Results tagged ‘ Seattle ’

Saying “No” to the Nineties

tight_roll_jeans.jpgDo you remember what you were doing in the 90’s?  Specific moments stick out, like the first time I saw the internet, an incident that also went down as the first time the internet ruined the outcome of a sporting event (’96 Olympics).  Specific music, like Pearl Jam, Guns n’ Roses and Nirvana, provided the soundtrack.  Tragic events also play a role, like when I realized that my tight-rolled jeans were no longer socially acceptable.

Honestly, I have no desire to relive most of these events.  If I want to listen to a little GnR, I download them on iTunes.  Tight-rolling has gone the way of beanie babies and grunge.  And although the internet still manages to find ways to spoil things:

spoiler.jpg…it has also found ways to redeem itself.

This is why I ask the question, why would people choose to relive the 90’s?  Because apparently it’s happening even as we speak:

Oregon isn’t all bad and I’m sure that many wonderful people live there.  But why choose Portland?  Go north and you’ve got Seattle and their Mariners.  Go south and you have San Francisco and their world champion Giants.  Portland?  Trailblazers.  Although if you’re still living in the 90’s, I guess that means you also have Clyde Drexler and a shot at the NBA Championship.  Hope this doesn’t come as a spoiler guys, but you’re going to lose to both the Pistons and the Bulls.  Damn internets!

-A

The Butt of All Jokes

kim kardashians butt 2.jpgWhen it comes to teams I really wish I could get behind, it starts and ends with the Seattle Mariners.  Yes, I admit: my heart really goes out to the city of Seattle and its long moribund baseball team.  Since that magical 2001 season, things haven’t been too bright in the Emerald City.

kim kardashians butt 3.jpgThey lost their NBA basketball team.  Their football team is… well, it has had its ups and downs, (mostly downs).  And the M’s… well, let’s just say that maybe Safeco Field would be better suited to host the Ichiro Show than an actual full nine every day. 

In fact, Ichiro is to Kim Kardashian’s bum as the Mariners are to Kim as a whole.  The bright spot in Kim’s persona is that beautiful backside, whereas Kim the person, is pretty much an embarrassment to human development.  As soon as she opens her mouth and begins talking, it is instantly evident that no matter what she says, listening to her is a colossal waste of time, each word acting as an individual assassin of brain cells.

kim kardashian butt 1.jpgSo I wish the Mariners good luck this season — like I always do — but I’m pretty sure any attention I pay them will, once again, revolve around the always entertaining Ichiro highlight reel.

And I’m totally okay with that.

So don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Sometimes Size Is Relative

RSBS loves beer.  In fact, although Jeff may dispute me on this one, there’s nothing wrong with going to a baseball game just for the beer.  Sure, it’s more expensive, and yeah, it’s watered down.  But sitting at the ballpark in the middle of July with a beer in your hand beats just about any other feeling.  Since I also tend to be a bit of a snob, finding ballparks like AT&T Park in San Francisco, which serves Anchor Steam, only adds to the allure.  Baseball and decent beer?  Yes and yes.

But here’s a secret.  Get the small.  The tall cup might look bigger and you’re sure going to pay more but volume and surface area have only a tenuous relationship at best.  Go ahead, see for yourself:

Oh yeah, that’s right.  16 ounces is 16 ounces no matter which way you stack it.  But $1.25 extra?  That’s straight up thievery.  Of course, it is Washington where Microsoft is based and if anybody knows thievery, it’s those guys…….Uh, hey, wait.  Why is Explorer crashing?  I’m just kidding guys.  I love Microsoft.  And I’ll gladly pay an extra $1.25 for your “large” beer.  Please?

-A

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