Results tagged ‘ Rivals ’

RSBS Undercover: Jeff as a Yankees Fan, Day 5

jeff as yankees fan.jpg

Oh, man, these last few days living the life of a bonafide Yankee fan have been some sort of trip!  Jeesh, the amount of work that goes into it… it’s just… staggering.

But overall, the sense of entitlement, inflated ego and blabbering-slandering mouth I’ve picked up have helped me transition.

Just to prove my ability, if you haven’t noticed, the Yankees still have 27 trophies.  Still have iconic pinstripes.  Still tout the achievements of the Babe.

Also,
we won Game 1 of the ALCS.  Ha!  Jesus may be on Josh Hamilton’s side,
but underneath that purple robe and thistle crown, Jesus flashes
pinstripes.  Believe that!

Of course, not everything about being a
Yankee fan is easy… which is why I want to share with you my biggest
test yet: enduring Suzyn Waldman.

Jeff as a Yankees Fan, DAY 5:

7:30 a.m.
My
Yankee posse overloads me with a heavy ear workout, forcing me to
listen to the worst broadcasters ever known: Chip Caray, Hawk Harrelson,
Joe Buck.  My coaches insist this is necessary.  I have to build up my
tolerance.  Because I won’t have the option of turning off the radio,
even though I will most certainly want to.

9:50 a.m.
My
ears, sore as can be, can’t take another minute of awful announcing…
so I am forced to endure a thousand papercuts on each lobe instead.

1:00 p.m.
It’s
lunch time.  I’m starving.  And instead of a good healthy meal full of
the necessary proteins and vitamins I will need before game time, I am
presented a platter of fatty, fried foods.  “What’s this?” I ask. 
“Standard pre-Yankee game meal, Jeff” says the chef. “We gotta get you
full of s*** so you fit in tonight.”

4:15 p.m.
I take a nap.  I have a dream.  I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former Yankees and
the sons of former Red Sox will be able to sit down together at a
table of brotherhood and —– what the — damn, that was a stupid dream.

8:05 p.m.
Game time. I f****** HATE the Rangers.  Go Yankees!

8:06 p.m.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Suzyn Waldman’s voice… it’s… at
game time it’s even worse than… no… three more hours of… I gotta
listen to this crap for three more –

jeffs ears bleeding.jpg

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


suzyn waldman.jpg

9:45 p.m.
Are we winning?  Are we losing?  I can’t stop my ears from bleeding.  Damn you, Suzyn Waldman. Damn you!!!

11:15 p.m.
It’s all over now.  It’s been over.  We won.  But wow… it was not
easy.  I never thought I’d say this, because I find him to be a perfect
example of everything that’s wrong with modern day broadcasting, but
thank the baseball gods for John Sterling…

Now, does anyone know a good ears, nose and throat guy?

- – -

To be continued…

RSBS Undercover: Jeff as a Yankees Fan, Day 1

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Yeah, I got a big mouth.

Sometimes it gets me in trouble.  Sometimes it gets me… opportunity.

So that’s why when I told Confessions of a She-Fan author, Jane Heller, that I would throw all my postseason fandom towards the Evil Empire as long as she celebrated series clinchers with pics of she boozin’, I didn’t even think to… well, think.  At least, not too much anyway.

But what’s done is done.  And now I’m in.  With the Reds eliminated, I don’t have anything to lose this postseason… so gimme an interlocking “NY” and watch me chamelonize into a slithering, spoiled, seedy Yankees fan…

Jeff as a Yankees Fan, DAY 1:

7:30 a.m.
I put aside my normal breakfast of greek yogurt and blueberries for an authentic New York Jewish bagel. It’s so authentic, it insults me and tells me to go back to Hobboken.

9:45 a.m.
I tune into Sportscenter and am pleasantly surprised to see my newfound team featured in every, single, friggin’ segment.  Yeah, son! Yeah!

1:35 p.m.

Riding the bus, I see some chumwad in a Red Sox cap.  I am brought to my knees with an overwhelming sense of disgust, nausea and uncontained anger.  I march right up to him and say, “Hey, buddy, how’s the number 27 sound to ya? Huh? Yeah! Eat it, son! Eat it!”  Then the bus stops and I get off as fast as I can.

4:45 p.m.
The office manager was able to send out five faxes, five emails and five phone calls to our customers — all within one work day!  So I showed him I cared by giving him a shaving cream pie in the face.

6:15 p.m.
I turn on Sportscenter and am pleasantly surprised to see my pinstripers featured in every, single, friggin’ segment!

9:30 p.m.
Some jape wearin’ a Twins cap walks by my house so I yell out “Go Yankees!” and he flips me off so I moon him then he throws a rock at my window and then I shoot him.  In the face.

10:45 p.m.
Ohhhhhh what a day.  This Bronx Bomber stuff is really taxing; but it is good to go to sleep knowing that I rest on top of the sports universe — that all professional sports franchises in all corners of the known galaxy must look up at me, in my great big pinstriped bed.  Happy and relaxed, I flip on the t.v. and let Sportscenter and its endless Yankee-love-fest woo me to slumber.

- – -

To be continued…

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 11: Atlanta’s Triumphant Cox… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 7.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna clink Tanqueray and tonics over a (not-so) serious discussion of Atlanta’s rerise to fame, Sweet Lou’s gunt, Feliz Hernandez’s magical ways and much, much more… including a special guest appearance by comedy genius Tracy Morgan!  Get out the Kleenex, y’all, ‘cuz tears of joy are on the way!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  Check out his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you know what’s good for you.  I mean, Keith got invited to the Hall of Fame for Pete Hill’s re-induction ceremony.  Talk about bein’ connected…

- – -

Recorded Saturday, October 2, 2010

 

Morgan vs. Volstad Redux, Part Dos

“Maybe I’m a bad friend for laughing at my buddy’s misfortune.”
– The lugubrious and oft insolent Mr. Allen Krause (September 27, 2010)

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Hmm.  Talk about misfortune

Wow.  Get a room, guys.

