Results tagged ‘ John McCain ’

Unanimous & Unglamorous Consent

cardinal kid.jpgAs a young boy growing up in the middling middle-class of US America, my dreams were aplenty. 

In particular, I dreamed of a day when I would succeed as a professional baseball player.  Wearing the mask behind the plate, I envisioned catching the called third strike to win the World Series… rushing to the mound, hugging my pitcher, shouting til I lost my voice.

Seemed glamorous.

So too did aspiring to be a great leader.  Always the smooth talker with a penchant for spontaneous charm, I reckoned I had the skills to become a good politician. 

Neither dream became reality; and poor old me had to settle for co-writing a hit baseball blog. 

But that’s okay.

I mean, I still wish I could have lived out those Major League aspirations… but when it comes to politics, I couldn’t be happier that I eschewed it all the way. (Yeah, I just said ‘eschewed’. I like that word. Eschew. Say it with me. Eschew.)  Because to be honest, politics is boring as hell.  Oh sure, the Jack Kennedys and Bill Clintons and Ronald Reagans and Barack Obamas make it look flashy and fun and cool; but most of what goes on behind the political scene is as boring as Tommy Lasorda is fat.

A lot.

Of course, you wouldn’t know it by watching this clip, which just happens to be the most exciting exchange on the senate floor since Strom Thurmond admitted he still owned slaves.  Okay, he didn’t admit that, but he probably should have.

*Ahem*

Will the Senator from Connecticut please continue…

Zzzzzzzzzz.

Oh, sorry.  You’re still reading?  Cool.

So, what did we learn?  Franken is an ^ss.  McCain is old.  Lieberman is confused.  

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

PS, Thanks so much for all the kind well wishes you sent me on my birthday. Much appreciated! Fist bumps all around!

White Like Me

sammy sosa is white.jpgYep.  This is pretty weird.  And I bet you are wondering what exactly is going on. 

So are we.

That’s why, once again, we pitted our trusty RSBS interns to the task of discovering why Sammy Sosa is turning white.  After toiling for about twenty minutes, here is the shortlist of what they found:

  • Ran out of shower gel, bleach does a good job, life is rough in the D.R.
  • Wants to be remembered as a member of the White Sox; this is a good way to make that happen
  • Saw the ghost of Sammy past (circa 1989)
  • Planning a trip to the Northside of Chicago and doesn’t want to be recognized. Why? Urine Trough Diving. That’s why.
  • Combine Oxandrolone with Dignotamoxi add a little Methyltestosterone and BAM! You’re WHITE!
  • Sun bathing below the equator has a reverse tan affect, much like eating after midnight turns you into a Gremlin
  • The white skin came free with the Humphrey Bogart toupee package
  • Tired of living in the shadow of Mark McGwire, hopes being brighter will help him stand out while still stuck in the shadow of Mark McGwire
  • Took a look at the man in the mirror and decided to make that change
  • Sick of seeing Karl Rove have all the fun

Skin rejuvenation?  More like how could you make your image more of an abomination!

Hm.  Sounds better when I read that last sentence out loud.

Nevermind.

Just don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Getty Images)

A Little Creativity Please, Gentlemen

lewinsky.jpgIt’s amazing to me how creative people can be when trying to avoid admitting something embarrassing. Like Bill Clinton’s infamous definition of “is” or A-Rod’s original interview with Katie Couric, there are little embellishments, and large ones as well, that seem incredibly obvious in retrospect.

However, what I find even more telling is the response when they’re finally called out and forced to tell the truth. Maybe it’s a short statement issued over a weekend before disappearing for a week (or ten) like John Edwards. Or maybe it’s a couple lawyers finally letting slip that Sammy Sosa was juicing, something most of us had probably already figured out

But today brought around one of my favorites. The Republican paragon of virtue congressman admitting to an extra-marital affair. I mean, we expect this sort of thing from the Democrats. They are the party of Kennedy after all. But the Republicans? How sad is it when the titular head of the Democrats, Barack Obama, is a once married family man while the Republican leadership is full of guys like Newt Gingrich and John McCain who have multiple marriages under their belts, some of which came out of less than squeaky clean circumstances.

