Results tagged ‘ Prince Fielder ’

Highlights from the 2010 RSBS Twitter Reel

rsbs twitter 1.JPGrsbs twitter 2.jpgrsbs twitter 3.JPGrsbs twitter 5.jpg
Follow us at @RSBS !!!

Jeff & Al

The WikiLeaking of Major League Baseball

wikileak.jpegVigilantes! Whistle-blowers! And spies!

Oh my!

Don’t worry, dear readers, RSBS is on it.  Sure, the WikiLeaks crew seems to be focusing their efforts on outing wrongs and ending wars, but don’t forget: a lot of these folks are US Americans (I think?) and after they solve enough military crises and torture pandemics, they’re gonna turn their attention to what really matters:

Baseball.

Luckily, for you, we have the inside track.  Of course, such sensitive information doesn’t come easily, and It is important to remember that many RSBS interns perished in order to bring you the truth.

Please.  Be respectful of that.

And do with it what you will.  After reading the following information, I advise you to lock all the doors, close all the windows and drink some beer.  You’ll feel better.

Maybe.

- – – WIKILEAKS CONFIDENTIAL; MLB FACTION – – -

Derek Jeter is being courted by the Red Sox.  And he is listening.

The Expos are not dead. They’re frozen in carbonite until the Quebecois can be fooled into thinking they’re watching hockey. Almost there.

Peter Gammons is Gepetto. For real.

The Pittsburgh Pirates’ 1979 uniform combos were designed by embedded Russian spies hoping to kill the American public with ugliness. They almost succeeded… if it weren’t for that damn Sister Sledge!!!

Contrary to popular belief, Desmond Jennings is NOT Carl Crawford. The Rays are making a mistake.

Jon Hamm loves the Cardinals. (Oh, that’s not a secret? Of course not… everyone should love the Cardinals!)

The Cubs remain in a perpetual state of misery… because they can. Cubs fans keep coming back. For more.

Prince Fielder is prone to eating himself if left alone for more than 15 minutes at a time.

Yorvit Torrealba’s name spelled backwards is Ablaerrot Tivory, which looks like a Prussian hybrid name. But it’s not. It’s Spanish. Backwards. Try it. You’ll see.

And finally…

We know what Jayson Werth did last summer… and it wasn’t Chase Utley’s wife!!!

- – – END CONFIDENTIALITY – – -

Hate me ‘cuz I get the facts.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Graphic Truth: Those Who Should Be Banned…

tsa strip search.jpg

Some people say I pick on Prince.

I say Prince picks on the overall fitness of US America.

Or something like that…

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Veterans Day!  Thank you, to all those who serve!  We tip our caps!

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 10: Bud Selig’s Salad… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 10.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

It’s our monumental TENTH EPISODE, y’all!  Party is the name of the game as Jeff, Allen and Johanna dive into an exciting playoff tempered show including three hallowed memories, two Morgans (Nyjer and the Captain) and one inception… not to mention a whole lot of confusion over a $500 pair of speedos with Albert Pujols’ face on it.  Plus much more, including the Lou Piniella mailbag!  All to make you laughy-time!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  Check out
his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you don’t want him to kick your bum.  Did I mention he is an MMA fighter?  It’s true.  How else do you think Johanna’s face got so disfigured?!?  Lookout!

- – -

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Book of Hungry

Considering the Cardinals just dropped their first series of the year to a splendidly stellar Giants club that miraculously unearthed the early aught version of Barry Zito, I guess you are probably expecting a lament.

Sorry.

I ain’t got it in me.

But I did learn something very valuable over the weekend:

There’s hungry…

prince fielder hungry 2.jpgThere’s hongry

Ryan Howard is Hungry.jpgThen’s there’s “I’m so HONGRY I be trippin’!”

pablo sandoval cake.gifAh, nothin’ makes me smile like the classic Kung-Fu-Panda-fallin’-for-cake gif routine.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Monday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Special thanks to my buddy Jerod for sending me the gif!

The Filibuster

What’d you guys think of your boy Zito drilling Prince Fielder for his
earthquake celebration? It’s only spring training and we’re already
seeing fireworks?!? What’s your take?

Sam
Carbondale, IL

____________________________________

Fielder_HBP.jpgFlush from yet another amazing Super Bowl game, the NFL recently took out its manhood, held it in both hands while staring proudly and then swiftly and viciously emasculated itself, leaving nothing but a bloody stump.  You like touchdown celebrations?  Well, let’s see how much you like them when it means giving the other team 15 yards on the kickoff.

Ostensibly, the owners made this decision to protect the game.  After all, football is a team sport that involves no individual glory and this is why players are all paid the exact same amount.  Oh, they aren’t?  Uh, nevermind then.

My point is, the NFL could take a lesson from MLB and how it deals with this sort of issue.  Guys like Prince Fielder are free to celebrate their heroics however they want.  If that means running around the bases quickly with their head down, that’s fine.  And if it means setting up a choreographed event at home plate with your teammates, that’s fine, too.  But you’re going to have to face the consequences.

The consequences for Prince’s actions were a plunk in the back.  Prince has adequate padding so I’m sure there will not be any long lasting effects.  But it did let the Brewers know their actions hadn’t gone unnoticed.  Sure, it’s sad that it had to come from close personal friend of RSBS, Barry Zito, but them’s the breaks.

That’s the thing.  Baseball has rules against retaliation but unless it’s so blatant as to be unignorable, most umps are going to turn the other way.  It’s part of the game and has been for a long time.  In fact, this is probably one of those few areas where orthodox fans like Mr. Lung and reformed fans like myself can find grounds for agreement.  Baseball is a game where things get settled on the field (unless you’re Michael Barrett and Carlos Zambrano) and the NFL could take a lesson.

Let a guy like TO or Ochocinco do a little dance and get down after making a spectacular catch.  And then let them put 2 and 2 together when they get their teeth knocked out the next time they catch a ball.  It won’t take long before the celebrations get tempered of their own accord.

That things like these go without saying is part of what makes baseball a great game.  It’s not just about individual valor and team glory.  It’s also the tradition and the melodrama.  You think the Brewers will have forgotten that “pitch that got away” the next time they’re playing the Giants?  And do you think the Giants will go easy on Fielder the next time he’s up to bat?  No way, man.  And that’s just one more reason to be watching those games.

-A

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Information about the lovechild of Amelia Earhart and Charles Lindbergh also welcome.

The Filibuster

cover-image-al.jeff.deepthoughts.jpgI liked the link you had to that hottest baseball wives site. I voted several times. You guys ever think of doing something like that?

Josh
Berwyn, IL
____________________________________

Indeed, Mr. Krause and I may be seedy scoundrels, but believe it or not, we actually respect the creative ingenuity of other people, so much so that we would never steal ideas from another valiant force.  Of course, we also do subscribe to the ethics of reciprocity, and encourage everyone to do the same.  We are US Americans!  Rejoice in the merits of thy brethren yo!

The entry to which dear reader Josh refers can be found *here*, and the contest sported by the Fantasy Baseball Dugout pitting the most attractive baseball players’ wives is still going on *here*.  Stop by and make your, er… voice heard before August 31.

But since it is no secret that Mr. Krause and I have the propensity to feature the aesthetics of beautiful women here at RSBS, I bring you a very special treat. 

I am a child of the ’80s.  When I revert back to that happy place in the sky, it involves a lot of Duran Duran, Ozzie Smith back-flips and the original Star Wars trilogy.  Now, as a grownup (sorta) it also involves… well, let me just show you that perfect storm:

“Even I get boarded sometimes.”

Touché.

Hate me ‘cuz I say what you’re thinking, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Pictures of Prince Fielder in skinny jeans also welcome, but of course, there ain’t no such thang.

The Filibuster

man in pain.jpgWhat is it and how is it cured?

Mike
Montgomery, TX

____________________________________

Wow.  And somehow I thought I was the only one who spoke in cryptic non sequiturs.  Since that is obviously not the case, let me go ahead and assume that the “it” in this curious question must be that big Prince Fielder-like elephant in the room — that thing that I have avoided all season long, that embarrassing premonition that makes me, well, makes me look like a fool…

Because it is no lie that before the 2009 season even started, I had written off the Cardinals’ chances of competing all together.  Due to the stagnant off season — an off season where General Manager John Mozeliak did very little except to add a few journeymen relievers and a .220 hitting Jeff Spicoli lookalike shortstopI was sure that the Redbirds were destined for the bottom of the NL Central.

