Results tagged ‘ Kent Hrbek ’

The Filibuster

What happened to the Twins?

Seth S.
Saint Paul, MN
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Ah, yes, the Minnesota Twins.  What did happen to those paragons of fundamentally sound baseball?  An analysis of such depth requires patience, dedication and an insatiable hunger for the truth, so I put the RSBS interns to the task and they have provided the following slide show:

2010

New ballpark! Yay! It’s…er… HUGE!

I CAN HAZ $184 MILLIONS!?!? IN EXCHANGE I’LL STOP HITTING HRs!

Ouch! Who turned out the lights?!?

DOH! DAMN THOSE DAMN YANKEES… AGAIN!!!

2011

Never fear! Tsuyoshi Nishioka is here!

And then… his leg is broken. Thanks for nothing, Nick Swisher! Damn you, damn Yankees!!!

And the rest of the Twins 2011 clubhouse… barely breathin’.

2012

Y U NO MOVE IN FENCES!?!? AGGH!!!

When will Justin’s ouchy-head be fixed? I need help, dammit!

Aaaaand this guy…

Nope, not even the healthy return of Morneau could make the pain of the above image go away.  In fact, 2012 sorta seems like a good time to reset everything.  Surprisingly, the Twins do have some decent offensive production (Mauer, Morneau, Willingham, Plouffe), but their pitching has been atrocious.  Like, Kent Hrbek farting in your face type of “atrocious”.  The average ERA of their six starters is over 5 and they have been blown out (lost by 5+ more runs) 23 times so far.  And the bullpen?  YIKES!  Don’t ask them to hold a lead ‘cuz it’ll be difficult!

Like old baseball men love to say, “You’re only as good as your pitching”, and, well, when your pitching resembles the bottom of a porta-potty and the rest of the team can’t stay healthy, awful is pretty much what ya get.  Don’t believe me?  Ask the perennial sCrUBS.

Hate me ‘cuz I made you look at that famous Mauer back hair guy again, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff (and interns)

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The Non-Baseball Fan Guide to the Playoffs

Jeff and Allen have been very busy all season long and with the playoffs in full swing, they thought it might be nice to bring in some relief writers.  Today their friend from college, Jordan, gives us his take on the playoffs.
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Kent_Hrbek_Finest.jpg

Man, it really is great to see Tommy Lee out there thrilling the crowd again.  And this time instead of sticking it to Pam Anderson, he’s sticking it to the Yankees, picking up right where he left off last year.  I’m happy for the guy, though.  It’s a real achievement and hopefully it makes up for taking all that crap from Nikki Sixx for all those years.  And playing for the Mariners.  Now that’s a motley crew, right?  Right?

Meanwhile Henry Rollins found an ideal moment to get back into form.  Sure, he’s had a rough season and the last couple years weren’t the same with the injuries and all.  But hey, what do you expect when you go from fronting Black Flag to playing shortstop for the Phillies?

But the Phillies also made the bold move of picking up Matt Holliday and turning him into a pitcher.  It’s like the anti-Rick Ankiel.  Considering that first round no-hitter he threw, it appears the Phillies get the last laugh.  In all honesty, I didn’t see it coming either.

And of course the Yankees are loaded from top to bottom.  Is Roger Clemens still playing?  No?  Uh, ok.  Well, at least they still have Kung Fu Panda, Chien Ming Wang.  I think that’s his nickname.  He is Chinese after all.  Or is he Korean?  I always get them mixed up.

Anyway, the point is, I love the baseball playoffs and they’re even more exciting than usual this year with all these familiar names and faces in new places.  I’m still a little bummed that my Twins didn’t do better but really, they just haven’t been the same since Kirby Puckett and Kent Hrbek left.

-Jordan

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