Results tagged ‘ Kobe Bryant ’

The Filibuster

I know basketball isn’t your thing but
Lebron to the Heat??  Wouldn’t this be the equivalent of Strasburg
playing a few seasons in DC and then heading to Marlins?  I know you
guys must have some opinion on this so let’s hear it.
 
-Hal
Canton, OH
____________________________________


lebron james sexy.jpgYou are right, Hal.  Basketball isn’t my thing.  Sure, I’ll check in come the playoffs; but the last time I paid attention to a whole NBA season start to finish was… well, never. 

Fear not.  I got an NBA expert to help us out. 

But before I get to that, let me just say what I am qualified to say and that is: NO!  It would NOT be the equivalent of Strasburg going to the Marlins.  How does Strasburg even factor into this?  LeBron is… y’know, the best.  Strasburg is… pretty good (in but a handful of games). 

A better metaphor would be Albert Pujols looking like this one day:

albert pujols yankees.jpg

*cleaning the vomit off my keyboard*

Again, fear not.  The above ain’t ever gonna happen.  If it does, I promise you I will murder everyone… in the world.

Now, for a keen, informative breakdown of the LeBron James free agent fiasco, we turn to RSBS‘ resident NBA apologist, Johanna Mahmud (you know him — a bit too well perhaps — from the RSBS Podcast extravaganzas), who assures us that the one who really gets hurt in this whole mess is Delonte West.  Who’s momma is he gonna sleep with now?  Zydrunas Ilgauskas’s?  Please, lord, no.

When asked for his opinion on the matter for this Filibuster, Johanna broke it down for us in short quips of bursting genius:

johanna and his beer.jpg“Cleveland: It blows.  There’s nothing to do in that town except masturbate and cry.”

“If bron goes to heat, and faces kobe in finals and kobe defeats the chimera.  i’m kobe fan for life.  watch out m.j.”

“i love when giadas fake friends show up to try the fake food her chefs slave over.”

“my rash cleared up!!!!!”

“d rose. d rose d rose. ….would never do what happened thursday night. the bulls/heat games this season will be UNBELIEVABLE…”

So yeah… that’s how we feel about the LeBron James/Miami Heat situation.  Johanna’s part of the crew.  And we’re having what he’s having… like, now. 

Hate us ‘cuz it’s always beer thirty here, just don’t hate us ‘cuz we’re right!

Peace,

Jeff

(Albert image courtesy of Hardball Talk)

Why We Should Fear the Japanese

As if facing Team Japan in the World Baseball Classic’s upcoming semifinals isn’t enough pressure on the already limping USA squad, once the laundry list of abominable possibilities finally settles in, we US Americans could be in big trouble.

Nevermind the impeccable team consciousness so calculated and so perfected by Team Japan during international competition.  Nevermind Team Japan’s quiet gamesmanship deftly defining and defending their world-class status.  Nevermind Dice-K and Darvish.  There is much more to fear… for example:

rape of nanking.jpgRape!  Dear readers, Ted Bundy, Mike Tyson, Kobe Bryant… these guys ain’t got nuthin’ on the Japanese.  Don’t believe me?  Know this: from December 1937 to February 1938, the Japanese raped an entire city!  The then southern stronghold of China, Nanjing (aka Nanking), was completely decimated by the Japanese in a not-so-quiet storm of raging pillage quite akin to the stomping Chris Brown gave Rihanna not too long ago.

If that isn’t reason enough to fear the Japanese, how about this?

Ichiro suzuki running.jpgNot only do they combine situational hitting with speed, they are also known to make sure the opposite clubhouse spread is spiked with magic mushrooms, leaving the competition confused in a burst of beguiling blur.

Yet nothing should invoke more fear in the hearts of Americans than the Japanese group mind.  To illustrate, here’s a clip of Team Japan’s batting practice:

They may not be a hit on Broadway (yet), but the Japanese sure do know how to rhythmically scare the bejesus out of any and all opponents willing to scrap.

US Americans, let us unite!  Persevere!  And conquer!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

paul lebowitz.jpgP.S.  Dear readers, if you haven’t already, make sure you purchase the Prince of New York Paul Lebowitz’s 2009 Baseball Guide.  You can get it *here* and you should get it soon.  It is your one-stop shop for all things 2009 MLB and it has magical powers (and by “magical powers” I mean “table of contents”).  Believe me, this dude knows what he’s talking about.  He’s the clean, charming, polite version of Jose Canseco.

On the real.

(Ichiro blur photo courtesy of Donald Miralle/Getty Images)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 67 other followers