Results tagged ‘ New York ’

New York, New York

grover_cleveland.jpgWhen Eliot Spitzer left the political arena in a blaze of infamy, New York laughed at the “reformer’s” comeuppance.  When Rudy Giuliani showed his true colors by announcing his intended divorce during a press conference, New York barely payed attention.  And when David Paterson showed that he knew how to get around even better than the other two guys, New York couldn’t have been surprised.

In fact, if history is any guide, New York shouldn’t really be surprised by any of these events.  The only thing that has changed is that it’s no longer as easy to escape from politically perilous pursuits as it used to be.  Grover Cleveland fathered an illegitimate child by a New York socialite but still got himself elected President.  And a recent discovery shows just how easy it was for 18th century New Yorkers to experience similar carnal delights.

So, I’ve decided that for this upcoming season, I am going to give all New York ballplayers a free pass when it comes to sexual shenanigans.  Sure, they aren’t politicians but they’re world ambassadors for the game so they deserve the same concessions as the true politicos.  Beside that, I think it’s what Grover Cleveland would want me to do.

-A

Bet He Didn’t SEE This Coming

david paterson smiling.jpgForgive me. I know. I know.

That was a pretty lame pun… one that has probably been done a bazillion times already.

But I don’t care, because it justly proves my point — literally and figuratively — that people with money, people with power, people with clout (like New York governor David Paterson) often get whatever they want, whenever they want it; and you and I Joe Plumbers never hear about it.

NOT THIS TIME!!!

So, as the good gov’nuh pays out his $62K fine (which, is roughly how much Alex Rodriguez makes every three innings) for stickin’ the taxpayer with the cost of his World Series tickets, let us remember that, indeed, even the rich don’t always get what they want.

Unless this was some Red Sox fan-fueled controversy that originated with ill intentions meant to disrupt and expose the Yankees’ front office and their ongoing lobbying interests (which may or may not involve the absolute destruction of Ted Williams’ frozen head).

Yeah, yeah, I know… it’s been over a year since Teddy’s head was even relevant, but just like they say: revenge is a dish best served cold.

Or, on a stick.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Monday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

So Far to Kazuo

kazuo matsui astros.jpgBillboards in New York City touted his valiant arrival.  Buzzing baseball elite charged that he would revolutionize the Mets.  Everyday fans scurried to find a suitable nickname for their new best player they’d never heard of. 

It was the Spring of 2004 and if you asked me to speak some Japanese, even I probably would’ve said: Matsui-san. Kazuo Matsui-san.

Because I, too, joined the hype.

But why?  Why was the baseball world so enamored with an import player whom no one knew anything about?  Why did we allow his persona to be so pumped up with pomp, such expectation, sight unseen?

Indeed, Ichiro Suzuki changed the landscape of Major League Baseball — allowing for the mysteriously effective small-ball game to reinject itself into the big boppin’ steroidfest it had become.  His mannerisms, his character, his magnetism — on and off the field — were a throwback to the baseball heroes of old.  Marveled by his talent, we the US American public accepted and celebrated Ichiro for resurrecting respect in a league where little remained.

So I get it.  I understand why we started to get excited about the Japanese baseball contention.

But, the fact is: for every Ichiro Suzuki there’s a Kosuke Fukudome, a So Taguchi, or worse, a Kaz Matsui.  For every Hideo Nomo, a Kei Igawa, Hideki Irabu, Daisuke Matsuzaka. 

And while it makes a good headline that the A’s and Twins are going out and bidding top dollar for the rights — yes, just the rights — to negotiate with Hisashi Iwakuma and Tsuyoshi Nishioka respectively, I still can’t help but feel sorry for the failure both are being set up for in the future.

American, Dominican, Venezuelan, Canadian, Japanese… there’s only one Ichiro.

And as proved by Kazuo Matsui’s silent saunter back home this offseason, expecting anything but is a guarantee for disappointment.

Hate me.  Whatevs.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

They Can’t All Be Davey Johnson

davey johnson.jpgOne Sandy Alderson down for the Mets.

One media-savvy New York minute prepped skipper to go.

And as long as Davey Johnson refuses to come out of retirement and lead the Mets back to respectability, it looks like new GM Alderson and company are gonna have a pretty big decision to make in the very near future.  But like always, RSBS is here to help!  In fact, we would like to see Mets fans smile every now and then, so we got the interns busy and boy did they come up with some mighty smart suggestions!

Rudy Giuliani
He’s a New Yorker.  He’s got a lisp (which indicates ability to persevere… and succeed?).  He hates smut and could really clean up the place (talkin’ about you, Ollie Perez, you waste of oxygen).

Then again, Rudy is a Yankees fan.  So he’s probably a real a$$h0le.

Haile Gebrselassie
Why not?  The world’s greatest all-time distance runner just retired… while in New York!  If anyone can endure such pain, such suffering, such mental anguish… oh, wait, he didn’t finish the New York Marathon?  See!  That’s why he’s perfect!  He’ll fit right in with the Metropolitans and their penchant for pre-finish line collapses!

