Results tagged ‘ Random ’

The WikiLeaking of Major League Baseball

wikileak.jpegVigilantes! Whistle-blowers! And spies!

Oh my!

Don’t worry, dear readers, RSBS is on it.  Sure, the WikiLeaks crew seems to be focusing their efforts on outing wrongs and ending wars, but don’t forget: a lot of these folks are US Americans (I think?) and after they solve enough military crises and torture pandemics, they’re gonna turn their attention to what really matters:

Baseball.

Luckily, for you, we have the inside track.  Of course, such sensitive information doesn’t come easily, and It is important to remember that many RSBS interns perished in order to bring you the truth.

Please.  Be respectful of that.

And do with it what you will.  After reading the following information, I advise you to lock all the doors, close all the windows and drink some beer.  You’ll feel better.

Maybe.

- – - WIKILEAKS CONFIDENTIAL; MLB FACTION – - -

Derek Jeter is being courted by the Red Sox.  And he is listening.

The Expos are not dead. They’re frozen in carbonite until the Quebecois can be fooled into thinking they’re watching hockey. Almost there.

Peter Gammons is Gepetto. For real.

The Pittsburgh Pirates’ 1979 uniform combos were designed by embedded Russian spies hoping to kill the American public with ugliness. They almost succeeded… if it weren’t for that damn Sister Sledge!!!

Contrary to popular belief, Desmond Jennings is NOT Carl Crawford. The Rays are making a mistake.

Jon Hamm loves the Cardinals. (Oh, that’s not a secret? Of course not… everyone should love the Cardinals!)

The Cubs remain in a perpetual state of misery… because they can. Cubs fans keep coming back. For more.

Prince Fielder is prone to eating himself if left alone for more than 15 minutes at a time.

Yorvit Torrealba’s name spelled backwards is Ablaerrot Tivory, which looks like a Prussian hybrid name. But it’s not. It’s Spanish. Backwards. Try it. You’ll see.

And finally…

We know what Jayson Werth did last summer… and it wasn’t Chase Utley’s wife!!!

- – - END CONFIDENTIALITY – - -

Hate me ‘cuz I get the facts.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Thanksgiving Eve Thanks

michael jackson and two midgets.jpgHolla, y’all!  It’s Thanksgiving eve!

Dear readers, I can hardly wait to jump in the car and spend four deadlocked hours sitting on the southbound on I-55 while night falls on my west-central Illinois family as they talk as much s*** about me as they can before I get there.  Oh, if only every day could be so special!

We at RSBS don’t ever want to be trite; but hell, it’s Thanksgiving, so we gotta give thanks.  Thanks to you (for reading).  Thanks to my parents (for making me, even if it was in the backseat of a car at a run down Motel 6 outside of Disneyland).  Thanks to the Cardinals (for making me think my team has a chance every year).

That stuff is easy.

But life is much more complex than that, and so too are the abstracts that must be recognized, appreciated and acknowledged.

For example, the picture at the top right of this article.  Yes.  That is Michael Jackson.  And yes.  He is chugging some nasty vodka while flanked by two midget groupies.  See, he’s not as weird as you thought.  Back in the early days, when he was just raising tigers and being best friends with monkeys and sleeping in souped-up tanning beds, he was pretty friggin’ chill.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

On the political tip, where it takes quite a bit of searching to find anything worth my thanks, I am pleased that the new majority leaders are actual human beings and not blood-sucking money-hungry lobbyist-lovin’ big-business-bailin’-out corporate-drone-piggin’ bible-belt-thumpin out-of-touch neanderthals Americans.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Mike Scioscia arguing.jpgAnd, yes, I know we have a long way to go before pitchers and catchers report, but let me just say: I am very thankful that I am a whacked out baseball nut and not married to any of the other sports.  Don’t get me wrong, I love football; but I don’t LOOOOOOOOVE football.  It’s just not tangible.  I respect what they do, but it’s a team sport divided by uncontrollable personalities.  Elaborate celebrations in the end zone when your 2-7 team is down by 20 points in the 4th quarter?  Taunting your opponent ‘cuz you FINALLY got a first down, after 13 consecutive failures?  Spitting in a guy’s face?  Please.  I’d like to see Brandon Marshall or Vince Young or Albert Haynesworth talk crazy to Mike Scioscia. 

Puh-lease…

And…

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

For those of you counting, there’s only 146 more days til Spring Training 2011!

Have a very thankful and reflective holiday.  And please, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 14: Ryne Sandberg’s Phlight… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 8.jpg

 

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

…the fullest, rawest, most awe inspiring podcast yet, RSBS convenes as Jeff, Allen, Johanna and special guest Mark Piebenga from Second City all come together for one rip-roarin’ time!  Among the topics of conversation (sponsored by Lifestyles and encouraged by Miller Lite) are strains to one’s right glute, burning one’s hand on the hot stove, hiding one’s pain with the NBA… and much, much more! 

All to make you smiley face!

Holla!

- – -

For more on Mark’s work on RSBSNinemen’s Morris series, check out this story then click on the Ninemen’s Morris tag at the bottom for more early 20th century hilarity!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can check out Keith’s wicked podcast and his subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  The dude has mad skillz, so you might wanna pay attention.  Do it!  Now!

- – -

Recorded Wednesday, November 17, 2010

 

Oakland A’s Fans React to Losing Rajai Davis

Yeah.  Hate me.

Whatevs.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Baseball Behind the Curve

lingerie football league 1 .jpgLook, don’t get me wrong, folks.  As an adamant stickler for tradition and a lifelong, self-confessed purveyor of pomp, it is widely known that I don’t take to change too well, especially when it comes to my precious national pastime.  Indeed, I take pride in knowing that the game I watch is the same game my dad watched, the same game his dad watched, and his dad before him. 

In baseball, there is no cavernous divide between generations.  No peach baskets.  No leather helmets.  No prerequisites of toothlessness.  No.  Not in baseball.  The baseball game of the early 20th century is the baseball game of the early 21st century.  And that, dear readers, is a beautiful thing.

But what isn’t beautiful is always being late to the party.  The NFL, the NBA, heck, the NHL… all three leagues had their very own networks before MLB finally made the move for its own.  David Stern has taken the NBA all over the world with wild success — and the NFL has somehow convinced us all that from Week 10 to Week 17, we just GOTTA have a game on Thursday night!

One could even say that baseball’s public eye mediocrity is perhaps rooted in its stuckupedness — a trait that I am guilty of championing.

Alas!  A chance for redemption!

lingerie football league 2.jpgDid you know there’s a friggin’ Lingerie Football League!?!?

Uh… yeah.

I just found out about it.  But I’m a fan.  Big time.

And since (as far as I can tell) it appears the NFL has nothing to do with the league, I see an opportunity for Major League Baseball to finally make its mark as a trailblazer in the alternative sports industry.  Ah, yes… I can see it now… during the cold, wintry months… 9 beautiful women versus 9 beautiful women… positioning fields in comfortable, indoor stadiums… whilst in… their underwear (if you could see me you’d see me smiling right now).

Damn it, SELIG!  Are you listening?!?!  I’m trying to sell you a goldmine here!  And have you seen the price of gold lately?

Hate me ‘cuz I’m addicted to the female form, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right. 

Peace,

Jeff

The Graphic Truth: Those Who Should Be Banned…

tsa strip search.jpg

Some people say I pick on Prince.

I say Prince picks on the overall fitness of US America.

Or something like that…

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Veterans Day!  Thank you, to all those who serve!  We tip our caps!

Jeff

Bring Out Yer Dead

bring-out-your-dead.jpg
Okay.  The hangover is over now.

I think.

I mean, a lot has happened in the last week or so to warrant plenty of no-limit megafortified soused out partying — the kind of partying Mr. Krause and I used to do back in our… well, yesterday. 

But not even our dynamic duo could match the celebratory merits of the state of California in recent days.  Let’s review the highlights:

jenny oropeza.JPEGThe Giants won the World Series.  Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been re-arrested (yet).  And Jenny Oropeza was elected state senator.

All sounds good, right?

Except that Jenny Oropeza is dead.

Was dead.

On election day!

But if California despises anything it’s gotta be the GOP.  And who can blame them?  Ronald Reagan, what have you done for me lately? Huh?

Exactly.

The Republicans may have hoodwinked the imbecilic US American consensus with their unparalleled fear-based badgering and faux middle class talking points, but the late Jenny Oropeza’s state senate victory is proof that their diabolic plan is far, far, far from being a reality.

Hate me ‘cuz it hasn’t been banned yet, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Still Don’t Have a Horse in this Race? RSBS is Here to Help!

reds.jpg
hot phillies.jpg
giants.jpg
braves.jpg
rangers.jpg
rays.jpg
twins.jpg
yankees.jpg

Things should be much, much clearer now.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Jeff Interviews a Robot

Jeff interviewed a robot

About the world series.

cleverbot screenshot.JPG

And what we learned is…

Robots cannot be trusted.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 11: Atlanta’s Triumphant Cox… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 7.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna clink Tanqueray and tonics over a (not-so) serious discussion of Atlanta’s rerise to fame, Sweet Lou’s gunt, Feliz Hernandez’s magical ways and much, much more… including a special guest appearance by comedy genius Tracy Morgan!  Get out the Kleenex, y’all, ‘cuz tears of joy are on the way!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  Check out his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you know what’s good for you.  I mean, Keith got invited to the Hall of Fame for Pete Hill’s re-induction ceremony.  Talk about bein’ connected…

- – -

Recorded Saturday, October 2, 2010

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers