Results tagged ‘ Pirates ’

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 5: Bonilla’s Bonus Button… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff, Al & that rock-n-rollin-Cub-lovin’ sage Johanna Mahmud take on all things ‘Merica, including (but not limited to) Rinku and Dinesh, Carlos Zambrano, The Hills (seriously? that happened?), the All-Star Game, the Lou
Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more… all to make you laughy-laughy!

Holla!

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– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is a must-listen (listen to it!).  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard

Films.

Recorded Monday, July 5, 2010

The Filibuster

The sCrUBS are now 3 and 9 against the
Pirates. 
I am just wondering how much more the Pirates have to do before we can
replace
them with the sCrUBS as the doormat in the National League.

Great Blog Guys,
Mike
Chicago, IL

____________________________________

pirates fan.jpgMike,

I like the question but I’m going to have to remand you to basic math.  Yes, the Cubs are terrible and they seem to reserve their worst for the Pirates.  As a Tigers fan, I’m all too well-acquainted with this phenomenon which I like to call Royal-itis.  Sweep the season series from the Yankees?  Sure, why not.  Beat the two decade doormats of the AL Central more than once per season?  Nah, not really feeling that.

But, the fact of the matter is that the only number that really counts is the overall win-loss figure.  And when you look at those numbers, for both this year and for the recent past, you can see that there’s no real comparison between the Buccos and the Cubs.  Despite all their hyjinks and Zambrano’s incredible implosion, the Cubs are still 6 games ahead of the Pirates and barring Lebron James’ conversion to baseball and subsequent saving of the Pirates, they appear well on their way to another impressive losing season.  The Cubs will finish where they always do, just a little ways south of their expectations.

Really, the best that we can hope for out of either of these teams is a little entertainment.  God knows that Cub fans don’t really go to the ballpark to watch the game.  They go to be seen and to drink themselves stupid.  Pirates fans?  Honestly, I have no idea why they go.  Pittsburgh must be an incredibly boring town if that’s the best thing you can come up with.

Here’s my final take on things, Mike.  The Cubs may be the personal doormats of the Pirates but with the twenty year record the Pirates are sporting, they’ll be holding on to that overall doormat title for a while yet.  Here’s an analogy that might help you understand the situation.  The Cubs are like a West Virginia coal miner’s doormat.  It’s dirty but you expect it.  The Pirates are more like the doormat you’d find in front of a frat house at the end of second semester, right after they’ve thrown the biggest kegger in school history while it was raining.  Yeah, sometimes you might as well just throw the thing out and start over.  Hope that helps.

-A

Things That Are Worse Than France

france shame.jpgSay what ya want about the mighty market divas of the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Dodgers.  Go ahead and hate on A-Rod, slam Manny, spit on Youk… whatevs.  Sometimes they deserve it; sometimes they don’t.  It’s all a part of professional sports.

But no matter how infantile and annoying MLB superstars can be (yes, I’m looking at you, Milton Bradley), none of them quite qualify as being as toxically asinine as Nicolas Anelka and his band of busted b!tches that once formed the French national soccer team.

You think Roberto Alomar spitting on John Hirschbeck was bad?  Imagine Roberto Alomar spitting on John Hirschbeck during the World Series, with a big nasty particle-filled loogey, and all his teammates joining in.

Yeah.  That’s sorta what France’s World Cup was like.  But at least it’s over.  And now we can think about… things that are worse than France.  For instance:

The Pirates
Duh. You knew that was comin’.

Rob Blagojevich’s Image
For all of you who live outside of Illinois, be glad you do; ‘cuz this Blago crap is just now gettin’ started for real.  The lego hair, the smarmy and disingenuous smile, the creepy way he talks to every woman as if she were a dumb, money-chasin, cheap-trick-happy cocktail waitress… this dude is going to the joint.  Eventually.

Vuvuzelas
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsubliminalmessagegivemeyourmoneyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Royals

You knew that was comin’ too.

Justin Bieber
It makes me sick that he was in my neighborhood.  It makes me even more sick to know that he was at Sox Park.  And it makes me Bush-Sr-Throwin-Up-On-Japanese-People sick to know he tossed the first pitch to Mark Buehrle!

And finally…

sad astros.JPGThe Astros
You didn’t think this could end with anything worse, did you?  I’m pretty sure I heard the Astros’ team on-base-percentage was the worse on-base-percentage in the history of time, including all dimensions — even those we are unaware of yet…

That’s why they’re called the LOLstros.

HAHAHAHA!

Hate me.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 3: The Stat Zombie’s Death… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a paragon of baseball intelligentsia, Mr. Paul Lebowitz — the one and only Prince of New York!  If you aren’t already reading the Prince’s daily column *here* or *here* then you probably should get on that.  Like, right away.  Or else.  And if that ain’t enough, you can certainly follow him on Twitter too.  To be honest, the man is too ruthless and too unfettered for you to not be paying attention to him… so the RSBS crew made sure to get him at his best.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Jason Bay’s UZR, men left on base (LOB), Keith Hernandez’s hunches, BRAINS!!!!… the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.

**Image by Annette T.  (Thanks, Annette!)  Check out her sweet@ss blog!

Recorded Saturday , June 12, 2010

Notes from a Strasburgian Night

stephen strasburg debut.jpg
As Matt Capps recorded the final out in what turned out to be the most entertaining game of the entire year thus far, and as the camera panned back to frame a victorious, fist-pumping Stephen Strasburg in his Major League debut, a young man dressed in the number 37 from the stands mouthed what was easily lip read as:

“This is a baseball town!”

And he wasn’t kiddin’…

Strasburg’s Stuff
If you know me, you know that nothing makes me “rise up” (wink, wink) quite like my Erin Andrews meets Kourtney Kardashian meets Jenna Fischer fantasy… okay, that and lights-out big league pitching.  Stephen Strasburg may not sport 32C’s, but his stuff is as filthy as my mind is imaginative, and that, dear readers, is about as dirty as it gets.

On Jeff Karstens
Jeff who?  Who is that?  No, seriously.  Who is he? 

Rise in Relevancy
Picture it: It’s a Tuesday evening… you just got off work… and all you want to do is rush home to watch that Pittsburgh Pirates/Washington Nationals game.  You’ve been waiting for it in eager anticipation for well over a week now, and finally, as you crack open that beer and get a glimpse of what magic may become, you settle in to what ends up being the most captivating game you’ve seen all year long, of any teams, in any league.

And it’s the Pirates. 

And the Nats. 

Seriously.

This is good for the game, people.  This is very, very good for the game.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

If the Cubs Were a Marriage Proposal…

team of destiny cap.jpgAfter writing my poignantly passive piece dedicated to the joys of having the Chicago Cubs as an arch rival, dear readers galore made it very clear that I appear to be dangerously teetering away from the party line of anti-Cubness — that my newfound and lighthearted regard for our despised enemy rendered me anything but a bad@ss.

For that, I apologize.

Weakness was not my goal.  Rejoice in dominance… that was my tune.

But since the sCrUBS are stuck playing the Pirates this week — yes, the effing Pirates, the team the Cubs can’t scrounge a win against — I felt now would be as good a time as any to restate my allegiance… to put the Cubs back where they belong: under my shoe.

So, now I present to you… If the Cubs were a marriage proposal

Ouch.

Make that a double ouch.

Life at the bottom certainly ain’t fun and games, folks.

Hate me ‘cuz I made ya watch that, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Bermuda Triangle, Meet the NL Central

dusty baker reds.jpgNot everything can be explained.  You know this.

Why bad things happen to good people, why Hanley Ramirez is a lollygagger, what happened to Nancy Pelosi’s original face… these are all concerning issues without concrete and true catalytic roots. 

They simply cannot be explained.

And just like boats and planes and people that disappear within the Bermuda Triangle — scoffing at science, bending the rules of reason — so too are the circumstances of the National League Central Division and its teams as mysterious as they are unanswerable.

So let’s see if we can get this right:

The Pirates suck but they are able to beat the hell out of the Cubs.

The Cubs suck but they are able to beat the hell out of the Brewers.

The Brewers suck but they are able to beat the hell out of the Pirates.

The LOLstros may deal Oswalt and/or Berkman but no one is really watching or caring anyway.

The Cardinals are in second place.

And Dusty Baker hasn’t ruined anyone’s career yet as his Reds stand on top of the division.

nancy.pelosi.jpgI have a feeling this may be one of those FML moments.  Of course, it is only May 18th, so it’s still way too early to start complaining like a Red Sox fan.

But seriously, folks, I really would like to know what happened to Nancy Pelosi’s original face…

Holla if you have any tips; in the meantime, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

If the Pirates Were More Like Pirates

Somali_Pirates.jpgWe at RSBS often lament the chronic disgrace that the Pittsburgh Pirates organization has become.  The home of players like Roberto Clemente not only continues to lose at an unfathomable rate, they also show no signs of turning it around anytime in the near future.  Throw in the fact that they have basically resorted to reality TV contests to drum up interest and you almost feel embarrassed for them, mainly because they obviously don’t have the good sense to feel embarrassed for themselves.

What the Pirates need is a mentor, someone who can show them how to get back to their swashbuckling ways.  Pirates used to strike fear in the hearts of sailors and the National League.  That can happen again.

If I can be so bold as to make a suggestion: the Pirates need lessons from real pirates.  And I’m not talking the Johnny Depp, cavorting around in makeup kind of buccaneer.  I’m talking the armed to the teeth while hijacking a supertanker kind of pirate. 

As luck would have it, The Atlantic recently provided a blueprint for what has made the Somali pirates successful and there are definitely some lessons the NL Pirates can take to heart.  For instance, how about this truth-berry?  “You don’t want your pirates running off with the loot! Be sure to
incentivize your workforce and set compensation levels fairly.”  If history is any guide (Jason Bay, Nate McLouth, Aramis Ramirez), this might be a good place to start.

Or how about this?  “Each pirate should bring his own firearm in exchange for a class A share
of the profits.”  More firearms means more firepower.  Which also means that bringing guys like Rinku and Dinesh on board probably isn’t going to cut it.

If all else fails the Pirates possess one final option, an option that frankly I’m a little surprised they haven’t already exercised.  Why not do like their namesakes and just hijack the Yankees or Phillies, then hold them for ransom?  “Sure, we’ll let you go.  As soon as you give us Cliff Lee.”  It’s something to think about and certainly couldn’t do them any worse than what they’ve done to themselves the past 17 years.

-A

The Filibuster

You guys talk a lot about baseball and politics.  What do you think
will happen first, national health care or the Pirates having a winning
season?

Beth
Allentown, PA
____________________________________

dead pirate parrot.jpgEureka!  This is proof that dear readers galore are finally playing to our strengths here at RSBS, so even if your baseball team (or your government) does fail you, know that RSBS will always have your back (unless we’re busy doing something else, of course).  I, personally, love taking below-the-belt hacks at the lowly likes of Pittsburgh’s not-so-finest, so I am delighted that our friend Beth here from Allentown, PA was willing to groove one right down the middle, in my proverbial wheelhouse.

Because this one is almost too easy:

We, the people of US America, will most certainly have a nationwide public option health care system set up before we ever see the Pittsburgh Pirates finish a season with a winning record. 

Sorry, folks, but it’s just true.

Have you been paying attention to what the Bucs have been doing the last ten years?

No, of course not.  Why would you? 

I assure you, dear readers, no other team relishes in arbitrary head scratching more than the Pittsburgh Pirates — a team caught in the perennial chaos of “rebuilding” — a rebuilding that is always abandoned before any plus remnants of said rebuilding can be seen, only to be followed up with more rebuilding in moves that still don’t make sense.

Here is but a shortlist of brain-busting Bucco moves from recent memory:

  • Signing Akinori Iwamura
  • Dumping Nate McClouth (they did get McCutchen up quick because of this deal, but look for them to screw this up too)
  • The Aramis Ramirez & Kenny Lofton for Bobby Hill, Jose Hernandez and Matt Bruback trade
  • Drafting Bryan Bullington and passing on Prince Fielder, BJ Upton and Scott Kazmir
  • Signing Derek Bell
  • Paying Jason Kendall $10 million a year for SIX YEARS!
  • Signing Raul Mondesi
  • Drafting John Van Benschoten over David Wright
  • Cutting Bronson Arroyo
  • Picking up Matt Morris’ contract (worth $13 million)

This is just an abbreviated list; the full record of crimes against baseball committed by the Pirates’ front office are too many to present here.  But I can tell you this: it will take an awful long time before such atrocities are remedied with the results of a winning season.  I have no doubt about that.

But what about national health care, you ask?  House Leader Nancy Pelosi says lawmakers are on the “verge of making history” with the strong possibility of a public option becoming a reality… very soon.  Of course, they don’t say when, or how, considering the staunch stance of Republicans and soft Democrats blocking the way.  So what are we supposed to make of this?

Look, I admit, the Democratic party has certainly had its share of Pittsburgh Pirate-like moments over the years.  How else can one explain the incompetence of John Kerry and the loss of Ted Kennedy’s senate seat?  But that doesn’t mean all hope is gone.  Behind this political push to join the rest of civilized nations we do have a clear and just motive:

To stop penalizing people for getting sick.

As long as this continues to happen, I have a hard time believing in my country.  This was my main concern when I went to the polls in 2008.  The Obama Administration — while obviously not gifted with super powers like election propaganda may have led us to believe — has tackled this issue and tackled it hard. 

And it can only get better from here… I think.

So hate me ‘cuz I still tout liberal ideals, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right about the Pirates continuing to suck.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Rum Bunter)

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Promotional materials relating to the Official Church of Pujols also welcome.


Anything is Tosh-able

daniel tosh.jpgWe live in a world where the status quo says your government will let you down, where an “extra value” meal will cost more than $5 (while including little to no value), where the Pittsburgh Pirates will be a laughing stock.

Dear readers, it is Friday and all of the above make you feel blue.

Enter Tosh.  Tosh.0

Bringin’ the heat on the tiniest of Phillies fans:

Tosh.0
Web Redemption – Phillies Fan
www.comedycentral.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:267747
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

No holds barred… that’s the only way to go, especially so close to beer thirty.

Happy Friday!

Peace,

Jeff

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