Christine O’Donnell
Remember that black cat that ran across the field during the opening night at Citi Field?  Uh…. yeah.  That was no accident, folks.  That was the work of a witch.  A non-masturbating, adamant teabagging, scary spell spewing witch.  Holla!!!

Conan O’Brien
Dude!  Conan RULED New York back in the day… remember?  Then he got the big show, moved to L.A. and got canned a few months in.  Sounds a lot like Darryl Strawberry, doesn’t it?  Yep.  The connections are too great to ignore.  So don’t.

And finally…

Clint Hurdle.jpgClint Hurdle
I know he’s being interviewed for the job… and I know he’s sort of a lame duck skipper… but the man is ORANGE!!! Move over, Mr. Met, Clint and his biohazzard-proof skin are ’bout to back that a$s up right into yo clubhouse!

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Tuesday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Non-Baseball Fan Guide to the Playoffs (Remix)

Jeff and Allen have been very busy
all season long and with the playoffs in full swing, they thought it
might be nice to bring in some relief writers.  Today their friend from
college, Frank, gives us his take on the playoffs.

__________________________

new_york_skyline.jpgWorld Series?  Of course I’m not watching the World Series.  Are the Mets playing?  No.  Even the Yankees I could stand watching.  But these two lameass teams?  No way, man.  No New York, no Frank.

In fact, I don’t even want to talk about it.  It’s bad enough that the Mets completely s**t the bed this season.  I don’t want to hear about the f*****g Yankees and the no east coast finale.  Actually, I don’t even want to talk to you at all right now.  You know why?  Because you’re an enema.  No, you’re my enema…

….Shut up, dude.  Of course I know what I said.  No, I didn’t mean to say enemy.  I meant enema.  You know, like your continued existence cleanses my colon. 

Seriously, though.  I’m not even sure I know where San Francisco is.  Is that down in the Village or something?  If you want to be straight about things, the Giants are technically a New York team anyway.  I guess it would be weird to have the baseball Giants and football Giants in the same town but who cares?  And what the hell is in Texas?  Nothing I want to see, that’s for sure.

You know what is in Texas that I did enjoy seeing, though?  The f*****g Cowboys getting stomped by the Giants.  Baseball season is done, bro.  It’s football time now.  F**k Texas.  F**k San Francisco.  And you know what, f**k you, too, bro….

…Nah, man, I’m just kidding.  I love you, bro.  We’re cool.  Give me a hug.

-Frank

Real Men Read the Constitution

constitution.jpgWhether you like him or not, whether you agree with him or not, one thing can definitely be said about our President.  He has some cojones.  I don’t mean this in the pejorative sense, as in, “Where he does he get off saying that?”  No, I mean nothing but respect.  His stances may not always be popular but at least they reflect a sense of integrity and a fundamental understanding of the law.

Let’s start with sports.  The President is a White Sox fan and even though I don’t like the White Sox, I respect him for sticking by his guns.  When he showed up at Nationals Park to see the Sox during interleague play, he didn’t throw on the home team cap.  He wore a Sox cap, same as opening day.  In fact, one of my many issues with Bill Richardson during the primary campaign was his claim that he liked both the Red Sox and Yankees.  We all know that’s not possible.  Baseball law says so.  There’s none of that tomfoolery with Obama.

And when you get into what are often referred to as more “substantive” issues, Obama also rejects tomfoolery.  Like health care or “Don’t ask, Don’t tell.”  People may not like his stands but what he does is based on a firm understanding of the Constitution.

Which is why I’m also proud of the President’s stand on this ridiculous Ground Zero mosque kerfuffle.  Yes, I understand that the men who crashed those planes into the WTC claimed to be Muslim.  Timothy McVeigh claimed to be Christian.  Does that mean no churches should be built near where the Oklahoma City Federal Building stood?

You can argue that the President may not have chosen the best time to weigh in on the controversy.  But what you can’t argue is that the United States is a country built on the rule of law, the foundation of that law being the Constitution.  When the Constitution grants the freedom of religion, that’s not just the freedom to be Christian.  It’s the freedom to follow any religion or even no religion at all. 

Sometimes this freedom isn’t pretty, like when you’re dealing with Hare Krishnas at the airport or Moonies milling about in Central Park.  But it’s also the reason your mom and sisters don’t have to shave their heads and why we men don’t get in trouble for trimming our beards.  It’s sad that a public figure being willing to say this requires cojones.

-A

Poking the Bear

sad_mets_fan.jpgI’m a mean guy. Not incredibly mean but mean enough to bring it up in a public forum when my friend’s team crashes out of the playoffs by losing 3 straight games. Mean enough to continue bringing it up at least until the start of the next season. Mean enough to insult Albert Pujols’ mama. But even I draw the line somewhere. It appears that StubHub doesn’t have quite the same restraint.

Can you imagine it? A city full of Mets fans waking up to such an incendiary email on a Monday morning? Mondays are bad enough as it is. And New Yorkers are angry enough as it is. It’s like poking an already angry bear with a stick. Granted, when we’re talking about the Mets it’s a mangy old bear that long ago lost its teeth and claws. And will to live. But it’s still a bear and everyone knows you don’t poke bears with sticks.

Now, StubHub apologized and that’s a classy move. God knows I’m not going to do anything like that with regards to my comments about the Cardinals or Mr. Pujols’ mother. But the damage has already been done. The bear has been let out of the cage, if you will. Granted, it probably won’t make that much of a difference because even Mets fans will still hit up the website if they really want tickets to a sold-out game. But it’s the moral of the thing. You just don’t kick someone when they’re down. Well, maybe sometimes. Like when they’re down 3 games to none in a five game series.

-A

Credit:
-Thanks to Rachel at http://twitter.com/PujolsMolinaFan for the tip.

Big Lay-Z

the big z.jpg“I’ll be running nice and easy, just taking my time, not hustling.  I apologize to the Cubs fans.”
 – Carlos Zambrano, on how he’ll play upon his return from the disabled list
 (Chicago Tribune Article)

The good news is Carlos Zambrano doesn’t have to take the fall for this mope wreck of a statement.  The chain of command comes from up high and the Chicago Cubs suits are proving that not only do they not know how to win when it matters, but they also don’t know how to manage the public image of their players.

So, the really bad news is that baseball has openly lowered its standards.  You don’t have to hustle anymore, folks — especially if you’re a ticking time-bomb with a slingshot arm and a once-sore hammy that has now fully healed, leaving no pain.

Indeed, Cy Young is rolling in his grave.

Okay, so I gotta ask:  If Zambrano feels no pain then why won’t he be hustling on the field? 

In the wake of steroids, with pandemic doubt blanketing the game from New York to Los Angeles to Los Angeles of Anaheim, the last thing we (and especially Cubs) fans need is to know that some players aren’t giving it their all and that management is okay with that.  If you’re not healthy enough to play the game the way the game is supposed to be played, then you shouldn’t be playing the game… I don’t care how talented you are.

Note to Cubs: either sew Zambrano’s mouth shut or hire a new P.R. person.  I got just the guy for you too — even colored his hair to match your duds:

perez hilton.jpgDon’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

During the past week we watched the opening of two new multi-million
dollar stadiums in New York City and during this time MLB and the major
sports channels more or less ignored everything else going on around
the league. Was the opening of the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field
really such important news or was Heath Bell accurate in saying that
ESPN and other providers are completely focused on a few teams to the
detriment of the rest of the league?

– Allen
__________________________________________

Heath Bell.jpgPardon me for being a-holishly frank, dear readers, but I think it is pretty damn sad that it took Heath Bell (of all reinvented people) to bring the media’s obvious love affair with New York and Boston into the public domain.  Nothing against, Heath, who has now become my own personal savior for his ESPN remarks, but we here at RSBS as well as myriad Joe Six-Packs in sports bars galore all across Anytowns, US America, have been harping on this oh-so-blatant injustice for years now. 

Years.

Heath Bell said:

“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and
Yankees and Mets – and nobody else.  That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m
really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’  When Jake Peavy threw
8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third inning
and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”

True story, Heath.  True story.

Just for the record, regarding the two new ballparks in New York (one of which cost $1.5 billion) let me just say that I don’t remember there being such a fuss over the new Busch Stadium or PNC Park or even Nationals Park for that matter.

Yet all week long I have been bombarded with information I could care less about:

  • The first homerun in new Yankee Stadium.

  • The first multi-RBI game at CITI Field.

  • The first blab-hole jerkazoid kicked out of new Yankee Stadium for using foul language and fists to explain his innermost self-loathing while watching the Indians score 14 runs in one inning.

I don’t care. 

And I ain’t alone.

The good news is, Heath Bell’s voice was heard and ESPN reacted quickly by having him on Baseball Tonight.  Shortly after that, the once monopolizing baseball program introduced it’s 30 Team Ticker, which offers tidbits of information on all 30 teams at the bottom of the screen while the analysts blab on about how much they love the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.

But just like the leaderless GOP of 2008 desperately trying to reinvent its image after devastating the public by dropping the ball in New Orleans and Iraq while allowing the economy to collapse over and over again… it was just too little, too late.

Folks, we have a choice.  Join Al and I; heed Heath Bell’s call.

Switch to the MLB Network.  Enjoy equal coverage.  Play the RSBS Harold Reynolds drinking game.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

RSBS TV: Talkin’ Baseball

Produced, shot and edited by Atonal Studios.

Special thanks to Theo Roll.

Very special thanks to Sam Adams, for getting us where we wanted to go.

And yes, to answer your question in advance: I had an itch.

(For best playback results, watch in High Quality)

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