Results tagged ‘ Rangers ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Muppet Aficionado, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Left-Hand Hate KO’d by Love.

I’ve been living in the house of ill repute. I got my diploma from the University of Strange. Somehow Jeff and Allen let me spew about any and all things on this fine site, which BLOWS MY MIND.

Writers who can’t read get a lot of work because they’re rare. Like tall jockeys. Or short NBA centers. I’m RARE. I grew up with gypsies and dancers. I still can’t read but I CAN dance. And hopefully, unlike the Vatican and Penn State, I’m on the right side of child molestation…

After a great and entertaining World Series it’s free agent time! For managers AND players!

The Cubs’ pursuit of Mike Maddux is on and I’m in. In my strange, odd baseball world, I think he’d be a fine choice. I don’t really believe hitting coaches do much, but pitching coaches do. He did some fine work with the Texas Power Rangers staff and got em back to back AL pennants. I never even heard of half their guys but they pitched their tails off. The older brother of legendary Cubs and Braves great Greg Maddux deserves a shot here. He doesn’t want the Red Sox job, doesn’t want to move his family halfway across the country. And after all the drama that has unfolded in Boston’s recent collapse, who can blame him?

With Theo on board, the Cubs are close to becoming respectable. I just hope the supporting brass knows enough to leave him alone so he can do his damn job without interruptions. There were many rumors that Jim Hendry had people in his ear about who to draft and what free agents to sign. THAT CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN!!

I remember when I got fired from Applebee’s, because I refused to take Mr. Senor Love Daddy off my name tag. DON’T TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB!

Hopefully this doesn’t happen to Theo. Even if he doesn’t pick Maddux, I’m sure he’ll Do the Right Thing.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

Squashed

As Game 6 of the Series drew to what appeared to be its close, I got very excited.  It wasn’t so much that I was cheering against my friend and his team but I had predicted the Rangers would win and I like to be right.  Beyond that, though, there was another thought.  The perfect post accompanied by the perfect video.  See, if the Cardinals had lost, I planned to post a video showing what had happened to Jeff’s hopes and dreams.  Instead, it now appears that this only applies to me:

Squashed indeed.

-A

LEGENDARY. EPIC. BUBBLY.

This.  Is.  Awesome.

2006 was special, but this… this is… LEGENDARY.  In fact, I think this is one of those cases where it really is necessary to describe the situation as EPIC.

And it’s epic, it’s legendary because, like a lot of good things that come to us in life, it was completely unexpected — increasingly unexpected — each step of the way.

From being 10.5 games out of a playoff spot on August 25th, to just squeezing their way in on the last day of the season, to beating one of the best baseball teams of the last decade, to nipping the rivaled favorite with a thumping in the Championship Series, to coming back from five deficits in a must-win Game 6 that included a game-tying bottom of the 9th RBI triple AND an extra-inning walk-off homerun BY THE SAME PLAYER.

To winning it all.

That gives me real, tangible hope for life. It reminds me that great things do happen when ya really work hard.

It says never give up.

And enjoy the ride.

I tip my cap to the Rangers.  They’re a fantastic team.  But right now I’m gonna sit back and enjoy this…*pops the BUBBLY*

Also, my first son’s name will be Freese.  Just so ya know.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m on the winning team, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.  (Talkin’ to you, Jonestein) ;-)

Peace,

Jeffy

(Images via Michael Heiman/Getty Images)

THE Game 6

Last night’s game — from here and forever to be referred to solely as “THE Game 6″ — caused defibrillator industry stock prices to rise at the same exponential rate as my own blood pressure, let alone reminding the masses that YOU DON’T QUIT.

YOU NEVER QUIT.

For those three or four people who shamed the universe by not watching that most unimaginable game, here’s a quick video recap:

FREAKS Trailer from Thierry Custine on Vimeo.

FREAKS!  CIRCUS FREAKS!  AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Invoking the ’06 Tigers defense?  Seeing Albert lose his cool with the low strike calling ump?  To come from behind FIVE times?!?!?

And David… wow… what about David Freese making himself a St. Louis LEGEND?!?

TWICE.

I hope I never wake up.

Happy Friday, Y’all!

Jeff

(Image via Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

Time to Bring Back the Lady Killer?

Whether you’re a Rangers fan, a Cardinals fan, or just a good old puritan brand of baseball fan, there is no question that this World Series is so far proving to be one of the dramatically fulfilling variety.  I mean, how many heart attacks is one expected to suffer through before this thing is over?!?!  I would not be surprised if it goes the full seven.

But what does surprise me is that Derek Holland — good as he was in Game 4 — still holds his head high while wearing that small, malnourished varmint on his upper lip.  I know his teammates razz him plenty; but seriously, how does that thing not make him hide his head in shame every night?

However he does it, the RSBS staff has taken notice.  In fact, two of the more senior RSBS interns have approached me with the request to bring back the “Lady Killer”.  For those of you dear readers unaware of this phenomenon, let me remind you with this picture taken during All-Star Weekend 2009:

That arrow.  It’s pointing at it.

It’s pointing at… the Lady Killer.

It’s often mistaken for a sex-life killer, but hell, if it works for Holland, maybe I should consider bringing it back.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Things I’m Doing While Waiting for Game Three

1.  Remembering that no one gave us a chance in 2006 either

2.  Sending a boatload of chicken, beer and video games to the Rangers’ clubhouse

3.  Whisky

4.  Encouraging Wash to use Ogando against Craig, again and forever

5.  Trying to find a reason to hate the Rangers (it’s hard!)

6.  Beer

7.  Watching — over and over and over again — Waino’s snappy curve to strikeout Inge in ’06

8.  Driving by Wrigley Field, reminding myself that LIFE COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

9.  Organizing a harem of hotties to stand outside of Josh Hamilton’s house with an 8-ball and body shots

10.  Whisky and beer

Happy Saturday, Y’all!

Jeff

High-Fiving Strangers

One reason I absolutely love going to baseball games is because it’s one of the only places where it’s acceptable to high-five strangers.  And last night, at the end of the most incredible baseball game I’ve ever experienced in the flesh, I was doing a lot of that!

My voice is gone and I’m short of words to describe the experience thus far, but my heart rate tells me: we’re just gettin’ started.

Peace,

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Team Edward Rep, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

I’m a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins

Things are changing for me. Before I know it I’ll be wearing jeans and reading fiction. I don’t know where I am. My favorite color is rainbow. I’m giving in to wearing sandals over socks. I don’t need the therapy! I’m just mentally ill!

Tony Effing LaRussa is back in my world and I CAN’T STAND IT. He’s a throbbing, raging, @$$bag that I wish would go away but he won’t. And you can’t kill him. If you try, he just keeps coming back. And, with all my might, my baseball sensibilities consume me so much that I can’t not respect the man.

When I was a child I would squint and mistake him for Thundercats supervillain Mumm-Ra (Magician or sexual deviant?).  I wanted to lightsaber him over and over BECAUSE I AM A JEDI!  His steroid riddled teams have infuriated me to no end. I loved the Dodgers and Orel in the 80s, the Giants and their earthquake, my Cubs of the last decade. I’ve always respected the man and his managing abilities; but he really has outdone himself this year. WOW.

When the Cardinals beat the Tigers in their last World Series appearance with no pitching, that was quite a thing. What’s happening now is nothing short of spectacular managing. My Jeffy’s Cards are the hottest team in baseball and I will once again be rooting against Texas. Watching this series will be like being touched by a priest…

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

Allen’s 2011 Post-Partisan Playoff Preview

Continuing a long-standing tradition here at this nearly four-year old blog, I wanted to take this opportunity to weigh in on both the MLB playoffs and the Republican primary race in a familiar format.  I had a couple thoughts about how to approach this and I really wanted to go with the early front-runner, comparing the Republican candidates to different pizza chains.  It kind of made sense with Herman Cain in the race and fittingly enough the Godfather’s Pizza of the race as well (i.e. what the hell is Godfather’s Pizza/Herman Cain).  It also allowed for the Jon Huntsman-Chicago Pizza Kitchen analogy with both being the best possible option but too few people having heard of either.

C’est la vie.

The pizza analogy had to go away, though, because just as there are only four teams left in the playoffs, there are only four candidates with the possibility of becoming the Republican nominee and that lines up much more neatly.

On one side we have the two front-runners, the American League of the nominees.  The Rangers play the role of Romney, denied their glory the last time out and hell-bent to make up for it this time around.  They’re strong fundamentally but they just can’t seem to put it together.  Sure, they shut down Rays in the first round but even though they look good, you just can’t be sure they’ll hold on through the end.

Meanwhile, the Tigers bear more than a passing resemblance to Rick Perry.  They were quiet for the first half of the season but when they finally decided to get in the race, they did it with a bang.  At one point, riding a 12-win streak, they seemed nearly invincible.  The bang has gone away, though, and now they more just seem banged up with injuries taking a toll.  They could both pull it out and they both have something to prove but the goal seems a little more elusive than it did just a few weeks ago.

Over on the National League side, we have the “non-traditional” candidates.  For instance, the Cardinals, just like Herman Cain, came out of nowhere and now are turning heads.  Tell me the truth, at the beginning of September would you have given either the Cards or Cain a snowball’s chance in hell?  But here we are in mid-October and both are not only making waves but also making people think they’re for real.

The Brewers?  Well, you just never know what you’re going to get with the Brewers.  One day they’re Ron Paul, the next they’re Michele Bachmann, then they look like Newt Gingrich, and…..well, you get the idea.  The Brewers have a serious multiple personality disorder.  They looked fabulous against the Diamondbacks and then dropped two straight.  They mopped up the field with the Cards in game 1 of the NLCS then looked like amateurs in game 2.

So where does that leave us?  Well, here are my predictions.  I think the Rangers and Romney roll the Tigers/Perry duo to face the Cards and Cain in a winner-take-all final.  But the Republicans are the party of tradition and waiting your turn.  They nominated McCain the last time around after he finished second to GB Jr. and this time it’s all about the man McCain vanquished.  You read it here first.  Romney gets the nod.  Just make sure you check back in a year when the next edition of Allen’s Post-Partisan Playoff Preview picks the winners and losers in both the playoffs and the Presidential Election.

-A

LOLstros To-Do List

Can you believe we’re almost done with the 2011 season and I’ve hardly made any jokes about the Houston Astros?  I know.  I’m sorry, dear readers.  I dropped the ball.  Chalk it up as an E on your scorecard, boo like Mets fans and throw beer on me as I walk off the field.

It’s just… I have a real hard time picking on those who cannot defend themselves.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.  I do.  Sorta.  I mean, you think it’s easy for me to NOT make fun of the LOLstros?

IT’S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT!!!

But, to prove how much I care, I’ve prepared a small advisory to-do list of things that should get them on track so that I can once again slam their mere existence:

1.  Bring Craig Biggio out of retirement
Most people wouldn’t recognize a single name in the LOLstros lineup.  Also, 100 losses in a season isn’t just bad, it’s embarrassing.  I gotta think that an old, wobbly Craig Biggio would at least will them under 100 losses.  If nothing else, he could go to the dish and take an HBP to get on base, just like the old days.

2.  Move to the American League
Oh yeah.  Already happening.

3.  Woo Nolan Ryan away from the Rangers
Have you seen what Ryan has done with the Rangers?  And to think, the Rangers used to be the laughingstock of Texas baseball.

4.  Draft this kid:

And finally…

5.  Officially change their name to the “LOLstros
The space program is dead yo, and in the internet age, nothing is as catchy as a memey acronym that makes folks smile without even thinking about it.

See!  You’re LOLing right now!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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