Results tagged ‘ Pirates ’

Silent Night, Pirate Style

In honor of my ongoing series, “Posts that have absolutely nothing to do with baseball except for the tangential mention of the word ‘Baseball’ in them,” I bring you today’s entry.  At least this one has something to do with sports. 

Hey, it’s a step in the right direction.  And it’s even kind of Christmasy.  Not only that, it could be fun to try at a baseball game.  Imagine getting every fan in attendance to agree to be silent up until the home team scores their first run of the game.  As a side note, I recommend that Pirates fans choose a slightly different idea.  That could be a very silent night otherwise.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 16: RSBS’ Drinking Game… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg


Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna break out the hot stove holiday eggnog (topped off with a couple gallons of that special Kentucky blend, of course) and discuss all things important to the baseball-politico world, including but not limited to: adult circumcision, the 1960 World Series, the Phillies’ impending rape of the National League, peeing on your hands a la Moises Alou to get a better grip and much, much more… all to make you forget with a smile the horrors of your latest office party!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at Undercard Films.  The man is talented, people.  You don’t want to miss out, so go check it!

- – -

Recorded Saturday, December 18, 2010

RSBS Presents: Pain

jeff running houston half.jpgMy morose and oft despondent colleague, Mr. Krause, recently addressed our mutual passion for the sport of long distance running, and in doing so, alluded to the fact that such passionate loyalty requires a certain tolerance for pain. 

Indeed, running begets pain.  But said pain often calluses the soul, prepares it for the ultimate fight — whether physical or mental — and breeds a certain unparalleled toughness that can guide one through any hardship.  This I know.

Pain is a binding precursor to ecstasy.  Without it, we wouldn’t know a good thing if it hit us in the face… which, would be ironic in this case, because — depending on what the object hitting us in the face is — that could possibly hurt.

But I digress. 

Perhaps the following irony deficient examples will help better illustrate my point:

Jayson Werth cigar.jpgJayson Werth
(aka Nipple Abrasions — minor yet aggravatingly debilitating)
Congratulations, Washington Nationals, on signing Alfonso Soriano 2.0!  No, seriously, I really am happy for you.  I mean, y’all have had some painfully troublesome moments in your six year history… y’know, like, sucking and all.  Then Strasburg went down… Dunn got away… and now you dole out $18 million a year for SEVEN YEARS to your division rival’s 32 year-old third fiddle.  Um… okay.  The bad news is: you got screwed.  The good news is: it’ll be over in seven years.  By then you will be so learned, so deteriorated, so callused by anguish that every little victory will seem colossal.  Maybe you’ll even smile.  Maybe.

usa-flag-inside-map.jpg‘Merican Politics
(aka Plantar Fasciitis — excruciatingly biting, often chronic)
Eight years of Dubya.  A war in Afghanistan.  A war in Iraq.  The continued waste of an asinine war on drugs, on poverty, on progression in general.  The complete upheaval of congress from one extreme to another, to another, then back to where it started again.  We don’t have healthcare, we do have healthcare, we don’t have healthcare.  We’ve no jobs.  Our farmers are forced to grow crap crops to make corn syrup which is then injected into all your food so that you are prone to overeat, become obese, get diabetes and die.  Yeah.  That’s some real pain right there; makes Canada sound like the Playboy Mansion.  Ms. Teen South Carolina, you with me?

pirates fan.jpgThe Pittsburgh Pirates
(aka Hitting the Wall or “Bonking” — worst case scenario your body loses the ability to function due to depleted glycogen stores)
Two words: Matt Diaz.  Wow.  Just… wow.  Dear readers, when signing Matt Diaz is a big deal, you know your team is in trouble.  In the Pirates’ case, they’ve been in trouble since 1992, they show zero signs of improvement, and life is just gonna get more and more painful for the handful of baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. 

Just remember:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

My advice?  Go Steelers! 

Hate me ‘cuz I bring da pain, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The WikiLeaking of Major League Baseball

wikileak.jpegVigilantes! Whistle-blowers! And spies!

Oh my!

Don’t worry, dear readers, RSBS is on it.  Sure, the WikiLeaks crew seems to be focusing their efforts on outing wrongs and ending wars, but don’t forget: a lot of these folks are US Americans (I think?) and after they solve enough military crises and torture pandemics, they’re gonna turn their attention to what really matters:

Baseball.

Luckily, for you, we have the inside track.  Of course, such sensitive information doesn’t come easily, and It is important to remember that many RSBS interns perished in order to bring you the truth.

Please.  Be respectful of that.

And do with it what you will.  After reading the following information, I advise you to lock all the doors, close all the windows and drink some beer.  You’ll feel better.

Maybe.

- – – WIKILEAKS CONFIDENTIAL; MLB FACTION – – -

Derek Jeter is being courted by the Red Sox.  And he is listening.

The Expos are not dead. They’re frozen in carbonite until the Quebecois can be fooled into thinking they’re watching hockey. Almost there.

Peter Gammons is Gepetto. For real.

The Pittsburgh Pirates’ 1979 uniform combos were designed by embedded Russian spies hoping to kill the American public with ugliness. They almost succeeded… if it weren’t for that damn Sister Sledge!!!

Contrary to popular belief, Desmond Jennings is NOT Carl Crawford. The Rays are making a mistake.

Jon Hamm loves the Cardinals. (Oh, that’s not a secret? Of course not… everyone should love the Cardinals!)

The Cubs remain in a perpetual state of misery… because they can. Cubs fans keep coming back. For more.

Prince Fielder is prone to eating himself if left alone for more than 15 minutes at a time.

Yorvit Torrealba’s name spelled backwards is Ablaerrot Tivory, which looks like a Prussian hybrid name. But it’s not. It’s Spanish. Backwards. Try it. You’ll see.

And finally…

We know what Jayson Werth did last summer… and it wasn’t Chase Utley’s wife!!!

- – – END CONFIDENTIALITY – – -

Hate me ‘cuz I get the facts.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Pirate Exercises?

pirate exercises.jpgNotice how none of them include baseball?

No surprise there.

And I know my own Redbirds had their problems with these pesky losers, but the Pirates are 16-60 on the road so far this season and I haven’t bashed them in quite a while, so… yeah.

Hate me ‘cuz my visual aids are top notch, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of 9GAG)

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 10: Bud Selig’s Salad… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 10.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

It’s our monumental TENTH EPISODE, y’all!  Party is the name of the game as Jeff, Allen and Johanna dive into an exciting playoff tempered show including three hallowed memories, two Morgans (Nyjer and the Captain) and one inception… not to mention a whole lot of confusion over a $500 pair of speedos with Albert Pujols’ face on it.  Plus much more, including the Lou Piniella mailbag!  All to make you laughy-time!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  Check out
his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you don’t want him to kick your bum.  Did I mention he is an MMA fighter?  It’s true.  How else do you think Johanna’s face got so disfigured?!?  Lookout!

- – -

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, September 11, 2010

I Hope That Isn’t Rinku or Dinesh

yao_ming_beijing.jpgAlthough the Japanese no longer provide the same nightmare fodder that they did in the early 90’s, the Chinese have more than made up for the loss.  Sure, most of the population still lives in abject poverty but the country’s economic might is ever increasing.  More than that, with 1.2 billion people, how do we know they aren’t creating an army of Yao Ming-like super soldiers?

If you think I’m just fear-mongering, think again.  The Chinese have developed a missile that can hit a moving aircraft carrier.  And who has the aircraft carriers?  Yeah, that’ll keep you up at night.  Did I mention that there are 1.2 billion of them?  Oh.  Right.  Sorry.

We should probably keep in mind that the Chinese aren’t the only Asian nation with a billion plus people at their disposal.  And beyond taking over call centers and consulting companies, India has made a strong move into our national pastime with their exportation of Rinku and Dinesh as well.  Ok, strong might be a bit of an overstatement since these guys haven’t even made it through the Pirates’ farm system.  But you see my point.

