Results tagged ‘ Sarah Palin ’

Coming Clean

lidge_celebrate.jpgLast night, as Philly fans celebrated like Sarah Palin look-alikes, I settled back in my easy chair and fervently prayed that I had not just used up all my prediction mojo. See, back when this thing started I picked the Phillies to win the Series, comparing them to a certain junior senator from Illinois. And several weeks later, here we are. The Phillies dominated the Rays in just about every category, much like Obama has been doing to John McCain. But, I think it’s safe to say that no Philadelphia fan felt safe until after the ump called strike three on Eric Hinske last night.

Obama fans should feel the same way. Andrew Sullivan posted this the other day and it pretty much sums up the way things stand right now:

But despite all the concerns, I’m going to go ahead and say it. Obama is the new Brad Lidge and he’s going to close this thing down.

Now, I’d like to take the high road and leave things where they are but I can’t help but gloat a little bit in realizing that I’ve gotten the last word on my good friend, Mr. Lung. See, he doubted my pick from the beginning and even picked the Rays last week while extolling the virtues of his new man-crush. But, the Phillies came through which doesn’t mean much since I am now zero dollars richer as a result.

To be honest, this victory feels a little empty. It’s not that I have anything against the Phillies or regret their win. But, after the money the Tigers spent in the offseason, I was ready to see my team holding up their trophy while Justin Verlander carried off his first World Series MVP Award. It all looked so good in my mind.

I guess that in the end the only option I have is to borrow a refrain heard most often coming from Cubs fans. Next year is our year! Man, I can’t believe I just compared myself to a Cubs fan. Time to go take a shower and wash off the filfth.

-A

Does that make Palin a poor man’s Selig?

Bud Selig. One of the worst baseball commissioners or the worst? Discuss amongst yourselves. Only a man who has the hubris to continue in his position after the steroid scandal could possibly have given us Monday night’s bizarre reading of the rules. Hey, here’s an idea for you. If the weather is so crappy it’s going to be hard to get the game in and there’s a possibility of a suspension or a shortened game, DON’T PLAY THE F&%$ING GAME! Wait a day. What else is going on in the baseball world that makes it absolutely necessary to play the game that night? And if you have enough authority to circumvent the rules, why not go whole hog and unilaterally postpone the game?

This is the difference between George W. Bush and Bud Selig. They both think they’re “The Decider” but only one of them has the will to actually go through with it. People may not agree with W and his decisions but at least he made them while they still counted. Selig is a poor man’s W, a John McCain, if you will:

And that’s where we stand, dear readers. The World Series and this baseball season could be over this evening. And the election could be over by this time next week (barring any Florida or Ohio based shenanigans). But unlike Bud Selig, we can make a decision and that’s why we’ll still be here for you tomorrow, next week and for as long as it takes.

-A

The Filibuster

This year’s World Series features two young and talented teams who
could really dominate their respective leagues for the foreseeable
future. Although the Phillies hold a 2 games to one edge, the Series
has been very evenly matched so far with outstanding pitching and
clutch hitting. But no one is watching it. What does this say about the
state of baseball?

– Allen
___________________________________________________

Clearly, Mr. Krause, it says that the state of US America is in so much disarray with Joe the Plumber, Joe Six-Pack and Joe No Money In His Pocket that
people aren’t even taking the time to relax and enjoy the greatest game on earth.  Yesterday’s walk-off win?  Whether you’re a Phillies fan, Rays fan or still disgruntled about your team falling a part and watching from home, those are the moments we — as a baseball nation live for.

But the distractions are many at this poignant time in our great country’s living history.  We are on the cusp of making the most important decision of the last sixty years, and while it is true that one man cannot change what has taken eight years to transpire, one worldview — held by and believed in by the people — can. 

Admittedly, the networks would like to have us believe this sincere lack of viewership has to do with the absence of a playoff powerhouse (ie the Yankees, the New Yankees, the Los Angeles Dodgers/Angels of Los Angeles/Anaheim) but I think it has more to do with the clear and present danger that currently sits on the ballot boxes of the American people.

That and football is in full swing, which at this point still offers grid iron fans from coast to coast the very real possibility of having a championship in just a few short months (unless you root for the Detroit Lions.  Sorry, Mr. Krause).

