Results tagged ‘ MVP ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Dissimulator, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

And the Final Rose Goes to…

“Nice guys don’t finish last.  Nice guys just have to wait a little bit longer sometimes.”
–Jake Pavelka

In this all-Bachelor edition here at Setting the Mahmud, I’ve narrowed down who gets my lucky rose!  No, not the MVP award — THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO THINGS AROUND HERE — we’re talking about my rose.

Justin Verlander will win many awards this season, so he doesn’t need this.  He is a feisty one though!

Stephen Strasburg wasn’t around enough this year, but he definitely gets an honorable mention, just because.  Simmering optimism for next year, my friend.  Also, no one should ever have to see what my face is doing right now.

Aramis Ramirez is usually my go-to old flame. That being said, I have an irrational dislike for how he runs the bases.  (Sorry, Aramis. I never had the heart to tell you.)  And now I’m looking for something a little more long term.  I want to build a new life with someone special.  I really can’t do a long distance relationship right now, and I’m not too confident Ramirez will be around much longer.

Buster Posey lost out early.  It was no fault of his own (injury).  BASTARD.  I was rooting hard for him.  He looked strong to start the season and was a returning champ from last year.  Can’t hide the gimpy now though.  There’s always next year!

Another early favorite, Carl Crawford, couldn’t quite get on track in time to qualify.

Asdrubal Cabrera, the human highlight reel, would be a strong contender but this rose can go to only one…

Nyjer Efffin Morgan! MY GUY!!  AKA, Tony Plush!  Nobody does it better.  What can I say?

Nyjer, my dear Nyjer, every moment you had on camera set my heart a flutter. THAT IS NOT WEIRD, PEOPLE.  In fact, T-Sizzle could do odd things to me if he wanted.

I’m only mostly kidding.

Too strong.  TOO GOOD.

How many times have I watched the post-game interview where he channels his inner Bryant Gumbel!?!?  I stopped counting at 1,636. Well, this rose is for you, kid.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Short Poem for Thanksgiving

Jeff_baseballIn honor of Albert Pujols’ second consecutive MVP award, RSBS wanted to congratulate him and his self-proclaimed biggest fan. And when faced by such a daunting task we turn, as we often do, to poetry.

‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving and all over the net,
Writers were scurrying to finish posts and then get.
Jeff sat at home, quietly nursing a beer,
Mourning the end of yet one more year.
Leafing through catalogues and picking out faves,
Hinting at presents that could sure make him rave.
When out in the blogsphere the bloggers set a-chatter
And Jeff knew immediately what was the matter.
His eyes both lit up like a bulb in a fixture,
Then swiveled then focused on a framed Pujols picture.
Picking up Albert and dancing around,
Weeping tears of joy as he fell to the ground,
He toasted himself and thought “This truly is living!
More hardware for Albert, what a happy Thanksgiving!”

-A

From Right Field to the Parking Lot

Jimmy_smokes.jpgAs the postseason awards get handed out and as Yankees fans revel in what 1.4 billion dollars can do for you, those of us cheering for also-ran teams have to sit back and hope for better luck next year. Yep, next year could be the year when Verlander wins his Cy Young, Miguel Cabrera finally walks off with the MVP award and Jimmy Leyland and the Tigers win the Series. It’s not impossible.

But even if this is just a pipe dream, it’s still better than watching the Lions continue to redefine terrible, one loss at a time. We used to have the Pistons but they’re just ordinary anymore. And I suppose there are the Red Wings but I am not nor have I ever been Canadian so that just doesn’t do it for me.

The thing is that the Tigers have all the pieces. They’re just missing that elusive something, that killer instinct that could put them over the top. You don’t put that many Venezuelans on a team and not expect some sort of revolution. Expectations are about all we have these days, though.

This whole process is kind of like that old song about playing right field. You daydream about the ideal situation and everything coming together but then something wakes you up and you face the truth, the terror of a baseball hurtling your way. For me, that something is one of my favorite Twitter streams, Sh!tMyDadSays. And if you scroll down to the tweet on October 8th, you’ll see what I mean. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Hope springs eternal, though. And in case you’ve forgotten the song, the kid ultimately ends up making the catch out in right field. Who knows? Maybe next year the Tigers will get the good news that Justin’s dad thinks they deserve. But I’m betting on god taking another dump in the parking lot.