However, if there’s one area where we should truly fear the Indians, it’s marriage.  Not understanding the concept?  I think this will make it very clear:

Repeat after me:  I will not run away on my Indian girlfriend, I will not run away on my Indian girlfriend, I will not run away on my…..

-A

Island Dreams

pirate_camp_dr.jpgWhen people mention the Pittsburgh Pirates, you assume that nothing good can follow.  But there are exceptions to that rule, at least if you believe Time magazine.  Two weeks ago Time not only said the Pirates are doing something right, they also said the organization is an example to be followed

It’s no secret that MLB spends a lot of money looking for fresh talent overseas.  Many of the greatest players in the game today and in the past are products of that search.  MLB has harvested the fertile fields of the Dominican Republic, Venezuela and Curacao (just to name a few) to give us players like Big Papi, Johan Santana and Andruw Jones.  That is not going to stop.

But Time raises the alarmist cry, decrying the conditions in the DR and castigating teams for not providing the same level of living standards the writer claims exist for young players in the US.  At the same time, the article gets a little schizophrenic, insinuating that the DR will go the way of PR if baseball decides to treat them the same way it now deals with the territory.  The article claims, “After the U.S. commonwealth became subject to the draft in the (sic) 1989, the
number of Puerto Rican signees remained flat, while those in the D.R.
skyrocketed.” 

What I read in that, though, is that despite Puerto Rican players now going through the draft, the number entering MLB each year stayed constant.  If anything, that seems to imply that the system worked.  Puerto Ricans still made it to the majors, they just followed a route that ensured they got their fair share.  And if you can play, you’re going to get paid. 

dr_baseball_camp.jpgLook, it’s no secret that many kids see sports as a way out of a bad situation.  That’s just as true in the US as it is in the DR.  But do we crucify Nike for running basketball tournaments in the inner city where they can then get their hooks into promising young talent?  Do you think Coach K runs a basketball camp each year out of the kindness of his heart?  Both Nike and Krzyzewski realize that most of those kids are never going to make it, even at the collegiate level.  And it’s not like they’re taking care of them when the inevitable happens and the dream of an NBA career shatters.

This is how sports operate.  They offer the hope of a better future but that future is only available to a very select group.  What happens in the DR is sad and most of these kids will never end up making it.  But it’s even more sad that the government of the DR can’t provide basic services to its citizens and MLB is supposed to step in and fill the gap.  At least baseball offers them a dream.  That’s a lot more than the Pirates offer their fans.

-A

Special thanks to L for the article

Ken Lee, Interrupted

More than any other sport, baseball has a rich tradition of facing, and overcoming, the language barrier.  Sometimes it leads to comical misunderstandings, sometimes it just leads to the comical stylings of Ozzie Guillen. 

There are times, though, when the language barrier leads to a moment where you can only sit back, watch and then watch again.  For instance, if you were watching Bulgarian TV in 2008, you might have seen this:

I have only one question.  Who is this Ken Lee and how long until the Pirates sign him?

-A

My Local Sports Authority “Gets It”

teal oriole hat bleeding.jpg
Indeed, dear readers, that is a teal colored Orioles cap.  The logo, like the team, appears to be bleeding.  And that is what all the kids are callin’ cool these days.

I think.

Nevermind the fact that the O’s start the second half of the season on a 4-game win streak.  Nevermind that they’re 5-5 in their last 10 games.  Instead, let us focus on the big picture: they are a mighty 27 games behind the AL East leader. 

And that ain’t bad.

That’s Pittsburgh Pirates bad.

Which, is about as bad as it gets.

So, if you’re an Orioles fan (are there any of you left?), be proud; come on down to the UIC strip and pick ya up one of these bleeding teal Oriole hats.  No one will make fun of you for it.  I promise.  In fact, donning one of these lids will just make you…

cool.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m with the part-time fashion police, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

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