Results tagged ‘ Random ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Cut-Guy, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Tracy Tzu: You’re acting like a child.
Stanley White: Well, a great man is one who in manhood still keeps the heart of a child.

There’s no baseball till Thursday. At all. Do not tell me there is. YOU CANNOT DISSUADE ME.

So this week I thought I’d let you kids know what has been filling the void in my life and I’m sure without a doubt you WANT to know this crap because everything is about ME.

Movie:
Year of the Dragon
.  This is when Mickey Rourke was absolutely killin it in the mid-eighties and was on his way to becoming the next Marlon Brando. He’s volatile, violent, smooth, exasperating, and so un-George Clooney that real men felt they could be him. After this film, he had a bad boxing career, messed up his face, had multiple plastic surgeries and started living in a closet with his poodle before eventually reinventing himself. If he had died when he was 30 (and I’m shocked that he didn’t) he’d be mentioned in the same breath as Hendrix, Morrison, and Cobain.

Film Score that hurts it’s so good:
Either watch Vertigo or just check this Bernard Hermann link. Between Jimmy Stewart’s obsessiveness and the awesome direction of Hitchcock, the music from this movie makes me weep like when I watch a Derrick Rose crossover. It goes from wispy to dramatically sad to the most desperate feeling music could ever make you feel.

Documentary:
Watch Lombardi on HBO. As a Bears fan, spending and hour and a half focusing on a Green Bay legend was a little surreal, but it was so good I was swept up in the majesty of his greatness. He was also a genuinely well-liked guy.  I would have put on a jock strap for the skipper. Or is it gipper?

Food:
QUESO FUNDIDO WITH CHORIZO. This stuff is unbelievable and I get it mostly at El Cid in Chicago or Arturo’s Tacos. Hot gooey cheese and meat you slather on tortilla chips. Eat it fast or else it turns into playdough.

Desert:
Sea Salt Brownies from Trader Joe’s. They won’t make it home. At least not all of them. I’m not a sweets guy but these are so good I’d submit to the true death True Blood style if its my last meal.

Horrible People:
Casey Anthony is not hot, but I’d probably do some shots with her.

So that’s what I did so far this week because there’s NO BASEBALL!!! I mean Jeffy and I still watched the fake game that decides the fate for home court advantage in the Super Bowl but that’s just because we like to snuggle and eat salty brownies.

–Johanna Mahmud

Some Visual Stimulants for Your Fourth

It’s the Fourth of July (properly pronounced JOO-ly, like Grandma used to say) and that  means you should be out enjoying the day off, not hovered around your keyboard looking for awesome random stuff on the interwebs.  However, if you are hovering around your keyboard looking for awesome random stuff on the interwebs, this is your lucky day ‘cuz the RSBS interns have pulled together a short pictorial collage that amply represents all that is good on this historic day.

Baseball and apple pie... classic.

'Merica guy from last year's festivities

Bell's Oberon... the greatest thing to ever touch these lips

Christina Hendricks... the greatest thing I WANT to touch these lips...

And, finally…

My colleague, Mr. Krause... and friend

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right, yo!

Happy Fourth!

Jeff

Have You Seen This Man?

Subject: Johanna Mahmud

Age: Unknown

Occupation: Trombonist, Rockstar, RSBS Writer/Collaborator

Last seen doing odd things to Bernie Brewer, Mr. Mahmud is rumored to be considering a legal separation from his beloved Cubbies.  In fact, the Cubs faithful fear they may have lost one of their more ornery contemporaries to the luxuries of… not being a Cubs fan.

“Look at these people,” he said, staring at a sea of Brewers fans, “these people… they’re… happy.”

If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Mr. Mahmud, please inform RSBS officials, or, at the very least, kindly notify Ronnie Woo Woo, who desperately wants his sequined Sandberg Cubbie thong back.

Understanding Ozzie

ozzie guillen crazy.jpgWhether he’s hawking random expletives, labeling Jay Mariotti as “a garbage” or mumbling Spanglish idioms no one understands during the World Series on Fox, Ozzie Jose Guillen is always entertaining.

And while his latest project may be getting Jake Peavy to respect his own body (regarding injury, not that Jesusy “your body is a temple” stuff), we should all certainly stop to thank the baseball gods that, despite his busy schedule, Ozzie still has time to tweet.

Oh yes. 

Ozzie tweets.