It is possible that there’s an upside to all this fudging and creativity, though. If we could just get our leaders to apply some of that creativity to the economy, maybe they could turn it around. What’s that you say? They already tried that and it didn’t work? Well, I guess we could just stuff our money in a mattress. That always seems to work.

-A

Two Times, Two Times

albert-pujols-5.jpgTony LaRussa may have been snubbed by the baseball writers when doling out awards, but the only man who could possibly turn me into a homosexual certainly wasn’t. 

That’s right, dear readers, Albert Pujols is the National League MVP — again — and most deservedly, as this is the A.P. whom the critics said wouldn’t make it through 2008 without having season-ending surgery.  This is the A.P. who, without much protection, rarely saw good pitches — ever.  This is the A.P. who was forced to bear the enormous weight of a subpar bullpen with a penchant for blowing big leads late and an organization run by a pompous penny-pinching pariah pleasantly pleased with mediocrity. 

While I am ecstatic for my man-crush’s crowning achievement, the nihilist in me cannot stop seeing this as yet another detrimental development in John Mozeliak’s quiet quest to do nothing in the way of spending dollars to put together a true contender in 2009.

But what do I know? 

I certainly didn’t know that Nate McLouth had any business getting MVP votes, but some writer (most probably a pissed off Pittsburghian with a propensity for pot-smoking) thought it’d be a funny afterthought to include him in the big picture.

I found it… um… awkward.

obama-mccain meeting.jpgSpeaking of awkward, never before have I seen two grown men sit down together with such unease as I did today when the president-elect met with Sen. McCain for what appeared to be a publicity stunt meant to mend the dissonance between the two camps.  Sure.  Sounds good.  But McCain had to go and bring up what is quickly becoming known as the Annhilation of the Bears, which immediately put Obama (and subsequently me) in a very, very uncomfortable place.  I was sorta hoping that Barack would have had the good sense to remind the senator from Arizona about Dennis Green’s post-game meltdown a couple years ago after that torrid Monday Night game in which we all found out:

Well, the Bears still are who we thought they were: not good enough; but you didn’t have to go and bring it up, John McCain.  You see, I thought this meeting was supposed to be about healing and planning and bipartisanship.  But since you decided it wasn’t, how ’bout those ’08 Diamondbacks?

Regardless, I’m not going to let another Republican rain on my parade of good feelings abound.

Albert Pujols — the most fascinating man in sports — is the NL MVP.

So eat it!

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

A Bipartisan, U.S. American Plea to Dear Readers Galore

usa-flag-inside-map.jpgVerily!

Our day has come, my fellow Americans.

And now is the time.  Now is the time to be heard. 

Now is the time to count.

So it is with great pride, dear readers, that at this historic moment I shed my Cardinal red in favor of the stars and stripes forever.  I gladly reach across the proverbial aisle and shake the hand of the Cub fan who spit on me, who kicked me, who urinated on my shoe. 

We may not love one another; but we both love the greatest game on earth.

And likewise, our shared passion for making a difference in this great nation will bring us together on November 4th.  For on this day we are not Cardinal fans, Cub fans, Democrats nor Republicans: we’re Americans and we have a duty to fulfill.

So join us, Astros fans.  Join us, Brewers fans.  Tiger fans.  Yankee fans.  Red Sox fans.  Join us in the celebration of what our forefathers fought so hard to provide us.

Get out on November 4th and vote.

It’s your god given right.

You deserve to be heard.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Filibuster

74-88. That was the Tigers’ record for the 2008 season. After 130 million dollars were wasted on an AL Central last place finish in which the Kansas City Royals had a better squad (for a mere $57 million), realistically, where do the Tigers go from here?

–Jeff

___________________________________________________

obama_bump.jpgIt goes without saying that the Tigers face some pretty serious questions going into this offseason. For better of for worse, this is a team that was built to win this year. Not only did they trade away some fine young talent (Cameron Maybin and Andrew Miller) in order to obtain the underwhelming Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis, they also got rid of veteran leadership during the season when they sent Pudge to New York in return for Kyle Farnsworth. The former was a gamble that didn’t pay off and we all know how I feel about the latter.

But, to answer your question, I’m not sure where the Tigers go from here. Despite his poor season, Justin Verlander is still one of the most exciting young pitchers in the game. Fernando Rodney and Joel Zumaya have the entire (hopefully Guitar Hero free) offseason to get healthy. And Maggs’ resurgence over the past couple years makes him an attractive bargaining chip to other teams looking for an offensive bump that will put them over the top. I’m sure the Cubs or Cardinals have already placed an offer.

I’m not sure where we stand, though. This was supposed to be our year, the year when we finally put it all together and no almost .500 Cardinal team would be able to stand in the way. But, like John McCain on November 5, we’re staring at the wreckage and wondering how it all went so wrong.

Personally, I don’t think the Tigers will challenge for the AL Central next year. The Division isn’t all that strong but the Tigers are missing a lot of necessary pieces. The pitching is questionable, the offense never showed up and most of these guys weren’t really brought in because of their defensive skills. We don’t have a catcher, shortstop is a big question mark and I have no idea who is going to fill out the rotation.

You know what, though? At the end of the day, you never know what’s going to happen. Barack Obama was a footnote when he started his run for the Senate in 2004. And no one gave him a chance against Hillary in 2008 either. I don’t think anyone imagined the Rays would emerge from the AL East as Division champs and then slug their way into the World Series. So, I’m going to do what I always do and hope that Dombrowski and team are making the right moves to ensure that 2009 looks more like 2006 and a lot less like 2008. But I expect to be disappointed.

-A

Coming Clean

lidge_celebrate.jpgLast night, as Philly fans celebrated like Sarah Palin look-alikes, I settled back in my easy chair and fervently prayed that I had not just used up all my prediction mojo. See, back when this thing started I picked the Phillies to win the Series, comparing them to a certain junior senator from Illinois. And several weeks later, here we are. The Phillies dominated the Rays in just about every category, much like Obama has been doing to John McCain. But, I think it’s safe to say that no Philadelphia fan felt safe until after the ump called strike three on Eric Hinske last night.

Obama fans should feel the same way. Andrew Sullivan posted this the other day and it pretty much sums up the way things stand right now:

But despite all the concerns, I’m going to go ahead and say it. Obama is the new Brad Lidge and he’s going to close this thing down.

Now, I’d like to take the high road and leave things where they are but I can’t help but gloat a little bit in realizing that I’ve gotten the last word on my good friend, Mr. Lung. See, he doubted my pick from the beginning and even picked the Rays last week while extolling the virtues of his new man-crush. But, the Phillies came through which doesn’t mean much since I am now zero dollars richer as a result.

To be honest, this victory feels a little empty. It’s not that I have anything against the Phillies or regret their win. But, after the money the Tigers spent in the offseason, I was ready to see my team holding up their trophy while Justin Verlander carried off his first World Series MVP Award. It all looked so good in my mind.

I guess that in the end the only option I have is to borrow a refrain heard most often coming from Cubs fans. Next year is our year! Man, I can’t believe I just compared myself to a Cubs fan. Time to go take a shower and wash off the filfth.

-A

Does that make Palin a poor man’s Selig?

Bud Selig. One of the worst baseball commissioners or the worst? Discuss amongst yourselves. Only a man who has the hubris to continue in his position after the steroid scandal could possibly have given us Monday night’s bizarre reading of the rules. Hey, here’s an idea for you. If the weather is so crappy it’s going to be hard to get the game in and there’s a possibility of a suspension or a shortened game, DON’T PLAY THE F&%$ING GAME! Wait a day. What else is going on in the baseball world that makes it absolutely necessary to play the game that night? And if you have enough authority to circumvent the rules, why not go whole hog and unilaterally postpone the game?

This is the difference between George W. Bush and Bud Selig. They both think they’re “The Decider” but only one of them has the will to actually go through with it. People may not agree with W and his decisions but at least he made them while they still counted. Selig is a poor man’s W, a John McCain, if you will:

And that’s where we stand, dear readers. The World Series and this baseball season could be over this evening. And the election could be over by this time next week (barring any Florida or Ohio based shenanigans). But unlike Bud Selig, we can make a decision and that’s why we’ll still be here for you tomorrow, next week and for as long as it takes.

-A

Mellow Dramatics

Two games in and there is no denying that the 2008 World Series is a close one between two teams who are relatively new to the national spotlight.  For the most part, the pitching has been excellent, the fundamentals have been executed and scores have been close.  But despite Joe Buck’s irritating methodology of forcefully over-dramatizing each and every word, this Phillies/Rays series has been putting me to sleep.

And I swear it’s not the booze this time. 

For some intangible reason, I just get the feeling that this World Series is somewhat inherently spurious.  Perhaps it’s the fake grass that rubs me the wrong way… or the cheeseball John Williams-like teaser music that makes me feel like dinosaurs will suddenly take the field… or maybe it really is that I’m sick and tired of Joe Buck, who turned his back on his demographic earlier this year and sullied one of the greatest names in the history of the game.

The good news is, I have a mute button; I will use it liberally.

And it’s Friday and Fridays are always awesome.  In fact, since it’s Friday and there’s no baseball today and we’re getting down to the wire in all things important (baseball and politics) and I’m feeling good about life and it’s raining but not snowing and Halloween is around the corner and North Korea hasn’t blown anyone up yet, I thought: what better way to celebrate than to enjoy a good old political dance-off:

If that didn’t make your day, nothing will.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

“Real” Americans Choose Sides

The World Series begins tonight but not without a little controversy. Apparently Barack Obama has broken the cardinal rule of sports fans everywhere and come out in support of both the Phillies and the Rays. It would seem that Mr. Obama doesn’t understand “real” Americans or espouse the values of main street Wasilla, Alaska.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/sitewide/video_player/view/default/swf.jhtml

Now as a baseball fan and someone who will be watching the World Series despite the fact that I don’t have a team in the game, I can understand Sen. Obama’s divided sentiments. Ultimately, he said he’ll be cheering for the Phillies because his campaign manager is a Phillies’ fan. If the Cardinals were in the Series against anyone but the Tigers, I’d probably cheer for them too, because I (occasionally) support my friend.

See, when your team isn’t playing, you’re allowed to cheer for whomever. There’s a big difference between Obama attending a rally with some players from the Rays and Bill Richardson saying he likes both the Red Sox and the Yankees. Or Hillary Clinton claiming to be a simultaneous Yankees and Cubs fan. Those things don’t make sense. But I really couldn’t tell you who I’m rooting for in the Series. Both teams are compelling but neither one controls any of my loyalty. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Rays win because they’re young and exciting and they took out the Yankees this season. But, the Phillies are young (with the exception of Jamie Moyer) and exciting, too, and I already predicted that they would win.

So, perhaps we should all just settle down and enjoy what could be some really good baseball. Perhaps it would be a little more compelling if Mr. McCain’s Diamondbacks were taking on Mr. Obama’s White Sox. I’m sure that we here at RSBS would be at Defcon 3 if we had scored a rematch of the 2006 Series. And we all know how much Mr. Lung wishes that Erin Andrews was frollicking about the dugouts. But instead we’ll be starting off this evening at Tropicana Field in an area better known for spring training. However, if that’s not “real” America then what is?

-A

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