Results tagged ‘ Oliver Perez ’

Things That Are Worse than Paul Reiser…

hitler-mussolini.jpgAfter a mere two episodes that had the same effect as a handful of Ambien chased by a fifth of Knob Creek, Paul Reiser’s triumphant(?) return to network television lasted about as long as a Milton Bradley welcome party.

I guess this is undeniable truth that US America just isn’t mad about you, Mr. Reiser (*RIMSHOT*).

But don’t worry, Paul, there are plenty of folks out there who are WAY WORSE than you.  And of course, the RSBS interns have been working furiously to bring you the shortlist.  Shall we?

Chone Figgins
After signing a $43.5 million deal to be the ignition in an otherwise defunct offense, it only seems fitting that the fate of the Mariners took another giant step backwards as Mr. Figgins continues to be the only thing that smells worse than Pike’s Place fish market.  Last year he topped off his .259 batting average with a debilitating case of bad attitude.  This year, he seems to be on track for more of the same, only, Wakamatsu ain’t there to box the boy’s ears.  Therefore, Chone is definitely worse than Paul Reiser.

Jim Skinner

Since he is the CEO of the McDonald’s Corporation, I think it’s important that we call out Jim Skinner and everything his company stands for: taking advantage of the masses’ inferior intellect.  I don’t care what you do to the labeling, the packaging, etc., “food” that comes from McDonald’s is not f***ing good for you.  In fact, it’s killing you… it’s killing you and the rest of US America.  When I first swore off fast food (about 7 years ago) I was surprised at how my body reacted by feeling good most of the time.  After a year of zero Big Macs, I decided to give it another try.  I had a Big Mac, large fry and a Coke.  An hour later, I threw up… from both ends.  That was my body’s way of saying STOP THE INSANITY.  I did and I’ve never felt better.

Also, people are using Jim’s restaurant as a place to throw down.  Not cool.  So Jim is definitely worse than Paul Reiser.

2010 Jason Bay
This lucky (and smart) Canadian managed to work out a $73 million five-year deal with the Mets after the 2009 season.  He followed that trip to the bank by hitting 6 homeruns in 95 games, before he got hurt and missed the rest of the season. 

He was bad.  So bad that he is STILL worse than Paul Reiser.

Muammar Gaddafi
NATO wants him dead.  That doesn’t make him bad, that makes him SOOP-UH BAD… or, WORSE than Paul Reiser.

olliver perez sitting down.jpgOliver Perez
I really hate to pick on the Mets here, but, well, the Mets have done a lot of dumb things in recent years… like, y’know, pay Oliver Perez $12 million a year to throw baseballs like my athletically-challenged and oft persnickety colleague, Mr. Krause throws softballs. 

Not very good.

Of course, Ollie’s situation comes in way WORSE than Paul Reiser’s, because Ollie is STILL getting $12 million from the Mets this year, even though he’s not on the team.

All of the above are bad.  In fact, all of the above are really bad.

But they are also UNANIMOUSLY rich beyond my Joe Plumber @$$, so… the moral of the story, once again, is be badGet paid.

Congrats on making the team, Paul Reiser.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s legal, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

Killin’ It In 140 Characters or Less

oliver perez mets tweet.jpg
And thus continues the neverending sobfest that is the post-2008 season New York Metropolitans.

They just… haven’t been the same. 

And now with the Madoff fallout hindering the club financially, I expect we will be hearing a lot of vitriolic critiques, like the one above on Ollie.  Oh Ollie…

I don’t feel sorry for him.

Still, rather than sling crud at those who cannot defend themselves, we at RSBS prefer to just hit below the belt every once in a while.  As long as we draw a laugh out of ya, all is fair.

Hate me, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Oh yeah, if you’re not already, follow us on Twitter yo!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 7: Zambrano’s “Elf”-lessness… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Look out, y’all!  The Prince of New York (aka Paul Lebowitz) is back!  Joining forces with Jeff and Johanna, the best writer you’ve never heard of exercises his unfettered angst and admits to whom he’d like to strangle to death.  Lots of heads roll as the guys discuss Carlos Zambrano’s temper, Vicente Padilla’s flopsweat, Mark Prior’s overgrown calves, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more… all to bring smileys to your faceys!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  And his Undercast podcast is wicked smaht!  I actually ran into his Undercast crew the other day, as they were going to Subway, and I realized Subway couldn’t contain their bad@ssness.  Anyway, their podcast is available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.  Check it out!

Recorded Thursday, August 5, 2010

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