Oh how I overlooked the perennial abomination that is the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Still, after watching the St. Louis bullpen blow nearly 30 late inning leads in 2008, how was I to expect that they would somehow find a way to be this good this quickly?  I am simply a man of reason and reason said to make other plans for October.  And now, as we sit atop the NL Central at 61-51, clearly the front-runners in the division despite the Cubs’ second half surge, I think it is time for me to do something that is rarely ever necessary:

I must admit that maybe… just maybe… I was wrong.

Indeed, Mike in Montgomery, TX, “it” is my disdainful pessimism for my favorite baseball team and it can only be cured by them performing well — from here til the end.

meatonahook_1.jpgThen again, “it” might just be pork; and in that case you just rub some salt on it and let it sit for a while.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Man in pain image courtesy of All About Alcoholism — don’t ask)

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Pictures of a sober Sidney Ponson also welcome but we’re pretty sure those don’t exist.

Stirring Up Crap

pudding.jpgIn recent weeks, much ado has been made about the ongoing interweb scuffle between bloggers and “real” journalists.  From JRod’s mental wanderings on Raul Ibanez to Geoff Baker’s self-serving opus dei to Hugging Harold Reynoldspublic flaying of Jay Mariotti, everyone seems to be getting in on the controversy — creating it even.

I’m sure JRod is pretty pleased, if for nothing else than for being noticed (albeit harshly).  As sports bloggers, isn’t that all we really want?  To be noticed? 

Apparently, this is the best way to go.  Stir up some real crap.

So I’m gonna.

The following are very, very, very TRUE:

  • Vegetarian or not, Prince Fielder is fat
  • In my “fantasies”, Yadier Molina and Albert Pujols always fan me with palm tree leaves from the side while I… y’know, do my thing
  • The color orange is on steroids!!!!
  • Rush Limbaugh is also fat… and annoying
  • Babe Ruth was only awesome because he had to overcome and compensate for the fact that he had a girl’s last name (and breasts)
  • Barack Obama is a smoker. Deal with it, yo!
  • Bud Selig is as good at being commissioner of baseball as the Washington Nationals are at being champions of baseball
  • I spent a lot of money on Cardinals games during the summer of 1998, in awe of Mark McGwire, realizing that something fishy might be going on, but, like you, didn’t care that much about it ‘cuz it was friggin’ awesome. Like Selig, I too, looked the other way; but I would still make a much better commissioner of baseball than he because this All-Star Game’s “this time it counts” thing is absolutely ridiculous.
  • Our earth is flat; gravity is just some bulls*** made up by Communists
  • Manny Ramirez is Predator… and a cheater and annoying; but in a few days no one will remember that he got popped for taking a banned substance… and just in case you’re wondering, no, Manny is not fat — just big-haired.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m a fire-starter, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The (Semi-Sober) View from My Couch

al bundy.jpgYeah, I wear a pinky ring.  So what?  I’m a made man and it’s the “company” rule.

And yeah, I have a Microsoft Zune… and no witty excuse other than to say, well, I got a good deal.

Yet to challenge my masculinity based on these attributes, Mr. Krause, is quite uncharacteristic, even for a flip-flopping self-loathing nihilist Tiger fan like yourself.

2006, my friend.  2006.

Still, this low blow to my sexuality got me wondering: do I really come off as a pansy?

So on Tuesday night I bought myself a case of MGD, stuck my hand in my shorts and plopped down on the couch to watch six hours of baseball.  I even avoided eating and shaving — two things I try to do at least once a week.

And this is what I learned:

Brandon Phillips doesn’t care how many times Miguel Montero says “mercy”; he’s still beatin’ that dude’s ^ss:

brandon phillips miguel montero.jpgIf Gabe Kapler expects to catch the Oriole Bird, he will need a bigger glove (or a machete):

gabe kapler.jpgNo matter what the situation, Prince Fielder always looks ready to eat you:

prince fielder hungry.jpgCarlos Lee’s lamaze classes are finally paying off:

carlos lee pregnant.jpgAnd the most important thing…

Ignorance is bliss… unless you have no business being naked in public; that’s just plain cruel (and stereotypical Met fan behavior):

mets fan streaker.jpgNow who’s the man!?!  Eh?  I am a manly man… grrrr… and now that I have proven my masculinity, please excuse me; I have to catch up on The Hills.

Hate me ‘cuz I wear the pinky rings; just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

(Images courtesy of the Associated Press and Getty Images)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers