Results tagged ‘ Jason Kendall ’
Royals’ Intrasquad Games Best Chance to See a Royals WIN!
Sometimes I worry that I beat the same tired joke into the ground, causing dear readers galore to groan, growl and grow weary of my tasteless ways.
And then I will run across a headline, like this one on MLB.com, and realize that all of my spew is actually rim-shot-worthy material just writing itself at tremendous speed. The part I play is actually quite minuscule as I am merely an ebullient conduit for said spew. Any negative repercussions are clearly someone else’s fault (I’m the oldest of seven kids, so I’m an expert at redirecting blame).
But to be perfectly clear, I do not want to be the Matt Drudge of Major League Baseball — one who takes simple news stories with rigid headlines and turns them into bits of sultry, one-sided crap by reconstructing their titles with right wing conservative Christian buzz words in large red font with quotation marks ad nauseum (this is also known as fear mongering). If I may be trite, a news story is what it is.
And the Royals are what they are, with or without my chiding.
So let’s face it: the Royals are an abomination. They may not be on the exact level of abomination as the Pirates, but they are close behind. Just look at the rosters for those two intrasquad teams mentioned in the linked article:
Team 1: Scott Podsednik, LF; Chris Getz, 2B; David DeJesus, RF;
Josh Fields, 3B; Rick Ankiel, CF; Alberto Callaspo, 2B; Wilson Betemit,
DH; Ernesto Mejia, 1B; Brayan Pena, C.Team 2: Mitch Maier, LF; Jason Kendall, C; Billy Butler, 1B;
Jose Guillen, RF; Alex Gordon, 3B; Scott Thorman, DH; Mike Aviles, 2B;
Brian Anderson, CF; Yuniesky Betancourt, SS.
Now, tell me you aren’t laughing as hard as I am.
Was that a bit harsh?
I don’t know. Isn’t it a bit harsh on the five or six fans left in Kansas City to know that their big offseason acquisitions include an old guy who used to run well, a walking concussion who can’t hit a breaking ball and another old guy who… well, okay, Jason Kendall might teach those kids something… but Wilson Betemit!?! WTF!?!?
All jokes aside, I can tell you this: there was a time when Royals baseball invoked fear in the minds of all opponents. Nowadays the only thing invoked by the Kansas City Royals is a quick change of the channel.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff
Rick Ankiel: This Man Cannot Be Serious
If I were stranded on a remote island ten years ago and I just now got back to see Rick Ankiel is playing center field for the Kansas City Royals, I would be thoroughly confused. We all know what a tremendous story Rick Ankiel’s career has been up to this point. So let me be clear: as a Cardinals fan, I fully support Ricky and thank him for all he did in a Cards uniform. I wish him the best of luck.
Yet I cannot help but believe all those concussions did a smidgen more than some serious damage to his psyche.
In his welcoming press conference with the Royals last week, Ankiel mentioned that part of why he wanted to come to Kansas City was because he ‘liked the direction’ the team was going.
That’s horse$hit.
And we all know it.
The truth is: Rick Ankiel is happy to be with the Royals because he has a job now when it looked like he might not. I can’t blame the guy. I would do the exact same thing… which may or may not include my liking ‘the direction’ of the team.
Because, let’s face it: this team ain’t goin’ anywhere.
Again.
Scott Podsednik. Jason Kendall. Billy Butler. Kyle Farnsworth.
These names do not a champion make.
I think the best summary of the Kansas Royals’ direction, under the keen eye of GM Dayton Moore, is represented by a technical glitch which provided wonderment during the press conference.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Kansas City Royals: Team of Infinite Regress:
Hate me ‘cuz I hurt feelings, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff
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Tune in Monday and Tuesday of this week. Ninemen’s Morris is baaaaaaaaaaaaack…

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