-A

Golden Nugs for Silver Screens

Hillary_Clinton_2008.JPGFeisty factions of conservative right wing constituents are finally going to get what they have always wanted.  Indeed, after a series of anti-republican films exploiting the low-blow antics of unsavory characters such as Richard Nixon and George W. Bush reached wide audiences in 2008, the GOP is all smiles knowing the biggest, baddest politico docudrama to ever hit the big screen is well on its way!

Special Relationship, the upcoming film starring Julianne Moore as democratic juggernaut Hillary Clinton and Dennis Quaid as the always promiscuous Bill Clinton, will explore the finer points of Slick Willy’s extramarital affair with Monica Lewinsky and his wife’s subsequent decision to stick by his side (so she could run for the New York senate, and eventually the presidency). 

Moore is a decent actress.  I see her pulling off this role of a lifetime no problem.  Quaid as Clinton?  What a wonderful opportunity to repeat his 1987 world-class performance from Inner Space!  I can hardly wait, folks!

And the Hollywood hoopla doesn’t just end there, dear readers.  I am super excited about some other upcoming films that are in the early stages of development:

The Little MVP Who Could: The Dustin Pedroia Story
Starring Macaulay Culkin as Pedroia, this film aims to highlight the undying will of small stature phenoms on baseball diamonds all across the galaxy.  Also features Manny Ramirez as the evil space alien predator intent on disrupting all things Red Sox until the bitter intergalactic end.

Jacked! The Alex Rodriguez Story
Pre-production on this film has been stalled until Alex can get his entire story straight.  While the writers continue to amend the script as best they can, more problems seem eminent as Vin Diesel, originally slated to star as A-Rod, pulled out of the project noting that not even he would subject himself to performance enhancing drugs, whether his trusted cousin bought them in the D.R. or not.

Yeah, I Hit .213 Last Year, What’s It to Ya, Buddy? The Khalil Greene Story
Sean Penn stars in this not-so-action-packed drama about how decent defense often allows a poor offensive performer to wallow in the ongoing apathy that is the San Diego Padres (and later, St. Louis Cardinals).

sean penn fast times.jpg
khalil greene fast times.jpgWhere Have I Gone? The Rafael Palmeiro Story
In perhaps the most poignantly cast role of the century, Tony Danza portrays PED-raging anti-hero Rafael Palmeiro not because he looks like him (he doesn’t) but because his career is as equally irrelevant.

And finally, what promises to be a most entertaining entanglement of hopes, dreams, egos and narcissism:

nathan lane.jpgMe, Me, Me! The Curt Schilling Story
Posthumously directed by Stanley Kubrick, this tale of unfettered vainglory explores the tired, whiny affectations of one number 38 through standard Kubrick mind-busts like a minimalistic score and plenty of drawn-out steady-cam shots.  Accurately portraying the role of Schilling will be the outspoken and very homosexual Nathan Lane.  Who else to better force Curt into yet another self-consuming fit of rage than a flamboyantly gay ultra-liberal left wing Broadway icon with plenty of career left in him?

Yes, my friends, going to the movies has never seemed so good.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Filibuster

Griffey's catch.jpgKen Griffey, Jr. found his way back to Seattle last week despite his
obvious decline in market value.  What does it say about a team when
its best shot at putting fans in the seats is to sign a dilapidated
hero of old on the cheap?  Will this be a trend?  And ultimately, Is it
fair to the fans?

–Jeff

_________________________________

Dilapidated hero of old? I don’t remember you saying that when Griffey was playing for the White Sox last season. In fact, if I remember correctly, you were pretty excited about it. That statement is more than silly. It’s ignorant.

Here’s the deal, Mr. Lung. The Mariners are terrible. They lost more than 100 hundred games last year. But they’re also a proud franchise and a franchise that was built by that “dilapidated hero of old” that they just signed. This signing isn’t about turning the franchise around this season or building a playoff team around Junior. It’s about restoring some pride to the franchise and letting Griffey play his probable last season back where he began. It’s good for the team, it’s good for the fans and it’s good for Junior.

