Results tagged ‘ Random ’

Some Happy for Yer Friday

As we enter the beginning of the most exciting time of year (baseball playoffs and football season and an election, oh my!), I think it’s important that we keep in perspective that which brings us the most joy.  Sure, hosting a Guinness keg party while dressed in my Yadier Molina jersey flanked by the Shannon twins is pretty much the happiest day of my life (that hasn’t happened yet but might), I still know that even if all that other stuff falls through, I will always have baseball.

And sometimes, within the game of baseball, we can find something much simpler that pushes the happy button.  I know a lot of folks have been wrapped up in the admirable and impressive play of Mike Trout.  People are just as infatuated with his grace and dominance as I was am infatuated with Stephen Strasburg and all things Strasmas.  It’s the little injections of youthful awesomesauce that often remind us why we love baseball so much.  It is a kid’s game after all.

But sometimes waiting for the next big thing isn’t necessary.  I have found that out this year by following Coco Crisp very closely.  My history with Crisp has been one of hilarity, peppered with some dazzle.  And while his offensive numbers may not hypnotize scouts, enough can never be said about how he plays the game.

He plays hard.  He plays to win.  He’s in on every pitch and he goes balls-to-the-wall.  In fact, I have gotten to the point where I’m watching replays of his relay throws and conducting frame-by-frame analysis on his routes to fly balls.

If I could get to Oakland, I’d rather watch Crisp long-toss than Cesepedes take BP.

Okay, so maybe I’m lyin’ a little bit in that last sentence, but one thing is for certain: Coco Crisp’s defensive play is worth focusing on and if you focus long enough, you’re probably going to see something that puts a smile on your face.  Maybe even an afro.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Cap Nouveau!

When I was a kid I was an avid collector of baseball caps.  New, old, rare.  If it was a baseball cap, I wanted it, mostly so I could make an awesome rap video someday where every jump-cut had me donning a different logo.

Well, I never got around to being a famous rapper with a wide audience to view my videos (despite making this hit, and this hit), but Mr. eXquire sure picks up the slack.

The lyrics are NSFW, but you could just as easily turn the volume down and watch those beautiful baseball caps roll.  There’s even an ALTERNATE RED-BRIMMED EXPOS CAP YO!!!  Holy DeLino DeShields!!!

Happy Saturday!

Jeff

PROGRAMMING NOTE:

The Filibuster will take this week off, but if you wanna see Mr. Krause and I squirm, hit us up with a filibuster question by commenting or emailing us at RSBSBlog@gmail.com.

Making It Rain: An RSBS Tutorial

With summer temperatures slowly creeping up on us, the potential for flop-sweat induced wedgies at the ballpark is on the rise, making an afternoon or midmorning rain shower a pleasant respite for anyone wanting to spend some serious time unstuck at the game.  Though it is not widely known, making it rain isn’t quite as difficult as one might think.  Here are three simple methods:

1.  Be Different


As my doleful and oft unctuous colleague, Mr. Krause, taught us, sometimes, making it rain is just a matter of doing the opposite of what’s expected of you.

2.  Be Ignorant


This is an easy method for rain-making, especially for those US Americans who reside in the realm of absurdity.  I recall Focus on the Family asking their invisible friend to make it rain in Denver, to drown out the “changes” being outlined by Obama at the 2008 DNC.

3.  Be Livan Hernandez


This is the easiest, most economical way to make it rain.  In fact, I’m doing it right now… to the guy in the cubicle next to me.

Hate me ‘cuz I makes it rain, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Anaheim Albert ang I Are Juss Having Fung, Mang

The Twittersphere is a strange place.  It can be as welcoming as it is alienating, as terrifying as it is hilarious.  But just like anything else on the interwebs, it is what you make of it.

Over the years, I have fawned over several accounts in order to make SUPER-HAPPY-FUN TIME.  Coco Crisp’s was golden.  Barry Zito’s was embarrassing (before he blocked me from talking to him).  And I’ve probably cried more laughing at the hilarity of Fake Ned Yost than I have all the times I’ve watched Braveheart combined (stop judging me).

But these days there’s a new mang in town (somewhere along I-5 between Los Anaheim and Orange Angeles County).

BEHOLD: ANAHEIM ALBERT!

He waxes on performance:

Compares himself to others:

And provides sultry details to his odd albeit professional relationship with his agent Dan Lozano:

Extra mad points for that Scott Spiezio reference.  He’s another man whose heroics are shared by both Halos fans and Redbird Nation.

Speaking of Spiezio, where’s my scotch… and the strippers???  ALBERT!!!!

Hate me ‘cuz I made you L-O-L, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Things That Have Changed In the Last 50 Years





Indeed, some things change more than others.  It’s amazing what just a simple mustache can do.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The Political Super Bowl Commercial You Didn’t See

There’s all kinds of odd in Florida.  Thanks, Mark Oxner, for taking it to an entirely new level.

I CAN HAZ SPRING TRAINING YETZ?!?!?!

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Dark Horse Republican Candidate, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Rool: [to the tavern cat ) You are so beautiful! Your eyes! Your whiskers! I have to kiss you!

My behavioral standards have long kept me from attending the Cub’s Convention. Sorry. Sometimes you gotta rob a cop, pee on Ronny Woo Woo and knock out Sam Zell! BUT, I still have my SPIES so I know…

Kerry Wood and his pocket missile are back!

I’d like to see how the sausage is made, Mr. Epstein.

Kerry is my iguana Dudley’s soul mate of pain. His Madmartigan. And he’s back! (We might have to have an intervention about the athletes Dudley idolizes.)

I suspect Wood will probably be gone at the trading deadline to a real contender, but dumb Cubdom is happy for the moment. Yes, Theo let me down a little by letting the children have their hero back. But oh well.

OK KIDS LET’S HAVE A PIZZA PAHHHTYYY!!!!

What is this? Contenders might be looking for someone just like him if he can still bring the goods in the 6th, 7th, 8th innings.

I understand that Woody wants to be the next Mr. Cub but why not end your career with a winner? He’ll get what he wants when he comes back at the end. It’s his choice, I guess.

So…  Hello?

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

Before There Was RSBS, There Was Free Pudding

That’s right.  In a galaxy far, far away… before the interns, before the Digests, before I was “always right”, there was…

FREE PUDDING.

The above picture is one of the remaining relics from that year 2000 sketch production extraordinaire staged at Kalamazoo College that brought its fans FUN, LAUGHS and FREE PUDDING.  (Not kidding, we actually served free pudding to all patrons.)

Of course, dear readers galore know what eventually became of my persnickety and oft lugubrious colleague, Mr. Krause and I.  Y’know, how we blew up the internets with our unique take on the baseball-politico world and all.  But what of that crouching fella in the middle there?

That’s Jordan Klepper.

And here is Mr. Klepper, recently, with the lovely Laura Grey.

STILL KICKIN’ COMEDY TAIL!

Mr. Klepper grew up a huge Ryne Sandberg fan, and while living in The Chi, he wore his Cubs hat proudly.  But then he moved to New York, and after a couple of Mets games we took in last summer, I couldn’t help but notice him salivating all over  R.A. Dickey.

Happy Saturday!

PS. The dude with the do-rag is Nick. I have no idea where or what he is doing in the world today but I’m sure he’s rockin’ it ‘cuz he was super cool back in school.

PPS. Yes.  Mr. Krause is doing “the double handed shocker”.

Some Happy for Your Saturday

Has losing your living legend got you down?

Do you see Halos everywhere you look?

Tired of trying to compute just how many zeroes Number 5 left you for?

I’m so with ya.  In fact, I’ve been so blue the last 10 days that the RSBS interns decided to dig up something special to make me smile.


I don’t know about you, but I done fell outta my chair.

Happy Saturday!

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Ryan Braun Beef Injector, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Things to Do in Miami When You’re Dead

Just one week ago I wrote about all the good the Marlins are doing. It’s been an interesting week since then. I baked. I strung lights. I went sledding in my neighbor’s bathtub (she may or may not know this). I made a gingerbread house. I have Christmas fever!! And it’s Big Cat week!!  But wait, there more!

I’m also slightly sore from the waist down since my man Aramis Ramirez is leaving the Cubs, but I’m not in the same stratosphere compared to what Jeffy is going through with Alberto de la Pujols. But that’s not why I called.

See, my father lives in the Miami metro area. He slipped me a story that’s been going on down there, one that hasn’t been reported too much here and it details the mess the Miami Marlins have created with the locals involving their new stadium. Check it out from the Herald.

And *this one* too!

Apparently all isn’t so sunny in Dade County regarding the tax payers who paid for the stadium. And the Marlins are BANKING ON FILLING THE HOUSE. Way to piss everyone off before DAY FREAKING ONE.

Will owners ever learn? They can tell you they put on pants the same way you do, with the whole putting one leg in at a time, but they probably just lay on shag carpets and have the butler put them on for them. I know this because my iguana, Dudley, does this for me every morning (despite his violent protests).

The Marlins couldn’t come close to half capacity, even winning it all twice.  Now this?

Again Vice City proves just how douchey a place it really is. Other than visiting my father and my two stripper friends Leviticus and Deuteronomy, you can keep it. I have enough Crockett and Tubbs in my life. Just when I thought the new look Marlins were doing things the right way they go and screw the locals.

WOW.

But I gave Dad some advice for when they tax him again: “The problems of the world won’t be solved by love alone. You need the opposite of love too… and by ‘opposite’ I mean Scientology.”

And… “Life is like a mustard burp, momentarily tangy and then forgotten in the air.”

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

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