Results tagged ‘ Nyjer Morgan ’

The Filibuster

Usain Bolt is looking to try out with a British soccer team. What athlete that you’ve seen in the Olympics would you most like to see trying out for an American baseball team?

Ethan
Santa Clara, CA
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Olympians turned baseballers?  I like the way you think, Ethan.  And I welcome the possibilities!

I can’t help but think Michael Phelps would look good in Yankee pinstripes.  The man has 20 Olympic medals — hardware that would surely look good next to 27 World Series trophies.  And let’s face it, the dude has earned the right to be as cocky and off-putting as he is.  He might not have Derek Jeter’s golden little black book yet, but some time around the Captain and soon he too could be kissing mirrors of himself.

When it comes to actual physical strength though I might suggest Holley Mangold take up a spot in the American League as a DH.  She wouldn’t have to actually do much running or having anyrefined skills other than swinging for the fences; and accounting for her already buoyant build, I don’t think we would have to worry about any Giambian steroid scandals.

Of course, no baseball league is complete without its lovable losers.  And considering how much crying Jordyn Wieber did in the 30th Olympiad, I think she’d be a perfect fit for the Chicago Cubs.

But let’s not forget, when it comes to an Olympian I want on my baseball team, there is no one other than THE Usain Bolt.

Holy jerk chicken, that guy is a bonafide SUPERSTAR!!!

Have you EVER seen anything more exciting the last 4 years than watching that man run!?!?!  Unbelievable!  I’d want him in center field, catching everything in between the foul poles.  At the plate, I’d have him try to walk as much as possible, just to mess with the opposing pitchers’ mind before taking off to fly around the bases.  And look out if he actually hits a ball out of the infield, ‘cuz dude is gonna turn singles into doubles and doubles into inside-the-parkers!

Not only that, but Bolt is also insanely entertaining in the most endearing of ways — a happy-go-lucky clowner who can back it up with performance as opposed to the psychotic shenanigans of a WAY less talented Tony Plush.

Forget soccer, Mr. Bolt, please come wear the birds on the bat.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster? Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing RSBSblog@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The Filibuster

How has your relationship with Nyjer Morgan suffered after his attack on Albert’s manhood?

Nick
Martin, MI
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Well it’s about time!  Seriously, I was wondering when someone was going to call me out on the conflicting interests of my Nyjer Morgan man-crush.  As if publicly rooting for a Brewer wasn’t enough, I had to go and pick the looniest one of the lot, the one who called my team’s future Hall of Fame first baseman “Alberta” Pujols.

Oi vey.

My initial reaction to Nyjer jawing at Chris Carpenter in the game that led to the maniacal tweet in question was: Okay, that’s enough, Nyjer.  Yapping at your opponent is one thing — one thing Nyjer does quite well and usually within the boundaries of what is considered acceptable in baseball — but he was strutting and yelling “F*** you, p****!” to Carp, a man who could crush Nyjer with his stare if he wanted to.  Watching that strange exchange was akin to the feeling one gets when his dog starts sniffing the butts of other dogs at the park: somewhat embarrassing, but also totally natural.

Nyjer is crazy.  And that’s why I like him.

He’s… different.  He’s a showman.  A wild gunslinger.  A loose cannon.

He’s also quite talented and completely entrenched in winning.  The man wants to win (are you getting this, K-Rod???).  Nyjer has more energy in his pinky finger than most Major League squads put together.  But along with that fiery and insatiable appetite for winning comes a handful of bad decisions.  We saw it last year as he beat his chest while being physically removed from Sun Life Stadium.  We saw it when he slammed his mitt into the ground after missing a ball over his head, a ball that stayed in play and rolled around while he pouted.  And we saw it on September 7th when he almost got his @$$ handed to him by an angry Cardinals mob.

Do I like that he does that sort of thing?  No.  But that’s who he is, and let’s be honest, he makes the game interesting.  He makes it spark.  He is the Dennis Rodman of Major League Baseball; and as long as his numbers back up his jawing, as long as he puts winning above all else, I think he makes baseball better and immensely more entertaining.

Calling Albert names?  Our rivals have been calling Albert names for over ten years now.  So what?

Words, words, words.

When Nyjer takes a swing at him, that’s when I will have had enough.  But not even Nyjer is stupid enough to do that.  Albert would DESTROY him like he’s been destroying Brewer pitching (.329 lifetime against the Crew).

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.  And you know it.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want to find out the disgusting details of how Mr. Krause shows his “love” for big government?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Dissimulator, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

And the Final Rose Goes to…

“Nice guys don’t finish last.  Nice guys just have to wait a little bit longer sometimes.”
–Jake Pavelka

In this all-Bachelor edition here at Setting the Mahmud, I’ve narrowed down who gets my lucky rose!  No, not the MVP award — THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO THINGS AROUND HERE — we’re talking about my rose.

Justin Verlander will win many awards this season, so he doesn’t need this.  He is a feisty one though!

Stephen Strasburg wasn’t around enough this year, but he definitely gets an honorable mention, just because.  Simmering optimism for next year, my friend.  Also, no one should ever have to see what my face is doing right now.

Aramis Ramirez is usually my go-to old flame. That being said, I have an irrational dislike for how he runs the bases.  (Sorry, Aramis. I never had the heart to tell you.)  And now I’m looking for something a little more long term.  I want to build a new life with someone special.  I really can’t do a long distance relationship right now, and I’m not too confident Ramirez will be around much longer.

Buster Posey lost out early.  It was no fault of his own (injury).  BASTARD.  I was rooting hard for him.  He looked strong to start the season and was a returning champ from last year.  Can’t hide the gimpy now though.  There’s always next year!

Another early favorite, Carl Crawford, couldn’t quite get on track in time to qualify.

Asdrubal Cabrera, the human highlight reel, would be a strong contender but this rose can go to only one…

Nyjer Efffin Morgan! MY GUY!!  AKA, Tony Plush!  Nobody does it better.  What can I say?

Nyjer, my dear Nyjer, every moment you had on camera set my heart a flutter. THAT IS NOT WEIRD, PEOPLE.  In fact, T-Sizzle could do odd things to me if he wanted.

I’m only mostly kidding.

Too strong.  TOO GOOD.

How many times have I watched the post-game interview where he channels his inner Bryant Gumbel!?!?  I stopped counting at 1,636. Well, this rose is for you, kid.

–Johanna Mahmud
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The RSBS Podcast, Episode 27: A Man Named DIANNE and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff, Allen and Johanna kick back on all the baseball drama comin’ down the stretch including STRASMAS!, Verlander’s MVP bid, Nyjer AHHHHHHH Morgan and several other topics sure to offend as much as entertain!  The crew also gets a visit from AM 670 The Score’s very own Tim Baffoe, the one and only Ten Foot Midget!

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*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his laugh spawning Undercast.

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Recorded Saturday, September 3, 2011

Slicin’ It Pretty Thin and Havin’ Fun

As much as I want to hate the Milwaukee Brewers right now, I’m finding it very difficult to criticize their style of play.  How can I?!?  These dudes are MACHINES!

They are getting sound pitching from both their starters and their pen.  They catch the ball.  They make all the routine plays.  And boy can those Brewers hit.

But perhaps the best part of the Brewer’s m.o. is that they’re unconventional.  I mean, Prince Fielder is fat.  I mean FAT.  Also, Nyjer Morgan (aka Tony Plush — AHHHHHHHHH!!!) is insane.  And John Axford looks like he just stepped out of a Civil War reenactment.

Of course, nothing could be as unconventional as their storied radio broadcaster, Mr. Baseball himself, Bob Ueker.  Artie Lang explains why:


If you’re not havin’ fun, you’re not doin’ it right.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Since it’s the start of the All-Star break, who’s your All-Star so far this season?

Paul
Cicero, IL
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First of all, major cap tip to ultimate All-Star, The Captain, Derek Jeter, a man who has been giving me goosebumps for 17 years and counting.  Dude is a paragon of class, someone who always goes hard and who seems to have a natural knack for the dramatic.

Jeter is one of those duh, no kidding he’s an All-Star sorta guys, the Pete Rose type, the kind of player you always expect to be an All-Star ‘cuz that’ s how he carries himself, on and off the field.  But there’s another type of All-Star, the kind who generally isn’t included in the actual All-Star Game… they are the grinders, the 110% effort guys, the ones who find clean uniforms shameful.

When I was playing legion and high school ball, I was never the best on the team.  I was short.  I was skinny.  I pretty much had zero tools… but I always went hard.  Bruises, cuts, scrapes… I was tattooed with them.  One day, after a particularly poor team performance, Coach said we needed to give more effort, to go harder.  He said, “Lung has more energy in his pinky finger than the rest of you do as a team.”

I never forgot that.  And even though I didn’t have the talent to be a starter, or to be successful at baseball at all, I did learn to walk pretty tall after that because everyone knew I gave it everything I had on every play.

Nyjer Morgan does that today.

Shocking, yes, I know, that I would praise the talents of a misfit who plays for a rival team.  But have you ever watched Nyjer Morgan play baseball?  That dude is fired up!  And he plays helluh-hard!  There is no let-up in his game and above all the homeruns, the no-hitters, the miraculous defensive plays in the field, I would rather watch nine Nyjer Morgans play against nine Nyjer Morgans than any of the aforementioned spectacles.

He may be odd, he may be hot headed and he may be just a few clicks shy of stupid, but Nyjer Morgan loves baseball like I love baseball, and he plays it in such a way that I can’t ever take my eyes off him.

He’s my undisputed off-the-radar All-Star.

Hate me, it’s cool… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Would you like to know if Mr. Krause’s rumored affinity for little people is true?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 24: A Fanboy’s Merkin… and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna dig into the bowels of the current Major League season and compare sizes opinions on myriad topics, including but not limited to what makes an ideal fanboy merkin,  the Cubbies‘ goat fiasco, Pat Burrell’s unfortunate meeting with a wall and much, much more! … all to make you laughy-hurty-face!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Wanna stalk Keith’s every move? Follow him on Twitter!  Wanna enjoy even more podcast hilarity?  Check out the Undercast at Undercard Films!

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Recorded Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Filibuster

If you could spend the day with any non-Cardinal baseball player
currently playing in the majors, who would it be and what would you do?

Melissa
Sandusky, OH
____________________________________

writing_letter.jpg
Is it just me or am I constantly being set up by my friends and dear readers to expound on my favorite baseballers in a way that encourages embracing a certain, subtly disclosed homoerotic undertone?

Or, maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

I dunno.

Okay, Melissa, so you take away my number one and two options by canceling out the Cards; but let me assure you, the number three spot is also a no-brainer.  For me, anyway.  Of course, you may be shocked to hear it but for this hypothetical man-crush date (is it a man-crush date or did I make that part up too?) I’m going with the one, the only:

Stephen James Strasburg.

stephen strasburg fastball grip.jpg
WHAT!?!?

Exactly.

Here’s how our date day will go…

9 a.m. Workout
I pick Stephen up and we head to the Nats’ training facility.  I am Stephen’s shadow.  I do very little talking and a whole lot of observing.  I don’t wanna make this strange for the 22 year old phenom, so I just go with the flow.  I know Stephen is out for the season, recovering from Tommy John surgery, but a man’s still gotta stay in shape and I wanna know how he does it. (Also, when no one is looking, I coat Nyjer Morgan’s supportive equipment with government grade Tiger Balm.)

12 p.m. Lunch

We eat a healthy, protein-packed lunch that will fire our fast twitch muscle fibers so we recover faster, to become stronger.  I now start asking questions, overly aware of how annoying I can be when given free reign to discuss all-things baseball.  Eventually, these questions lead to hitter preparation science, so off we go to…

2 p.m. Video Room
I want to get inside the head of Stephen Strasburg.  So I present to him a reel of the Major League’s best hitters: Albert Pujols, Adrian Gonzalez, Joey Votto.  I want to know how he is going to approach them.  I want to see him point out their holes.  Stephen, of course, is as calculated as he is modest, and he ain’t givin’ up too many secrets.

3 p.m.  Practice Field [For this part, let us forget that Stephen can't pitch right now, shall we?]
Luckily, I brought along my catcher’s equipment from high school (it all still fits!), including my over sized mitt.  I take my place behind the plate and ask Stephen to go easy on me.  In high school I think the fastest fastball I ever caught was in the 70 mph range.  After three Strasburg change-ups, I lose all feeling in my catching hand.  But this is Stephen Friggin’ Strasburg, so I man up, take the pain and ask for more.  Watching his yacker yack and his fastball bite, wow… just, wow.

5 p.m. My Crib
All my best friends (Mr. Krause, Johanna Mahmud, Yadier Molina) come over to my place.  We got beer.  We got wings.  We got pizza.  We also got a big screen HD TV showing the very first Strasmas ever: June 8, 2010 — the greatest single regular season game that didn’t mean anything, ever played, in the history of my universe.  Ever.  We watch in amazement as Stephen talks us through each at-bat, each pitch, each hair raising moment. 

After three plus hours of pizza, wings, beer and Strasmas in my very own living room, I am finally able to sit back on my couch, relax, and wait to die.

It’s been a splendid day.

Life is good.

Don’t hate me.

‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a
free pimp for your blog?  How ’bout just making Mr. Krause look as silly as Mario Lopez hosting a television show (trust us, it ain’t hard)?  Send us your Filibuster questions
by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 18: Major League Fleshlights… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 12.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff, Allen, Johanna and Second City’s Mark Piebenga knock off the winter rust and gear up for what looks like a fantastically competitive 2011 season.  Besides being racy, risque and borderline offensive (or, just plain offensive), the topics of discussion include but are not limited to the best orange juice of all time, Michael Young’s precarious situation, Major League collisions and much, much more… all to make you happy face!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  Keith is a hot topic right now!  Not only is he filming that cool baseball doc, but now he’s got some commercial gigs from the Undercast, AND he’s investing in fleshlights!  Pay him a visit!

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Recorded Saturday, January 29, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 13: Nolan Ryan’s Taintedness… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a very special guest, Second City funny man Mark “Pie” Piebenga, to the Logan Square Studio for an RSBS Podcast pow-wow of epic proportions (we would like to thank Miller Lite for making it, as the kids say, ‘epic’)!  From Jim Joyce’s ‘stache to Nolan Ryan’s pomposity to Nyjer Morgan’s right hook to Bobby Scales’… existence?… all the gloves come off as the fellas look back at the 2010 season and gear up for the winter with plenty of chuckles and plenty of beer.  All to make you laughy laugh!

Holla!

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For more on Mark’s work on RSBSNinemen’s Morris series, check out this story then click on the Ninemen’s Morris tag at the bottom for more early 20th century hilarity!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is involved in some impressive projects himself.  Check out his work at  Undercard Films.  Seriously.  You should do it.  If you don’t, you might find out about his MMA skills first hand.  Holla!!!

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Recorded Wednesday, November 10, 2010

 

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