Results tagged ‘ Notre Dame ’

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Andy Williams had it all wrong.  I’m sorry, but I’ll take September’s non-stop MLB pennant chasing + NFL + Notre Dame losing to Michigan combination over cold and snow and fake Santas any day.  In fact, since it’s an election year, we get even more drama to go with our Irish-trouncing, and if you wait until the end of this post, you’ll even see that the Republicans have JOKES!

But first thing’s first: TUNE IN TO BASEBALL.  My lord, between the AL Central showdown, the A’s/Angels wild card battle and the AL East title three-way, I can’t imagine a more exciting scenario (except maybe a non-baseball related three-way, but that’s for a different blog).  Consider the NL wild card race and the fact that one of the three AL East teams could also nab the last AL West wild card spot and now allow your mind to be blown (again, maybe better for another blog).

And I haven’t even mentioned the myriad story lines decorating the start to the NFL and college football seasons!

The fact is, for dudes like Mr. Krause and I, it really doesn’t get much better than this.  Unless you want to throw in some flaccid punchline deliveries (ZING!)…

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Races in Stasis

With much of the playoff picture slowly coming into focus, we shift our gaze over here at RSBS to other important races still in progress.  Of course the political scene commands a fair amount of attention with the crazies trying to “take back” the government.  And with Michigan 3-0 on the season and both big state schools beating Notre Dame, I’m loving the college football for the moment.

But what about the race to the bottom?  You would think that KC would have the toilet bowl of the AL Central wrapped up in a death grip but Cleveland still has a very real chance at snatching it back.  Even more amazingly, two other teams in the AL have less wins than the Royals or Indians.

I guess that’s another one of those great aspects of baseball.  Even when it’s over, it’s not quite over.  And even though it may not be pretty, it’s usually entertaining.  Kind of like these guys:

-A

Dispatches From a Midwestern Stoic

tips_like_a_cow.jpgIn the middle west of our fair country, we hold many things sacred.  A short list would have to include potluck dinners, the right to call soda by its Michigan name, pop, and knowing the correct form for tipping over a sleeping cow.  We also used to hold college football sacred but now I’m beginning to wonder.

Sure, we’re in the middle of baseball season right now and there’s plenty to enjoy.  The Tigers aren’t too far behind, Strasburg finally made his move and there’s even a chance I might get to see him pitch against the White Sox next week.  Forgive me if I’m not just a little bit distracted, though, by the news coming out of Big Ten land.

Personally, I still think it’s a little bit of a travesty that the conference added Penn State but decided to keep calling itself “The Big Ten,” only paying lip service to the true arithmetic by getting all cutesy with the logo.  But now they’re going to add Nebraska, too?  Don’t get me wrong, I understand the pressure that exists in big time college sports and adding a team like Nebraska is definitely going to help the revenue stream.  That doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.

On the bright side, at least when they picked a team that starts with “N” they avoided the confusingly named Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.  I mean, they do realize that the name of the school is French but the mascot is a tiny Irishman, right? 

I guess it’s inevitable and I should probably get over it.  It just seems strange that as a Big Ten team you definitely won’t play all the other Big Ten teams.  It’s like being in the National League but never playing the Dodgers.  Where’s the sense in that?

Now that I’ve said my piece, it’s time to get back to another couple things we hold dear in the Midwest: Beer and stoicism.  I think I’ll hold off on the meth, though.

-A

Existentialism Revisited

Dancing_Erin.jpgRSBS has devoted many pages to an ongoing debate between the great minds that form the RSBS duoverse.  No, I’m not referring to our liberal vs. conservative clash over the way the game of baseball is played.  And I’m not talking about the unending fount of sophistry springing from my colleague regarding the eternal question, which team is better, the Tigers or the Cardinals.

No, our fundamental debate is much more existential and with its subject back in the news, now seems the right time to revisit the topic.

Erin Andrews.

That she is an attractive woman is not open debate because that goes without saying.  But my co-blogger’s unhealthy obsession with Ms. Andrews sometimes makes me wonder what goes on inside his head.  She’s cute but she’s not that cute.  And she’s a Florida Gator which automatically deducts a point from the ten point beauty rating scale we all know so well (a much less harsh deduction than the 2.5 point penalty meted out to any graduate of the University of Notre Dame, a university who’s men’s basketball team recently went down in delightfully ignominious defeat during the first round of the NCAA tournament I might add).

However, even I have to admit that she’s looking very nice on Dancing With the Stars.  And that’s saying something when you’re up against Nicole Scherzinger and a very svelte looking Pam Anderson. 

I’m not saying that Jeff has won this debate, not by any stretch.  But, since I can admit when another person has a legitimate point, I’m admitting that in this instance Ms. Andrews is looking good.  That being said, she’s still no Allison Stokke.

-A

2009: A Year in Review (Pt II)

Thumbnail image for RSBS_Mlb.made.LOGO.jpgEverybody knows that baseball is a team sport — a team
sport where success hinges on the individual’s performance.  If you
don’t believe me, just ask Walter Johnson… or Ernie Banks… or
Willie Mays Hayes.

Likewise, RSBS wouldn’t be RSBS without the BS
*ahem* — as in “Blue State”, represented in high definition by our
very own misanthropic Tiger fan, Mr. Allen Krause.  Yesterday, Mr.
Krause (who also happens to be one of my best friends in all the world)
adequately summed up 2009 as only RSBS can; and while he was at it, he kindly featured some of my better pieces from the year.

Well, dear readers, what fun is life without reciprocation?

There’s
no better way to wrap up the decade than to highlight my friend’s best
work… so let us take a gander at some real Krausian masterpieces!

2nd Honorable Mention:
Being There (Part 1Part 2)
Historic, epic, monumental… I like to believe that most people were
able to set their political affiliations aside while our nation’s grip
on racism slipped.  There will only be one first non-white
presidential inauguration and Allen Krause was there.  He lent us his
senses.  He gave us some play-by-play.  Then he rejoiced that the
“unwashed hordes” were finally leaving his city.  Bravo!

Honorable Mention:

Nietzsche Was Right
Pessimistic as he may be, Mr. Krause still knows how to hit a homerun. 
This has never been more evident than in his simple line:
“you should all know that god is dead and the devil has won.” 
Referencing the Ghostbusters alongside Colbert and Nietzsche
was just icing on the existentialist cake.

2nd Runner Up:
A-Rod at the Plate
If you ever feel like pissing Allen off, mention any one of these
things with high praise: Notre Dame, Glenn Beck, the Yankees, Bud
Selig… but if you really want to get him in a tizz, you should talk
up Alex Rodriguez.  Still, unlike most folks, Al has a savvy way of
chiding fallen poster-boys.  This parody of Casey at the Bat is, in a
word, brilliant.

1st Runner Up:

RSBS Presents: Your Health
Hi-effing-larious.  Dude.  Seriously.

And the number one Allen Krause penned piece of the year is…

A Magical Mystery Tour (Part 1 & Part 2)


This sultry trip through PED-opolis, Politicotopia and Pujols-ville may
have been a sneaky way of insulting my obsessions and undermining my
sexual orientation (Jesus Christ, I’m not GAY! I like chicks! YOU
UNDERSTAND?!?!)… but the idea of there even being a
Pujols-ville where Albert hangs out in a kiddie pool full of tapioca is
oddly titillating enough to make this my favorite (albeit two-parted)
post of the year.  I hope that doesn’t make me a sicko.

And with that, my good pal Al and I would like to thank you, dear
readers, for making 2009 a fantastic experience.  This community is all
about like-minded baseball lovers; and it wouldn’t be any fun with out
the tethered creativity of Princes, She-Fans, Ranters, Deconstructors,
Phanatics, Renegades and everyone else in between.

Much success to all of us in 2010!

Now, go get drunk!

