Results tagged ‘ Jeff Kent ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Kerry Wood Loyalist, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

“Some places are like people: some shine and some don’t.”

Those who know me know I like to do odd things, like throw myself off bridges, eat cuttlefish or play H.O.R.S.E. … with myself. But that’s not why I called.

In the spirit of odd things, I thought I’d use the funniest movie of all time to deal with all the MLB Hall of Fame talk.

Wendy Torrance: I can’t get out! I can’t get out! Run! Run!

Congrats! You made it out alive, Barry!!!

As we celebrate Barry Larkin’s entry to the hallowed Hall (even though it took three stupid years) I thought we should take a look at those who didn’t quite make it out of Overlook Hotel, the ones who will probably be there a while.

Jack Torrance:  Do you have the slightest idea what a moral and ethical principle is? Do you? 

I can’t out think a potato, but I know this: Piazza, Kent, Bagwell and Big Mac aren’t getting in. EVER. And I don’t think I have to explain why. But I digress…

Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in. [Axes the door]

My personal vote went to Jeffy’s Expo base running specialist, Tim Raines. My kind of ball man. Good defender, consistent contact hitter and great jheri curl!

Wendy, you’ve got a big surprise coming to you. You’re not going anywhere.

From one Jack to another… of course, Allen’s Jack Morris slipped through the cracks again. I feel for the kid (Allen), but I personally believe Jack will be dead before he leaves the snowy mountaintop of baseball’s purgatory labyrinth.

God, I’d give anything for a drink. I’d give my god-damned soul for just a glass of beer.

Good Luck, Lenny Dykstra… maybe next year… yeesh. And maybe stop talking for a while.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Filibuster

So, Manny is a Dodger? The entire world was sure he was heading
south but now he has joined an already cramped outfield in L.A. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he has joined Joe Torre and Nomar out there! The
question is, will Manny being Manny fly in Tinseltown and can you think of
any other stranger storylines in the last few years?

– Allen
                                                                                     

mannyRamirez.silohuette.jpgAh, yes, the infamous Manny-being-Manny question.  Will it fly?  Will he be accepted by his new manager and teammates?  To find out, I shook my Magic 8 Ball and it replied: “All signs point to yes”.

But I already knew that to be the answer.

Admittedly, Manny Ramirez looks quite odd in Dodger blue; but I have to remind myself, Manny Ramirez looks odd in any uniform.  He is an absolute nutcase reminiscent of one Space Man Bill Lee — an individual who goes out of his way to be quirky, weird, individualistic.  I think Manny is inherently incapable of being anything other than an escalating characterization of himself.

And the fans love it — always have.  That is why, as the years go by, his antics become more and more documented, loved, embraced.  This is the man who forgot to cash a million dollar check that the Indians wrote him for his services because he didn’t have time to go to the bank.  This is the man who lolly-gags in left field and is revered for it.  This is the man who David Ortiz labeled as: “One crazy mother-(bleep)”.

Will it be weird seeing him next to Joe Torre and Nomar Garciaparra in the dugout?  Sure.  Will it be weird seeing Manny sitting next to anyone in the dugout?  Absolutely.  The man is a magnet for oddity — from high-fiving fans while making a play to writing signs expressing his desire to move to Green Bay, anything Manny does is just plain weird.  Because of this, I think he is a perfect fit for the Dodgers and their organization.

Having lived in L.A. for a stretch, I can vouch for the oddity of their fans.  Infamously, Dodger fans show up to the game late and leave early.  In their defense, yes, traffic is rough in L.A., but it wouldn’t take much to plan for such inconveniences so one could show up by first pitch.  And it’s sad to watch the mass exodus of fans heading for the freeway during the 7th inning stretch.  Such collective disregard comes off as arrogant — a stigma I feel covers all L.A. sports teams.  Like going to a Lakers game, it’s a place to be seen.

alyssa.milano.dodgers.jpgSo, given the mediocre-to-lukewarm state of Dodger fandom, will Manny being Manny fly in Tinseltown?  I don’t see why not.  They love Jeff Kent and he’s a complete ^sshole.  But to make sure, I decided to check in with the ultimate Dodger fan, the barometer for all things Dodger blue, the lovely, expressive, illuminating Alyssa Milano.  On her MLBlog, she wrote a nice piece on Manny, which clearly shows that they (Dodger fans) will accept whatever strange occurrences may come with his acquisition.  I only hope that there are plenty to speak of by the end of the year, because I don’t think Manny will be in Hollywood after the end of the season; the evil plottings of Scott Boras will see to that.

Strange a story as this is, is it really that strange when it’s all said and done?  No.  Not really.  Manny has been crying this same game for years; it was only a matter of time before it happened.  There have been stranger storylines this year:

I Used to Smoke Crack but Now I Smoke Fastballs: The Josh Hamilton Story

I Could’ve Tagged Two Guys Out at the Plate on the Same Play but Dropped the Ball: The Ramon Castro Story

I Threw Five Wild Pitches in a Playoff Game and Now I’m a Rock-Star Centerfielder: The Rick Ankiel Story

But no story has been stranger than this made-for-TV minor league drama in which an unsuspecting, cute ballgirl makes the play of a lifetime, giving the likes of Spider Man and Endy Chavez a run for their money:

Take it or leave it folks, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers