Results tagged ‘ Sex ’

Three Up, Three Down

Just like A.J. Burnett in a Pirates uni, this is going to be ugly, moan-inducing and might even warrant a trip straight to the DL.

New MLB Playoff Format

In short, I like it.  It emphasizes winning the division, makes trade deadline trades more suspect and guarantees drama as we enter the postseason.  The only thing I can think of that would make this arrangement better is to skip the one game playoff and force each wild card team’s manager to do a keg stand before engaging in a last-man-standing no-holds-barred boxing tournament.  My money is on Ron Washington.  Cocaine makes ya crrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaazzzyyy!

Bigots Leading the Republican Party

Whether it’s the Pennsylvanian Taliban or the Ditto Führer of Ignorance himself , I’m getting quite tired of seeing Abe Lincoln’s party fall victim to mass idiocy.  But I found something that will really cause ‘em to scratch their heads:

Yadier Molina: Five More Years

Halle-FRACKIN-lujah!!!  Seriously, I cannot even begin to tell you how happy this makes me.  To those outside of the St. Louis Cardinals family, such jubliation may not seem warranted, but let me assure you: this is a grand, grand deal for all involved.  Say what you will about Albert’s tenure, Yadier Molina is the absolute heart and soul of the St. Louis Cardinals.  And everyone’s happy now.  Yadi’s happy.  Front office is happy.  The fans are happy.

Happy Saturday!

Jeff

Milwaukee (and America’s) Best

Like Amy Winehouse’s death and taxes, sad but inevitable, the US finally lost its AAA debt rating.  Sure, it’s only S&P that followed through on the cut but it’s not like we didn’t see this coming.  At least 7 US companies have more cash on hand than the US government.  Apple has a market capitalization larger than America’s.  Not to have seen this coming is to have been willfully blind at best and ignorant at worst.  But, not all hope is lost.

The thing is, the US has a very potent tool in its arsenal.  It’s something that basketball and football figured out long ago, something that baseball is starting to figure out and something that the beer companies have been taking advantage of for years.  It’s something that even the Russian government is using to its advantage.  Sex.

And it sells.  There’s a reason we use nubile young men and women to fire that t-shirt cannon at baseball games instead of throwing Jeff out there:

There’s a similar reason for putting dancing girls on court during breaks in NBA games.  It turns the experience into a multi-sensory orgy of entertainment.

One of the worries with the S&P downgrade of US long-term debt is that investors will now demand higher returns.  But maybe they just want more in general.  My thought is that instead of offering more attractive interest rates, we should consider gathering up the hottest women in the country (these ones will work for a start), convincing them that they need to do this for their country and then putting them up on stage for US bond and treasury auctions.  Hey, we may not be able to give you a better interest rate but look at all these hot women!!  I think this could work.

-A

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