Now, if you want to look at the signing from a pragmatic standpoint, it still makes sense. After all the problems Griffey has had physically, he’s probably not going to be playing 162 games in the outfield. He’s also not the same player defensively that he was while playing with the Mariners back in the day. And that’s a liability in the National League. It’s the same problem the Giants ran into with Barry Bonds (along with, well, you know, that “other” problem). It didn’t make sense for Griffey to go to the Braves.

But Junior back in Seattle? That makes sense. When he’s healthy, he adds depth to their outfield and even when he’s not able to go at full speed, you can still include his bat in the DH spot. Yes, you’re right. Junior is not the same player that we grew up watching. But he’s still a formidable threat and it’s a win-win situation for the Mariners.

Now, as for your other question, about this being a trend for players to return to the teams they started off with, I don’t know if it is but I can think of worse things. It makes sense that Griffey should end his career in a Seattle uniform. It would make sense for Smoltz and Glavine to end their careers in Atlanta. It’s how we know them and it’s where they belong. I’m sure that if the Cards ever traded Pujols away, you’d still want him back, even if he wasn’t in MVP form. In many ways, free agency has gutted baseball but every once in awhile it works out in our favor. This is one of those times.

-A

Please Excuse My Colleague’s Blind Ignorance; He’s a Michigander and Therefore Knows Not the Error of His Ways

kathy bates misery.jpgIndeed, Misery, thy name is Detroit.

Equally so, Ignorance, thy name is Mr. Allen Krause.

“…the fact is, neither of them [Albert Pujols, Dustin Pedroia] deserved the MVP for this year.”
       — Allen Krause, Misery, Thy Name is Detroit

Ordinarily, I prefer to eschew my impetus to pass judgment and/or speculate the grounds of one’s idiocy, but in this case, Mr. Krause, I’m afraid there is no explanation for your blasphemy other than to say you must be smoking the same stuff as our dear leader; and it’s certainly beginning to show.

Next you’ll be saying things like:

Or…

Or even worse:

Look, I and our dear readers all know that even though you reside in Washington, D.C., you’re still a Michigander at the core of your being and with that comes a certain inherited blind ignorance in the way of assessing athletic achievement.  And we all realize that, aside from your Hockeytown Redwings, you don’t have much to cheer about these days.  U of M looks like a pop-warner team.  The Tigers are the baseball equivalent of our nation’s financial mess.  The Lions are an absolute abomination, better fit for cleaning toilets in an Amtrak restroom than trying to execute the fundamentals of football.

But when you say that both Pujols and Pedroia were not rewarded for their efforts this season but rather for feats of the past, I have no choice but to postulate: what the $#%& is wrong with you?!?!

Pujols’ numbers were hands down the best of anyone this season.  He is always an MVP candidate for the simple fact that he is always getting better and always carrying his team.  He won the MVP in 2005.  He should’ve won in 2004.  This year, 2008, above any else, was certainly cause for him to win again because without Pujols in that lineup, the Cardinals would’ve probably been the 20 games under .500 team everyone thought they’d be at the start. 
   
In the case of Pedroia, his 2008 achievements were far better than his 2007 achievements.  He proved himself an invaluable leader throughout the season both with his bat and his glove, not to mention his guts and brawn.

So where the hell do you find it reasonable to compare these two paragons of baseball accomplishment to Denzel Washington and his role in Training Day, which, by the way, was also very well acted no matter what you think, Mr. Krause.

I’d suggest that you take this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday to give thanks that despite your inability to successfully formulate sensible arguments with actual information to back yo ^ss up you still have a cushy intellectual job that turns a blind eye to your inaccuracies, as grave as they are.

Oh yes, Al, you can hate me.   That’s fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

There You Go Again

 

As if your inferior baseball acumen were not enough to cause acid reflux among dear readers galore, Mr. Krause, you just had to top it off by insulting a fellow US American and subsequent baseball god: the Albert Pujols.

“reknowned Mexican wrestler, Albert Pujols, won the NL MVP…”

                                         — Allen Krause, Fenway to Foggy Bottom

What!?!  Look, Mr. Krause, you’re extremely lucky that you live in the safety of our nation’s capital.  Slinging slapdash remarks like that could get your legs broken — and I don’t mean by me, but by the 10 million Dominicans who now want your head on a plate having desecrated their larger than life island hero. 

Mexico does not equal the Dominican Republic.

And besides, I think we all know that A.P. moved to the States at an early age and found his stroke in Independence, MO of all places.

Independence, Allen. 

Independence!

Get it?

Set free thy hate, groundling!

NL MVP Albert Pujols bleeds US American red, white and blue just like you and I do.  In fact, he scored a perfect 100 on his citizenship test. 

Can you say that, Al?

No.  Yet you find it in your heart to say you could “care less” about Pujols and Pedroia’s crowning achievements.

Well, lahdy frickin’ da, Mr. Krause.  You are a letch.  I didn’t want to believe it; but you are.

On the one hand, you have who could quite possibly be the perfect baseball player in Albert; on the other you have a paragon of scrappy overachievement in Pedroia.

And you could “care less”.

That’s just… well, it’s just… un-American.

You probably also care less about our modern day messiah turning to that same old Washington crap to fill his cabinet posts.  I understand fist bumps and shout-outs to fellow Dems who helped you get elected, but is Hillary Clinton really the “change” America needs?  I’m not convinced. 

We, the People, did the right thing and put Obama in office based on his platform of Hope and Change politics.  In turn, I believe We, the People, deserve to see that plan put in to action.  With the pantheon of bad news coming out of the world markets and my downtrodden colleague posting ill-aimed remarks at the greatest living baseballer on earth, I would like to hang my proverbial hat on at least something positive.

Like this: I, Jeffery Lung, agree with Mitt Romney.

And no, that’s not a joke, my friends.  In fact, his recent opinion-editorial in the New York Times is the smartest thing I’ve read since Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet.

Now that’s smart!

So go ahead, Al, hate me for siding with a Mitt on this one.  Hate me for respecting the magnificence of Albert Pujols and Dustin Pedroia.  But goddamn it, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Two Times, Two Times

albert-pujols-5.jpgTony LaRussa may have been snubbed by the baseball writers when doling out awards, but the only man who could possibly turn me into a homosexual certainly wasn’t. 

That’s right, dear readers, Albert Pujols is the National League MVP — again — and most deservedly, as this is the A.P. whom the critics said wouldn’t make it through 2008 without having season-ending surgery.  This is the A.P. who, without much protection, rarely saw good pitches — ever.  This is the A.P. who was forced to bear the enormous weight of a subpar bullpen with a penchant for blowing big leads late and an organization run by a pompous penny-pinching pariah pleasantly pleased with mediocrity. 

While I am ecstatic for my man-crush’s crowning achievement, the nihilist in me cannot stop seeing this as yet another detrimental development in John Mozeliak’s quiet quest to do nothing in the way of spending dollars to put together a true contender in 2009.

But what do I know? 

I certainly didn’t know that Nate McLouth had any business getting MVP votes, but some writer (most probably a pissed off Pittsburghian with a propensity for pot-smoking) thought it’d be a funny afterthought to include him in the big picture.

I found it… um… awkward.

obama-mccain meeting.jpgSpeaking of awkward, never before have I seen two grown men sit down together with such unease as I did today when the president-elect met with Sen. McCain for what appeared to be a publicity stunt meant to mend the dissonance between the two camps.  Sure.  Sounds good.  But McCain had to go and bring up what is quickly becoming known as the Annhilation of the Bears, which immediately put Obama (and subsequently me) in a very, very uncomfortable place.  I was sorta hoping that Barack would have had the good sense to remind the senator from Arizona about Dennis Green’s post-game meltdown a couple years ago after that torrid Monday Night game in which we all found out:

Well, the Bears still are who we thought they were: not good enough; but you didn’t have to go and bring it up, John McCain.  You see, I thought this meeting was supposed to be about healing and planning and bipartisanship.  But since you decided it wasn’t, how ’bout those ’08 Diamondbacks?

Regardless, I’m not going to let another Republican rain on my parade of good feelings abound.

Albert Pujols — the most fascinating man in sports — is the NL MVP.

So eat it!

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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