Results tagged ‘ Joe Six-Pack ’

Mr. Krause’s Rejoice!

All it took was a new NFL collective bargaining agreement to make my globetrotting and oft voguish colleague, Mr. Allen Krause (9 year-old version pictured above), rejoice like he was at a Justin Bieber concert.  Now that we know there will be football, Mr. Krause can use his soon-to-be Detroit Tigers disappointment as a perfect segue into yet another Detroit Lions season of disappointment.

The world will be good.

Still, I have a hard time congratulating a group of unionized millionaires on doing what they should have done to begin with.  I know the owners were skimming and scheming, but these things need to be addressed and taken care of PRIOR to a lockout, PRIOR to pissing off a Joe Six-Pack fan base, PRIOR to holding my sports news hostage.

DIDN’T THEY LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE 1994 MLB STRIKE!?!?!

Look, I nearly died in ’94.  I was crushed like a man forced to watch his lover in bed with another man.  I went so far as to QUIT baseball for the entire 1995 season.  If it weren’t for an Albert Belle sized tub of syringes and a jheri curl renaissance, I might still be hootin’ and hollerin’ over the CICL.

But, as is usually the case, no one cares how we, the fans, feel.  As long as we keep schleppin’ out the dough, sports franchises and the athletes who make them will continue to spit on us.  Because they can.

And, I can attest, a certain Mr. Krause would be the very first in line with a pocketfull of benjamins for some Matt Stafford lugeys.

Hate me.  It’s cool.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Not All Athletes Are Created Equally

The NBA Draft was held Thursday night, and in contrast to years previous, this one seemed to be less about an influx of young players and more about the Shaq sextape sized elephant in the room.  Because by now, I think we all know that a lockout is coming, the next season might never be, and hearts will definitely be broken.

And the sadness doesn’t stop there.  Think about the players who will suddenly be without work, with no pay.  Will they be forced to drive Kias instead of Bentleys?  Forced to drink Red Label instead of Blue?  Have sex with their wives rather than the band of groupies hanging outside the team bus?

If you think professional basketball players will be able to just find work elsewhere, like the rest of us Joe Six-Packs would be forced to do, you might want to rethink the way the world works.  Here, let Washington Wizards point guard, John Wall, prove my point:


The truth is, ya get these guys off the court and… well, things can get ugly.

Here’s hoping the NBA learns some valuable lessons from its MLB brethren, before it’s too late.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Blocked by Barry: The Art of Being Dissed by an Overpaid Paragon of Mediocrity

barry zito loser.jpgIf I were making $126 million over seven years for a team that invested its future in me assuming I would be the one to anchor its pitching staff, I think I would probably focus on being a good pitcher.

But if it’s Barry Zito in that position — which it is — apparently none of that is important.

Dear readers, welcome to Zito’s World: a super hip fantasyland where losing 30 games in two seasons with a 4.84 ERA is worth every penny of that $126 million; a place where winning games in April is never a priority; an imaginative mirage where baseball meets Hollywood starlet meets aspiring rock star meets absolute shock that people would be just a wee bit vocal about his seemingly laissez faire attitude.

Look, there is no question that I have been a staunch critic of Mr. Zito.  Yes, I suggested his 2007 and 2008 pitching woes were rooted in his unprofessional preoccupation with movie star female companionship.  Yes, I coined the phrase “Zito Happens”.  Yes, I poked fun at his childish, uncensored Tweets which made him look foolish — pining for “cab cakes”.

But none of that seems to warrant the fact that Barry Zito — the millionaire pitcher who up to this point hasn’t done a very good job of making good on that Scott Boras super-contract — blocked me from his Twitter account.

Yes, that’s right, folks.  With over 10,000 followers on Twitter, Barry Zito took the precious time needed to block RSBS after April 23rd’s post

Juvenile as his actions are, I still cannot help but chuckle.  I mean, here I am lowly Joe Six-Pack, unpaid aspiring writer, committed MLBlogger and informed baseball fanatic, trying to get seen, be heard, find a voice…. and Barry Zito does me the grandiose favor of reading what I write and hating it enough to block me from his 10,000 plus following.

Now, I understand that being a multi-millionaire, playing the greatest game on earth for a living and personifying the American dream is probably really hard on the soul, Barry, but come on, don’t you think you deserve it?  Just a little bit maybe?  Yeah.  Yeah, you do.

Man up, Barry.  Get over yourself.  Do your job and people like me will have no choice but to shut up.

Until then, you will remain back-page fodder for the masses.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

P.S.  Barry may have blocked me from following him on Twitter, but I can still access his Tweets and laugh because they look like they’re written by a 12 year old as they tend to focus on the importance of Radiohead, farting in the shower and men layering with scarves.  Nice work, Barry.  Nice work.

P.S.S.  Despite the aforementioned aggravation I am experiencing from Zito’s actions, I am still living a good life, visiting Washington D.C., hanging out with one of my best friends and co-author Allen, ready to see the Cardinals play the Nats tonight and tomorrow afternoon.  Heading over to the White House now.  Pics/Story to follow.

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