Results tagged ‘ Jedi ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Team Edward Rep, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

I’m a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins

Things are changing for me. Before I know it I’ll be wearing jeans and reading fiction. I don’t know where I am. My favorite color is rainbow. I’m giving in to wearing sandals over socks. I don’t need the therapy! I’m just mentally ill!

Tony Effing LaRussa is back in my world and I CAN’T STAND IT. He’s a throbbing, raging, @$$bag that I wish would go away but he won’t. And you can’t kill him. If you try, he just keeps coming back. And, with all my might, my baseball sensibilities consume me so much that I can’t not respect the man.

When I was a child I would squint and mistake him for Thundercats supervillain Mumm-Ra (Magician or sexual deviant?).  I wanted to lightsaber him over and over BECAUSE I AM A JEDI!  His steroid riddled teams have infuriated me to no end. I loved the Dodgers and Orel in the 80s, the Giants and their earthquake, my Cubs of the last decade. I’ve always respected the man and his managing abilities; but he really has outdone himself this year. WOW.

When the Cardinals beat the Tigers in their last World Series appearance with no pitching, that was quite a thing. What’s happening now is nothing short of spectacular managing. My Jeffy’s Cards are the hottest team in baseball and I will once again be rooting against Texas. Watching this series will be like being touched by a priest…

–Johanna Mahmud
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Padres’ Secret Unveiled

ryan webb jedi.jpgAll season long I’ve been asking myself: how does a team that cannot score runs continue to win as much as the Padres in 2010?

I thought the answer was excellent pitching.

WRONG.

If Ryan Webb is hangin’ with Yoda, then it’s a good bet that Mat Latos is hangin’ with Obi-wan… and Heath Bell is chillin’ with… Vader.

Hate me ‘cuz I can spin the double-bladed saber, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of the AP)

Michael Young’s Jedi Mind Trick Still Needs Work

Micahel Young.jpgThe Michael Young saga in Texas has officially come to an end with Young agreeing to move to third base in order to make room at shortstop for the rookie Elvis Andrus.  Despite his initial fussy defiance towards Rangers GM Jon Daniels’ dictatorial decision, Young now appears content to accept his fate as his inability to master the Jedi mind trick is exposed once again.

Remember?  Back in 2003, Young told management he would not move from second base to shortstop to make room for Alfonso Soriano; but the force was weak with him and he eventually did what he was told.

I highly doubt we’ll see an end to his failure at misdirecting the thoughts of those in power.  It just seems to be his m.o.  To prove this, the video technicians at RSBS located early footage of Michael Young as a little leaguer, which documents his sloppy approach to controlling the minds of others:

Pay no attention to the anachronisms in this video.  They’re there to trick you. 

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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