer, see ’06 WS, Game 1) gave them three scoreless innings in relief, which gave Glaus enough time to drive in two big runs. 

I’ve been watching these guys every day and I’ve noticed something you’ll never see in any box score: they really believe in themselves.  Even if no one else does, they do.  They just do.  And they don’t care what anyone else says or thinks in regards to their less-than-stellar-on-paper rotation.  They have spark, they have guts, and they’re having a ton of fun.

And isn’t that what it’s all about? 

I feel alive again.  Al, you better check to see if you still have a pulse.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



A Not-So-Intelligent Analogy

Earlier this week, Senator Hillary Clinton, while feeling immense pressure to get out of the democratic race that she can’t possibly win without tearing apart the party, again proved her desperateness and questionable rationality during a speech in Pennsylvania.  It was there that the former first lady likened herself to the hardened fighter from the Rocky film franchise:

Hillary_Clinton_2008.JPG“Could you imagine if Rocky Balboa had gotten halfway up those art
museum stairs and said, ‘Well, I guess that’s about far enough’? That’s
not the way it works… Let me tell you something. When it comes to finishing the fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit.”

rocky.jpgThis quote (and the subsequent authoritative tone with which she gave it) is disturbing on many levels.  First of all, Rocky may not have quit, but he still lost the damn fight.  And while that was entertaining in itself, it didn’t work out well for him, especially since Apollo Creed turned his face into mush.  Secondly, while it was a great film that reached all audiences, the sequels went on ad nauseum, quite like the Clinton campaign.  By the time the fifth movie came out, people were uninterested in the tired underdog plot lines that never seemed to change from one film to the next.  Only with the death of Apollo Creed in Rocky IV were audiences buzzing about the Rocky series again, which was heightened when Rocky had to face a Soviet robot while we were still in a cold war, so you can see how easy it was for us to be hypnotized by that. 

But the third, and most important point, is the simple fact that Rocky Balboa wasn’t real.   He was a fictional character in a fictional world that had fictional problems which gave him a fictional reason not to quit.  The sad part is many U.S. Americans probably haven’t made this connection — and probably never will because they don’t care.

If I were a Clinton speech writer, I would’ve advised her to use a much more prevalent and tangible analogy — one questioning what would’ve happened had the 2007 Philadelphia Phillies decided to quit before September.  What if, seeing how far back in the standings they were behind the Mets with a only a few precious weeks left, J-Rol, R-How and C-Ut decided it was no use to keep fighting?  What if Jamie Moyer would’ve hung it up?  What if the Phanatic had retired his silliness?

Of course, no matter how you look at it, even this analogy wouldn’t quite ring the Liberty Bell.  I mean, unless Barack Obama suddenly loses the ability to pitch in meaningful games and keep his batting average above the Mendoza line, she still doesn’t have a chance.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.