And let us not forget one bit of increasingly important information, Mr. Krause:

While your extended metaphor of dueling fists may pin me as the hot-headed, intelligence-challenged Nyjer Morgan to your taller, more svelte Chris Volstad boasting an extended reach, if you look around… you’ll see there is no Gaby Sanchez to save you.

Hate me ‘cuz I give you reason to, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Special thanks to Rachel at Something, Something who enlightened me to Miggy’s quirky tastes)

Gettin’ Kicked and Gettin’ Injured… Injured Bad

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When I went mad back in early March waiting in an online queue for over four hours to land crappy, view-obstructed upper deck Cardinals/Cubs tickets for the September series at Wrigley, I was more than positive that my time spent in idle agony would eventually pay off — that, come September, the games would really mean something.

Playoff tune-up.

Heated battle for first place in the NL Central.

Wild card implications.

Wrong.  Wronger.  And WAY WRONGER.

Instead, what we have is a barely breathing, leaderless (no, Albert ain’t the leader) and underachieving Cardinals club squaring off against yet another maybe-next-year, embarrassment-infected sCrUBS team going nowhere.  That’s right.  The Cardinals/Cubs series will end as just another series between two kicked down and beaten up teams that no one cares about.

And that hurts.

Of course, it could hurt worse… like my ‘lil man here explains:

The Cards and Cubs are injured bad alright.  No question.  But at least they wear cups. 

So we hope.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

(thanks to C for bringin’ this kid to my attention)

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 10: Bud Selig’s Salad… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 10.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

It’s our monumental TENTH EPISODE, y’all!  Party is the name of the game as Jeff, Allen and Johanna dive into an exciting playoff tempered show including three hallowed memories, two Morgans (Nyjer and the Captain) and one inception… not to mention a whole lot of confusion over a $500 pair of speedos with Albert Pujols’ face on it.  Plus much more, including the Lou Piniella mailbag!  All to make you laughy-time!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  Check out
his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you don’t want him to kick your bum.  Did I mention he is an MMA fighter?  It’s true.  How else do you think Johanna’s face got so disfigured?!?  Lookout!

- – -

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, September 11, 2010

Baseball Meets Art: “Caravaggio’s Sacrificio di Piniella”

caravaggios sacrificio di piniella.jpg

Abraham would’ve done it.

Someone would’ve done it.

Baseball meets art, dude.

And I just blew your mind.

Hate me for that… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 9: Jeter’s Unfortunate Accident… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Once again, Jeff and Johanna tread the unconventional waters of mischief-making as they delve into important social issues such as cock-fighting Aramis Ramirez, Stephen Strasburg’s golden elbow, Katy Perry’s wisdom, the Lou Piniella mailbag and much, much more!  Turn up the volume and chuckle with us, y’all!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special
thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  If you like laughing or just wanna listen to some wildly impromptu conversations about food, film making and other important life subjects like living on display in a museum, check out his Undercast podcast.  Visit Undercard Films!

- – -

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, August 28, 2010

Things We’ll Miss About Lou…

Jesus and I may not love the uni he’s been donning the last few years; but heck, it’d be pretty sacrilegious to hate on a man who has provided the masses with unfettered improvisational entertainment throughout his entire career.

So Al, I and the RSBS interns would all like to wish Lou Piniella the very best in his retirement while reminiscing on those things we’ll miss the most about him:

lou piniellas belly.jpg
His Preggers Belly

You know the drill.  Lou shows up to Arizona in the Spring in excellent shape, nary a roll on his tummy.  A few hapless months of frustrating baseball and countless cold ones later and he magically looks like he oughta be resting for the end of his third trimester.  Some managers utilize the brim of their caps to intimidate umpires during a raucous; Lou bumps bellies.

lou-piniella-champagne.jpg
His Love for the Bottle
Realize that I realize that I am taking certain liberties in proclaiming that Lou has a love for booze.  I mean, he’s a man.  He’s also a ballplayer.  And he’s often seen in the clubhouse with a drink in his hand.  So that makes him like 90% of the people I know on earth (me included) which makes me like him even more.  It almost makes me want to bar hop the Tampa Bay metro area until I eventually run into him.  I can’t promise I’ll be able to form coherent sentences at that point, but I would sure try.

Be good, Lou.  Be good.

And come back if ya want.  Baseball without you just won’t be the same.

Hate me ‘cuz I hate on your sCrUBBIES, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 8: Jason Heyward’s Bust… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 8.jpg
Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Allen: “If somebody’s willing to pay you the money, then that’s what you’re worth.”

Jeff: “I make magic happen…”

Johanna: “Chapped sack.”

Of course, that’s just the beginning… there’s also punching Mrs. Johanna’s dad and spending a night in jail, Judge Judy putting Yankees to shame, Oh-No-Farnsworth, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more… bringin’ great big laughs to those bellies yo!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  If you like baseball, wanna learn about the Negro Leagues and would like to know more about stuff that is awesome, check out his Undercast podcast.  He’s an MMA fighter too. So listen or he’ll beat you up.  Visit Undercard Films!

- – -

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell :-)

Recorded Saturday, August 14, 2010

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