Results tagged ‘ Random ’

Beyond Non Sequitur VII

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Is it Opening Day yet?  Good grief… I can hardly take it anymore!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu —

Happy Saturday!

Jeff

(GIF via 9GAG)

Mysteries of the Universe

Carl-Sagan1.jpgMy insatiable quest for knowledge is rooted in the works of that dapper fella pictured here to the right.  That’s Carl Sagan.  You can call him Mr. Awesome if ya want.  I do.

I was but a child when I first watched his infamous Cosmos series — a series that, for the very first time, made me realize that the mysteries of life, of the universe, of existence as we know it are far more grand and far more expansive than anything I could ever understand in my lifetime. 

But, more importantly, it taught me to always ask questions. 

And that’s what I’m doin’ today… ‘cuz some of this shizzo just doesn’t make any sense. 

Let’s take a look at some contemporary mysteries of the universe, shall we?

Kyle Farnsworth Has a Job. Gregg Zaun Has a Job. Jermaine Dye Does NOT Have a Job. Again.

How does this work?  How does a bonafide game-yacker who cries a lot get paid $3 plus million a year while Jermaine Dye sits at home drinking scotch, watching NBA League Pass and surfing the 900 channels?  And Gregg Zaun?  Isn’t he an AARP officer?  The dude’s knees must be concrete by now!  Dye had what it takes to play last year and no one gave him a deal because he supposedly wanted too much money.  Well, I’m sorry, but I’d rather pay Dye decent money to do his thang rather than throw it at the above two fellas knowing the bad days have a good chance of outweighing the good.

General Electric No Longer Holds Majority Ownership of NBC

WHAT?!?  What is Jack Donaghy gonna pimp now?  Skin-a-max?  Oh, wait… that’s not such a bad idea!

Armando Gallaraga’s Very Bad… Life

He went from rookie sensation (2008) to minor league road block (2009) to work-in-progress (2010) to the imperfect game… THEN… in just a matter of hours went from agreeing to a $2.3 million contact to being DESIGNATED FOR ASSIGNMENT! DFA’D YO!!! That’s the sort of thing that happens to the Wilson Betemits of the world, not someone who had a perfect game ripped from his reach!

Matt Drudge’s Recent Lapse in Calling President Obama a Socialist

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Oh… wait.  Nevermind.  Mystery solved because there is no mystery.  He just went two days without a dig.  That’s… strange, but not mysterious.

And finally… one of the universe’s biggest mysteries…

prince fielder hungry 2.jpgHow Many Donuts Can Prince Fielder’s $15.5 Million Contract Really Buy?

As far as I know, vegetarians can eat donuts. 

And that’s a whole lot of donuts.

Yet I do not doubt Prince’s ability to devour them all.

Hate me ‘cuz I went a whole week without a Prince-Fielder-Is-Fat joke, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Highlights from the 2010 RSBS Twitter Reel

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Follow us at @RSBS !!!

Jeff & Al

If the Pirates Were an Engrish Phrase

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Hack fluff filler my ^ss! 

This s*** is real.  I am HURTING for Pirates fans, dear readers.

HURTING.

Because they don’t even get a chance. Not a shot, not nothin’.

And though they are considered a division “rival” of my Redbirds, I cannot stop myself from doing what I feel is right — from ridiculing the runaway train of irresponsibility otherwise known as the Pirates’ front office.

Garrett Atkins?

Scott Olsen?

Matt Friggin’ Diaz?!?!?

Enough of this marinated rape.

Enough already.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Happy Marshmallow World to You All!

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Oh, sure.  Labeling Mr. Krause and I the Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra of the baseball-politico blogging world makes total sense.  We’re both charming, charismatic, extremely good looking. 

And, of course, crazy cool!

So as we take a few days off to celebrate the holidays, please take a moment to pat yourself on the back for being such a fantastic RSBS dear reader and enjoy your free time by watching one of the best live duets of all time!  Seriously, if this performance doesn’t leave you reaching for the brandy bottle, something just ain’t right.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and long live baseball!

Jeff & Allen

Silent Night, Pirate Style

In honor of my ongoing series, “Posts that have absolutely nothing to do with baseball except for the tangential mention of the word ‘Baseball’ in them,” I bring you today’s entry.  At least this one has something to do with sports. 

Hey, it’s a step in the right direction.  And it’s even kind of Christmasy.  Not only that, it could be fun to try at a baseball game.  Imagine getting every fan in attendance to agree to be silent up until the home team scores their first run of the game.  As a side note, I recommend that Pirates fans choose a slightly different idea.  That could be a very silent night otherwise.

-A

Dedication….to Procrastination

Sure, there’s stuff going on in the world of baseball.  And a dedicated person, i.e. not me, would probably be writing about it.  But the fact of the matter is that this is the new SNL digital short and, like the others, it’s an instant classic.  I think you know what happens next:

Happy Wednesday!

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 16: RSBS’ Drinking Game… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna break out the hot stove holiday eggnog (topped off with a couple gallons of that special Kentucky blend, of course) and discuss all things important to the baseball-politico world, including but not limited to: adult circumcision, the 1960 World Series, the Phillies’ impending rape of the National League, peeing on your hands a la Moises Alou to get a better grip and much, much more… all to make you forget with a smile the horrors of your latest office party!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at Undercard Films.  The man is talented, people.  You don’t want to miss out, so go check it!

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Recorded Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Road to Despair Goes from El DeBarge to Youppi

eldebarge jet.JPGStanding in the check-out line at my local grocer, I scanned the magazine rack hoping to find out if Khloe Kardashian had eaten herself to death or how drunk Jennifer Aniston got in Cabo while still thinking about Brad.  Instead, I was subjected to an image I thought I’d blocked out 25 years ago:

Eldra “El” DeBarge.

On the cover of Jet.

Who’s Johnny… she said…

*cue the daydream montage*

I see Bert Blyleven record his 3,000th strikeout…

I see Bob Horner hit four homeruns in one game…

I see Mike Scott no-hit the Giants… the Red Sox come back to win the ALCS after being down 3 games to 1… Ray Knight skip like a schoolgirl on Mookie Wilson’s Bill Buckner nutmeggin’ dribbler…

…and… and, I… I see…

YOUPPI.

*snaps out of it*

(wailing)
youppi_i.jpgOh, Youppi… oh, dear, dear Youppi… no!!!  It’s not FAIR!  It’s not fair that El DeBarge gets a comeback and you don’t… not fair that in 2010 you’re relegated to Montreal hockey duty while El DeBarge gets nominated for a Grammy.

A GRAMMY FOR JEEBUS’ SAKE!!!

And you wonder. 

You wonder why I don’t believe in god.

No loving god would subject the altruistic baseball fan to such chronic despair!!!

So hate me ‘cuz I I think El DeBarge topped out in ’86, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

She Shouldn’t Have Assumed

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Yep.  I’m making my own memes now.  So look out, internet.

No.

Limit.

Haters gonna hate!

But don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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