It’s just that… sometimes, his tweets… they’re not easy to comprehend.  And that’s where RSBS and our faithful interns get to work!

Let us enter the interwebs to analyze some of Ozzie’s latest…

My dog dh needs a gf he want to be charlie sheen he is desperate lol
March 3, 2011
Translation: I think it’d be funny if my dog did a bunch of coke, assaulted hookers and got fired from the best job in television, ‘cuz let’s face it: self-destruction is hilarious.

Very nice day off great golf 89 finnaly play good any cuestion ask oney lol yesssss
March 15, 2011
Translation: Punctuation?  Spelling?  I don’t need no stinking punctuation or spelling!  Ask one of my delinquent sons!

Nice shot james lol

February 24, 2011
Translation: Bet you wish you had a Derrick Rose, right, LeBron?!?!  (this tweet came during one of the Bulls’ three victories over the Heat — right after LeBron threw up a humiliating BRICK towards the end of the game.)

Open a jack in the box in chicago please
February 24, 2011
Translation: I have an E Coli addiction and I need a fix!  Stat!

And, finally…

Getting ready to watch bruno the movie lol… Joey cora favorite movie
March 19, 2011 (Pt. 1 and Pt. 2)
Translation: Joey Cora is gay.

Folks, this is but a small sampling of the logorrheic ramblings Ozzie spews on a daily basis, which is definitely cause to celebrate technocracy.  Just imagine if Earl Weaver had a twitter… oh boy.

Hate me, I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 19: Mr. Cokey’s McBrainface… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 13.jpg

 

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna (well, mostly Johanna) push the boundaries of political correctness, in that, well, they don’t see any boundaries.  At all.  Hot dog!  They also get into pretty much anything and everything, including but not limited to Miggy Cabrera’s drinky-time, Albert Pujols’ year long stranglehold on Cardinals fans, a beyond the grave interview with Ron Santo and much, much more… all to make you have happy ending!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith does it all, yo! If you haven’t already, please check out Keith’s crew and subsequent podcast at  Undercard Films. They’ll make you laugh. They’ll make you cry. They’ll make your face hurt! In a good way! 

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Recorded Saturday, February 19, 2011

 

Valentine’s Schmalentine’s

ryne sandberg dream.jpg

It’s on y’all!!!

PITCHERS.

and

CATCHERS

have reported.

Peace,

Jeff

**Special Programing Note**

The start to the new season means we at RSBS are ready to rev up the Filibuster machine once again!  Please send your Filibuster questions, hot topics and all around tomfoolery to us by emailing to kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

Holla!!!

“Think About It… Think About It Deeply”

yap.jpgRegardless of who wins the Super Bowl, we, the people, the Joe Plumbers and Jane Six-Packs of the world, will most definitely be subjected to interview after interview after interview of big dummies with fat paychecks who don’t actually say… anything.

This is nothing new, dear readers.  The gene pool is ridiculously consistent in its distribution policies.  Sure, I can’t throw a football 60 yards on a line to a moving target, but I can speak three languages.  I can’t hit a curveball over the left field wall, but I can read books and formulate coherent thoughts through the power of writing.

It’s a balance thang.

And though I often harp on my dislike of hearing my favorite professional athletes speak (Albert Pujols and his non-stop Jesus mouth comes to mind), I sure as hell hope Big Ben or Aaron Rodgers will follow South African rugby star Brendan Venter’s lead:

By the way, Mr. Venter is a medical doctor too.

Yah.

Believe it.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Headshot!

headache.gifThree whole baseball absent months have gone by, I’ve spent the last three days digging myself out of mountains of snow and Albert Pujols still doesn’t have a new contract.

I need a beer.

Or ten.

‘Cuz my head hurts.

Of course, it could always be worse… like, 35 times worse.

On second thought, everybody in that vid looked like they were having fun.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 18: Major League Fleshlights… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 12.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff, Allen, Johanna and Second City’s Mark Piebenga knock off the winter rust and gear up for what looks like a fantastically competitive 2011 season.  Besides being racy, risque and borderline offensive (or, just plain offensive), the topics of discussion include but are not limited to the best orange juice of all time, Michael Young’s precarious situation, Major League collisions and much, much more… all to make you happy face!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  Keith is a hot topic right now!  Not only is he filming that cool baseball doc, but now he’s got some commercial gigs from the Undercast, AND he’s investing in fleshlights!  Pay him a visit!

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Recorded Saturday, January 29, 2011

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