Results tagged ‘ Jimmy Carter ’

Thanking the Carters

selleck_tigers.jpgSome things just don’t feel right unless they’re together.  Like, how can you have pizza without pepperoni?  Ok, yes, there is the Hawaiian but that’s a rare exception.  Or what about Tom Selleck without a mustache?  Catholicism without the pope…..or scandal.

Baseball is the same way but to an even greater degree.  In a way, baseball just isn’t baseball without them.  But if I had to choose just one thing that completes baseball, I’d say beer.

Now when I first went to games and was old enough to drink, the options were pretty limited.  Usually there was Bud, Bud Light, Miller Lite and maybe some sort of local favorite like Old Style.  But that has all changed in recent years.  When I visit Nats’ Park, I can choose between the regulars or something like Blue Moon.  Out in San Francisco one of the vendors had Anchor Steam on draft and that made me very happy.

It makes me wonder who I have to thank for all this malty and hoppy goodness.  What brave soul forged a path through uncharted wilderness to make sure that my ballpark experience lived up to my expectations?

The answer will probably surprise you as much as it surprised me: Jimmy Carter.

Yes, the man who is best known for growing peanuts, botching the hostage rescue and overseeing the oil shocks of the 70′s also inadvertently created the conditions for the microbrewery explosion that continues today.

So, the next time you’re at the park, skip the Bud and drink a microbrew for Jimmy instead.  If nothing else, it’s definitely better than a Billy Beer.

-A

Lidge in a Historical Context

I have made apologies for Brad Lidge in the past. This is not to say that I am an apologist but rather that I thought the guy deserved a little respect after what he did last year. And maybe he still does. But after blowing his 11th save of the season last night, he no longer gets that free pass from me.

Here’s the problem. Last year, as we all know, he was a perfect 100% in save opportunities. This year, he’s a little south of 75%. Now, .750 would be a great batting average and it wouldn’t even be a terrible completion percentage for a quarterback. But, at this point in the season, the Brad Lidge experiment (which is a great name for a band, by the way) is a miserable failure and the Phillies had better figure out what they’re doing before Lidge blows it for them in the playoffs.

However, I think I can demonstrate this much more convincingly by comparing it to other famous choices and showing what might have happened if they had followed the current Lidge tinged route.


Chamberlain_and_Hitler.jpgNeville Chamberlain’s War-Time Prime Minister-ship:

When it turns out that Chamberlain is just a little bit off on the whole Hitler as a threat thing despite seizing Poland and annexing the Sudeten-land, the British decide to give him one more chance. As rockets rain down on London, he bravely stands up and proclaims once more, “C’mon guys, Hitler isn’t really trying to invade Britain. He just has to make a good show of it.” On the bright side, Oktoberfest in London becomes a world-renowned tradition.

Jimmy Carter’s Historic Second Term:

jimmy_carter.jpgAlthough the rescue of the hostages in Iran doesn’t quite go as planned and despite the oil crisis, America just can’t enough of the Georgia peanut farmer and they send would-be president, Ronald Reagan, back to California to star in a sequel to Bedtime for Bonzo. Carter repays their faith with his famous speech in West Berlin where he kindly asks the Russians to “Please stop being so mean and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, how about we slowly dismantle this wall.” He then returns home, considers invading Grenada but instead decides to  kill them with kindness, sending thousands of jars of Georgia’s finest peanut butter.

George W. Bush’s Re-Election in 2004:

george w bush.jpgDespite using the pretense of a just war to entangle the US in a war of choice in Iraq and blowing the possibility of paying down the debt with the newly balanced budget handed him by former President Clinton and instead cutting taxes on the wealthy, Americans go to the polls in November of 2004 and send Mr. Bush back to the White House. He returns the favor by further relaxing regulations and sending Americans to the poorhouse in record numbers during the greatest economic downturn since the Great Depression.

Wait a minute, what? That really happened? I was sure it was just a bad dream. Hm, guess that means that whoever faces Philly in the first round has hope after all.

-A

Presidential Picks

The five living US American presidents met earlier this week to discuss their hopes and dreams for the 2009 MLB season.

When asked who they thought would win it all this year, they responded with the following:

five presidents together.jpgPerhaps someone should edumacate Dubya before he leaves the house his daddy got him into for good.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

There You Go Again

 

As if your inferior baseball acumen were not enough to cause acid reflux among dear readers galore, Mr. Krause, you just had to top it off by insulting a fellow US American and subsequent baseball god: the Albert Pujols.

“reknowned Mexican wrestler, Albert Pujols, won the NL MVP…”

                                         — Allen Krause, Fenway to Foggy Bottom

What!?!  Look, Mr. Krause, you’re extremely lucky that you live in the safety of our nation’s capital.  Slinging slapdash remarks like that could get your legs broken — and I don’t mean by me, but by the 10 million Dominicans who now want your head on a plate having desecrated their larger than life island hero. 

Mexico does not equal the Dominican Republic.

And besides, I think we all know that A.P. moved to the States at an early age and found his stroke in Independence, MO of all places.

Independence, Allen. 

Independence!

Get it?

Set free thy hate, groundling!

NL MVP Albert Pujols bleeds US American red, white and blue just like you and I do.  In fact, he scored a perfect 100 on his citizenship test. 

Can you say that, Al?

No.  Yet you find it in your heart to say you could “care less” about Pujols and Pedroia’s crowning achievements.

Well, lahdy frickin’ da, Mr. Krause.  You are a letch.  I didn’t want to believe it; but you are.

On the one hand, you have who could quite possibly be the perfect baseball player in Albert; on the other you have a paragon of scrappy overachievement in Pedroia.

And you could “care less”.

That’s just… well, it’s just… un-American.

You probably also care less about our modern day messiah turning to that same old Washington crap to fill his cabinet posts.  I understand fist bumps and shout-outs to fellow Dems who helped you get elected, but is Hillary Clinton really the “change” America needs?  I’m not convinced. 

We, the People, did the right thing and put Obama in office based on his platform of Hope and Change politics.  In turn, I believe We, the People, deserve to see that plan put in to action.  With the pantheon of bad news coming out of the world markets and my downtrodden colleague posting ill-aimed remarks at the greatest living baseballer on earth, I would like to hang my proverbial hat on at least something positive.

Like this: I, Jeffery Lung, agree with Mitt Romney.

And no, that’s not a joke, my friends.  In fact, his recent opinion-editorial in the New York Times is the smartest thing I’ve read since Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet.

Now that’s smart!

So go ahead, Al, hate me for siding with a Mitt on this one.  Hate me for respecting the magnificence of Albert Pujols and Dustin Pedroia.  But goddamn it, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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