Results tagged ‘ Pirates ’

And Rod Barajas In the Role of Sugar Coating

Make sure you’re sitting down.  Take a deep breath.

Journeyman catcher Rod Barajas is “thrilled to reunite with (A.J.) Burnett on Bucs”.

THRILLED!

Funny, in the above linked article he never says he’s “thrilled” with anything, but then again, who on the Pittsburgh Pirates would be?

Can we just call the A.J. Burnett trade situation what it is: EMBARRASSING.

Embarrassing for the Yankees because they gave him all that cash.  Embarrassing for A.J. because he got all that cash only to become Brad Penny.  Embarrassing for the Pirates — THE LOWLY PIRATES — because they were the only ones desperate and baseball-stupid enough to take him on.

Considering the money the Yankees are eating on this deal, it really does look like the Pirates got a bargain, of course, until one realizes they now have A.J. Burnett on their team.  Coaches, teammates and clubhouse doors beware.

In the meantime, I’m sure Rod Barajas is enjoying his brief moment in the public eye, even if it is as a sugar coated red herring.  When ya play with the Pirates, ya gotta milk every second ya get.

Don’t hate me, ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

What’s Wrong With Iowa?

Iowa has given us a reason to be afraid.  Very afraid.  It’s not just that people refuse to vote for Mitt Romney because he’s….*gasp*….a politician!  It’s that in their pursuit of anyone-but-Romney, they bounce from one increasingly insane option to the next.  Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich.  They’re all crazy in their own way but it’s a generally harmless crazy because they’re ultimately cartoons.

But Iowa…..?

Iowa just gave us a new kind of crazy, a crazy that’s scary because it actually believes what it says.  It’s the kind of crazy that gave us the Crusades and the Salem witch trials.  It’s a crazy that earnestly stares you in the eyes and tells you that it cares about you while inserting a knife between your ribs and watching the life drain out of you.  And it means every word it says.

As America woke up the day after the Iowa caucuses, I’m sure a fair amount of people scratched their heads and wondered who exactly this Rick Santorum guy is.  And the truth is, Santorum is still defining himself…although it seems pretty clear that he’s not the sort of guy who’ll just happily let you live your life the way you see fit.

I’m hopeful that the Republican flirtation with Santorum will last about as long as a Pittsburgh Pirates’ playoff run.  And considering that the good people of the state of Pennsylvania turned him out by an 18% margin in his last Senate contest, he obviously has some downside.  But in the meantime, let’s just try to focus on what Santorum’s presence means to the realm of comedic headlines. (If you don’t get why this headline is funny, go to google, enter “santorum” in the search box and scroll down until you understand.)

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 26: Willow, R2D2 and Other Famous Midgets

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

“KEITH, GET A BUCKET!”

After Jeff and Allen dragged Johanna’s almost lifeless body out of the Lollapalooza bullpen, the RSBS crew sat down to smack down on all-things baseball.  Joined midway by special guest, Tim Baffoe of The Heckler and AM 670 The Score, everybody gets in on the roller coaster that is Chicago baseball, Tony LaRussa versus the World, Derek Jeter’s legacy and a hypothetical question involving the conflicting theologies of Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton.

This is some shizz ya ain’t gonna wanna miss!

And make sure to follow Tim Baffoe (aka the Ten Foot Midget) on Twitter.  Dude’s got a lock on sports satire!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his sweet Undercast.  And, also, if you haven’t already, check out the teaser to his film-in-progress and don’t be afraid to help a brotha out!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, August 6, 2011

When Disparity Knocks

While some major sports leagues have actively sought parity, others have decided to content themselves with a talent and success gap that keeps getting greater all the time.  At the American club level (i.e. MLB), baseball has seen fit to follow this approach.  Sure, teams like the Pirates may threaten for a short period but ultimately these kind of calls go against them and the season quickly follows.

This disparity also exists on the global level but it tends to work in our favor a lot of the time.  Sure, we don’t have a monopoly on the baseball talent and we’re sorely lacking when it comes to soccer.  But if you want to see true inequality, consider basketball.

Let me lay it out in more concrete terms.  Here are the national teams from Bahrain and Kuwait playing a recent match:

Aside from an almost supernatural ability to instantly turn into an unwieldy mob, there’s not a whole lot of talent there.

Now, take Derrick Rose:

I’m pretty sure D-Rose could take on either of those teams by himself and come away with a W.  I also think there’s only one thing left to say here.  USA!  USA!  USA!

-A

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Voldermort, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

“Wait a minute! I’m having a thought. Oh, yes. I’m gonna have a thought. It’s coming… it’s gone.”

The only way I watch another CUUBBBBS game this season is if Wizzo the Wizard and his magic cards are involved (I’d go back in time and volunteer for the Vietnam War as well, because TIME MACHINES ARE REAL). Thank you, Jim Hendry, for giving Kosuke Fukudome $48 million so you could trade him for two prospects who will never see a Major League roster to save $750 thousand. You’re something else, Jim, you really are.  But… there’s so much more to check out so all is GUUUDDDDD.

Justin Verlander has me in hysterics on a regular basis. He brings some must-see damn baseball every week. 100 mph fastballs being thrown in the 8th inning are… the password is

ORGASMIC.

How in the hell is he doing that? That’s some Nolan Ryan territory.

The human highlight reel that is Asdrubal Cabrera is doing NASTAYY things out there too. No balls get by him. Nothing. He’s playing that infield like a fine fiddle. Imagine the range of Ozzie Smith but with power. NASTAYYYYYY.

Also, the new team I’ve adopted (The White Sox) still provide daily drama. The constant pillow fighting (and maybe a little pillow biting) between Kenny and the Blizzard of Oz have been fantastic! Plus, pitching coach, Don Cooper, sounds like Buddy Hackett, who should have had a much bigger role in Herbie.  (Best sidekick/mechanic ever. He also makes a serious cappuccino.)

And I have Pirates fever!!! I am actively rooting for them to win the Central. They got my old pal Derrek Lee! Ol Pittsburgh hasn’t won a Super Bowl in like… a year, so they NEED THIS. All that aside, I like the Pirates being decent. It’s refreshing. Kinda like running through the woods with nothing on but pink panties and a little mayonnaise.

Also, I keep watching HBO’s documentary on Derek Jeter’s 3000th hit. It was good but not great. I pretty much just fast forward to the parts with Minka Kelly. The password is

MINX.

And just one more thing: go back and watch Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy. The movie kinda got killed at the time for some weak acting and plot holes but that’s garbage. Danny Elfman’s score and Stephen Sondheim’s original songs combine to make it a great movie, despite everything else. And Madonna? The password is… wait for it… wait… wait…

SIZZLING.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The Filibuster

A bunch of teams are clustered right around .500 and above and no division is even close to being set at this point.  Does this mean baseball is starting to reach parity?

Sean
Caledonia, MI 
___________________________________

Beware, my friend.  I sense… something.  This… parity you speak of…

IT’S A TRAP!

It’s not real.

Just make-believe.

The truth is, the same old teams are still atop the same old divisions.  The Yankees.  The Red Sox.  The Phillies.  Okay, so the Mets and Dodgers may be out, but it’s not their faults!  They can blame poor ownership and mishandled funds!!!

I know that a quick glance at the standings may confuse the casual onlooker, that one could be easily misguided by the way the teams stack up.  But let’s face it: the NL and AL Centrals have been crapshoots for a decade, the NL West has been a contest in mediocrity for a long time.  The Angels’ dominance of the AL West was only usurped last year and in 2011 they have put themselves back in contention.

This is not parity.  This is, like our US American social ladder, a classic case of 99% of the wealth being in the hands of 1% of the population and everyone else is left to fend for himself.  The effect resembles something like parity.  But it ain’t.

It’s pitching.

I really believe that the Mitchell Report and its subsequent juicy fallout has forced teams to go back to what always works: good pitching.  With good pitching, you might have a decent shot at accumulating wins.  The Giants are a perfect example of a team that gets by on minimal offense and middle-of-the-pack payroll.  It’s not the stuff of dynasties… but when it works, it works, and that’s what teams are doing.

The Pirates are winning because of pitching (they can’t hit).  The Braves are winning because of pitching (they have a hard time scoring too).  The Diamondbacks could always hit, but this year they have… PITCHING.

Great pitching is the best defense against great hitting.  I didn’t write that.  Baseball wrote that.

When the Orioles and Blue Jays can compete in their own division… when the Nationals have a shot at the big boys in the NL East… that’s when I’ll consider parity’s existence.

But right now that seems like something that could only be found in a galaxy far, far away.

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Curious to know just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Mr. Krause?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 25: Audible Pantslessness… and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

After a rough night of Pirate inspired debauchery, Jeff and Johanna clear the cobwebs (and police reports) to make room for special guest, Paul Lebowitz.  It doesn’t take long for them to get riled up as they touch on the evil FOX chimera Joe McCarver, Clint Hurdle’s Pirates, the White Sox’s diamond impotence and much, much more!

Check out Paul’s baseball blog, The Prince of New York, and also consider checking out his books, like the 2011 Baseball Guide (I’m using it to destroy my fantasy baseball foes right now).

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter!  And if you’re into raunchy stunts and Hooter chicks, make sure to check out Keith’s Undercast at Undercard Films!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, July 16, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 24: A Fanboy’s Merkin… and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna dig into the bowels of the current Major League season and compare sizes opinions on myriad topics, including but not limited to what makes an ideal fanboy merkin,  the Cubbies‘ goat fiasco, Pat Burrell’s unfortunate meeting with a wall and much, much more! … all to make you laughy-hurty-face!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Wanna stalk Keith’s every move? Follow him on Twitter!  Wanna enjoy even more podcast hilarity?  Check out the Undercast at Undercard Films!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Filibuster

If you had to choose between watching the Heat and the Mavericks in the NBA Finals or the Cubs and the Pirates playing a mid-week series, what would you choose?

Henry
Mechanicsburg, PA
____________________________________

Hold on a second here, Henry.  I know where you’re going with this and believe me, the old me would high-five you, pat you on the back for representin’ the greatest game on earth and laugh in the face of all those suckas entranced by David Stern’s tamed down version of the WWE.  The problem is, a funny thing happened to me during the baseball offseason, and now I too can be considered a cog in the NBA machine.

This is not a bad thing!

To me, baseball still sits atop the professional sports world.  It simply can’t be beat.  If you are looking for an exact explanation as to why I feel this way, just check the over 1100+ posts in our RSBS back catalogue, consider my socially-backwards tendencies of staying home on Friday and Saturday nights so I can watch five straight hours of baseball undisturbed and you should be drunk with the RSBS brand of baseball championing.

But there’s something subtly intoxicating about the NBA this year too, from the LeBron disaster to the fall of the Lakers to the bright futures of Westbrook, Rose and Durant… I mean, watching those guys drive to the hoop over 7 foot monsters is pretty close to watching a suicide squeeze late in a tight ballgame.  And I can appreciate this electrifying comparison — finally, after a self-imposed decade long hiatus from basketball fandom — because this year I had my very own private NBA tutor walk me through what I have missed (the storylines, the heroics, the defeats — it’s all very soap  opera-ish), to explain what “pick and pop” means, to show me the entire floor for a full understanding of the sport.

So to answer your question, Henry… I will be watching Heat/Magic on Tuesday.  You bet.  I wouldn’t miss Dirklicious schoolin’ the most hated man in all of sports.  Of course, I’ll be watching it!  But, like all the other games before it, I will be watching with one caveat: that my laptop is running four live baseball games and my finger is set to scroll my MLB Extra Innings package during all commercial breaks.

Who said a man can’t have his cake and eat it too?

IMA GIT ME SOME CAKE!!!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast miscreant, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Quips a la Johanna

Went 3 for 3 last night. Scored 1 run, had 2 assists and no errors. I’m a goddamn kickball savant.

Alien invasion or zombie apocalypse?

I think Arnold impregnated a wildebeest. Between him and Dominique Strauss-Kahn, its been a bad week for the help.

Great morning! Had a light jog and did some tranny hooker window shopping!

After living on scurvy and rum, how are most Pirates’ hand/eye coordination? Can they play Mario Cart?

You can follow Johanna’s tweets *HERE*

–Johanna Mahmud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 67 other followers