Personally, distractions abound: politics, day job, moonlighting, dealing with the inherent giddiness of a new and exciting relationship, and of course, being the inspiration for an infamously dynamic duo who dotes on your every move, word, name (see video at approximately the 1:00 mark).  Indeed, it is extremely difficult to manage the myriad components bent on taking me away from baseball:

http://services.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f8/1079049493

But in the end, dear readers, I bleed this game — no matter who’s playing — and nothing can or will ever take that away from me.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Mellow Dramatics

Two games in and there is no denying that the 2008 World Series is a close one between two teams who are relatively new to the national spotlight.  For the most part, the pitching has been excellent, the fundamentals have been executed and scores have been close.  But despite Joe Buck’s irritating methodology of forcefully over-dramatizing each and every word, this Phillies/Rays series has been putting me to sleep.

And I swear it’s not the booze this time. 

For some intangible reason, I just get the feeling that this World Series is somewhat inherently spurious.  Perhaps it’s the fake grass that rubs me the wrong way… or the cheeseball John Williams-like teaser music that makes me feel like dinosaurs will suddenly take the field… or maybe it really is that I’m sick and tired of Joe Buck, who turned his back on his demographic earlier this year and sullied one of the greatest names in the history of the game.

The good news is, I have a mute button; I will use it liberally.

And it’s Friday and Fridays are always awesome.  In fact, since it’s Friday and there’s no baseball today and we’re getting down to the wire in all things important (baseball and politics) and I’m feeling good about life and it’s raining but not snowing and Halloween is around the corner and North Korea hasn’t blown anyone up yet, I thought: what better way to celebrate than to enjoy a good old political dance-off:

If that didn’t make your day, nothing will.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Breath of Fresh Air

World series 2008 logo.jpgMy only solace in the aftermath of being so, so wrong in my playoff predictions so far is that finally, dear readers, we have a World Series matchup — which doesn’t include the Yankees nor the New Yankees (aka Boston Red Sox) — that may actually drum up viewership across this great US America of ours (and perhaps even a handful in Canada). 

Whilst the 2006 World Series will always stand out as one of the greatest moments of my lifetime to date, I am completely aware that I was one of very few people who actually gave a damn, considering both the Cardinals and the Tigers weren’t big market teams from either coast.  The 2005 edition featuring the White Sox and Astros wasn’t much better in terms of mass viewership nationwide, though it was probably one of the most entertaining and heart-thumping series I’ve ever seen.

Such drama is lost on a nation that worships thwarting monopolizing bullies, NASCAR and blockbuster comedic films starring Ben Stiller as the same haphazard goofball character he plays in every Ben Stiller movie. 

But folks, this could be the year for a new found enthusiasm for the greatest game on earth.  I believe.  For two underdogs with two very unique stories will face each other in the grand finale and though I have been searching my brain for the last 18 hours or so to find the one I want to see win the most, I truly cannot. 

joe maddon 2.jpgThe Rays will have the ultimate story going in (working title: From Worst to First After Dropping the “Devil” from Our Name) and I’m positive that an entire band of bandwagoneers will join the drama just to say they were part of it; and in the end, why not?  How can you not like this team?  They’re young.  They’re enthusiastic.  They play with heart and passion and speed and pride.  And their manager is probably the coolest looking dude in town with those gaudy personality glasses and his “9 = 8″ psychomath sensibility. 

Meanwhile, the Phillies — whom my colleague Mr. Krause picked to win it all — come in to the World Series playing superb baseball with their starting pitching and clutch hitting leading the Philadelphia way: hard-nosed, hard-pressed and hard-up for a title.  Never mind their raucous, undeserved phreakazoid phans.  The City of Brotherly Love is as thirsty for a sports championship as the Democrats are for winning an election.  And this could be the year.

But if I have to come out and say it, I say this is the year of the Tampa Bay Rays

Indeed, the Cinderella story will come to its ultimately heartwarming conclusion.  And if that pisses you off, Phillies fans, don’t get too riled up; my prediction accuracy is about as on point as Rush Limbaugh is sane: not very

And for those of you right-wing gun-totin’ liberal-hatin’ conservatives whom I have just offended by saying that, I think there’s at least one thing that we can agree on — no, two things:

1) This World Series is gonna be good.

..and…

2) This clip might very well be the best political spoof the planet has ever seen:

http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/48fd11d4b3d1fde1/48fafb9dab35f5ae/95eeda6a/-cpid/d00853353f9ba73e/clipID/773781/video_title/Saturday+Night+Live+-+Update%3a+Palin+Rap/video_imgurl/http%3a%2f%2fvideo.nbc.com%2fplayer%2fmezzanine%2fimage.php%3fw%3d350%26h%3d196%26path%3dnbc2%2f13b9ce5f032c04210176ab48cd191c3b_mezzn.jpg%26hash%3db270dcf8f4ab9e749b81b1fe205d1989/video_url/http%3a%2f%2fwww.nbc.com%2fSaturday_Night_Live%2fvideo%2fclips%2fupdate-palin-rap%2f773781%2f/video_description/Amy+steps+in+for+Gov.+Palin?storeInPid=true

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Who is Joe Six-Pack?

Much like Ayn Rand posed the immortal question “Who is John Galt” in “Atlas Shrugged,” politicos across the United States have been asking “Who is Joe Six-Pack” ever since the governor from Alaska (and Ayn Rand’s intellectual red-headed step-child) popped on to the scene.

Stairs_homerun.jpgWell, we here at RSBS have some good news. We now know who Joe Six-Pack is and even have video evidence of his heroics. That’s right. Matt Stairs is this previously unidentified individual. Seriously, look at the guy. How is he a baseball player? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this guy before working down at the mill with John Edwards’ father.

Now, I know people say these kinds of things about baseball players all the time and talk about their weight and all that. But Matt Stairs is the most ordinary looking person I’ve ever seen. The best part of last night’s pinch-hit home run was when the camera followed him into the dugout and focused on his bald head as he changed from the batting helmet back to his cap. Here’s the thing. If I ran into him at my local CVS I wouldn’t say, “Hey, that’s Matt Stairs.” No, I’d wonder what this denizen of the fly-over states was doing in my posh DC drugstore.

But, this is all part of what makes baseball the American pastime. Ordinary looking guys like Matt Stairs can be heroes into their 40’s and we can imagine ourselves in their place. It’s the sporting equivalent of p0rn. And Joe Six-Pack, just like p0rn, is one of those things you know when you see.

-A

Grading on the Curve

With the imminent inception of the second round of baseball’s postseason, this marks our last opportunity to mourn the loss of the Cubs. Oops. That was a typo. What I meant to say was “mock the loss of the Cubs.” And for snarky mockery, there’s no better place to go than the deep, deep well that is Jon Stewart and the Daily Show.

http://www.comedycentral.com/sitewide/video_player/view/default/swf.jhtml

I suppose I should feel bad for the Cubs in some way. Their loss only highlights what has become a cancer in both baseball and politics: the triumph of mediocrity.

Now, I’m not a strict constructionist when it comes to baseball and I don’t see any need for us to go back to the good ol’ days. But I do think there is something to be said for a time when the best team from each league met in the World Series. Do we really want to see the 8th best team in the NL, coming out of what is arguably the worst division in baseball, playing for a trip to the World Series? Probably not but there also weren’t many people who enjoyed watching the subpar Cardinals organization that won the World Series in 2006. Even this year’s Dodgers have one more win than that St. Louis team.

Mediocrity refuses to limit itself to our baseball stadiums, though. Recently it spilled into our political system with the rise of the charming and completely unqualified first-term governor from Alaska. Honestly, we expect these sort of shenanigans from the Democrats but the GOP? You’re the party of Lincoln, for chrissakes. Grading on a curve is fine in high school but we shouldn’t be setting the bar for a potential VP to the level where being able to complete a sentence is seen as an accomplishment.

It’s possible that I’m just a grumpy old man and really need to let this whole thing go. But as you and I both know, it’s not bloody likely. Call me an elitist, call me a snob but I think the greatest country in the world deserves to have the greatest leaders in the world. And that’s just as true on the baseball diamond as it is in the town square.

-A

Rub a Dub Dub: Chicago Cubs = Chicago Flubs

chicago flubs.jpgI didn’t say it first.  No.  The Chicago Sun-Times did.

But it’s true nonetheless.

I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not, so I won’t; because when you jinx yourself by promoting a book touting that This Is the Year before you’ve even played a playoff game, boo your own players on a consistent basis and attempt to assault members of the opposing team with baseballs from the left field bleachers, you deserve to suffer again… and again… and again.

And you will.

Dear readers, you know I’m no dummy, so I won’t be like my oft intellectually-challenged cohort, Mr. Allen Krause, and say this series is over right now because it’s not and it won’t be until the Dodgers win that third game.  I know better than to count a team out before the games have been played, so I won’t; but, indeed, I must disclose the ecstatic nature of my psyche as I witness this ever-growing tension from the most obnoxious fan base is baseball. 

No other baseball team, no other group of fans, no other sports franchise knows how to jump the gun and get excited over absolutely nothing quite like those good old Northsiders.

And that’s why they deserve to find themselves looking like this:

sad cub fans.jpgRecently, my colleague, Mr. Krause, compared me to the vibrant, vivacious, viscous Gov. Sarah Palin.  While it’s easy to see how she and I may have a few things in common (i.e. being a smart dresser, turning heads wherever I go, saying things that some would consider ludicrous like the White Sox might just bounce back and win the World Series) our most fundamental commonality is probably the simple fact that people hate us. 

Look folks, it’s easy for the Cub nation to hate me (and believe me, they do) but unlike hating Sarah Palin, you can’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Debateulousness

20080928_bidenpalin.jpgIn the spirit of the times, I’d like to further explore the art of analogy by combining three apparently disparate notions into one explosive idea. As we all know by now, tonight brings us the first and only Vice Presidential debate of the season. And although both candidates were brought onto their respective teams for very specific reasons, they also both have an unerring knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

In many ways, the VP candidates mirror my own experiences as well as those of my friend and co-writer, Mr. Lung. You see, when it comes down to it, I’m Joe Biden and my friend is the very living, breathing embodiment of Sarah Palin.

Now, I know what you’re going to say. And yes, it’s true. Jeff is the cute one. But there’s more to life than that. There’s also style, substance and, of course, the swimsuit contest:

The situation becomes even more eery when you look at the similarities between the prospective VPs and the teams that Jeff and I support. Gov. Palin comes from a middle of nowhere town that no one really cares about and the same can be said of the Cardinals. Sen. Biden hails from a once great rust belt city (Scranton, PA) that, like Detroit (the team and the city), has fallen on hard times. The Cardinals deck themselves out in red, the color of the GOP, while the Tigers are happiest in blue, a Democratic color that really brings out Biden’s eyes.

The most important question we have to face, though, is whether this matchup will end up like the 2006 World Series where the Tigers’ gaffes cost them the Series (very possible when it comes to Biden) or is this like the 2007 and 2008 regular season when the Tigers manhandled the Cards (think Palin with Katie Couric)? There’s only one way to find out and that’s by tuning in at 9EDT tonight. Go Biden (Tigers, me)!

-A 

Bring It, Krause!

jim thome.jpgAsk anyone in my Southside Chicago neighborhood who they’re voting for this November and you might hear about a lot of Jim Thome/John Danks ticket write-ins.  For now.  While we all know how easily the magnanimous momentum of baseball can change, what we know for sure, at this exact moment in time, is that the Chicago White Sox are indeed the AL Central Champions.

So, EAT IT, Mr. Krause!

While you’re doing that… our dear RSBS readers would like to know the answers to the following:

What hurts more, Al?  The Sox winning the Central or your Tigers being puke-spitting awful and finishing in dead last?

What makes you cry more, Al?  The fact that I was right at the beginning of the season or the fact that I was right at the end of the season?

What keeps you up at night, Al?  Not being able to win an argument or not putting in the time to win an argument?

Wrap your head around those inquiries, Mr. Krause.  I understand that you may need a minute or a day, year, decade.  That’s fine.  By the time you’ve formulated your meticulous thoughts, I bet Sarah Palin will be writhing in her own talking points as she prepares to take on Senator Biden on Thursday night.

But hopefully, we’ll hear what you have to say by the time the Cubs drop their first game to the Dodgers.

It’s all in the timing, my man. 

So go ahead.  You’ve done it before.  Sure, go ahead and hate me, Al, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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