Peace,

Jeff

**Please drink responsibly… y’know… don’t drive drunk… or kill anyone… or I’ll kick your ^ss**

…And In This Corner, Misanthropy!

misanthropy.jpgI don’t like it when things come down to the wire. I like to know early what’s going on and then just settle back and not worry about it. Perhaps this explains why I often miss incredible finishes, like Boise State beating Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl a couple years ago. Or Michigan coming back against Notre Dame. And Indiana. I’m not sure what it is, maybe my German blood, but just like I don’t enjoy gambling, I don’t enjoy close finishes.

Which is why I’d like the Tigers to make up their mind about the AL Central title. A friend of mine used to describe this peculiar inability to make a decision with the phrase, “Either sh!t or get off the pot.” And maybe someone needs to pointedly remind the Tigers of this. At this point I don’t care so much how it ends (OK, that’s not exactly true) but I’d just like it to end.

Would it be exciting if the Tigers and Twins ended the year tied and (once again) had to go to a one game playoff? Sure. Would I enjoy it? Not one bit. I can deal with it when it’s teams I don’t care about because, well, because I don’t care about them. But watching Michigan when they’re down 5 points in a dogfight with Indiana? Or the Tigers as they try to redeem the season? I’d rather just go to bed. That isn’t going to make me an ideal candidate for Lipitor.

So, here’s the deal, guys. If I wanted drama I’d just pop in some HBO on DVD. If I want mind numbing entertainment, I have the internet. But is it too much to ask for my sports teams to either just win or lose convincingly? At least the Lions have that one down. Kind of.

-A

Civility is Dead, Long Live Civility!

kanye_vma.jpgMuch has been made in the last few days about the death of civility in America. Serena’s tirade at the US Open only slightly overshadowed Representative Joe Wilson’s yell during President Obama’s health care speech. And of course, both of those events ended up being being blown away by Kanye West’s impromptu hijacking of the VMAs.

But I don’t think all of this is bad.

It’s good to see Serena fired up. God knows none of the other Americans in the main draw at the US Open came close to her fire with the possible exception of a seventeen year old. And when you’re used to stars making the same inane comments, it’s nice to see that there’s still room for the insane. As for Wilson, although it might have been nice for him to express his views in a slightly more constructive way and perhaps in a more appropriate forum, he expressed how strongly Americans feel about the issue of health care.

I’d love to see the Tigers this fired up about their season. They may be in the driver’s seat in the AL Central but they sure don’t look like they’re in control. The only reason they’re in first is because the other teams in the division are giving it away.

However, I’m hoping the Tigers can take heart in the exploits of the University of Michigan football team. I don’t think anyone expected much but they went out this past weekend and won one of the two games that count this season. Civility may be dead but so are the hopes and dreams of thousands of Fighting Irish fans and that’s good enough for me.

-A

“Fila-boy” Makes Good


jeter_draft.jpgSometimes when I get really worked up, you probably forget that I am not just a simple, hateful man. There are many things I appreciate. This is not true about Notre Dame since there is absolutely nothing redeeming about that school and I consider Rudy to be nothing more than Catholic propaganda. But, despite a dogmatic insistence on my hatred of the Yankees, let us consider them for a second.

Growing up in a small town outside of Kalamazoo, MI, I admired Derek Jeter. This wasn’t true of my whole family. My brothers routinely referred to him as “Fila-boy” because for some reason he had an endorsement deal with that shoe company and always wore them. I think their dislike of him has something to do with the leftover animosity those of us who come from German descent have for the Italians totally screwing the pooch in WWII. Seriously guys, you couldn’t even hold on to North Africa? But, even though he was the golden boy and could seem to do no wrong and even though my brothers hated him, I always had a special place in my heart for Jeter.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but he always seemed to hustle a little more than the other guys, to work a little harder to prove that he belonged there. Even though he was a Yankee, he didn’t have that same air of entitlement that guys like A-Rod seemed to possess. And maybe that’s just me projecting but when you’re coming from the same area in the middle of nowhere in Michigan, it’s nice to see someone who made it out.

So, I still stand by my guns and there is no way I will ever cheer for the Yankees (unless one of those guns happens to be pressed up against the side of my head). But Derek Jeter? The guy’s a class act. Kalamazoo Central class of 1992, in fact. See, I’m not all bad.

-A

Nietzsche Was Right

Nietzsche_Family_Circus.jpgI don’t want to alarm anybody or prey on your fears but you should all know that god is dead and the devil has won. “But Allen,” you’re probably asking right now, “How is this possible?” Well, it’s really quite simple. Let me refer you to the classic documentary in which Doctors Venkman and Spengler expertly deal with all manner of paranormal aberrations. Now, as anyone who has seen the film well knows, the only way to avoid the end of the world is to make sure that the “Keymaster” and the “Gatekeeper” do not get together. If they do, well, it’s over.

So, you can only imagine how my heart sank the other day when I read that the Keymaster and Gatekeeper are on a collision course and their unholy union will be consummated on 20 November 2010. Seriously, we are knowingly allowing the Yankees and Notre Dame to combine their evil powers together? I don’t want to go to far over the edge here but you should know that it will form the most pure nexus of evil ever known in the history of the planet.

At least by then we may have bigger worries. That’s right folks, at that point we may have insurance coverage for each and every American. And as bad as Zuul may have been, there’s nothing worse than universal health care. Don’t believe me? Just watch this public service announcement from the always civic minded Stephen Colbert:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Health Care Hell-Scare – Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
www.colbertnation.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:239584
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

Happy Saturday y’all!

-A

I Will Stop Just Short of Saying “All Catholics Are Crazy”

cute nun.jpgJesus was a cool dude.  He talked to anyone and everyone, from hookers to farmers to gladiators to fisherman.  I bet he’d even talk to Cub fans. 

He had long hair.  He had no earthly possessions.  He was nice to everyone.  He was compassionate, well-spoken and he didn’t judge others based on their ideas or actions; he left that up to his daddy.

So after two thousand years I have to ask: where did all those ideals go?

Catholic church, I think it’s about time you get over yourself.

The Tigers’ home opener is on a Good Friday, during holy hours?  This offends you, Catholics?  Whaa whaa whaa!  Cry me a river so I can walk on it and impress my friends with my mad Jesus skillz.  What!?! 

Exactly.

Your hardline is just as insane.

Take it easy on the Tigers, will ya, Catholics.  They’re in terrible shape and the last thing they need right now is a religious scandal scarring their opening day attendance.  Besides, have you taken a look at the empty industrial shell known as the city of Detroit?  Do you think the city or the team actually cares about what offends you and what doesn’t?  The Tigers organization (and I can’t believe I’m defending them here) is a business. Business.  How many other businesses will close during your precious holy hours just because you think they should and you will be offended if they don’t?  Will McDonald’s close its doors?  How about the crack dealers?  Will there be a moratorium on rock sales during the holy hours?  Will you police that if they don’t?  And what about Little Caesars?  Do you think they’ll shut down shop during your holy hours?  No, sir, not while there are $5 pizzas that taste like crap to sell in order to pay off Gary Sheffield’s walking papers to the tune of some 14 million bucks! 

But the story doesn’t end there, does it?  You’re always in a tiff about something.  Whaa whaa whaa, we don’t want Barack Obama, the leader of the free world, to give a commencement day speech at Notre Dame because he supports stem cell research — an effort that only aims to help people, heal people, give people hope.  You don’t want Obama on your campus because he promotes progressive thinking, the freedom to choose, the American dream… and I guess all those awful, terrible ideals just don’t have a place in the rigid backwardness of the Catholic church, do they?

No, not as long as your higher-ups continue to challenge the existence of the Holocaust; not as long as your bishops suggest more Catholics died during the Holocaust than did the Jews; not as long as your elders continue to diddle little boys and get away with it.

Ask yourselves this, Catholics: What would Jesus do?

I’m pretty sure Jesus would say: Play Ball!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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